Esta es la razón por la que tu ex tiene frío y calor (y qué hacer al respecto)

Tu relación terminó hace tiempo. Sin embargo, incluso después de todo este tiempo, todavía su ex es caliente y frío. 

Hay veces que actúan como si te quisieran y quisieran volver contigo.

Periods when they keep on texting you, when they’re jealous of your new life, and when they tell you how much they miss you.

Al día siguiente, su comportamiento cambia. De repente, dejan de responder a tus llamadas y... mensajes de texto y empezar a ignorarte. 

If this is something you can relate to, your ex is definitely playing a hot and cold game. They’re playing mind games and consequently, you have no clue about where you stand. 

No dejas de preguntarte qué sienten por ti. ¿Cuáles son sus intenciones? ¿Tu ex tiene las mismas dudas que tú?

Well, you’ve come to the right place because you’re about to get all the answers you need. Here is everything you need to know about what to do when an ex is hot and cold and why they behave like this.

9 Reasons For Your Ex’s Comportamiento frío y caliente

Ruptura no procesada

The first reason for this type of hot and cold behavior is the fact that your ex still hasn’t procesó la ruptura de forma saludable. Esto puede ocurrir incluso si te han dejado. 

You see, many people think that the person walking away always knows what they’re doing – that they’re 100% certain about their decision and that they have no doubts about ending the relationship.

Theoretically, this makes sense. After all, they’re the ones who chose to call it a quits so it doesn’t seem logical for them to have second thoughts. 

However, in practice, things don’t always go as smoothly as you might expect. Maybe they broke up with you impulsively or maybe they’re regretting their decision. 

Either way, the point is that your ex is still not fully aware of the fact that you’re no longer together. 

Hay días en los que todavía te consideran su pareja y en los que actúan como si lo fueras todavía enamorado.

On the other hand, there are days when their boundaries are clear. Days when they’re sure about your break up and when they treat you like their ex, which you actually are.

If this is the case, there is no doubt about one thing: this person hasn’t accepted that it’s over. They’re doing their best to process some post-breakup emotions, which can change by the hour. 

Hay momentos en los que they’re angry with you por algunos errores que cometisteis mientras estuvisteis juntos, o incluso enfadados consigo mismos por no haberlo sabido mejor y haber permitido que vuestra relación fuera cuesta abajo.

Moments when they’re disappointed and can’t accept the fact that your romance didn’t succeed. Moments when se sienten víctimas y momentos en los que se sienten culpables por dejarte.

Por otro lado, también hay momentos en los que tu ex siente todo el amor que sintió por ti en el pasado. Momentos en los que todos los problemas que tuvisteis parecen solucionables y una tontería. 

Each one of these dilemmas going on in their head reflects their behavior toward you. They’re going through a rollercoaster of emotions right now and they’re behaving accordingly. 

La lucha contra uno mismo es real

I’m sure you’ve been in a situation before where your heart was telling you one thing while your mind advised you otherwise.

En una situación en la que, en el fondo, sabías qué era lo correcto, pero tus emociones querían seguir su propio camino. 

Well, there is a real possibility that this is exactly what’s going on with your ex right now. 

They are not only struggling with you – they’re also struggling with themselves, which is much more difficult. 

Tu ex está en un constante estado de dilema. Sabe que aún siente algo por ti pero, por otro lado, cree firmemente que volver contigo sería una idea horrible. 

They’re aware that you are no compatible with each other, that you probably wouldn’t last much longer if you were to reconcile, and that you can never find the middle ground.

Por otro lado, cada vez que te ven o simplemente tienen noticias tuyas, la fuerza de sus emociones les desborda.

Entonces, se preguntan qué sería mejor. ¿Sería mejor alejarse de ti and find someone they’ll get along with better and to let go of this enormous love you both feel?

Si lo hacen, ¿lo superarán por completo? ¿Volverán a enamorarse de alguien tan profundamente?

On the other hand, are their feelings worthy of doing the wrong thing? Are they ready to spend the rest of their life next to someone they’ll never get along with?

