Ha roto conmigo, ¿qué debo hacer? 25 Trucos y consejos para después de una ruptura

So, your ex boyfriend broke up with you. It doesn’t matter whether this was a relación a larga distanciaLo que importa es la relación, ya sea de larga duración o de sólo un par de meses. periodo de angustia you’re going through.

After a couple of days, the initial shock still hasn’t passed but you have no time to lose; instead, you have to get the broken pieces of yourself back together and come up with a strategy plan.

If you catch yourself thinking: “He broke up with me, what should I do?”, here are the exact steps you should take.

5 cosas que debes hacer si tu ex novio ha roto contigo

1. Mantén tu dignidad

Cuando tu pareja decide poner fin a las cosas y te quiere fuera de su vida, el primer impulso que tienes es rogarle que no lo haga.

You want to bargain with him to stay and you’re even ready to emotionally blackmail him just to not leave you.

At that point, you’re ready to do whatever it takes just to keep him by your side.

You don’t care whether he’ll stay out of pity or out of love, as long as he doesn’t walk away.

Even though I’m not claiming that pride should come before true emotions, I’m here to beg you not to beg for anyone’s love y atención.

Trust me—you’ll be sorry for being so desperate once the initial shock goes away.

Instead, keep your head up and most importantly—don’t ruin your dignity. Don’t cry, scream or make any irrational moves.

Toma su decisión de romper como el adulto que eres. Dile que lo aceptas y deséale toda la suerte del mundo.

Al fin y al cabo, tiene derecho a romper contigo en cualquier momento.

It doesn’t matter if he swore that he’d love you forever or if he promised you the world; be grateful that he was honest enough to tell you it’s over.

2. Don’t see it as the end of the world

The number one mistake most girls make when they catch themselves thinking “He broke up with me” is to see the end of the relationship as the end of the world.

En cambio, sólo puede ser una oportunidad para un nuevo comienzo.

I won’t lie to you—being left behind by the person who was the center of your universe is anything but easy.

Y nadie espera que lo superes de la noche a la mañana, porque eso sólo significaría que nunca has querido a tu pareja.

Nevertheless, you shouldn’t sentence yourself to a life of emotional suffering either. Stop with those thoughts that you’ll never move on and that you’ll miss this guy forever and have a little faith in yourself.

Muéstrate optimista y decidida a superarlo.

Just because one chapter of your life is over, it doesn’t make your entire existence pointless.

He wasn’t the only source of your happiness and strength—you are.

No importa lo que puedas pensar ahora, te olvidarás por completo de él y no importa cómo te sientas en este momento, con el tiempo empezarás a sentirte mucho mejor.

Dale al tiempo la oportunidad de cura tu desamor. Don’t think of this as the worst thing that could ever happen to you because it actually might be the best; you probably just fail to see it right now.

3. Contemplar por qué ocurrió

Dicen que lo peor que puede pasar tras la ruptura es no conseguir el cierre.

You have been dumped and you don’t even know why it happened.

¿Dejó de quererte? ¿Fue algo que tú hiciste?

¿Cuánto tiempo llevaba pensando en dejarte? ¿Cuánto tiempo has estado viviendo en una mentira?

¿Encontró a alguien nuevo? ¿Hubo algo que pudieras haber hecho para evitarlo y mantenerlo a tu lado?

These are all the questions going through your mind. Naturally, you want answers; you want an explanation you didn’t get.

Well, even if you didn’t see your break-up coming, it is clear that it happened for a real reason and that a lot of things went on between you two.

Y en lugar de pedirle a tu ex que cierre la relación, aprovecha este periodo posterior a la ruptura para reflexionar sobre toda la relación y por qué llegó a su fin.

Recuerda que para bailar un tango hacen falta dos y que probablemente ambos hicisteis algo para que vuestro romance se viniera abajo.

Think about your mistakes but don’t put all the responsibility on yourself.

Además, piensa en todo lo que te hizo a lo largo de vuestra relación.

Intenta averiguar qué le hizo dejarte y si sus razones estaban justificadas o si en realidad sólo necesitaba una excusa para escapar.

4. Date un tiempo para reflexionar

En lugar de llamar constantemente y enviar mensajes de texto a su exlo que le alejará aún más, aprovecha este periodo para reflexionar.

Think about him and your relationship and most importantly—try some introspection.

