Cuando se aleje, déjalo ir (y volverá a ti)

Las palabras de mi mejor amigo aún resuenan en mis oídos: En se aleja déjalo ir. Don’t chase him and don’t make it easy for him. All I’ll say is: Maldita sea, tenía razón.

Apuesto a que todas las mujeres del mundo reconocen este molesto patrón de la mayoría de los hombres: 

• Te trata como su prioridad.
• Te colma de afecto y gestos románticos únicos.
• Makes you feel like you’re the only girl in the world.
• SE ALEJA.

Most men are masters at going from being THE (potential) ONE to disappearing into thin air. Truly, it takes great skill to win a woman and then pull away as if you’ve never been with her.

¿Por qué hacen eso los hombres? ¿Por qué los hombres se alejan antes de comprometerse contigo?? ¿Qué debe hacer cuando esto ocurre? 

I’ve seen a lot of complicated questions, but these are definitely in the top 10. Don’t worry, my lady. Today, you’ll learn all you need to know about why men pull away and what to do about it, a.k.a., how to get them back (if you want to, of course). 

¿Qué significa que un chico se aleje? 

Una de las principales razones por qué los hombres se alejan a principios de etapas de una relación is because they feel like their freedom is in jeopardy. In other words, they start pulling away when they feel like they’re suffocating. 

¿Por qué se alejan los hombres? después de acercarse? Esto ocurre todo el tiempo y puede considerarse una epidemia de hombres que se alejan en las primeras fases de una relación, justo cuando los sentimientos empiezan a aflorar y las cosas están a punto de volverse más serias.

Men pull away when they feel like you’re trying to be in control of them

Allow me to demonstrate. Let’s say that he’s no longer courting you as he used to and his romantic gestures either scream low effort or they are nonexistent. 

Te das cuenta de todo esto y empieza a molestarte. You wait for him to change, but that doesn’t happen. So, you decide to take things into your own hands and push him to make more effort. 

You start demanding him to spend more time with you and shower you with affection as he used to do before. Once you start doing that, he’ll feel like you’re trying to be in control of him, so he’ll pull away. 

He’ll become scared of being in a relationship with un socio mayoritarioy por eso, puede que empiece a fantasmear contigo.

Los hombres se alejan cuando sienten que tienen que elegir entre ellos y sus parejas

Here’s the thing. Men are extremely sensitive about their freedom of choice. If a man starts feeling like he has to choose between himself and his partner, he’ll get scared.

He’ll start thinking the following: OMG, I’m in a relación seria. I obviously no longer get to choose with whom I’ll spend my time because my pareja insiste en que veamos esa película romántica (o hagamos cualquier otra cosa que ella elija).

Let’s say that he desires to watch football with his buddies, but you’re not allowing him to do so because you want him only for yourself. 

If you don’t give a man a choice, he’ll start suffocating and he’ll pull away.

It’s true that being in a committed relationship takes work and dedication, but this doesn’t mean that partners should spend all their free time together. 

Here’s the most valuable consejos sobre relaciones: Compromising is the best bet. If you know how to compromise with him, he will have enough time and space for himself and he’ll never think of pulling away again because such a relationship won’t feel like a burden to him.

Men pull away when they feel like you’re nagging them

Uno de los mayores razones por las que los chicos deciden retirarse es cuando constantemente les haces sentir culpables por no hacer algo o no cumplir tus expectativas. 

Se parece a esto: 

A ti: Why haven’t you washed the dishes?? 

A ti: Te dije un millón de veces que lo hicieras. 

A ti: ¿Por qué siempre tengo que estar el ¿pensando en todo?

A él: Okay, I’ll do it now.

O esto: 

A ti: ¿De verdad tienes que pasar todos los viernes con tus amigos? 

A ti: Why don’t you want to spend time with me? Am I boring to you or you’re no longer interested in me? 

A él: I’ve never said that you’re boring or that I’m not interested. The truth is, Friday is the only day of the week I spend time with them. 

By constantly nagging him, you’re sending him a message that he’s not doing anything right. So, pulling away is his way of giving you a disclaimer that you shouldn’t expect too much from him.

Men like to feel like they’re capable of making their woman happy. If you’re only focused on nagging instead of finding a peaceful way to solve your problems, he’ll start suffocating and he’ll want to get out of this type of relationship.