These questions are the reason why your ex is hot and cold. There are times when their mind wins over –  they ignore you and act like they couldn’t care less about you.

That’s when they act heartless and when they manage to pretend that they’re completely indifferent. 

On the other hand, there are times when their heart gets its way. Times when they can’t control themselves and when their emotions take over.

That’s when the “hot” phase begins. This is when they act like they love you, when they’re texting you, trying to reach out to you and want to talk things through. 

You are taking a test and you don’t even know it

Is it possible that your ex walked away from your relationship because they felt like you weren’t giving them enough attention? Because they felt like your second choice and last resort?

Well, if that is the case, it’s very likely that they’re acting hot and cold because they want to ponerte a prueba. Ven esta ruptura como una oportunidad para que aprendas la lección.

They don’t want to actually continue living without you. Instead, they want to use this situation to make you grow fonder to them.

La conclusión es que tu ex está utilizando la psicología inversa aquí. Supone que la única forma de que empieces a apreciar su presencia es sentir su ausencia.

They think that once you realize they’ve abandoned you, you’ll understand what you’re losing. Only then will you be aware that you want them by your side, and only then will you figure out their worth. 

Su comportamiento frío y caliente en realidad no es más que una prueba que tienes que pasar para volver con ellos.

¿Estás listo para luchar por ellos? ¿Serás tú quien dé el paso hacia tu reconciliación?

¿O dejarás que se vayan sin mover un dedo? ¿Te sentarás tranquilamente y verás cómo te abandonan para siempre?

The choice is all yours. Trust me – they won’t change their behavior until you show some initiative and action.

Basically, what your ex wants is for you to try a little bit harder. They want to see that you’re ready to put some effort into winning them back. 

Your ex wants you to fight for them. They want to see that you want them back and that you’re ready to do whatever it takes to be a part of their life once more. 

En otras palabras, quieren volver contigo. Sin embargo, se niegan a hacerlo sin oponer ningún tipo de resistencia. 

They don’t want you to think that you can have them whenever and however you like. Instead, they want to be appreciated and fought for. 

It’s not that your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend wants to see you begging them. They just want you to put in at least the minimum amount of effort into winning them back. 

Sobre todo si fueron ellos los que te dejaron. Sería admitir su error si volvieran contigo así como así, sin que movieras un dedo. 

Les amenazas

La siguiente razón por la que tu ex está caliente y frío podría ser el hecho de que se sienten amenazados por su presencia.

Verá, su ex-novio or girlfriend is afraid that you’ll find a way to fool them back in your life and give your relationship another go.

Así que ponen un escudo alrededor de su corazón. Construyen gruesos muros a su alrededor, que sirven para mantenerte fuera.

Therefore, every time you come near them, they feel threatened. They’re terrified that you’ll manage to break their shield and that you’ll find a way back into their heart in no time. 

They’re not running away from you here – they’re running away from themselves and from the emotions they still have for you. 

Seguir siendo amigos es una opción

Is it possible that you’re misinterpreting your ex’s behavior? That you’re seeing something that isn’t there?

Is it possible that you’re making a big deal of your ex just calling you or liking your social media posts? 

Odio ser el que rompa tu burbuja, pero podría ser que tu ex sólo esté intentando ser amistoso.

Tal vez están siendo educados y amables contigo, no porque quieran volver a estar juntos, sino porque quieren seguir siendo los mejores amigos. 

A primera vista, puede parecer imposible. Después de todo, tuvisteis una relación seria y no hay ninguna posibilidad de que los dos podáis ser mejores amigos después de todo lo que pasasteis. 

However, this is just your point of view. You still have deep emotions for this person so it is expected that you’ll feel like this.

Por otro lado, para ellos tiene mucho sentido. Siguen sintiendo algo por ti, pero no lo mismo que tú.

They don’t love you romantically any more but that doesn’t make them completely indifferent. 

After all, you’re the human being they spent so much time with, so it is natural that they can’t forget about you overnight. They remember all the good memories and everything you shared together. 

They especially don’t want to see you as their arch enemy. They don’t hate you –they want the best for you. 