¿Qué es lo que quieres de la vida? ¿Tu relación te hacía feliz o no era más que un hábito?

¿Qué cambiarías entre vosotros si tuvieras la oportunidad? ¿Cree que la ruptura se produjo de forma natural o sin motivo alguno?

¿Cómo te ves dentro de unos años? ¿Es éste el hombre con el que te imaginas envejeciendo o sólo alguien que quieres que esté a tu lado en este momento?

¿Le querías? ¿Y le todavía lo amo?

¿Crees que te quería de verdad? Según tu opinión, ¿se han ido todas sus emociones o aún siente algo por ti?

Por favor, sea lo más realista posible a la hora de responder a cada una de estas preguntas.

Disregard what your heart wants to hear for a moment and face the truth, even if it’s painful because it is the only way in which you can get to the bottom of things and see them as they really are.

5. Decide si quieres recuperar a tu ex novio

Now that you have all of this sorted out in your head, it’s time to make a big decision and answer the most important question of them all: Do you want this man back or not?

Are you ready to fight for him to return into your life or do you think it’s better to let him go and leave him in the past, where he belongs?

This is the moment in which, after all this contemplating, you’ll have to decide what the direction of your journey will be from now on, whether you’ll invest your entire energy in trying to make up with this guy or you’ll put all of your energy into doing your best to forget about him.

Aunque tus emociones son un factor importante, también hay otros aspectos significativos en la balanza.

Sí, la primera pregunta es si todavía lo amo (because obviously, you won’t chase someone you don’t care about anymore) but you need to ask yourself if this relationship is worth fighting for in the first place.

¿Fue el motivo de vuestra ruptura algo que pudisteis superar objetivamente o es probable que os persiga para siempre?

¿Eres capaz de perdonarle por dejarte o piensas echárselo en cara mientras estéis juntos?

¿Merece su romance una segunda oportunidad? Objetivamente hablando, ¿puede reconstruirse y tiene sentido intentarlo?

10 cosas que hacer para recuperar a tu ex

Rompió conmigo, ¿volverá? El amor de mi vida rompió conmigo.

If these and similar sentences have crossed your mind and you decided you want to try to win this man back, just follow this step by step guide and he’ll be yours in no time.

1. Dale tiempo y espacio

Así que supongo que tu primer impulso es perseguir a este hombre todo lo que puedas.

Usted quiere que su ex novio de vuelta y planeas elegir formas de hacerlo tuyo de nuevo.

After all, you’re afraid that he’ll forget about you as soon as you move away from his life.

You’re scared that whatever is left of his feelings for you will vanish if you’re no longer in his sight.

Therefore, you decide to stalk him. You think that the wisest thing you might do is remain at his feet, making sure he knows you’re still there, patiently waiting, right where he left you.

¡Incorrecto! De hecho, esto es probablemente lo peor que podrías hacer.

Por el contrario, hay que dale espacio a este hombre y el tiempo. Del mismo modo que tú tuviste que contemplar tu relación y tu ruptura, él también.

After all, how can you make him be afraid of losing you if you’re constantly there?

Precisamente por eso debes hacerle sentir tu ausencia para que aprenda a apreciar tu presencia.

En lugar de atacarle y pedirle que vuelva contigo enseguida, dale la oportunidad de que te eche de menos.

Give him a chance to see how his life would have looked without you in it and let him realize that he can’t make it without you.

2. Regla de no contacto

I’m sure you’ve already heard about the famous norma de no contacto.

It’s actually pretty simple; you cut your ex out of your life completely for a certain period of time (preferably three months but if you can’t last that long, 30 days will work as well).

The no contact rule literally means what it says—you have absolutely no contact with him for this given period of time.

No, you’re not allowed to remain good friends, you are not allowed to check up on him, to wish him a happy birthday or a happy Valentine’s Day, to remind him of that doctor appointment you remembered he has scheduled, to tell him you miss him, to give your ex boyfriend back his stuff or to see what he’s been up to.

Don’t phone call him, don’t send him text messages, don’t check his WhatsApp status and don’t show up in the places you hope you might encounter him.

Es más, incluso si te tiende la mano, dile que necesitas tiempo para procesar las cosas y pídele que se ponga en contacto contigo al cabo de un mes.