Cuanto más presiones, más se alejará. 

I understand this completely. When my ex was pulling away from me, I freaked out, and pushing him was a reasonable thing to do back then. Sadly, I didn’t know that the more I pushed, the more he pulled away. 

La razón por la que lo presioné es que tenía miedo de perderlo. When a man stops making an effort and starts acting all weird, you can’t help yourself, but overthink things.

This overthinking is what forces you to do stupid things like chasing him in hope that you will change him and make him realize that he’s making a mistake.

I’ll tell you this: If you feel the need to push him, then you know you’re not in a relación sana.

El empuje se produce cuando entran la desesperación y el miedo. De repente, te encuentras ideando el plan perfecto que va a haz que se arrepienta de haberte dejado plantada. o alejándose de ti.

Sadly, you can’t lie to yourself for long. At one moment, you realize that you’re not in control of it at all. So, when he pulls away let him go.

If you send him desperate texts, you’ll push him away aún más. Recuerda: The more you push him to be the man you expect him to be, the more he’ll pull away. 

Cómo responder cuando un chico se aparta

When a guy pulls away, you need to stop contacting him and give him some space. By letting him go, you’ll take back your power and you’ll show him that you’re a high-value woman. This will motivate him to pursue you.

Don’t chase him, text him, or llámalo 24/7 until he finally decides to text you back. If you do any of that, you’ll only scare him away even more.

It’s time to take back your power

Muchas mujeres olvidan que recuperar su poder no consiste en ser enérgicas o hacer que los hombres hagan exactamente lo que les dices. Yo también pensaba eso, pero ahora conozco la verdad.

Taking back your power is about realizing that you’re not in control of his actions but your own. 

Deja de pensar para ti mismo: Solía ser un buen hombre, y sé que aún lo es, pero necesito ayudarle a demostrármelo. I need to change him because if I don’t, I’ll lose him for good. 

NO, you cannot change a man if he’s not willing to change himself.

No puedes obligarle a actuar como tú quieres.

You cannot lose him if you’ve never had him.

Taking back your power is about realizing that he’s the one responsible for his actions and it’s not your job to help him ‘become the man he ought to be’. 

No puedes obligarle a enviarte mensajes de buenas noches y buenos días todos los días. No puedes obligarle a ser más romántico si es sólo idea tuya y no suya. 

If a man is not ready to treat you the way you deserve, then criticizing him and forcing him to change won’t help if he himself is not ready or willing to do so. 

Don’t make it easy for him

Así que, lo peor que podrías hacer en este caso es decidir perseguirle o rogarle que vuelva. En lugar de eso, haz que te persiga y luche por ti. 

Maybe, it’s not the first time this has happened to you. If it has happened multiple times so far, this is a huge red flag, and this time, you need to do the right thing (every relationship expert and dating coach would confirm that).

Hombres de calidad como el reto de un alto valor mujer. 

Look at it this way. If a man decides to pull away and you immediately start running after him, he won’t see you as a high-value woman but as being desperate and perhaps needy.

He will know how much you want him and need him in your life, even though he’s retreating and giving you nightmares at the moment. 

If you let him know that he can pull back any time he wants and you’ll end up chasing him every single time he does that, he will lose respect for you.

Don’t make it easy for him. Instead of running after him, wait for him to come back to you on his own. Show him that you’re a challenge, and if he wants to be with you, he has to be ready to win you again.

Show him that you’re a alto valor woman who doesn’t run after those who decide to pull back because you have your propia vida y emocionantes.  

You don’t have time to focus on those who are not willing to be a part of your life and who are not ready to commit to you to the fullest.

Once he realizes all that, he’ll come back to you in record time (assuming he still has feelings for you). 

Cuando se aleja déjalo ir 

¿Qué haces cuando se aleja? Should you enter the begging mode and try hard to catch his attention? Or, should you act like you don’t care?

When he pulls back, here’s exactly what you need to do:

Don’t freak out

First and foremost, don’t allow his instantaneous decision to pull back shock you. I know this doesn’t sound comforting at all, but men do that all the time.  

