Por qué te aburres en una relación y qué hacer al respecto
Even when you’re happy in a romantic relationship, you can’t take it for granted. Instead, you should always be mindful of the fact that Se necesita esfuerzo para construir y alimentar la intimidad necesaria para una relación feliz.
Feeling bored in a relationship shows you that there’s something about it that isn’t working. In a way, boredom is a good thing because it lets you know that you should pay attention to what’s going on and what you need to change.
¿Es normal aburrirse en una relación?
Cuando hablamos de estar aburrido en una relación, puede significar una de dos cosas. Una es la comodidad que se siente cuando la excitación que se sentía al principio de una relación ha disminuido con el tiempomientras que el otro es una sensación de insatisfacción con la relación que proviene de la falta de esfuerzo.
1. Confort
El primer tipo de aburrimiento en las relaciones es completamente natural. Cuando pase la luna de mielte adaptas a tu relación. La pasión inicial que sentías por tu pareja se enfría con el tiempo y la montaña rusa de sentimientos intensos se calma.
Aburrirse no es lo mismo que sentirse cómodo. When a relationship is stable and steady, it means that it’s based on commitment, affection, understanding, and support. Sentirte cómodo con tu pareja significa que confías en ella y que puedes ser tú mismo con la otra persona.
It also doesn’t imply that it is impossible to keep the relationship exciting because you have grown used to it. La verdadera felicidad en una relación duradera pasa por encontrar un equilibrio entre emoción e intimidad.
2. Aburrimiento
El aburrimiento está causado por la falta de comunicación y esfuerzo. Cuando falta una de esas dos cosas, se cae en la rutina y se pierde el interés.
Sin conversaciones profundas para conocer a tu pareja a un nivel profundo, sólo aprendes cosas superficiales sobre ellos y crees que no hay nada más. Cuando das por sentada tu relación, te sientes insatisfecho e infeliz. Tu vida amorosa pierde emoción y sensación de plenitud.
Feeling bored with your relationship doesn’t automatically mean that it’s over. Most couples go through rough patches, and it’s important to remember that problems in your relationship need work, not giving up.
Boredom is a red flag letting you know that you need to pay more attention to your relationship and motivates you to make a change in the areas that aren’t working.
Es fundamental abordar el aburrimiento en cuanto se detecta, porque puede dar lugar a problemas más graves. Unless things change, you’ll start to feel a loss of interest, affection, and attention for your partner, which could lead to the end of your relationship.
Señales de una relación aburrida
If you’ve been experiencing some of these problems, it could indicate that you’re feeling bored in a relationship. It’s more likely that only a few and not all or most of these signs apply to you.
Utilice esta lista para orientarse y saber a qué debe prestar atención:
1. You don’t try to solve the problems in your relationship.
• You ignore your problems even when you notice them.
• You don’t deal with them because you don’t know how.
• It seems too hard to solve your problems, so you don’t want to bother at all.
2. No tienes nada de qué hablar.
• You don’t share things with your partner.
• Even small talk is difficult.
• You’re not interested in what they have to say.
• You don’t talk about your feelings.
• You’d rather sit in awkward silence than try to find something to talk about.
3. Evitas pasar tiempo con tu pareja.
• You make excuses not to spend time together.
• You dislike spending time together.
• You prefer spending time with other people.
• It’s much more enjoyable being on your own than with your partner.
4. You’re often irritated with your partner for no reason.
• You’re always annoyed with your partner but don’t know why.
• You feel like you’re both looking for the slightest flaws in each other.
• You lash out at your partner over small things.
• You pick senseless fights.
5. Sientes que no tenéis nada en común.
• You feel like your opinions are completely different.
• You feel like you don’t want the same things.
• You don’t share any interests.
• You feel like you’re not really friends.
6. Te gustaría poder cambiar de pareja.
• You don’t like your partner’s behavior, personality, or how they treat you.
• You wish they could be different from what they are, but you don’t talk to them about it.
• You feel distant from your partner, so you don’t understand them.
7. You think about what it’s like being single.
• You look at other people, curious about what it would be like to be with them.
• You’re thinking about what dating someone would be like.