I won’t lie to you—doing this is even harder than it sounds. After all, you think you’ll die without this guy in your life and you’re supposed to cut him off completely.

Nevertheless, it has to be done. He has to see that you’re not a puppy who will go running after him and that he can’t have you whenever he pleases.

3. Don’t freak out if he starts dating

The worst thing that can happen when your boyfriend decides to end things with you is that he finds a new girlfriend while you’re still trying to get him back and still haven’t found a way to get over him.

Well, if something like this occurs, it doesn’t mean you should lose hope.

Don’t think that he’s replaced you just like that. As much as it hurts, do your best to look at things realistically and reconsider the fact that maybe your reaction is exactly what he wants.

There’s a good chance that this is nothing but a rebound relationship he is using to get over you with more ease or to make you jealous.

Así que, en lugar de montar una escena, actúa como una dama y finge total indiferencia ante esta situación.

Please, don’t become one of those crazy ex-girlfriends who go around ruining their ex’s new relationships and stalking him and whomever new he’s dating.

Besides appearing to be a desperate lunatic, you’ll also give him another reason to continue with his rebounds because he’ll see that he got the feedback he wanted from you.

Trust me—the only way for this guy to stop jumping from one relationship to another is you ignoring it completely.

Al fin y al cabo, rompisteis y él tiene derecho a tener una nueva novia, por mucho que te moleste y te duela.

4. Intenta no obsesionarte con él

While you’re trying to make up with your ex, he and your relationship are the only things on your mind. Well, that is a huge mistake.

En lugar de obsesionarte con este hombre, aprovecha todo este tiempo para trabajar en ti misma.

I’m not saying that you should make all the changes he’s asked you to but a good piece of advice would be to reconsider your behavior and personality and to turn yourself into the woman you are destined to be.

Whether you’d like to believe me or not, the truth is that people have a way of sensing each other’s vibe and energy.

Básicamente, puedes ir ningún contacto and pretend to be ignoring this guy but if you spend all of your time with him in your thoughts and overanalyzing his every word and move, he’ll feel that and he won’t be drawn to you.

Además, obsesionarte con él no te aportará ningún progreso y no te llevará a ninguna parte.

Yes, he might have left your life physically but as long as he is still the first and the last person you think of every single day, you haven’t moved an inch and you’re still practically in a relationship with him.

5. Deja que venga a ti por primera vez

You’ve let some time pass by, you haven’t rushed things, you processed the sentence “He broke up with me” and you have thought everything through.

Por lo tanto, ahora es el momento para algunas acciones concretas con respecto a este hombre que vuelve a tu vida.

El mejor escenario posible sería dejar que tu ex se acercara a ti por primera vez, en lugar de al revés.

Therefore, at this stage, it would be great if you could do something to provoke his reaction and to make him be the one who’ll call or text you.

Por ejemplo, puedes asegurarte de que empezáis a chocar.

Dress your best and ‘accidentally’ show up somewhere you know you’ll see him.

If you’re still friends on social media networks, post something that would make him send you a DM.

Of course, you won’t be posting sad and pathetic status updates.

En lugar de eso, puedes intentar gastarle una broma o algo que sepas que le va a molestar.

However, the trick is to send him mixed signals, so he won’t know whether this is all a coincidence and he is imagining things or you’re really aiming it directly at him.

Another way to provoke this man’s reaction is to try and dale celos.

You don’t have to actually find a rebound relationship but you can ask a friend to help you send this guy hints that there is someone new in your life.

Ten cuidado con esto y ten siempre presente que tu objetivo final es recuperar tu antigua relación.

Therefore, you don’t want your ex to think that you’re fully over him and that you’re in love with someone new because this could present a problem if you two get back together.

Instead, make him wonder what’s going on. Do something which will keep you in his head and put him in a situation where he won’t be able to resist but to contact you in one way or another.

6. Verle en persona

Una vez que su ex se acerca y ustedes dos comienzan mensajes de texto o hablando por teléfono, sugiérale que os veáis cara a cara.

First and foremost, when he sees you, he won’t have the strength to act indifferent and he won’t have space for his mind games he’s trying to play through texting.

Secondly, you’ll be able to read through this man’s signos del lenguaje corporal sólo cuando lo veas en persona.

¿Cómo te mira? ¿Queda algo de pasión o amor en sus ojos?