In fact, your cold ex still wants to be a part of your life. They want to at least know how you’re doing and if there is anything they can do to help you.

However, you misinterpret their acts of kindness and see them as mixed signals or as signs that they’re still in love with you. Every time they reach out to you, you see it as a chance for getting back together.  

Nevertheless, this is not their intention. For you, it’s enough to see their name on your screen phone to think that they’re trying to win you back, while they’re just trying to be nice and kind. 

Problemas de confianza profundamente arraigados

Maybe your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend has the desire to be back in your life but they simply don’t trust you enough yet to make that happen.

Por favor, sé realista y piensa en las cosas que hiciste mal en tu relación. Piensa en tus errores y equivocaciones. 

Verá, su ex todavía tiene sentimientos profundos para usted. Sin embargo, hiciste algo que violó su confianza.

Whether you’re aware of doing so or not, the fact is that you caused some trauma for them.

You made them expect the worst from you so now they’re scared of letting you back in their life and giving you another chance. 

So, now it seems that your ex is hot and cold. However, this is nothing but them attempting to see whether you’re trustworthy or not.

They can’t give you a segunda oportunidad sin estar seguro de ti.

They can’t give you a second chance until they’re one hundred percent sure that you won’t repeat your mistakes and that you won’t hurt them again. 

Therefore, they see this period as a kind of test. They don’t want you out of their life but they don’t want you in it just yet, either. 

Instead, what they need is to see that you’ve changed. It’s up to you to show them that you’re a different person who won’t break their heart all over again.

It’s your job to convince them that they can rely on you this time. That by giving you another chance they’re not giving you a green light to keep on hurting them and doing them harm. 

It’s up to you to regain their trust. They don’t want you to back out as soon as they return – they want you to keep on fighting even harder and to show them that your relationship is worth the risk. 

If this is the case, please don’t play them once you regain their trust. Don’t prove to them that breaking up with you was a good decision and that taking you back was the mistake of their life. 

Una nueva relación

Odio ser yo quien te lo diga, pero la amarga verdad es que tu ex novia o novio podría tener una nueva relación de la que no sabes nada. 

En cualquier caso, la cuestión es que el nuevo relación seria they’re in is dictating the tempo of your communication. 

So, while it seems like your ex is hot and cold because of the mixed emotions they have for you, the fact is that their behavior depends on what it’s going on in their relationship.

Whenever their new romance is going great, there is no sign of them. They stop returning your calls, there’s no texting at all, and they don’t even keep track of your social media activity like they used to.

Consequently, you’re left wondering what went wrong. Did you do something that caused them to cut ties all of a sudden – without any explanation or closure?

Then, out of the blue, they reappear in your life. It’s possible that their new relationship has entered a crisis.

Quizá se han dado cuenta de que su novio o novia actual nunca les querrá como tú. O puede que se hayan peleado.

Beware of the possibility that your ex is doing all of this on purpose. Maybe they’re trying to make their current partner jealous of you, without you being aware of what they’re doing.

Either way, this is the period in which your ex is constantly present in your life. They’re not directly pressuring you to reconcile but they’re all over you.

They give you the impression that you’re one step away from getting back together. However, what you don’t know is that you’re only serving as a way for them to overcome the crisis in their relationship.

Naturally, they won’t be honest about their relationship status with you. Instead, they’ll try their best to hide everything from you. 

After all, they want to keep you around, just in case. They can’t afford to lose you if their current relationship falls apart, so they’re keeping you as their safety net. 

Abuso de poder

Te guste admitirlo o no, cuando tu ex es caliente y frío, gana algún tipo de poder sobre ti. 

You’re the one waiting for them to reach out the whole time, hoping they’ll come back to you. 

You put your life on hold, while they’re out there making their mind up about you and not worrying about your well being.

Basically, you have no say in this entire situation. They’re the one who needs to make the decision and you have no way of influencing it. 

Well, the truth is that in some cases, your ex is pretty much aware of all of this. They know that currently, they’re the dominant one and they take advantage of that. 

Juegan conscientemente con tu mente y tu corazón. Acuden a ti cuando se sienten solos y abandonados y cuando no hay nadie más a quien recurrir.