• You wonder about what it would feel like not to be in a relationship.
8. Te sientes menos atraído por tu pareja.
• You’re not as interested in your partner sexually as you used to be.
• Your emotional attraction is not as strong.
• It feels mutual.
9. Tu vida sexual ya no es excitante.
• You don’t have sex as often as you used to.
• When you do have sex, it’s more exercise than fun.
- You’re not sexually interested in each other.
• You don’t feel like working on your sex life.
10. You don’t have fun together.
• You can’t remember the last time you had fun together.
• You have more fun on your own than with your partner.
• When you want to do something fun, you’re reluctant to include them.
11. Su relación se ha vuelto rutinaria.
• Your relationship feels like a chore and an obligation.
• You are in a rut, and every day is the same.
• Nothing your partner does surprises or excites you.
12. El romanticismo ha desaparecido.
• There’s no joy in small shared moments and touches with your partner.
• Neither of you tries to be romantic.
• Your relationship feels cold.
13. You’re concerned about the future of your relationship.
• You two never talk about the future.
• Thinking about the future makes you feel uneasy.
• You’re wondering if you even have a future together.
14. You don’t appreciate each other the way you used to.
• You’ve lost interest in your partner’s life, thoughts, and feelings or interests.
• You aren’t as attentive to each other as you once were.
15. You’ve stopped caring.
• You don’t feel like it’s worth bothering to try making your relationship work.
• You don’t really care what happens.
• You’re starting to feel like things are hopeless.
Causas del aburrimiento en las relaciones
A lack of trying, intimacy, and communication can cause boredom in a relationship. Here’s how it happens:
1. You don’t have meaningful conversations.
Only having casual conversations or talking about unimportant things will make your connection suffer. If you don’t talk about your feelings but instead focus on small talk, gossip, or similar, it’s difficult to feel like you and your partner understand each other.
2. You don’t listen to each other.
Unless you’re really listening to what the other person is saying when you’re talking, it’s impossible to learn things about them, which is how you should keep discovering new things about each other.
3. There’s no emotional intimacy.
If you don’t allow yourselves to be vulnerable with each other and share your hopes, dreams, thoughts, and opinions, you won’t be able to establish an emotional connection. Without an emotional connection, it’s impossible to feel the closeness of a true partnership.
4. You’re ignoring your feelings.
When you ignore your feelings about your relationship or your partner, you won’t be able to deal with them. Hurt feelings that are left to fester can cause resentment and anger. Instead, you should work on developing a relationship in which feelings are discussed and accepted.
5. You’re not making an effort.
No mostrar interés, atención y afecto a tu pareja y no estar a su lado cuando te necesita suele deberse a una falta de voluntad para trabajar en la relación y no a una falta de sentimientos. El motivo es que crees que una relación debe funcionar por sí sola.
6. You’ve become overly comfortable.
Even when you’re confident in your relationship, you can never take it for granted. When things are working, it’s easy to get stuck in your comfort zone and stop giving your attention to the relationship. Hay que apoyarse mutuamente and talk to each other – if you’re not really trying, even the happiest relationship won’t work.
7. You’ve forgotten about romance.
When you stop making an effort for each other, and you’re never romantic, charm can disappear from your relationship. Casual touches, flirting, and compliments go a long way in making things more exciting and fun.
8. Los cambios en su vida están afectando a su relación.
Los problemas de dinero, demasiadas horas de trabajo, un nuevo bebé y otros asuntos de la vida pueden repercutir en su relación. Por ejemplo, las parejas casadas que intentan construir una vida estable pueden sentir a menudo una falta de ilusión provocada por centrarse en cosas prácticas en lugar de en su relación.
9. You’ve lost yourself in your relationship.
If it’s always ‘we’ and never ‘I,’ you might have invested too much in the relationship and lost yourself. You need more time to care for yourself before you dedicate your efforts to your relationship.
10. You’ve neglected your personal goals.
Es posible que, una vez que las cosas se asienten, acabe resintiéndose con su pareja si aparca todos los planes que solía tener al iniciar la relación. Tener cosas en las que trabajar es necesario para la realización personal.
