Cuando tu pasado de abusos te aleja de un buen hombre, lee esto

Hay un viejo refrán que dice algo así: Un niño quemado teme el fuego. Tú también, como un niño pequeño, te has quemado tanto que ahora hasta la más pequeña chispa te recuerda un gran incendio.

Temes que lo que te ocurrió en el pasado pueda volver a ocurrirte. Temes que el abuso no haya terminado y que en algún lugar otro psicópata narcisista esté esperando a su presa.

You’re scared to become the victim of such torment again that you would rather choose not to let yourself fall in love again.

You’re making each and every new person who tries to walk into your life pay the price for the man who broke you in the past. God knows how long you’ve been doing this injustice to those who don’t deserve it.

I don’t think there is any need to ask you why you are doing it. You forgot your worth. Your past abuse made you feel worthless, made you feel weak and convinced you that you’re unable to take care of yourself.

Pero esas son tus mentiras. Esas son tácticas de hoovering todos los narcisistas utilizan para dejarte seco.

You are a strong woman who’s more than good enough. You’re an amazing human being who just fell for the wrong guy and that’s it. There is nothing wrong with you.

Simplemente te convencieron para que te entregaras por completo al hombre equivocado y te destrozaron. Pero tienes que aprender a dejarlo ir.

Sé que las secuelas de los malos tratos es horrible. I know it hurts and I know you’re lost. But you don’t have to be lost.

You have someone who’s willing to guide you toward the light. Sólo tienes que estar dispuesto a dejar ir la oscuridad.

Trust me, I know how it all feels. And I don’t want you to mess up a good thing because of the past. Missing a great man because of a toxic one who emotionally drained you is something you’ll regret for the rest of your life.

See, after my abuse, I just wanted to be left alone. I was so tired and so shattered that even all the glue in the world couldn’t put my broken pieces together.

Construí muros, protegí mi corazón y me prometí que había acabado con el amor para el resto de mi vida.

There was a whole life going on out there, outside of my walls but I wasn’t curious to peek out and see what it was all about.

There were people worthy of my attention wanting to get in but I wouldn’t let them. I just wanted to be left alone to drown myself in my own misery.

But then someone shook me out of my own pity. Someone took me by the hand, sat next to me and told me something I’ll never forget.

He told me: “Darling, life is meant to be shared and not lived alone. We’re all created from one soul divided into two parts. I know what happened to you makes you think that being alone is the best thing in this world and I know it feels comfortable now but one day it will be so lonely and dark, and by the time you realize that you would’ve pushed away all those who wanted to be there next to you.”

He also told me that I shouldn’t let my past destroy me but that I should make it a lesson I’d never forget.

He told me that there was more to life than allowing those who wanted to destroy me to see me at the bottom. He said: “That’s not how you win in life.

You win by being happy and continuing to live and love even after you’ve pasado por el infierno.

You win by showing that nothing can break you and that nothing can destroy your spark. You win by deciding to love again but this time by choosing the right guy to give your love to.”

After hearing these words, I was shook. I was shook because I didn’t even realize that guarding myself and choosing to live the rest of my life alone was the place where my abuser wanted me to be.

I was allowing him to win. And you’re making the same mistake. But I’m here to stop you from making that mistake.

I know something small triggers your memories. I know you don’t know how to react to love, kindness, warmth and dedication. I know commitment to you equals being trapped in a cage with the possibility of being abused once again. But there is a way around this, I swear.

Acepta tu imperfección. Love your flaws. Cherish your broken pieces. Appreciate the long road you’ve been down because it taught you something.

It taught you that you’re way stronger than you could ever think. It taught you that no matter what happens to you, you’re a fighter and you will survive. But please, don’t turn yourself into a living corpse.

You were convinced that you were not the kind of woman who’d ever be abused. You thought it’d never happen to you and you were caught off guard. It happened to me too. And to thousands of other women.

Honey, we’re all walking targets for narcissists, sociopaths and other abusers because we never see it coming.

Nos cogen desprevenidos y durante demasiado tiempo permanecemos en relaciones tóxicas, incapaces de comprender lo que ocurre, incapaces de abandonarlas.

Y cuando por fin nos vamos, acabamos consumidos por la vergüenza, por el hecho de habernos convertido en víctimas.

Pero puedes elegir no ser una víctima. Puedes elegir convertirte en un luchador.

Puede elegir superar el pasado. Puedes liberarte de esas cadenas y elegir amar a pesar de tu miedo—sólo que esta vez, ten cuidado a quién le das tu corazón.

I know you’re scared and that you think it might happen again.

But what if your fear is pushing a good man away? What if all that’s going on in your head is making you pull back from a man who’s actually worthy of your love?

Years from now, we’ll be sorry we were so naive to fall for our abuser. Years from now, we’ll feel ashamed for allowing someone to treat us so badly. But I swear that years from now the thing we’ll regret the most is pushing away the one man who’d do anything, literally anything, for us.

El lado positivo de tus abusos es que ahora eres más sabio. Ahora ya sabes cómo detectar a un maltratador y cómo tratar con él.

Don’t allow the fear of repeating the past stop you from living your life. Don’t cross love off of your life’s list just because you’re scared.

No todos los hombres son maltratadores. No todos los hombres quieren tomar sin dar nada a cambio. Hay hombres a los que les importas, que se preocupan de verdad por ti y por tus sentimientos.

Hay hombres que te querrán hasta el punto de hacerte olvidar que fuiste maltratada.

There is a man who’s ready to tiptoe around you until you’re ready to let him in. There is a man who’ll slowly put your demons to bed. There is someone whose love will light up your whole world.

Don’t let sparks of new love frighten you. Now you know which sparks will burn you alive and which will keep you warm.