Sometimes, they themselves don’t know why they’re doing it, but they’re still doing it. So, don’t freak out. Don’t start overthinking: ¿Se está alejando o está iniciando una ruptura?? ¿Cómo sobreviviré a otro desamor? 

I understand that being on the receiving end of someone who is pulling back leaves you feeling scared and insecure, but you’re stronger than that.

If he pulls away, let him go. Don’t freak out immediately, and don’t see it as a big deal. Why? Because you can still be in control of it, at least indirectly.

No, no puedes controlar lo que ocurre en su mente, pero puedes enviarle ciertos mensajes, como: If you pull back, I won’t chase you because I don’t have time for that.

By not doing anything, you can do A LOT. We often forget the power of indirect messages. The truth is, you don’t need to lift a finger in order to let him know how you’re feeling about this whole situation.

All you need to do is NOTHING and you’ll achieve the desired effect. Sounds too good (and easy) to be true? Well, I dare you to try and see for yourself.

Take some time to understand what’s really going on with him

En lugar de correr inmediatamente tras él, decide tomarte un tiempo para comprender qué es exactamente lo que pasa por su cabeza. 

Observe this situation from his point of view and you’ll learn so many things about you, him, and your relationship (or whatever-ship you were/are in).

Hay varias razones por las que un chico se aleja de repente, y si quieres saber qué ha pasado exactamente, tienes que reflexionar sobre tu comportamiento y el suyo, así como sobre vuestra relación en general. 

¿Tenía problemas para abrirse a ti? ¿Fue usted demasiado insistente? ¿Es el tipo de hombre que no puede maquillaje su mente? ¿Tiene ansiedad estilo de fijación?

There are so many questions you can ask yourself that will help you make an analysis of his behavior. If you were in a long-term relationship, it’s important to learn what can be improved, so that you can make it work in the future.

¿Cómo conseguir un alto valor cuando se aleja?

If you want to get him back, you need to remain a high-value woman and you’ll do that by letting him go, focusing primarily on yourself, and realizing that you don’t need a man to make you feel complete.

When a guy pulls away, it’s normal for you to desperately try to figure out why all this is happening and what you have done wrong. But, if you want him back, you shouldn’t do that.

DON’T chase him

Cuando se aleje, déjale marchar. Perseguirle en esta situación es lo último que deberías hacer. Mucha gente ha cometido este error y se ha dado cuenta de que, al perseguirle, empeoraban aún más las cosas. 

En lugar de perseguirlo, haz que te persiga.

Yes, girl! I’ll share something really valuable with you, so I want you to read it carefully. When men decide to pull back, they always SECRETLY hope that you will run after them. Why?

Porque quieren sentirse deseados. También quieren tener el control de la situación, y el hecho de que él retroceda le coloca en una posición dominante, mientras que el hecho de que tú le persigas te coloca en una posición subordinada.

By not chasing him, you will let him know that he’s not in control. He will desire to know why you aren’t trying to stop him and make him change his mind.

En cierto modo, se sentirá molesto por el hecho de que ÉL no tiene ni idea de lo que pasa por tu cabeza.

Empezará a pensar: Why isn’t she trying to stop me from retreating? Has she ever cared about me at all? Has she met someone else and she’s no longer interested in me? 

If you let him go, he will ask himself these and plenty of other questions. If you don’t let him go (read: if you start chasing him), he will not ask himself any questions, but he will think only this: She still wants me, even though I’m probably not worthy of being with her at all.

Entonces, ¿cómo se comporta un hombre cuando sabe que una mujer sigue interesada en él HAGA LO QUE HAGA?  

Hace lo que le da la gana porque piensa que nunca dejarás de perseguirle diga lo que diga o haga lo que haga. 

Te da por sentado. Te pierde el aprecio y el respeto. Empieza a verte como una mujer que no tiene normas.  

Entonces, ¿cómo se comporta un hombre cuando piensa que una mujer no tiene normas?

He feels free to break all the rules and still come back to you when it’s convenient for him without worrying about you not accepting him back. 

Do yourself a favor and don’t chase him. ​​​​  

Haz lo tuyo, chica, porque once you stop chasing him, he’ll come after you. Once you show him that you’re a confident, strong woman, he’ll be more than willing to do everything in his power to be a part of your life again.

