Señales de que estás saliendo extraoficialmente: ¿Seguir adelante o DTR?

Defining your relationship with someone you’ve been seeing can be something you both dread and wish for. What if you’re not on the same page? ¿Y si la otra persona quiere otra cosa y lo que tienes ahora puede perderse?

A lot of signs you are unofficially dating can tell you that you’re beyond hanging out and moving into a new phase of your relationship. When you’re involved in what relationship experts call a situationship, there are a few ways it can go.

Dependiendo de tus sentimientos e intenciones, y de si los dos queréis lo mismo, it might be time to either define your relationship or make space for a real one if this isn’t it for you.

Here’s how to find out where you stand and what to do about it.

Señales de que estás saliendo de forma no oficial

Hay muchas señales de que estás saliendo de forma no oficialy pueden decirte mucho sobre el tipo de relación que puede desarrollarse.

A casual relationship or a situationship may seem like a gray area, but it’s important to note that it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. You don’t always need to have the talk – you can just enjoy having fun together.

Aun así, hay algunas señales que le indicarán que tu relación ha cruzado el territorio del romance, mientras que otros advierten you that you’re on the threshold of a toxic relationship. There are ways to tell – you just have to take the leap.

Más que un ligue, menos que una pareja.

A lot of time, unofficial dating never turns into a serious relationship. This is completely fine if you’re okay with it. Usually, las cosas se complican si cambia el equilibrio de las emociones, y mientras una persona es feliz como está, la otra desarrolla sentimientos y quiere seguir adelante.

Here are some signs that, at the moment, you’re happy being in a dating relationship. It’s casual but not unimportant. Right now, you’re just having fun, and while things might change in the future, at the moment, you’re happy the way it is.

1. Os veis con regularidad.

Even though you probably don’t call it going on dates, you see each other on a regular basis. Sometimes you go out, sometimes you stay in, but you see each other more often than not. Both of you take it as a given that you’ll see each other even when you don’t talk about it.

2. Os mandáis mensajes todo el tiempo.

Even when you’re not together, you stay in touch. It’s not only that os mandáis mensajes todos los días – it’s that your texting never really stops. You don’t even hesitate to text them when you think of something they would like. There’s always something to talk about.

3. You’re sexually compatible, but it’s not just about that.

You’ve had chemistry from the start, and this may be what drew you together. Still, there’s something between you that’s more than just amigos con beneficios. You hang out without having sex, and things don’t revolve around it. And yet, you’re not quite together either.

4. Te pones celoso.

You’re not a couple, but you don’t like it when there are hints that other people may be in the picture. Any mention of exes is irritating. This could be a sign that you want to change your relationship, or you’re just the kind of person who gets jealous easily.

5. You’re not seeing other people.

De alguna manera terminaste siendo exclusivo aunque nunca hablasteis de ello. You’re not dating anyone else, there are no flings, and you’ve forgotten you even had dating apps installed. It probably isn’t even on purpose – it’s just that it never occurs to you at all to look elsewhere.

6. Tienes chistes internos.

Lots of your jokes are of the ‘you had to be there’ kind because when you spend as much time with someone as you do, you have lots of experiences and make memories that don’t include other people. También es probable que tengáis apodos que utilicéis entre vosotros.

7. Pueden hablar entre ustedes.

You’re able to talk to each other about more than just what you’ve been up to and what you’re into. You’ve shared things with each other that you don’t talk about easily, and you were there to listen when they shared theirs.

8. You’re comfortable with each other.

It might take a while for people to become comfortable around each other, but you’re already there. Os sentís lo suficientemente relajados como para ser quienes sois.. You might not have reached the point of intimacy yet, but you don’t feel like you have to hold back around them.ž

9. Hay algunos sentimientos.

Maybe it’s not love, but there’s probably some level of caring for each other that you feel. If someone asked you how you felt, defining it might be hard. You like them, that’s for sure, but you don’t really know what you want to do with those feelings at the moment.

10. Evita etiquetar las cosas.

What are you? You don’t know, and you might or might not care. At this point, things might work for the both of you as they are, but it’s unlikely that your relationship will stay the way it is. Se desvanecerá o se pondrá serio.. Only the two of you can decide which way it’s going.

¿Deberías hacerlo oficial?

A veces una relación casual es ya una relación romántica. Si sientes que lo necesitas, éste puede ser el momento de definir la relación y llamarse oficialmente pareja. Hacerlo puede darte un empujón para acercarte aún más.

Here are the signs that you’re already unofficially official:

1. Los dos queréis estar juntos.

This is really the most important thing when you think about relationships – sólo puede tener éxito si ambas personas lo desean. Only then will you put in the work and give it your all. If you’re both on the same page, then making it official is just a formality.

