Porque é que se sente aborrecido numa relação e o que fazer em relação a isso

Even when you’re happy in a romantic relationship, you can’t take it for granted. Instead, you should always be mindful of the fact that é preciso esforço para construir e cultivar a intimidade necessária para uma relação feliz.

Feeling bored in a relationship shows you that there’s something about it that isn’t working. In a way, boredom is a good thing because it lets you know that you should pay attention to what’s going on and what you need to change.

É normal sentir-se aborrecido numa relação?

Quando falamos de aborrecimento numa relação, isso pode significar uma de duas coisas. Uma delas é o conforto que se sente quando o entusiasmo que se sentia no início de uma relação diminui com o tempo, enquanto o outro é um sentimento de insatisfação com a relação que resulta da falta de esforço.

1. Conforto

O primeiro tipo de aborrecimento numa relação é completamente natural. Quando a fase de lua de mel passaAdapta-se à sua relação. A paixão inicial pela pessoa amada arrefece com o tempo e a montanha russa de sentimentos intensos acalma-se.

O tédio não é a mesma coisa que estar confortável. When a relationship is stable and steady, it means that it’s based on commitment, affection, understanding, and support. Estar à vontade com o seu parceiro significa que confia nele e que pode ser você mesmo com a outra pessoa.

It also doesn’t imply that it is impossible to keep the relationship exciting because you have grown used to it. A verdadeira felicidade numa relação a longo prazo advém do equilíbrio entre a excitação e a intimidade.

2. Aborrecimento

O tédio é causado por uma falta de comunicação e de esforço. Quando falta uma destas duas coisas, cai-se na rotina e perde-se o interesse.

Sem conversas profundas para conhecer melhor o seu parceiro a um nível profundo, só aprendemos coisas superficiais sobre eles e acreditamos que não há mais nada. Quando se toma a relação como garantida, fica-se insatisfeito e infeliz. A sua vida amorosa perde o entusiasmo e o sentimento de realização.

Feeling bored with your relationship doesn’t automatically mean that it’s over. Most couples go through rough patches, and it’s important to remember that problems in your relationship need work, not giving up.

Boredom is a red flag letting you know that you need to pay more attention to your relationship and motivates you to make a change in the areas that aren’t working.

É fundamental tratar o tédio logo que se aperceba dele, pois pode conduzir a problemas mais graves. Unless things change, you’ll start to feel a loss of interest, affection, and attention for your partner, which could lead to the end of your relationship.

Sinais de uma relação aborrecida

If you’ve been experiencing some of these problems, it could indicate that you’re feeling bored in a relationship. It’s more likely that only a few and not all or most of these signs apply to you.

Utilize esta lista para se orientar e saber o que deve procurar e reconhecer os aspectos a que deve prestar atenção:

1. You don’t try to solve the problems in your relationship.

• You ignore your problems even when you notice them.

• You don’t deal with them because you don’t know how.

• It seems too hard to solve your problems, so you don’t want to bother at all.

2. Não tens nada para falar.

• You don’t share things with your partner.

• Even small talk is difficult.

• You’re not interested in what they have to say.

• You don’t talk about your feelings.

• You’d rather sit in awkward silence than try to find something to talk about.

3. Evita passar tempo com o seu parceiro.

• You make excuses not to spend time together.

• You dislike spending time together.

• You prefer spending time with other people.

• It’s much more enjoyable being on your own than with your partner.

4. You’re often irritated with your partner for no reason.

• You’re always annoyed with your partner but don’t know why.

• You feel like you’re both looking for the slightest flaws in each other.

• You lash out at your partner over small things.

• You pick senseless fights.

5. Sente que não tem nada em comum.

• You feel like your opinions are completely different.

• You feel like you don’t want the same things.

• You don’t share any interests.

• You feel like you’re not really friends.

6. Gostavas de poder mudar de parceiro.

• You don’t like your partner’s behavior, personality, or how they treat you.

• You wish they could be different from what they are, but you don’t talk to them about it.

• You feel distant from your partner, so you don’t understand them.

7. You think about what it’s like being single.

• You look at other people, curious about what it would be like to be with them.

• You’re thinking about what dating someone would be like.