Céntrate en TI

A lot of times, you’ll feel the urge to initiate contact, text him, or ask his friends about him. Don’t do that. 

• Don’t stalk him on social media.
• Don’t stalk him in real life.
• Don’t try to catch his attention.
• Don’t blame yourself.

En lugar de eso, vive tu propia vida. En se aleja déjalo ir y céntrate en ti mismo.

• Aumenta tu autoestima.
• Pon tu felicidad en primer lugar.
• Descubre tu autoestima.
• Encuentre nuevas aficiones.
• Distráete. 
• Concéntrese en alcanzar sus objetivos.

Realize that you don’t need a man to make you happy  

I used to think that the only thing that can make you truly happy in life is being with someone who genuinely cares for you and loves you. I’ve spent so much time (read: wasted) on waiting for the One who will be the missing piece of the puzzle called happiness.

Ahora, puedo decir con orgullo y en voz alta: No, you don’t need a man to make you happy. You don’t need a man to complete you.

Eres perfectamente capaz de hacerlo tú mismo. Sí, puedes hacerte feliz. Puedes mimarte y tratarte como te mereces. Incluso puedes salir contigo mismo.

De hecho, deberías salir contigo mismo antes de salir con otra persona. Enamórate de ti mismo antes de amar a otra persona.

When you realize that you don’t need a man to introduce you to the concept of happiness, you will stop chasing him.

It’s okay if you miss him and if you want him to come back to you and be the old him. Still, this doesn’t mean that you should do everything in your power to get his attention and “bring him back home”. 

Here’s the secret to happy dating and relationships: Nunca debes NECESITAR a un hombre, sino DESEARLO. 

Think like this: I want to be with you not because I need you, but because I want to. Having a man in your life shouldn’t be something that your entire life revolves around. 

Puedes ser perfectamente feliz por tu cuenta. Una vez que se dé cuenta de eso, volverá a ti. 

¿Volverá un hombre después de alejarse?

When a man pulls away, chances are high that he’ll come back to you once he starts to miss you. He will come back to you ONLY if you don’t chase him because it will make him see that you’re a strong, confident, and high-value woman.

When you’re in love with someone, moving toward them seems like the only logical thing to do. You crave their presence more than the air that you’re breathing, and there’s nothing weird about that.

Enviar un solo mensaje o escuchar su voz aunque sólo fuera un segundo significaría mucho para ti. Pero, ¿adivina qué? Si lo haces, no conseguirás que vuelva a perseguirte.  

Cuando se aleje déjalo ir y dale un poco de espacio. That is how you’ll get him back on track (motivate him to pursue you).

Permita que su relación se fomente y sane

One of the biggest mistakes many couples make is thinking that constantly spending time together is good for their relationship. It actually isn’t (especially when you have some underlying issues that need to be addressed).

Relationships are like a body. Imagine that you’re running a marathon for some time now and you’re feeling exhausted, but you’re still running. Will you be able to run forever? Of course not.

Al final, tendrás que parar para descansar y curarte de la agotadora carrera, para poder volver a participar. Lo mismo puede aplicarse a la dinámica de las relaciones. 

Everything in life, including relationships, requires refreshment and proper rest. Of course, you cannot be physically tired from your partner (even though it’s not completely excluded), but from time to time, couples need ‘an emotional rest’ from each other.

This will help you commit in a healthy way again and strengthen your bond. Allowing your relationship to foster and heal is one of the most important things because you can’t continue giving yourself until you recharge.

Esto le ayudará a establecer un flujo natural en su relación.  

This natural flow is supposed to feel like breathing. If your man pulls away and he feels like he’s suffocating, know that this is your relationship trying to tell you that you need to take a break and allow it to regain its natural flow. 

Dale la oportunidad de echarte de menos

I often say that the biggest curse of humanity is the fact that we don’t know what we have until it’s gone. It’s in our nature to take things for granted. If we don’t remind ourselves to be grateful for what we have, we’ll easily forget how valuable that is to us.

This happens every day, every second. Literally, right now, someone is taking their partner for granted because they’ve spent too much time together and there’s no initial excitement since the beginning of their relationship.

Si quieres que te eche de menos y vuelva a ti, tendrás que darle espacio para que lo haga.