2. Os queréis el uno al otro en vuestras vidas.

Because you want to be part of each other’s lives, os hacéis espacio y tiempo el uno para el otro. It goes from small things, like keeping toothbrushes in each other’s bathrooms, to more significant ones, like a standing invitation to each other’s family gatherings.

3. Ya parece oficial.

The only difference between a ‘real relationship’ and what you have is that you’ve never really sat down and talked about it. Lo más probable es que nunca lo hayas visto necesario y te hayas dejado llevar por la corriente. Si tus sentimientos al respecto cambian, quizá sea el momento de hablar.

4. People sort of assume you’re together.

Una buena señal de que you’re giving off couple vibes is if people already think you are one. It doesn’t even have to mean that you’re doing couple-y things where others can see, just that something about the two of you tells others that you’re together.

5. You’ve talked about the future.

While you’ve never talked about having an official relationship, you’ve already talked about doing things together in the future. Including each other in your future plans – such as having made vacation plans for the summer together or even more long-term plans – means that ya os veis como compañeros.

6. Being vulnerable with each other isn’t scary.

Sharing your softer sides with each other doesn’t make you feel like you’re at risk of getting hurt. Instead, tienes confianza en que la otra persona te aceptará y te hará sentir querido y comprendido.

7. Estar juntos es una prioridad.

You always have time for each other. When you don’t, you make time. Pasar tiempo juntos es lo más importante para los dosy prefieres sacrificar otras cosas a descuidar el vernos.

8. You care about each other’s opinions.

Cuando os pasa algo en la vida, queréis compartirlo con la otra persona y saber qué piensa al respecto. Cuando tienes que tomar una decisión importante, quieres escuchar su opinión. Taking into account each other’s opinions and thoughts is one of the signs that you see each other as partners.

9. Confían los unos en los otros.

You’re the first person they come to when something good, bad, funny, or important happens and vice versa. Cuando necesitas algo, confías en ellos para que te ayuden. Saben que pueden contarse cualquier cosa sin ser juzgados.

10. You know each other’s friends and families.

You have not only met each other’s family and friends, but you’re also close to some of them by now. No manteneros separados de vuestros seres queridos es otro paso para incluiros mutuamente en vuestras vidas. They all probably assume you’re official.

11. Sigues citas románticas.

You don’t just hang out; you go on actual dates that have been carefully planned. You’re happiest when you’re together, and you want that time to be as special as possible. You have a good time when you’re together casually, but you also make an effort to spend romantic time together.

12. Os veis como una unidad.

Pasar mucho tiempo juntos y estrechar lazos hace que empecéis a veros como una unidad. Both of you use “we” to talk about what you’ve been doing because you’re always doing things together. Pero también sientes que estar juntos es lo que lo hace especial.

13. You’re not interested in anyone else.

Even though you’re not officially in a committed relationship, in your hearts, you are. Ninguno de los dos tiene interés en ver a otras personas, y la sola idea les incomoda. Other people don’t really exist for you, and you don’t mind at all.

14. You’re always talking about them to other people.

Whatever you’re talking about, you can always find a way to turn the topic of conversation to them. Your friends and family members think it’s cute and just a little bit annoying. But you can’t help yourself – they’re such an important part of your life that you can’t think of anything that doesn’t involve them.

15. Sientes un conexión emocional durante el sexo.

When you have sex, it feels intimate and significant. You’re comfortable and uninhibited with each other, and you’re able to communicate freely. Tu vida sexual es divertida y sana, pero hay algo que va más allá de pasar un rato agradable juntos.

Cuándo seguir adelante

People get into relationships out of convenience or boredom and spend time with someone they don’t really like enough to see themselves having a serious relationship with. Estar juntos puede acercaros, pero también puede hacer que os caigáis mal.

Sometimes it’s an acquaintance you start having sex with and hanging out with, so it’s not even a clear FWB situation but something not here nor there.

Things can change, though, and you’re in for heartbreak if one person starts developing feelings for the other. Then it’s nothing but bad news because the other person might still not really care.

Here’s how to tell that it’s better to get out before someone gets hurt:

1. You don’t make plans.

When your relationship is one of convenience, you don’t really try. You’ll meet up only if the mood strikes and you have nothing better to do. If you’ve made plans and something more interesting came up, it would be annoying, so you usually see each other on a whim.

2. You don’t talk about the future.

Los planes de futuro sobre todo nunca salen. You don’t think about them in that sense at all – picturing yourself with them down the road makes you feel bad because that would mean no one better came along. Prefiere mantener abiertos sus planes de futuro.

3. You don’t go on romantic dates.

No tenéis ningún interés en ser románticos el uno con el otro. Hanging out is fine, even when it’s just the two of you, but doing lovey-dovey stuff with them makes you break out in hives. You’d rather not share romantic dinners or cuddle with this person if you have a choice.