11. You don’t have interests of your own.
If you’ve invested too much of yourself into your relationship and all your interests and hobbies are shared with your partner, you might start feeling suffocated.
12. You don’t share any goals and interests.
Conversely, if both of you have very distinct goals and interests, you can feel as if you’re not connected at all.
13. You’re not making time for each other.
If you’re too busy to make time for your partner and vice versa, you’re prioritizing other things over them. Make it a habit to include each other in your lives, and don’t neglect to give each other time and attention.
14. You don’t give each other attention.
If you’re neglecting each other’s needs, ignoring each other, and not learning new things about each other regularly, you will grow apart. Giving your partner attention is necessary.
15. Usted ha expectativas poco realistas
After the honeymoon phase, most relationships settle down and become more solid and less intense. If you thought that this change wouldn’t happen to you, something as natural as becoming comfortable around your partner might make you feel like things are not okay.
16. Has olvidado por qué te gusta tu pareja.
When you forget why you were attracted to your partner in the first place, you might lose sight of why you’re in the relationship at all. Pay attention and try to recognize the things about them that once excited you.
17. You’re neglecting physical intimacy.
When you don’t feel excited about having sex together, and it becomes just something that should be done, it loses its purpose. If your sex life has become routine, it might be pushing you apart instead of bringing you closer.
18. Nunca tienes discusiones.
No discutir nunca en una relación puede ser peor que discutir demasiado. La autocomplacencia y el exceso de compromisos te impiden compartir cosas con las que la otra persona podría no estar de acuerdo para mantener la paz. Acepte los argumentos – allow yourself different opinions, and let your partner share theirs.
19. You’re stuck in a routine.
If you’re always doing the same things and going to the same places, sooner or later, you become stuck in a rut. A lack of new experiences can make you stop feeling attracted to your partner because you become too used to them, and they never surprise you anymore.
20. Esperas que las cosas mejoren por sí solas.
No intentar resolver los problemas es una de las razones del fracaso de las relaciones. Los problemas rara vez desaparecen por sí solos, y cuanto más tiempo descuides las cosas, más difícil será resolverlos. Toda relación necesita trabajo y esfuerzo.
What To Do If You’re Bored In A Relationship
It takes work to cultivate a healthy relationship, but it shouldn’t be a struggle. You must avoid complacency and make an effort to nurture intimacy. Demuéstrale a tu pareja que la aprecias y haz que se sienta querida.
Furthermore, you must not neglect your own life outside your relationship. Unless you’re happy with yourself, it’s unlikely that you’ll be happy in your relationship. These are los pasos para arreglar tu relación.
1. Figure out if you’re really bored or actually comfortable.
First of all, examine your expectations. Being content isn’t boredom, and your expectations might be unrealistic if you believe that every day has to be exciting and intense.
Furthermore, if you’re used to more drama in a relationship than your current one has, puede que estés confundiendo estabilidad con aburrimiento. On the other hand, if you’re feeling restless with your partner, things might not be working.
En este caso, piensa qué partes de tu relación son aburridas y qué deberías cambiar para mejorarla. Figure out whether you’re committed to making the relationship work and if you want to be in it in the first place.
2. Céntrate en tu vida personal.
Think about whether your boredom extends to the rest of your life or if you’re only bored in your relationship. La sensación de aburrimiento puede deberse a la monotonía de la vida cotidiana, problemas personales o problemas de salud mental.
¿Te esfuerzas en otras facetas de tu vida o te quedas de brazos cruzados? Make sure you’re first happy and fulfilled outside of your relationship, and then you can focus on your partner.
3. Explora la verdadera razón de tu aburrimiento.
When you’ve established that it’s not your expectations or your personal life and that you actually are bored with the relationship, try to determine la razón exacta de tu aburrimiento. When you find why, commit to solving your problems and don’t only look for a temporary solution.
¿Qué te aburre en tu relación? Maybe you’re doing the things you’ve always done, but you or your partner may have changed. Use this chance to learn more about yourself and each other and decide to never stop learning.
Comprométanse a hablar de sus problemas, a reír juntos y a desarrollar una conexión emocional.