Imagine that if you continue texting him, calling him, or doing anything else related to chasing him, what do you think would happen? I know what would happen. He wouldn’t be able to miss you AT ALL because you’re still there.

Recuerdo cuando uno de mis amigos me preguntó: Cuándo un hombre empieza a echar de menos a una mujer? I didn’t think much about this question, so I told her straight away: Cuando le das algo que echar de menos. 

La verdad es que los hombres se enamoran en tu ausencia y no en tu presencia. Podrías desvivirte por complacerle las 24 horas del día, pero esto no hará que vuelva a ti ni le motivará a perseguirte.

Every man needs some time to process his feelings, so that he knows what exactly is going on with him. When he’s finally alone, he’ll be able to reflect on his feelings for you and your relationship. 

When a man pulls away, let him go. Right then, he will realize how much you mean to him, and he will not want to lose you. That’s exactly what you need to do! 

By giving him the opportunity to miss you, you’ll make him realize what he could lose if he doesn’t pursue you.

Also, he might think that you have already met a new guy, and that’s why you have no time to chase him. He will be motivated to prove to you that he’s better than any other man and that he’s capable of making you happy.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

This probably sounds like a cliché, but it’s totally true. If you ask me, absence is a more important aspect than presence in relationships. Why?

Porque la ausencia te ayuda a aumentar la atracción que la otra persona siente por ti. Así que.., ¿volverá a ti si le dejas marchar?? Claro que sí.

Volverá porque verá lo fuerte y segura que eres, y estas atractivas cualidades aumentarán su atracción por ti. 

Le impresionará tu atrevimiento y empezará a echar de menos tu tacto, tu voz, tus extraños hábitos, etc. Lo que pasa es que cuando los chicos deciden alejarse, siempre piensan y esperan que los persigas.

If you don’t do that, they will be confused. This confusion is what will motivate them to start questioning things, along with your affection for them.

Se sentirá exactamente así:  

What happened to this woman? I thought she likes/loves me. Why isn’t she running after me? Wait, she isn’t desperate. She’s a strong and confident woman who doesn’t waste her time on those who are not willing to stay. Damn, I have to win this woman again.

When a man feels determined to court a woman and wins her heart again, there’s nothing in the world that could stop him from doing so. But, when a man feels suffocated, there’s nothing in the world that could stop him from running.

Yup, that’s how a male’s brain works. Once he starts suffocating, it’s your female holy duty to let him go and make him realize what he had.

Tómese su tiempo

Once you let him go, don’t check your phone all the time, and don’t expect him to get back to you the same day, tomorrow, or after a few days. Truth be told, some men come back after a day or two, but such men are in the minority.

A veces, pueden pasar semanas, meses y me atrevería a decir que incluso años para que un hombre se dé cuenta de lo que tenía y decida perseguirte. 

No, no será fácil cuando le dejes marchar. Pasarás por muchos episodios de pensar demasiado, y a veces sentirás ganas de rendirte y volver a buscarle. 

Promise me one thing. No matter how difficult it is for you to endure this “let him go” stage, DON’T do anything. Take your time, distract yourself, and wait (but don’t wait forever).

Algunos hombres necesitan más tiempo para entrar en razón y darse cuenta de lo que quieren. Otros hombres necesitan menos tiempo para averiguar si quieren perseguirte.

By taking your time, you might motivate him to react faster, so there’s no need to rush. By taking your time, you will also get an answer to the following question: How do you know if he’s the one for you? 

By giving him space, you’ll know if he’s the right man for you. If he comes back, he’s the right one for you. If he doesn’t, he isn’t. (Trust your gut feeling ).

Recuerda: no tienes nada que perder

Cuando se aleje, déjale marchar y recuerda que no tienes nada que perder. Si este hombre te estaba fantasmeando para siempre, te alegrarás de no haber reaccionado intensamente a su decisión de alejarse de ti. Ahorrarás mucho tiempo y nervios.

Si este hombre sólo necesitaba algo de tiempo para pensar en todo y ordenar sus sentimientos, le enviarás un gran mensaje, y es: Si vuelve a hacerlo, sabrá que no le perseguirás. 

You’ll show him how mature and confident you are. Also, you will allow your relationship to heal and establish its natural flow, which is a basis for every healthy relationship.