Cómo controlar tus emociones en una relación: 20 tácticas probadas

Cuando te conviertes en adulto, todo el mundo espera que aprendas por arte de magia a controlar tus emociones en una relación. Well, isn’t it time we all admit we have no clue how it’s done?

Sé que veía hacerme cargo de mis sentimientos como una misión imposible. Me llevó un tiempo dominarlo, y ahora, aquí estoy, compartiendo mi sabiduría contigo.

Cómo controlar las emociones en una relación

Sigue esta guía paso a paso para recuperar el control de tus emociones:

1. Identifica tus emociones

You can’t expect to learn how to control your emotions if you haven’t reached a stage where you can identify them in the first place. Reprimir las emociones might seem like the easier way to go, but trust me – in the long run, it will only cause you trouble.

That is why the first step of this process requires you to be honest with yourself. A lot of people have a habit of, for example, claiming to be angry when they’re actually sad.

Esta práctica no es beneficiosa para tu salud mental. En lugar de eso, sé lo bastante valiente para mirar a los ojos a todas tus emociones negativas y enfréntate a ellas como un adulto.

2. Encuentra tus desencadenantes

Todos tenemos pensamientos y emociones negativos. Pero la clave de la inteligencia emocional es conocerse a uno mismo lo suficiente como para llegar al fondo de sus desencadenantes.

¿Cuál es el patrón de comportamiento en tu relación que te hace sentir mal? ¿Cuáles son las cosas que más te provocan? Y lo más importante, ¿por qué?

Let’s say that your significant other doesn’t reply to your text. That is your trigger, and it makes you feel bad.

Pero, ¿por qué te sientes así? ¿Te hiere el ego? ¿Te sientes desatendida emocionalmente?

¿Este comportamiento desencadena su problemas de abandono? ¿Tiene usted problemas de confianza that make you believe they’re texting someone else?

3. Don’t judge yourself

When you’re trying to figure out how to control your emotions in a relationship in a healthy way, you must forget about self-judgment. You shouldn’t feel ashamed for feeling a certain emotion.

Who says that a certain feeling isn’t appropriate? Who says that you’re not allowed to feel that way? Your emotional state is your business alone, and you should accept and embrace all of your emotions.

4. Intenta ser lo más realista posible

One of the hardest things is to observe your love life from a realistic point of view. After all, you’re involved with it, and sometimes it’s impossible to be objective.

However, for the sake of your mental well-being, you have to try and take a step back. Forget about the infatuation, the anger, true love, resentment, grudges… Actually, try forgetting about all of your emotions completely.

En su lugar, Observa tu relación como un extraño. Imagina que un amigo íntimo acude a ti con este mismo problema.

¿Qué les dirías? Pues aplícate ese mismo consejo a ti mismo.

5. Observe your partner’s emotions

De la misma manera que te centras en tus sentimientos, si quieres un relación sana, you should also observe your partner’s emotions.

Sois un equipo y vuestras reacciones suelen estar conectadas. ¿Su pareja también tiene problemas para controlar sus emociones?

Is it possible that you trigger each other’s negative thoughts and emotions? In that case, you don’t have a healthy relationship, and that’s something you should work on before anything else.

6. Remember that you’re in charge

Whatever happens, you must keep one thing in mind: you’re in control here! Even when it appears like things are falling apart, you’re the one holding the steering wheel.

Your emotions don’t control you – you’re in charge of them. You’re the combination of your heart and mind, and it’s your job to find balance between the two.

What’s even worse than allowing your emotions to take control over you is allowing someone else to be in charge of your feelings and entire well-being. You should never get yourself into a situation where your entire mood depends on another person.

I don’t care if we’re talking about true love here – your partner shouldn’t have that kind of power over you. You’re not their puppet, and they shouldn’t be pulling the strings!

7. Rodéate de positividad

Aléjese de las personas negativas, and you’ll stay away from negative emotions as well. I don’t care if these toxic people are your closest friends or family members – if they’re bringing negativity into your life, ditch them.

What if you’re surrounded by negativity in a place you can’t escape from, for example, at work? Well, if you can’t find another job, at least compensate for that negativity with as much positivity as you can. In the meantime, please try looking for a new job because your mental health should come first!

Why not try taking a break from social media? You spend all of your days scrolling through other people’s fake posts and fake love lives.

So naturally, you assume that you have it worse. Everyone’s partner treats them better – they get more expensive gifts, and they are intimate all the time.

On the other hand, your relationship looks like a wreck compared to theirs. Consequently, you become overwhelmed with negative emotions you can’t control.

8. Deja de pensar y preocuparte demasiado

Cómo controlar tus emociones en una relación: Empieza por tus pensamientos.

