Dejé de culparme por el dolor que me causabas

El lado feo de ser humano es que tú eres el encargado de decidir cuánto vales. Y yo nunca estuve preparado para cargar con tanta responsabilidad.

Me culpaba de todo. I willingly made myself a victim because I kept you on a pedestal. I kept thinking there is no way you could’ve done something wrong to me.

I decided I was the one unworthy of being loved and I was the one to decide that I am not worthy enough to be happy. But I was wrong. I was so wrong…

Tú fuiste quien me hizo cuestionarme mi autoestima. No dejaba de preguntarme si era lo bastante guapa o si me comportaba correctamente. Era muy dura conmigo misma y no dejaba de deprimirme. Siempre que estaba descontenta por algo, me echaba la culpa a mí misma. Pensaba que siempre era algo que yo había hecho lo que te hacía sentir así.

Ninguna mujer debería dudar tanto de sí misma. No woman should ever feel like she isn’t good enough or that she isn’t worthy. Ningún hombre debe permitir que su mujer se sienta indigna de su amor.

No woman should ever be blamed for the actions of one man because no matter what happened, everybody should take his fair share of the blame. It took me awhile to get on board with what I knew a long time ago, but when I finally did, I realized I wasn’t guilty of all those things I put on my shoulders. I wasn’t the one that should be blamed for all the pain you caused me. So, I just stopped putting the blame on myself.

I stopped questioning what was it that I’ve done. I stopped staring in the mirror and pointing fingers towards my reflection as an answer to why you treat me badly. I stopped questioning why wasn’t I enough and I started realizing that I will never be good enough for the wrong person, but I will always be good enough for someone who truly cares.

I stopped comparing myself to your other dolls. I know I could never be like them, but I also got that I shouldn’t. Because in my attempts to be them, I’d lost myself. And I might not be what you want me to be, but one day, I’ll be exactly what somebody else was searching for his whole life.

I stopped looking at you as if you were God’s ultimate creation. I stopped thinking you were perfect and I stopped putting you on a pedestal. I stopped being the one always bending the knee and I stopped accepting to be a victim for love.

Dejé de confundir lo que me dabas con amor.

Dejé de imaginar nuestro futuro juntos. Dejé de creer que tú y yo seríamos alguna vez nosotros. Dejé de idealizar mi sufrimiento y dejé de confiar en nuestro momento. Porque nunca íbamos a pasar de verdad. Por mucho que esperara, por mucho que me engañara pensando que el futuro nos depararía días mejores, nunca estuviste realmente de acuerdo. Me abandonaste antes de que hubiéramos empezado.

Así que yo también me rendí. Y me alegro de haberlo hecho.

I was always the type of girl who believed in love. I was always the type of girl who believed in a better tomorrow and in the idea that human nature is changeable. But it isn’t. You couldn’t be changed. You couldn’t be taught to treat me right. You couldn’t be taught that causing pain is a bad thing when you so enjoyed doing it.

Tú me causaste la primera herida con tu incapacidad para amarme, pero yo causé todas las demás al creer que las cosas cambiarían. Tú empezaste, pero yo seguí. Y las cosas siguieron empeorando.

Decidí stop investing my love into something that isn’t going to work y salvarme mientras aún tenía la oportunidad.

Years from now I won’t regret saving myself, but I sure as hell would regret having stayed with somebody who was unable to love.