I was so lost in you. I think I still am. You were the object of my desire, the one who triggered a passion within me that I didn’t even know I had. Your touch would make me tremble. Your voice made me calm. You were my favorite place to go. You were my safe haven and my tempest, all in one person. And now I am unable to let you go.
I don’t want to, because I don’t want to get used to somebody else. Nobody can hug me like you did. Nobody can kiss me like you did. Nobody can make me feel the way you did when I was with you. And I don’t know why that is so.
Maybe you put some kind of spell on me, that keeps me holding on. Maybe I was looking into your eyes for too long. Maybe I was listening to you way too closely. Maybe it was the way you used to listen to me. Maybe it was your scent that made an imprint on me. Maybe your hands left marks on my skin. Maybe it was the way your lips fit perfectly to mine. Whatever it was, I am still holding on.
I don’t want to let you go, because it hurts and it’s going to hurt even worse. Just the thought that we are not meant to be makes tears stream down my face. The thought that I will never again feel your warmth. That we will never laugh again, to things that are only funny to the two of us. That I will never again feel the love I felt for you.
I know we were meant to part, to go different ways. We wanted different things in life. We could rarely get along about anything. We fought a lot, probably too often. It sounds silly but it gave me some kind of adrenaline rush to argue with you about stupid things. You were my favorite person to fight with.
It was your decision to leave. I know that I have to let you go as you’re not mine but it’s so damn hard. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t think of anything but you. It’s like I am stuck with these feelings and whatever I do to try and push them away, they are still there.
Maybe I am trying too hard to let you go. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe in trying to let you go, I am thinking about you even more. Maybe I am purposely making this hard on myself.
What scares me most about letting go of you is that we will no longer be a part of each other’s lives. I know when I decide to let go of you, I will have to let go completely. No more asking other people about you. No more checking up on you on social media. No more texting from time to time. No contact whatsoever.
I will resist the urge to know how you are and where you are. I will no longer have any insights into your life. I will never ask all the questions that were left unanswered. I will never know if you fulfilled the dreams you were dreaming when you were with me. I will never know if they are still the same. I hate that I will never know.
I know that the only way I will ever let you go is to cut the communication completely. I know that there is no other way, because even the smallest mention of you makes me unable to let go. Even when I finally get there, when I finally let go completely, one small part of you will always stay with me. Tucked away somewhere deep inside my heart.
I don’t want to let you go but I have to. There is no other way, because you already let go of me.