As long as you dissect everything your partner says or does, you’ll be overwhelmed with negativity. Trust me, overthinking and worrying too much are your biggest enemies.

Don’t get me wrong – this doesn’t mean that you should just go with the flow. You’re still in charge of your life, and thinking your decisions through is the mature thing to do.

However, you don’t have to analyze every little thing that happens in your relationship. Most importantly, you don’t need to assume that there will always be the worst possible outcome.

Yes, you should take control of your emotions. However, you should be aware that you can’t have full control over everything that happens to you. That’s why you have to deje de pensar demasiado en su relación.

Some things are meant to be, and you thinking about them and worrying yourself sick won’t prevent them from happening. So, why not sit back and enjoy your life instead of ruining it?

9. Comunicación saludable

You can’t have a healthy relationship without comunicación saludable. And you can’t hope to figure out how to control your emotions in a relationship if it isn’t healthy.

I mean, it’s completely natural that you’ll be angry, frustrated, and unhappy all the time if you and your partner fight every day. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that there won’t be any arguments in your relationship.

Sin embargo, el respeto mutuo debe existir incluso cuando los dos os peleáis. Practica hablar despacio y con calma, sin levantar la voz. Si es necesario, cuenta hasta diez antes de decir algo en medio de una discusión.

But that’s not the entire point of healthy communication. You both have to learn how to verbalize your feelings correctly, without the fear of judgment.

Comunicación a través del lenguaje corporal

Another important aspect of healthy communication is body language communication. If you and your partner display aggressive or avoidant body language, you’ll have a hard time controlling your negative emotions.

10. Encuentra el origen de tus emociones negativas

We’ve already discussed the fact that you should stay away from whatever triggers your negativity. But it’s time to look at something else, as well: the source of your negative thoughts and emotions.

La forma de practicar inteligencia emocional is to understand why you feel the way you do. Dwell deep inside yourself and try figuring out where these negative feelings are coming from. I bet they’ve piled up for a reason.

¿Cómo le trataron en la infancia? ¿Cuál es su estilo de fijación? ¿Llevas alguna carga emocional de una relación anterior?

Puede que estas preguntas no parezcan relacionadas con tu romance actual, pero créeme, sus respuestas son cruciales.

11. Pedir ayuda profesional

If you find it impossible to take control of your emotions, maybe it’s time to ask for professional help. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to diagnose you, but there are several personality disorders and mental health conditions that might prevent you from taking charge of your feelings.

Si te preocupa padecer algún trastorno mental o simplemente sientes que tus emociones te superan, acude a un profesional de la salud mental. Un experto le diagnosticará y, lo que es más importante, le mostrará el camino a lo largo de este viaje.

Even if you have a personality disorder or suffer from something else, it’s not the end of the world. It definitely doesn’t make you crazy.

Por el contrario, abordar tus problemas a tiempo y pedir ayuda profesional es algo maduro y valiente.

12. Comprometerse con el autocuidado

El amor propio, el respeto por uno mismo y el autocuidado son fundamentales para mantenerse cuerdo y mentalmente sano. Todas estas cosas combinadas aumentan tu autoestima y harán que te sientas mucho mejor contigo mismo en una relación.

You have to be aware of one thing: the romance you’re currently in is not the most important relationship in your life. In fact, the one you have with yourself is.

Si dominas el arte de amor propio, your partner will have no choice but to follow your lead. You’re showing them by example that there is a certain standard you’re willing to settle for and that anything less is unacceptable.

The same goes for self-respect. The more you respect yourself, the more respected you’ll feel in your relationship. Consequently, there will be way fewer negative feelings to deal with.

El autocuidado también es una parte importante de este viaje. Tienes que aprender a mimarte. Cuando aprendas a trátate como a alguien a quien quieres, your mood won’t be affected by anyone’s actions.

13. Métodos de autoayuda

When you’re trying to figure out how to control your emotions, you have to learn how to deal with their consequences as well. What should you do when a negative feeling gets the best of you? How do you stop the process and help yourself?

You know exactly what I’m talking about – you feel anger, hatred, or sadness taking over. You’ve reached the level of emotional intelligence to recognize the signs that they’re there, but now, you need the tools to overcome them and calm yourself down.

El método mejor y más sencillo es respirar profundamente. Esto ralentizará tu ritmo cardíaco y te ayudará a pensar con claridad.

If possible, remove yourself from the situation. Tell your partner that you need some time off and that you’ll finish your discussion after you calm down.

Finally, if you’re really not feeling well, try accessing a mental health resource, such as a hotline in your area, or even call your therapist.