On the other hand, as soon as their life gets back on track and as soon as everything starts to go smoothly, they’re nowhere to be found.

Suddenly, they’ve forgotten all about you and start acting like you never existed. 

Don’t fool yourself and think that this is their indisponibilidad emocional talking. You can be certain that they’re doing all of this on purpose.

They don’t want to give you a chance to fall out of love with them. As soon as they notice that your emotions are fading away and as soon as they see that you might forget them, they go into attack mode.

So, the next day they give you hope that reconciliation is possible. They say that they miss you and that they can’t imagine living their life without you.

However, all of these are just empty words that are never backed up with action. The fact is that they’re not doing anything about actually reviving your relationship.

In fact, as soon as they see that you’ve caught the hook, they’re nowhere to be found. They disappear, leaving you in agony and abandoning you when you need them the most.

At first, you suffer because of their absence and the fact that they’re acting hot and cold. You miss them and constantly overthink your entire relationship and everything that went on later.

However, after a while, you accept that they’re gone. You no longer try to contact them and you give up on the idea that you’ll ever be together again.

Nevertheless, when you’re just one step closer to finding peace, there they’re again. There they’re with their sweet words and empty promises. 

Before you know it, you’re trapped once more in this endless cycle from which you see no way out. So what is this if it’s not them using their power over you?

Se desenamoraron pero sienten nostalgia

Here is another thing you might have trouble accepting – there is a great possibility that your ex has sadly dejó de quererte.

The first question then is, why have they contacted you at all if they’ve fallen out of love?

Bueno, a veces, a pesar de no sentir nada por una persona a la que solías amar, sigues sintiendo nostalgia por los buenos recuerdos y los momentos que pasasteis juntos. 

Maybe your ex is scared of moving on. You’re their comfort zone and they feel some kind of security as long as they have you around.

Even though they’ve stopped loving you, they have a hard time admitting their indifference. They simply can’t let you go and they don’t feel ready to continue their life without your presence. 

Por eso, cada vez que pasan por un mal momento, buscan consuelo en tu compañía. Siguen pidiéndote consejo y opinión.

Naturalmente, considera que se trata de una situación fría y caliente.

7 cosas que hacer cuando Tu ex es caliente y frío

Figure out if you’re being used or they’re confused

Antes de actuar sobre su problema, todos los consejos sobre relaciones le dirán que lo primero y más importante es llegar al fondo del mismo. 

Now that you’ve read all of the possible reasons why your ex is hot and cold, rethink your situation for a couple of days and try to figure out what reason you relate to the most.

Lo más importante es saber si you’re being used or they’re confused. Are they doing all of this involuntarily, without being aware of the impact their behavior is having on you?

¿O se comportan así a propósito, con la intención de hacerte aún más daño? ¿Hacen todo esto sin importarles un bledo tu bienestar?

Sé que responder a esta pregunta puede ser doloroso, pero créeme, es crucial que sepas la verdad. Sé lo más realista posible y no tengas en cuenta tus deseos y esperanzas.

Naturally, you shouldn’t react the same way if your ex is struggling with their emotions rather than consciously playing mind games with you. 

En el primer caso, deberías ser comprensivo. Al fin y al cabo, esa persona te quiere, pero tiene problemas para conciliar su cerebro y su corazón. 

On the other hand, if you know you’re dealing with a jerk who is playing you, they don’t deserve any sympathy.

De hecho, lo que deberían conseguir es probar de su propia medicina o deberías echarlos inmediatamente de tu vida. 

Whatever you decide to do and whatever approach you choose, please always put your emotions first. Don’t engage in anything that might end up hurting you even more. 

No seas pegajoso

Another thing you shouldn’t do is be overly clingy. You see, once you realize that you’re losing someone you love, you may have the impulse to keep them by your side, no matter what.

As soon as someone ignores you, you have an even bigger desire to get their attention. The same is true of you and your ex – this is just a part of human nature.

Cuanto menos responden a tus mensajes de texto, más veces les envías mensajes dobles y triples. Cuanto menos te devuelven las llamadas, más excusas encuentras para ponerte en contacto con ellos.