• You wonder about what it would feel like not to be in a relationship.

8. Sente-se menos atraído pelo seu parceiro.

• You’re not as interested in your partner sexually as you used to be.

• Your emotional attraction is not as strong.

• It feels mutual.

9. A sua vida sexual deixou de ser excitante.

• You don’t have sex as often as you used to.

• When you do have sex, it’s more exercise than fun.

- You’re not sexually interested in each other.

• You don’t feel like working on your sex life.

10. You don’t have fun together.

• You can’t remember the last time you had fun together.

• You have more fun on your own than with your partner.

• When you want to do something fun, you’re reluctant to include them.

11. A vossa relação tornou-se rotineira.

• Your relationship feels like a chore and an obligation.

• You are in a rut, and every day is the same.

• Nothing your partner does surprises or excites you.

12. A sensação de romance desapareceu.

• There’s no joy in small shared moments and touches with your partner.

• Neither of you tries to be romantic.

• Your relationship feels cold.

13. You’re concerned about the future of your relationship.

• You two never talk about the future.

• Thinking about the future makes you feel uneasy.

• You’re wondering if you even have a future together.

14. You don’t appreciate each other the way you used to.

• You’ve lost interest in your partner’s life, thoughts, and feelings or interests.

• You aren’t as attentive to each other as you once were.

- Tomam-se uns aos outros como garantidos.

15. You’ve stopped caring.

• You don’t feel like it’s worth bothering to try making your relationship work.

• You don’t really care what happens.

• You’re starting to feel like things are hopeless.

Causas do tédio nos relacionamentos

A lack of trying, intimacy, and communication can cause boredom in a relationship. Here’s how it happens:

1. You don’t have meaningful conversations.

Only having casual conversations or talking about unimportant things will make your connection suffer. If you don’t talk about your feelings but instead focus on small talk, gossip, or similar, it’s difficult to feel like you and your partner understand each other.

2. You don’t listen to each other.

Unless you’re really listening to what the other person is saying when you’re talking, it’s impossible to learn things about them, which is how you should keep discovering new things about each other.

3. There’s no emotional intimacy.

If you don’t allow yourselves to be vulnerable with each other and share your hopes, dreams, thoughts, and opinions, you won’t be able to establish an emotional connection. Without an emotional connection, it’s impossible to feel the closeness of a true partnership.

4. You’re ignoring your feelings.

When you ignore your feelings about your relationship or your partner, you won’t be able to deal with them. Hurt feelings that are left to fester can cause resentment and anger. Instead, you should work on developing a relationship in which feelings are discussed and accepted.

5. You’re not making an effort.

Não mostrar interesse, atenção e afeto ao seu parceiro e não estar presente quando ele precisa de si é muitas vezes causado por uma falta de vontade de trabalhar numa relação e não por uma falta de sentimentos. A razão para isso é o facto de acreditar que uma relação deve funcionar por si só.

6. You’ve become overly comfortable.

Even when you’re confident in your relationship, you can never take it for granted. When things are working, it’s easy to get stuck in your comfort zone and stop giving your attention to the relationship. Têm de se apoiar mutuamente and talk to each other – if you’re not really trying, even the happiest relationship won’t work.

7. You’ve forgotten about romance.

When you stop making an effort for each other, and you’re never romantic, charm can disappear from your relationship. Casual touches, flirting, and compliments go a long way in making things more exciting and fun.

8. As mudanças na sua vida estão a afetar a sua relação.

Problemas de dinheiro, demasiadas horas de trabalho, um novo bebé e outras questões da vida podem ter um impacto na sua relação. Por exemplo, os casais que estão a tentar construir uma vida estável podem muitas vezes sentir falta de entusiasmo por se concentrarem em coisas práticas em vez da sua relação.

9. You’ve lost yourself in your relationship.

If it’s always ‘we’ and never ‘I,’ you might have invested too much in the relationship and lost yourself. You need more time to care for yourself before you dedicate your efforts to your relationship.

10. You’ve neglected your personal goals.

Quando as coisas se acalmarem, poderá ficar ressentido com o seu parceiro se suspender todos os planos que tinha quando entrou na relação. É necessário ter objectivos para alcançar para a realização pessoal.