14. Permanecer en el presente

Many people have a hard time remaining in the present moment, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Even if everything is going great now, you can’t stop thinking about that argument you and your significant other had a few weeks ago.

O sigues preocupándote por el futuro. ¿Hacia dónde va esta relación? ¿Tenéis un futuro juntos? ¿Acabarán pasando el resto de sus vidas juntos?

¿Y si tu pareja te deja? ¿Y si se enamora de otra persona? ¿Cómo podrías vivir sin él?

The list of these questions is endless, but I’m sure you get the point. At the end of the day, you’re consumed by negative feelings that have nothing to do with the present moment.

En lugar de disfrutar de lo que tienes ahora, pasas la mayor parte del tiempo estresándote por posibles escenarios o por ciertas cosas que deberían haber quedado en el pasado.

15. Practicar la gratitud

If you’re wondering how to control your emotions in a relationship, the answer is to focus on positive emotions. Easier said than done, I know.

Bueno, ¿por qué no probar practicar la gratitud para cambiar? En lugar de prestar toda tu atención a las cosas que faltan en tu relación, fíjate en las que tienes.

Can’t think of anything? Start writing a gratitude journal.

Every night before you go to bed, write down everything good that happened between you and your partner that day. But make sure you don’t take anything for granted.

Write down things such as: “We shared a passionate kiss,” “They sent me a good morning text.”, “They hugged me.”, “They made me laugh.”, “They helped me bring in the groceries.” and so on.

This way, you’ll go to sleep with a smile on your face, filled with positive emotions. Not only that: the next time you are overwhelmed with negative feelings, just open your gratitude journal and start reading. All of a sudden, you’ll realize there is not so much to worry about.

16. Sin supuestos

A wise man once said that assumptions are the termites of relationships. Don’t overestimate yourself by thinking of yourself as a mind reader.

Trust me, you have no clue what is going on in your partner’s head. No tienes por qué preocuparte de que te dejen sólo porque supongas que eso va a ocurrir.

Don’t stress yourself out about your partner allegedly being angry if they hadn’t specifically told you that was how they felt.

And it works the other way around as well. Never think that they can assume how you feel – you must verbalize your emotions and be direct. It’s the only way to protect them!

17. Encontrar un sistema de apoyo

Si sigues teniendo problemas para controlar tus emociones en una relación, habla con alguien en quien confíes además de tu pareja. Acude a un amigo íntimo o a un familiar y háblale de tus emociones.

Even though your loved ones are not mental health experts, they know you to the bottom of your heart. They might help you process or understand your emotions. Maybe they’ve been through a similar situation or dealt with some mental health issues that made them feel like they’re losing control.

If nothing else, they’ll hear you out and give you a shoulder to cry on – which is sometimes more than enough.

18. Ser abierto al respecto

Sin embargo, la persona más importante con la que debe hablar de este problema es su pareja. Even if you’re dealing with a certain mental health condition or a personality disorder that causes your cambios de humores algo con lo que su pareja debería estar familiarizada.

Háblales de tus desencadenantes para que puedan ayudarte a evitar los que más te afectan.

No, this doesn’t mean that you’re asking them to treat you like a porcelain doll. But they should know what you’re struggling against.

And if they love you enough, they won’t let you go through this alone. They’ll hold your hand and help you learn how to control your emotions in a relationship.

19. El arte de perdonar

¿Recuerdas que hablamos de que no tiene sentido mirar al pasado? Pues bien, para que eso sea posible, tienes que aprender cómo perdonar tu pareja.

Si los dos habéis superado algunas cosas y si vuestra relación ha sobrevivido a algunos obstáculos, ¿por qué seguís guardando rencor? El resentimiento es una de las emociones negativas más poderosas, y tienes que deshacerte de él antes de que te coma vivo.

I won’t lie to you: forgiving isn’t always easy. In fact, sometimes it’s the hardest thing you have to do. However, you’ll feel liberated once you achieve it.

20. Búscate la vida

Okay, this might sound harsh, but you’ll never learn how to control your emotions in a relationship until you dejar de ser emocionalmente dependiente a tu compañero. As long as they’re the only person who can control your mood swings, I’m sorry to say, but you’re doomed.

It’s great that you’re so invested in your relationship. However, it doesn’t mean your entire world should revolve around it.

En pocas palabras, consigue una vida fuera de tu romance. Sal con tus amigos, busca algún hobby y, lo más importante, dedícate a ti mismo.

Para terminar:

Once you learn how to control your emotions in a relationship, you’ll reach a level of emotional intelligence you didn’t even know existed. These skills will help in all other fields of your life and in all the other relationships you have.

Y lo que es más importante, le ayudará a mejorar su salud mental, ¡y no hay nada más importante que eso!