¿Se sienta a tu lado? ¿Te abraza y te besa en la mejilla (pero peligrosamente cerca de los labios) cuando os veis?

Is he trying to accidentally touch you? Does he smile when you’re talking?

Don’t worry if he’s angry or resentful—it means he still has feelings for you.

On the other hand, maybe he is scared to show his true emotions and acts like he couldn’t care less but don’t let that discourage you either.

After all, you’re the one who knows this guy best so it’s your job to read between the lines and through his body language signs.

Be honest with yourself and see whether he’s playing you or if he is still into you.

7. Muéstrale tus progresos

Don’t just hangout, see this as a chance to show this man how far you’ve gotten without him.

Vístete como a él le gusta y haz lo mismo con el peinado y el maquillaje.

Sin embargo, además de su aspecto, lo que es aún más importante es su progreso intelectual y emocional.

Be calm and don’t make any drama if that is the thing that bothered him while you were together.

Don’t brag but casually mention all the things you’ve done regarding your self-improvement.

If you traveled, accidentally mention the places you visited (but remain vague about your travel companions) or tell him about a new language you’ve been learning or a hobby you’ve taken up, for example.

Help him realize that you’re perfectly able to get along without him and make him asustado de perderte completamente.

8. Asume la responsabilidad de tus errores

After you’re done with updating him and the small talk, it’s time to start talking about your failed relationship.

Don’t worry if he doesn’t start the subject first and find a way to subtly bring up the past.

You won’t ask him to get back together with you right away but you can begin the conversation by showing him how mature you have become during this whole time you weren’t together.

Para empezar, reconoce los errores que cometiste en la relación.

Don’t lie and pretend that everything was your fault (when it clearly wasn’t) just to make him feel better and to get him back to you.

Sin embargo, demuéstrale que te das cuenta por qué se fue you and make sure he understands you don’t plan on repeating the same wrong moves which partly led to your break-up.

9. Reclamarle por sus acciones

The next step is to call your ex out on his actions as well. Nevertheless, while you’re doing this, don’t let the conversation turn into an argument or a blame game.

Don’t let him sense your resentment and don’t show him that you hold grudges for some things from the past.

However, show him that you took some time to reflect on your entire relationship and that you’re deeply hurt and broken-hearted by his actions.

Most importantly—make this man realize that you’re ready to forgive him this time but that it doesn’t mean that you’ll keep on doing so if he plans on continuing with his bad behavior.

Don’t let him see this as a green light to keep on leaving you and coming back the way he pleases.

I know that your ego might not allow you to express the intensity of the pain you felt during this break-up and your ex doesn’t need to know all about your sleepless nights or about each tear you cried for him.

However, if you don’t point out at the damage he caused and if he gets the impression that you were completely unharmed by him alejarse from you, he’ll have no trouble doing it all over again at the first sign of inconvenience.

10. Crear un plan de acción

Ahora que ya lo habéis aclarado todo, podéis proceder a elaborar un plan de acción concreto con respecto a vuestra relación que, evidentemente, ambos deseáis que se renueve.

It is more than obvious that things weren’t working out in the past and your break-up is more than enough of a sign that it’s time for some new ground rules.

Sed sinceros entre vosotros y sobre las cosas que os molestan.

Decide qué cosas quieres cambiar y qué mejoras esperas conseguir.

Most importantly—do your best to reach a compromise. Meet each other halfway and make sure this new arrangement suits you both the best.

10 cosas que te ayudarán a olvidar a tu ex

Por otro lado, si has decidido dejar atrás a este hombre y tu relación anterior, hay algunos consejos y trucos que pueden ayudarte a olvidarle con más facilidad.

1. Accept that it’s over

The worst thing that you can do when you’re in the process of dejarse llevar de alguien se mantiene en negación al respecto.

Sé que preferirías no vivir toda esta situación y que quieres que todo sea una mala pesadilla de la que despertarás a la mañana siguiente.

However, as much as you hate to admit it, this is the harsh reality. And you’ll just have to deal with it, sooner or later.

Por eso es mucho mejor hacerlo ahora que pasarse semanas o meses esperando a que las cosas vuelvan a ser como antes.

You decided that you don’t want to fight to get your ex back, which means that you’re perfectly aware that you’re better off without him.