Cuanto más ignoren tu actividad en las redes sociales, más fotos y actualizaciones de estado publicarás. 

This actually makes sense at a first glance. You’re subconsciously trying to keep them from leaving you and more importantly – from forgetting you. 

Este es tu intento de recordarle a esta persona de ti. Un intento de mantenerlos en su vida, a toda costa.

Well, let me tell you one thing: you’ll actually only achieve the opposite with your aferramiento extremo. By doing this, you’re producing a counterproductive effect.

Instead of pulling this person closer, you’ll only chase them away. You’ll make them feel suffocated and trapped and they’ll want to run for their life. 

Besides, this approach will make your ex lose all their appreciation for you. You’re sending them a message that they can treat you however they want.

No matter what they do, you’ll always be around. In fact, the worse they treat you, the more you’ll love them.

Entonces, ¿por qué exactamente cambiarían su comportamiento? No hay nada que puedan hacer para que dejes de quererles, así que pueden seguir actuando así todo el tiempo que quieran. 

Demuéstrales que puedes hacerlo sin ellos

Lo más importante de esta situación es demostrar a tu ex que you don’t need them. I’m not saying that you need to act like you don’t care about them, though.

However, there is a difference between loving someone and being dependent on them. That is exactly what you need to prove to them: that you want them in your life but you won’t be doomed if you lose them.

Basically, you need to show your ex that you can make it without them. So, instead of making phone calls, asking for favors, or asking for their advice, show them that you’re independent. 

Aprovecha este tiempo para trabajar en tu autoestima y en convertirte en la mejor versión posible de ti mismo. Invierte este tiempo y toda tu energía en mimarte y mejorar.

En lugar de obsesionarte con tu ex y con tu relación fallida, reencontrarse con viejos amigos. Salir con gente y verlo como una oportunidad de conocer a alguien nuevo.

Trabaja en tu educación y en tu carrera. Lee libros, ve películas y busca un nuevo pasatiempo.

Además de cuidar tu mente y tu corazón, trabaja también en tu aspecto físico. Ve al gimnasio o practica algún tipo de actividad física.

Esto será beneficioso para su salud mental y confianza en sí mismo también. Te aliviará el estrés y la energía negativa, además de ponerte en forma. 

However, you shouldn’t do all of this to spite your ex. Your final goal is not to show them what they lost.

Instead, you’re working on yourself for your own sake. You’re doing it to show yourself that you don’t need anyone and that you’re the creator of your own happiness.

Mirror your cold ex’s behavior

According to a lot of relationship advice, the thing you should do is mirror your ex’s behavior when it comes to juegos fríos y calientes. 

This person’s intention is to confuse you and to bring you into a situation in which you don’t know what to think or where to stand.

Well, why don’t you outsmart them for the first time ever? Turn the tables and ganarles en su propio juego. 

Lo que debes hacer es reflejar su comportamiento. Cuando te ignoren, dales un trato aún más frío. 

However, don’t let them in as soon as they try to reenter the hot stage. Instead, make them work for it.

Ignore them for a little while after they start reaching out to you. Then, start acting like everything is in perfect order and make them believe that you’re crazy over them.

Al cabo de un tiempo, de la nada, sé tú quien les dé la callada por respuesta. Así de fácil, reduce tu comunicación al mínimo y empieza a mostrar falta de interés.

O puedes desaparecer sin más, sin darles una explicación adecuada. Hazlo antes de que empiecen a ignorarte y anticipa sus intenciones.

Believe me – this is how you’ll turn the situation in your favor. Now, they’ll be the ones wondering what is going on.

Los que intentan descifrar tu señales contradictorias y los que se pasarán todo el tiempo dándole vueltas a tus movimientos. 

However, I have to warn you about one thing: by doing this, you’ll play with their head. 

You’ll probably even hurt their feelings. Nevertheless, there is also a great chance of hurting yourself as well here. 

The point is that you’re ignoring them on purpose, so you end up missing them as well. To put things simply: you’re breaking your own heart just so you can break theirs. 

