Un simple "lo siento" no puede cambiar todo lo que me hiciste

I am a human being, not a robot. I don’t work on pressing the right buttons and I don’t have the ability of turning my emotions on and off the way you’d like me to.

I can’t snap my fingers and erase my memory or choose between the things I want to forget and the ones I want to remember.

I don’t have a magic wand which can make all of my emotional pain go away or which could erase my past, even though that is something I want more than anything.

So you must understand why I can’t acepto sus disculpas, just like that. Why I can’t pretend as if nothing happened and as if you never made my life a living hell.

I am not telling you this because I don’t believe you—as much as I am apprehensive, you might really regret your mistakes.

Tampoco lo hago para vengarme de ti ni para darte una lección para que no vuelvas a jugar conmigo.

I cannot accept your apology because deep in my heart, I know that I can’t forgive you for real.

Darte mi falso perdón y absolverte de tus pecados cuando aún te guardo rencor por todo el dolor que me hiciste pasar me haría hipócrita y en nada diferente a ti.

La verdad es que me gustaría coger fuerzas y que me gustaría ser la persona más grande y permitirme perdonarte.

However, I wouldn’t like to do it to make things easier for you. Instead, I would like to accept your apology for my own sake.

Me gustaría perdonarte para poder liberarme de este horrible resentimiento y negatividad que me sigue comiendo viva, incluso mucho después de que te fueras de mi vida.

Así podría liberarme de este deseo de venganza contra el que sigo intentando luchar.

Nevertheless, that is something I can’t do, as much as I want to.

A simple, “I am sorry,” can’t make me forget all the nights I spent crying myself to sleep, all the humiliation I went through because of you or the feeling of abandonment I had when you left me hanging.

It can’t change the fact you engañado me durante años, mientras me prometías tu fidelidad eterna, que me manipulaste para que me culpara de tus errores y de que me rompieras el corazón en pedazos.

It can’t magically make me go back to being the girl I was before you broke me, nor can it erase the fact that you scarred me for life.

A simple, “I’m sorry,” won’t take back all the insults and lies you kept telling me for years.

It won’t make up for the fact that you always treated me like second best, while you were always my priority.

Your, “Sorry,” won’t give me back the years I wasted on you.

Los años que perdí justificando tu comportamiento de mierda, dándote segundas oportunidades o esperando a que te convirtieras en el hombre que necesitaba que fueras.

It won’t erase the trauma you inflicted and it won’t change the fact that you made me think I was no destinado a ser amado.

It won’t glue my broken heart back together and it won’t heal my wounded soul.

So, no, we can’t be friends and you can’t come back into my life just because you told me you are sorry. You don’t deserve my forgiveness and I can’t pretend like none of these things happened.

Don’t get me wrong—this doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the fact that you’ve finally admitted your mistakes and that you’ve taken responsibility for your actions.

Nonetheless, a simple apology isn’t enough and can never make up for all the pain you’ve caused.

To be honest, I would be lying if I told you that I am sorry for the fact that you are consumed with guilt. Because you don’t deserve to sleep peacefully, thinking that you’ve done me no harm. You don’t deserve to continue living as if there doesn’t exist a woman whose life you’ve ruined.