Así que mantente firme en tu decisión correcta. Deja de esperar a que vuelva y deja de esperar un milagro que nunca llegará.

Accept that it’s over and focus on your present and future instead of the past that you can’t change, as much as you would like to.

2. Give yourself enough time to grieve…

Nevertheless, facing the awful reality doesn’t equal magically getting over this man.

Don’t push yourself forward and don’t expect to be okay the very next day after he left your life; remember that you’re just a human being made of flesh and blood.

Al fin y al cabo, se trataba de alguien a quien querías profundamente y con quien mantenías una relación duradera.

Un hombre con el que probablemente planeaste un futuro, tu amante y tu mejor amigopor lo que sería antinatural olvidar que alguna vez existió en un abrir y cerrar de ojos.

Therefore, please don’t be ashamed of your pain.

Don’t listen to others telling you that it’s not a big deal and that it’s about time to move on with your life and that you’re taking too long to get over your ex.

En primer lugar, recuerda que todos tenemos un ritmo diferente a la hora de reparar nuestro corazón roto.

Además, es mucho mejor curarse de forma sana y darse el tiempo suficiente para sanar que precipitarse y no hacer otra cosa que enterrar su carga emocional, que tarde o temprano le llegará.

So, please, don’t repress your emotions. Don’t ignore your sadness and pretend it’s not there, expecting it to disappear that way.
En lugar de eso, afróntalo, míralo directamente a los ojos y prométete a ti mismo que lo superarás.

Show your pain that you’re stronger than it and that you will defeat it, one way or another.

3. … but don’t dwell on the pain

However, don’t see this as an excuse to insistir en el dolor forever. Don’t let it define you and make you become nothing more than a dumped girlfriend.

Yes, you’re brokenhearted and nobody is trying to minimize your emotions.

However, besides being this guy’s ex-girlfriend, you’re still a daughter, a sister, a friend and most importantly, a woman who has a range of other feelings besides this all-consuming pain.

Lo mejor que puede hacer por usted en esta fase es fijar una fecha.

Up until this day, you’re allowed to cry, scream and do nothing but think about your ex.

Sin embargo, cuando llega este día, él está fuera de tus pensamientos.

If you can’t stop thinking about him completely, at least gradually reduce the time he’s allowed to have in your mind.

Trust me—you’re stronger than your heart and mind. You’re in charge, not the other way around.

4. Aprender a perdonar

Cuando la persona a la que creías que podías confiar tu vida te deja colgado, sin pensar dos veces en las consecuencias que puede dejarte, no sólo te rompe el corazón, también te sientes traicionado y abandonado.

Sobre todo si esta ruptura ha estado precedida de aventuras, malos tratos o una relación tóxica en general.

Naturally, you can’t have positive emotions toward a man who caused you this much harm.

Aunque es posible que aún le quieras, el amor que sientes se mezcla con el odio, la ira y el resentimiento.

De hecho, es probable que quieras vengarte. Supones que todo encajaría si tuvieras la oportunidad de vengarte de ese tipo y darle a probar de su propia medicina.

Y nadie te culpa por ello.

However, I’m begging you to do your best to forgive him. Find the strength to accept your ex’s apology, even if you didn’t get one.

Instead of stooping down to his level, be the better person and rise above him. Besides, don’t forget that the best revenge is to keep on going, without ever looking back.

Don’t do it for him—do it for your own sake. Do it because it’s the only way to set yourself free from the chains of everything he’s done and the only way to move on for real.

5. Cortarle el grifo por completo

The next step in trying to get over your ex is kicking him out of your life for good. Cut ties with this man and make sure he realizes he’ll never be welcome in your world again, not even as your good friend.

La diferencia entre romper todas las conexiones y el no contacto radica en los distintos objetivos de estos movimientos.

When you go no contact, you’re trying to win your ex back and when you cut all ties, you’re doing it to make your recovery easier.

Therefore, have in mind that you’re not doing this to prove a point to him or to make him run back to you; you’re doing it to keep him out of your sight, mind and heart.

For starters, unfriend all of this guy’s social media profiles. The last thing you need now is to spend your days stalking him on social media and keeping yourself updated about his love life.

If necessary, change your number and block him on WhatsApp. If you think that he’ll be calling you, don’t leave that option open.

Además, deshazte de todo lo que pueda recordarte a tu ex.