11. You don’t have interests of your own.

If you’ve invested too much of yourself into your relationship and all your interests and hobbies are shared with your partner, you might start feeling suffocated.

12. You don’t share any goals and interests.

Conversely, if both of you have very distinct goals and interests, you can feel as if you’re not connected at all.

13. You’re not making time for each other.

If you’re too busy to make time for your partner and vice versa, you’re prioritizing other things over them. Make it a habit to include each other in your lives, and don’t neglect to give each other time and attention.

14. You don’t give each other attention.

If you’re neglecting each other’s needs, ignoring each other, and not learning new things about each other regularly, you will grow apart. Giving your partner attention is necessary.

15. Tem expectativas irrealistas

After the honeymoon phase, most relationships settle down and become more solid and less intense. If you thought that this change wouldn’t happen to you, something as natural as becoming comfortable around your partner might make you feel like things are not okay.

16. Esqueceste-te porque gostas do teu parceiro.

When you forget why you were attracted to your partner in the first place, you might lose sight of why you’re in the relationship at all. Pay attention and try to recognize the things about them that once excited you.

17. You’re neglecting physical intimacy.

When you don’t feel excited about having sex together, and it becomes just something that should be done, it loses its purpose. If your sex life has become routine, it might be pushing you apart instead of bringing you closer.

18. Nunca tens discussões.

Nunca discutir numa relação pode ser pior do que discutir demasiado. A complacência e o excesso de compromissos impedem-no de partilhar coisas com as quais a outra pessoa pode não concordar, com o objetivo de manter a paz. Aceitar argumentos – allow yourself different opinions, and let your partner share theirs.

19. You’re stuck in a routine.

If you’re always doing the same things and going to the same places, sooner or later, you become stuck in a rut. A lack of new experiences can make you stop feeling attracted to your partner because you become too used to them, and they never surprise you anymore.

20. Espera-se que as coisas melhorem por si próprias.

Não tentar resolver os problemas é uma das razões por detrás de relações mal sucedidas. Os problemas raramente desaparecem por si próprios e, quanto mais tempo se negligencia as coisas, mais difícil se torna resolvê-las. Todas as relações precisam de trabalho e esforço.

What To Do If You’re Bored In A Relationship

It takes work to cultivate a healthy relationship, but it shouldn’t be a struggle. You must avoid complacency and make an effort to nurture intimacy. Mostre ao seu parceiro que o aprecia e faça-o sentir-se amado.

Furthermore, you must not neglect your own life outside your relationship. Unless you’re happy with yourself, it’s unlikely that you’ll be happy in your relationship. These are os passos para resolver a vossa relação.

1. Figure out if you’re really bored or actually comfortable.

First of all, examine your expectations. Being content isn’t boredom, and your expectations might be unrealistic if you believe that every day has to be exciting and intense.

Furthermore, if you’re used to more drama in a relationship than your current one has, talvez esteja a confundir estabilidade com aborrecimento. On the other hand, if you’re feeling restless with your partner, things might not be working.

Neste caso, pense nas partes da sua relação que são aborrecidas e no que deve mudar para a melhorar. Figure out whether you’re committed to making the relationship work and if you want to be in it in the first place.

2. Concentre-se na sua vida pessoal.

Think about whether your boredom extends to the rest of your life or if you’re only bored in your relationship. O sentimento de tédio pode ser causado pela monotonia da vida quotidiana, por problemas pessoais ou por problemas de saúde mental.

Está a esforçar-se noutras partes da sua vida ou está apenas a descansar? Make sure you’re first happy and fulfilled outside of your relationship, and then you can focus on your partner.

3. Explore a verdadeira razão por detrás do seu tédio.

When you’ve established that it’s not your expectations or your personal life and that you actually are bored with the relationship, try to determine a razão exacta do seu tédio. When you find why, commit to solving your problems and don’t only look for a temporary solution.

O que é que parece aborrecido na vossa relação? Maybe you’re doing the things you’ve always done, but you or your partner may have changed. Use this chance to learn more about yourself and each other and decide to never stop learning.

Comprometam-se a falar um com o outro sobre os vossos problemas, a rir juntos e a desenvolver uma ligação emocional.