Reduzca su actividad en las redes sociales

Social media is a big part of modern dating. So, even though you’re not actually dating this person anymore, your social profiles can still help you a lot. 

When you first break up with someone you still love, you have the same impulse as the rest of us. You stalk your ex’s profiles, you want to find out where and with whom they’re spending their time.

Además, utilizas tus perfiles para enviarles un mensaje. Publica actualizaciones de estado tristes y citas sobre echar de menos a alguien, canciones que puedan recordarles vuestra relación, etc.

Por otro lado, puede que utilices tus perfiles para darles envidia. Pones fotos tuyas pasándotelo en grande o actualizaciones de estado sobre lo genial que es estar soltero. 

Well, let me tell you that neither approach works. Even if you post your happy photos, they’ll be aware that you’re doing all of that in spite of them.

Besides, both approaches are beneficial for your ex. Either way, they know where you’re spending your time and what you’ve been up to.

Así que lo mejor que puedes hacer es reducir al mínimo tu actividad en las redes sociales. Mantente en silencio y haz que se pregunten. 

Do the same with your mutual friends. Don’t reveal your plans or emotions and especially don’t ask about them. 

Si es posible, lo mejor sería que cortaras todos los lazos con cualquier persona relacionada con tu ex. Si quieren saber de ti, oblígales a que sean ellos los que se pongan en contacto contigo.

Don’t let them get the information they need without moving an inch – through your friends or social media. Force them to make an effort or give you access to their life. 

Don’t react when they go cold

The most important thing is to stay calm once your ex enters “the cold” phase. Naturally, your first impulse here is to get angry but this is not how you’ll get your ex back. 

Quieres llamarles la atención. Quieres gritarles y discutir con ellos sobre su comportamiento injusto.

Sin embargo, esto es lo último que deberías hacer. Créeme: tu reacción es lo que quiere tu ex novio o novia. 

They want to see that they’ve accomplished their goal. They’ve managed to hurt your feelings and to affect you in the worst way possible.

Sin embargo, lo que más les dolerá es que les des la callada por respuesta. Esperan que les persigas, por mucho que huyan de ti.

Quieren que rogarles to come back every time they leave. They want you to get angry, even, because that is a sign that you’re not indifferent.

However, if you ignore their cold behavior, you’ll make them lose their mind. They’ll wonder why there is no reaction from you and whether it’s a sign that you don’t care for them at all.

Trust me, before you know it, your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend will come knocking on your door. They’ll come crawling back to you, just to check what’s wrong and whether they still have a place in your life. 

Hable con ellos cara a cara

Finally, if you’ve had enough of this situation, it’s time to bring the subject up and talk to them face to face. After all, the two of you are mature human beings and I’m sure you’ll be able to find the middle ground.

Don’t be emotional and don’t show them your weakness and vulnerable side. 

However, don’t be arrogant either if you want to get your ex back. Just be as realistic as possible and talk to them about your situation.

Be honest and tell them that you’re not stupid and that they can’t play you for a fool anymore. You won’t put up with this behavior a second longer and you want to know where you stand.

Don’t be scared of telling them that you’ve wanted to get back together this whole time.

Don’t cry or beg them: just tell them that you still have feelings for them and that you would like to give your relationship another shot. 

Don’t make them give you the answer right away or the next day. 

Instead, give them a certain period of time – a couple of days or more to make up their mind.

Aplica la regla del no contacto hasta que tomen una decisión. Si tu ex está caliente y frío después de ningún contacto, todo está claro. 

Nevertheless, don’t give them a lot of time. Set a date and be firm about it. 

If they don’t give you an answer in that period of time, leave them for good. Don’t allow them to keep playing with you or to keep you on hold. 

Cuando tu ex esté jugando al frío y al calor y decidas adoptar este enfoque, estate seguro de tu decisión y de que puedes hacerlo.

Don’t do all of this if you’re going to fall for them the first time they contact you. 

There is no point in bringing the subject up if you’ll be too weak to stick to your decision. 

Don’t allow them to keep on playing games with you because that way, you’ll just show them that you’re nothing but a fool and that your words mean nothing.