If you think you’ll regret throwing away all of your memories, such as his clothes or gifts, ask a friend to hold on to them for you until you’re ready to wear them or have them in front of you without them serving you as a painful reminder of your failed past relationship.

Deja de escuchar las canciones que relacionas con él, deja de fijarte en los actores que se parecen a él y deja de girarte cada vez que ves un coche parecido al suyo.

Además, si tenéis amigos en común, distánciate también de ellos.

Sé que quieres a esas personas independientemente de tu ex, pero todo tu proceso de curación será inútil si pasas tiempo con sus amigos íntimos o su familia.

6. Trabaja en ti mismo

After you’re done with that step, the next one is dedicated to you and your self-esteem only. Instead of wasting all of your time obsessing over your ex, use this opportunity to work on yourself.

Do whatever you can to become the best possible version of yourself and to improve your self-esteem—not in spite of this guy and not to prove a point to him; do it because you want to.

Do it to prove to yourself that you can and will make it without him and that you don’t need him to push you forward.

7. Manténgase ocupado

Most importantly, keep yourself as busy as possible. Don’t hide your pain in work or study but at least in the beginning, don’t leave yourself too much free time.

If you’re bored, it is more likely that you’ll start remembering your ex and start thinking about your past relationship.

Además, en este caso, hay más posibilidades de que cometas el error de tu vida y te acerques a él.

Por eso, lo mejor que puedes hacer es buscarte un nuevo hobby, empezar a aprender cosas nuevas o incluso hacer horas extra en el trabajo.

It wouldn’t be bad if you start exercising as well because that will also help you keep a healthier mind and body.

Si no hay nada más, llama a tus amigos íntimos para quedar contigo. Pídeles que no mencionen a tu ex y que te entretengan con otros temas.

8. Don’t jump into a new relationship…

Relaciones de rebote nunca trajo nada bueno a nadie. Al fin y al cabo, ¿quién ha conseguido combatir el fuego con fuego?

Seguro que uno de tus primeros impulsos es buscarte un nuevo novio. Además de querer darle celos a tu ex, piensas que un nuevo interés te ayudaría a despejar la mente.

Sin embargo, déjame decirte que esto es un error y no es la manera de manejar tu corazón roto.

Remember that moving on is much more than jumping into a new relationship and that forcing yourself to do something you’re not ready for will only deepen your wounds and make you feel even worse.

Además, ¿por qué querrías arrastrar a alguien inocente a tu lío? Ningún ser humano merece servirte de herramienta para superar lo de tu ex novio o para ayudarte a aceptar el fin de la relación.

So, instead of doing something you’ll probably regret later, stay single for a couple of months and don’t commit to something which might bring you even more headaches.

9. … but be open to dating

Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that you have to stay off all dating apps or that you are required to shut yourself off completely to the possibility of ever finding someone new.

En lugar de eso, encuentra un equilibrio entre estar abierto a las citas y no buscar a alguien en concreto. Suena difícil de conseguir, ¿verdad?

El truco está en que no lo rechaces si aparece en tu vida un chico que te gusta.

Es no dejar que tu relación anterior interfiera en tu nueva vida y no permitir que tu carga emocional y los traumas del pasado te lastren y te impidan seguir adelante.

A pesar de lo que puedas pensar ahora, no todo el mundo es como tu ex. No todos los chicos te dejarán colgada y lastimarán tu ya dañado corazón.

On the other hand, don’t go actively searching for someone new and don’t make it your only goal to find a new boyfriend and start your new life in a certain period of time.

Don’t be desperate for the man of your dreams to show up and don’t force yourself into doing something you actually don’t want to do.

Para variar, relájate todo lo posible y deja de pensar tanto. Déjese llevar por la corriente y vea adónde le lleva.

10. Convertirlo en una lección

Lo último, pero no por ello menos importante, que tienes que hacer en relación con este asunto es aprender de él. Es comprender que todo sucede por una razón y por una causa mayor.

This man obviously wasn’t meant to be yours because otherwise, you would have never lost him in the first place.

Por lo tanto, deberías considerarte afortunada por romper con él ahora, a tiempo, que pasar años a su lado, sólo para acabar sin él.

Remember that God always has a plan, that you’re not always aware of. So, be thankful for all the closed doors and for all the losses because I promise you that this one will turn out to be the biggest gain of your life.