4. Trabaja en la intimidad.
La intimidad, la sensación de estar cerca de tu pareja, es clave en una relación. Para trabajarlaDebes elegir ser sincero con tu pareja sobre tus sentimientos y pensamientos.. Céntrate en la comunicación real: abrirte y hablar con tu pareja sin miedo ni inhibiciones.
Think about the things you do like in your relationship, and don’t neglect those either. Esfuércese por sentirse cerca de su pareja mediante la intimidad física y la conexión emocional.
5. Despierta el romanticismo.
Romance is the part of relationships that makes things exciting. You don’t have to spice things up with things like role-playing or regular date nights if that’s not your thing, but instead, Encuentra la forma de mostrar afecto y atención a tu pareja de forma constante.
Be thoughtful and attentive to your partner’s needs and wants. Be present, and don’t be distant. Don’t save romantic gestures for special occasions, but do things just because.
Incluya en sus interacciones cotidianas cosas como cogerse de la mano, abrazarse, besarse, tocarse, flirtear y hacer cumplidos para acercarse más a su pareja y hacer más dulce el tiempo que pasan juntos.
6. Probad cosas nuevas juntos.
Probar cosas nuevas juntos puede ayudarles a reconectar y a encontrar formas de recuperar la pasión y el entusiasmo. Compartir nuevas actividades significa compartir nuevas experiencias, recuerdos y sentimientos. Pasen tiempo juntos haciendo cosas divertidas, como probar una nueva afición o un nuevo restaurante, o hagan algo significativo para los dos.
7. Pruebe asesoramiento sobre relaciones.
If you believe that it would be useful or you need hands-on guidance, visiting a couple’s therapist or a relationship coach together may be your best bet. Pedir ayuda para los problemas de pareja no es nada de lo que avergonzarse, y trabajar con un profesional puede darte herramientas para resolver tus problemas.
¿Cuándo hay que romper?
So you’ve tried things like sharing interests, having date nights, and maybe even visiting a relationship expert, and none of it was enough to make you feel better about your relationship. If nothing works, you shouldn’t ignore the option to end the relationship.
These are signals that suggest that maybe this relationship isn’t meant to be:
1. Si decides que no merece la pena salvar la relación.
Cuando todo está dicho y hecho, if your relationship feels more like a chore than a partnership, and you don’t feel like putting in work, dragging it out will only end in resentment and even more heartache than ruptura when you realize it’s wrong and you don’t want to try.
2. If you’ve tried everything and you’re still unhappy.
Boredom is one of the reasons relationships fail, but it’s not the only one. Even if you’ve tried to deal with the problem of feeling bored, it won’t help if there are other things that stop you from being happy, such as ausencia de confianza, prioridades diferentes o falta de compromiso.
3. Si tu pareja te está frenando.
When you’re determined to work on yourself – your mental health, your interests, your career, or any other aspect of your life – and your partner isn’t giving you support, or even worse, holds you back, your relationship probably doesn’t have a future.
4. Si you’re incompatible.
Even when there’s attraction, feelings, and desire for a relationship, a lack of compatibility can make a relationship impossible. If your values, lifestyles, sexual needs, habits, or other qualities don’t fit, you’ll only be forzar una relación with someone who isn’t for you.
5. If you’ve fallen out of love.
If one of the reasons for drifting apart is because you’re not in love with your partner anymore, it’s not likely that those feelings will come back. Si, en lugar de argumentos, elegís el desprecio; en lugar de escucharos unos a otros, te pones a la defensiva; if you’ve checked out instead of trying to solve problems, it might be time to call it quits.
Cuide su relación
Aburrirse en una relación puede ser una fase o un motivo de alarma. La forma de afrontarlo depende de si crees lo suficiente en tu relación como para ponerte manos a la obra. La forma de escapar del aburrimiento es mostrar un interés genuino por tu pareja y centrarte en crear intimidad.
Cuando tu pareja se convierte realmente en tu compañero y en alguien a quien aprecias, quieres y en quien confías, el tipo de aburrimiento que significa un problema en la relación desaparecerá. The only kind of boredom you’ll feel is the good kind, where you can sit around together and do nothing and enjoy those moments.