4. Trabalhar a intimidade.

A intimidade, a sensação de estar perto do seu parceiro, é fundamental numa relação. Para a trabalhardeve optar por ser honesto com o seu parceiro sobre os seus sentimentos e pensamentos. Concentrar-se numa verdadeira comunicação: abrir-se e falar com o seu parceiro sem medos e inibições.

Think about the things you do like in your relationship, and don’t neglect those either. Faça o esforço necessário para se sentir próximo do seu parceiro através da intimidade física e da ligação emocional.

5. Despertar o romance.

Romance is the part of relationships that makes things exciting. You don’t have to spice things up with things like role-playing or regular date nights if that’s not your thing, but instead, encontrar uma forma de mostrar constantemente afeto e atenção ao seu parceiro.

Be thoughtful and attentive to your partner’s needs and wants. Be present, and don’t be distant. Don’t save romantic gestures for special occasions, but do things just because.

Inclua nas suas interacções diárias coisas como dar as mãos, abraçar, beijar, tocar, namoriscar e fazer elogios para se aproximar do seu parceiro e tornar o tempo que passam juntos mais doce.

6. Experimentar coisas novas em conjunto.

Experimentar coisas novas em conjunto pode ajudar-vos a restabelecer a ligação e a encontrar formas de trazer de volta a paixão e o entusiasmo. A partilha de novas actividades significa a partilha de novas experiências, memórias e sentimentos. Passem tempo juntos a fazer coisas divertidas, como experimentar um novo passatempo ou um novo restaurante, ou façam algo com significado para ambos.

7. Tentar aconselhamento em matéria de relações.

If you believe that it would be useful or you need hands-on guidance, visiting a couple’s therapist or a relationship coach together may be your best bet. Não é preciso ter vergonha de procurar ajuda para problemas de relacionamento, e trabalhar com um profissional pode dar-lhe ferramentas para resolver os seus problemas.

Quando é que se deve acabar?

So you’ve tried things like sharing interests, having date nights, and maybe even visiting a relationship expert, and none of it was enough to make you feel better about your relationship. If nothing works, you shouldn’t ignore the option to end the relationship.

These are signals that suggest that maybe this relationship isn’t meant to be:

1. Se decidir que não vale a pena salvar a relação.

Quando tudo estiver dito e feito, if your relationship feels more like a chore than a partnership, and you don’t feel like putting in work, dragging it out will only end in resentment and even more heartache than rutura when you realize it’s wrong and you don’t want to try.

2. If you’ve tried everything and you’re still unhappy.

Boredom is one of the reasons relationships fail, but it’s not the only one. Even if you’ve tried to deal with the problem of feeling bored, it won’t help if there are other things that stop you from being happy, such as ausência de confiança, prioridades diferentes ou falta de empenhamento.

3. Se o seu parceiro o está a atrasar.

When you’re determined to work on yourself – your mental health, your interests, your career, or any other aspect of your life – and your partner isn’t giving you support, or even worse, holds you back, your relationship probably doesn’t have a future.

4. Se you’re incompatible.

Even when there’s attraction, feelings, and desire for a relationship, a lack of compatibility can make a relationship impossible. If your values, lifestyles, sexual needs, habits, or other qualities don’t fit, you’ll only be forçar uma relação with someone who isn’t for you.

5. If you’ve fallen out of love.

If one of the reasons for drifting apart is because you’re not in love with your partner anymore, it’s not likely that those feelings will come back. Se, em vez de argumentos, escolherem o desprezo; em vez de se ouvirem uns aos outros, fica na defensiva; if you’ve checked out instead of trying to solve problems, it might be time to call it quits.

Cultive a sua relação

Estar aborrecido numa relação pode ser uma fase ou um motivo de alarme. A forma como lida com isso depende do facto de acreditar suficientemente na sua relação para se esforçar. A maneira de escapar ao tédio é mostrar interesse genuíno pelo seu parceiro e concentrar-se em construir intimidade.

Quando o seu parceiro se torna verdadeiramente seu companheiro e alguém que aprecia, ama e confia, o tipo de aborrecimento que significa um problema na relação desaparecerá. The only kind of boredom you’ll feel is the good kind, where you can sit around together and do nothing and enjoy those moments.