4. If someone else came along, you’d stop seeing them easily.

Otra persona podría arrebataros fácilmente a cualquiera de los dos. If someone you liked better came along, you’d have no problem never seeing them again. It’s not that you’re sitting around and waiting for a better option, but if one came along, it would be easy to leave your current situation.

5. You don’t really mention them to others.

Puede que sientas que los demás te juzgarían si supieran que sales con ellos. Puede que no, pero you don’t want to risk it because you yourself don’t like the fact that you’re together, so you don’t even want to be reminded of it.

6. You’re not crazy about being seen with them in public.

Maybe you’re a little ashamed of your current relationship, or maybe you simply don’t want to make any effort when it comes to them, but you don’t want other people to see you together. If someone you know spotted you together, it would lead to questions and explanations, and you really don’t want that.

7. Sales a lugares apartados.

Beyond just not being seen together, you’re not too keen on going to places where there are a lot of people because you’d feel uncomfortable about your behavior. You don’t really like yourself when you’re together, and you’d rather keep it to yourself.

8. There’s no evidence of you being together.

You don’t take pictures together, you don’t share anything involving each other on social media, and you don’t keep anything to remind you of them. At the moment, you’re not eager to share your status, and you know that when you split up, you won’t want to be reminded of this relationship.

9. You’re only ‘together’ because it’s convenient.

The main reason there’s anything between you is because it’s convenient. You’re having fun hanging out and hooking up, but that’s all there is. Sin embargo, cuanto más tiempo permanezcas con ellos, más te alejas de una relación con futuro.

10. Ninguno de los dos quiere nada serio entre sí.

If neither of you really wants to be together, it’s a clear sign that your relationship should probably end. It’s not that you dislike each other, and it’s not just a physical relationship, but something about them simply makes you not want to actually be together.

Cómo definir su relación

The first thing before you decide to go into defining your relationship is to make sure that it really bothers you that there’s no label. Don’t feel pressured to define it if you’re happy with it the way it is.

Cuando abras el tema, it’s very important that you’re able to express what you feel to the other person without worrying about what will happen to your relationship.

You might both agree that you’re fine with things as they are or that one of you needs more time before talking about the status of your relationship. A healthy relationship is based on open communication, and you have to be able to tell each other your concerns for a long-term relationship to be possible.

1. Asegúrate de que realmente te interesa.

Primero deberías empezar por pensar en tus propios sentimientos. ¿Te interesa esta persona?¿o su relación es un hábito en este momento? ¿Qué opina de ellos? ¿Se ve con ellos en el futuro?

2. Piensa en tu relación.

What’s your relationship like? We talked about different versions of an unofficial relationship – which one does yours resemble? ¿Te gusta cómo te hace sentir? ¿Le gusta pasar tiempo juntos? ¿Le gustaría que las cosas cambiaran o siguieran igual?

3. Averigua qué quiere la otra persona.

Incluso antes de empezar la conversación, you can tell how the other person feels from their behavior, but you shouldn’t jump to conclusions. It’s good to wait until you have an inkling that they might be on the same page, but you’ll never know for sure until you actually talk to them.

4. Sé sincero.

Don’t try to downplay your feelings in fear that they’re not reciprocated or that you’ll get hurt. Sé abierto y haz saber a la otra persona si necesitas que cambie tu situación sentimental. Maybe they’ve been waiting for you to make the first move this whole time. Maybe they’re not ready.

If you’ve done the earlier steps and carefully examined your feelings, your relationship, and thought about what how they act tells you about their feelings, there’s a chance that you’re at the point where the both of you want the same thing.

5. Hazlo de manera informal.

Don’t try to force anything, though. Make sure you’re not coming on too strong and demanding things if the other person isn’t ready. If it’s too soon, and you still need to spend more time together to be sure, give the both of you time and revisit the conversation later.

There’s a chance that both of you will decide that it’s time to end things. It might be for the best if it just wasn’t working, but you shouldn’t grieve for something that wasn’t right for either of you. Instead, look forward to the first date with someone new you’re about to meet.

Si os dais cuenta de que ambos queréis una relación romántica oficial, ¡enhorabuena! Take things easy at this point, and treat it as a new relationship even though you’ve been together for some time. The reason for this is that things have changed, even though it seems they haven’t that much, and it might take some time to get used to it.

Haz que funcione

When you’ve moved past hanging out and you’re actually spending significant time together, you might recognize yourself in some of these signs you are unofficially dating.

Some of them mean that a casual relationship is fine at the moment. Some tell you to have the talk and make your romance official, while it’s also possible that you shouldn’t really continue this relationship.

Any relationship coach will tell you that it’s the feelings of both people involved that make all the difference, and this applies in this case as well. When the willingness to invest yourself in the relationship is on the same level, you’re able to make things work.