Una carta a la niña que sobrevivió a un abuso narcisista

Has pasado por momentos difíciles. En realidad, tiempos difíciles ni siquiera lo describe lo suficiente. Has pasado por un infierno.

Lo que experimentaste puede compararse literalmente con el infierno.

Quizás haya otras chicas u otras mujeres que pasaron por algo parecido, y quizás sólo ellas puedan entenderte.

But someone who hasn’t experienced the things you did can’t even begin to understand what happened to you.

You know, what happened to you doesn’t actually resemble anything anyone else ever went through.

Habrá algunas similitudes entre algunas historias, pero no hay dos historias iguales.

That’s why it hurts even more to try to tell your own story.

That’s why your heart breaks even more when they say they understand and then end up blaming you for staying so long.

They don’t understand, how could they possibly?

If they haven’t experienced it in their own skin, if they haven’t been in your head, if they haven’t cut your heart open to see what is in it and if they haven’t peeked into your soul to see the amount of fear you were feeling, they can’t possibly understand how or why you stayed so long.

Estabas convencida de que te querían, de que liarte con tu verdugo sería el viaje de tu vida. Que con él experimentarías un amor fuera de este mundo.

You were told how you were one of a kind and how you were all he’d been looking for. You were promised eternal love, but all you got was eternal hell.

Nunca sabías en qué te estabas metiendo. Esperabas lo mejor, pero acababas recibiendo lo peor.

And don’t fool yourself that you could’ve been smarter or more careful. You couldn’t.

Because your heart and your mind were never programmed to notice someone who’s really good at disguising. And your tormentor was excellent at disguising.

Parecía ser un tipo bueno y cariñoso. Lo hacía todo bien. Parecía demasiado bueno para ser verdad.

He convinced you that he was the best you’d ever get and that he truly cared. It was one hell of a play he performed to get you hooked. And once you were all his, he changed.

He didn’t change all at once. He started changing little by little.

He shifted one thing at a time because he wanted to get you used to the pain bit by bit, so that once you saw his true face, you wouldn’t be surprised.

Lo tenía todo planeado. Tenía su plan largamente preparado.

He did everything he could to trap you in his net and feed off of your pain. He knew you’d never leave since you were not that type of person.

Nunca abandonas a los que amas, por mucho que te hagan daño.

You never give up. You’re the type of person who fights till her last breath and that’s exactly what he was counting on.

For so long, you’ve been asking yourself what it was that you did wrong. For so long, you’ve replayed recuerdos en tu cabeza para ver qué más se podría haber hecho para arreglar las cosas.

But there wasn’t anything else you could’ve done to make things right, since he wanted everything to go wrong for you.

The worst part isn’t the fact that you couldn’t let go. The worst part is that you struggled even after everything ended.

Lo peor es que aún quedaban rasgos de amor por él en ti una vez que acabó contigo.

It took you a while to escape him, but it took you even longer to accept the truth and what you’d been through in order to let go of the feelings that were running wild in you.

Pero incluso cuando escapaste de su red tóxica, los sentimientos tóxicos que había impreso en ti permanecieron más tiempo del que esperabas.

You continued to apologize for everything, even when you knew there wasn’t anything you did wrong.

Seguías pensando que todo lo malo que había pasado era culpa tuyaincluso cuando la mitad de las cosas no tenían nada que ver contigo.

Tenías miedo de hablar, de mostrar tus emociones o de relacionarte con alguien.

Los sentimientos que proyectaba en ti mientras estabais juntos permanecieron mucho tiempo después de que terminara contigo.

Now that it’s all over you still blame yourself, but I promise you that none of what happened to you was your fault.

Tu verdugo era demasiado astuto para que te dieras cuenta de que algo iba mal.

So there wasn’t a thing you could’ve done differently. Stop beating yourself up about it. It is not your fault.

Tienes que dejar de verte como una víctima cuando te miras al espejo.

Porque no eres una víctima. Eres un superviviente. Sobreviviste al infierno. Reconócelo. Deja que duela y luego deja que sane.

Okay, you’re a bit roto ahora, but aren’t we all? Okay, you’re still scared, but aren’t we all a little bit scared?

None of this means your story ends here. It’s where it begins. Because the only way to go from the bottom is up.

Así que deja de huir de tu pasado. Deja de huir de lo que le pasó.

Deja de reprimir tus sentimientos y de atormentarte por lo que has pasado.

Be proud that you’re still standing after the hell you’ve been through and don’t be ashamed of your wounds and scars because they are the proof of your battles and proof that you’re a true warrior.

Hay luz al final del túnel, sólo hay que tener la paciencia suficiente y aparecerá.

Te espera un futuro brillante, pero tienes que dejar de quedarte parado en el mismo sitio y empezar a caminar hacia él.

Do you know what one famous poet said? He said: “The wound is the place where the light enters you.”

You are not broken, you’re full of places where the light can enter. Remember this.