Todo lo que debe saber sobre los ultimátums en las relaciones de pareja
¿Son siempre una mala idea los ultimátums en las relaciones? ¿Son todos ellos destructivos para una relación, o algunos son realmente saludables y necesarios?
People call them ‘relationship killers,’ and if you want to check whether it’s true, keep reading below.
Yo definiría los ultimátums saludables como un tipo de compromiso que las parejas hacen para mantener una relación sana y satisfactoria.
Most people see ultimatums as really big threats to their relationships. I wouldn’t call it that. Relationship ultimatums are just how one partner wants to get their way if the other side refuses to compromise.
As long as you keep them realistic and healthy, they won’t be a threat to your relationship.
However, they won’t have a positive effect if you use them to control your partner and want to force them to do something they don’t want to.
Unfortunately, the thing is that most couples tend to be misguided about relationship ultimatums. That’s why ultimatums have become one of the most common reasons for breakups today.
I couldn’t agree more with the very famous relationship expert, Paula Quinsee.
Dijo, “The worst thing you can do is give your partner an ultimatum or make them feel like they are being forced to make a decision.”
En realidad, la mayoría de los expertos en relaciones coinciden en que, en la mayoría de los casos, cuando alguien da un ultimátum a su pareja, el tiro le sale por la culata.
They don’t get the response they hoped for; it only creates an emotional distance between partners.
Ventajas e inconvenientes de los ultimátums en las relaciones de pareja
La cuestión es que los ultimátums en las relaciones tienen ventajas e inconvenientes.
It can save a relationship sometimes, while on the other hand, it can become a killer for a relationship if you don’t do it the right way.
He aquí algunos pros y contras de los ultimátums en las relaciones de pareja que pueden ayudarte a decidir si dar un ultimátum a tu pareja es bueno para vuestra relación o puede llevar a la ruptura.
Los ultimátums pueden mejorar su relación
Uno de los más importantes pilares de una relación sana es la comprensión mutua.
If you’re bothered by something your partner does and think it’s harming your relationship, you can work it out through healthy communication and reach a compromise.
However, if that doesn’t work, you can give them an ultimatum that they will most surely accept if, of course, si te quieren de verdad. Si observa algún signs your partner doesn’t love you, then things won’t be that simple.
Por otro lado, también puede ser bastante destructivo
The thing is that no matter how much someone loves you, if you give them an unrealistic and unfair ultimatum, it won’t pan out the way you want it to.
A nadie le gusta que le controlen, y los ultimátums poco realistas en las relaciones no son más que la forma en que uno de los miembros de la pareja quiere tener el control sobre la relación y, por supuesto, sobre su otra mitad.
You can’t immediately start to threaten your partner with ending your relationship if they don’t compromise on something.
That’s toxic and deeply unhealthy. It’ll damage your relationship to the point it will be irreparable.
Puede garantizar que ambos miembros de la pareja se sientan cómodos en la relación
Giving ultimatums doesn’t always have to be a dealbreaker for a relationship or pareja casada. Podemos verlo como un compromiso que ambos miembros de la pareja hacen a veces para conseguir lo que quieren.
It’ll help maintain a healthy relationship, and allow both partners to get what they want, and make them feel comfortable in the relationship.
Los ultimátums funcionan realmente como compromisos en las relaciones románticas a veces.
But, it can also make your partner feel pressured…
Este es uno de los peores efectos secundarios de dar ultimátums en las relaciones. Las parejas que se dan ultimátums sin saberlo pueden tener consecuencias terribles para la salud mental de ambos.
That’s why all couples should always prefer compromises when it comes to solving issues between them.
Compromises never leave any future resentments between partners, and we can’t say that when it comes to these kinds of demands in relationships.
Y en última instancia, puede hacer que su ser querido se vaya
Demanding your partner to do or to change something in this way can be destructive for your relationship. In most cases, people don’t get the response they were hoping for.
The partner who was given the ultimatum will feel trapped and pressured to do something they don’t want to do.
It won’t take long for them to realize that the other side is playing mind games with them and end that relationship.
Sin embargo, desempeña un papel crucial en el establecimiento de límites sanos
The first time you try to change your partner or their actions in this manipulative way, they’ll realize that it’s time to set boundaries in your relationship.
Of course, it’s a good thing because establecimiento de límitesUna relación sana requiere límites claros y sanos.
También debes tener tus propios límites, además de los que establezcas en tu relación, porque así evitarás que otras personas te manipulen.
Maintaining a healthy relationship is never an easy job. That’s why both partners must create healthy lines of communication between them that will also help them set healthy boundaries.
5 ultimátums que nunca debes hacer en una relación
Independientemente del tiempo que pases con alguien, nunca tienes derecho a plantear exigencias poco realistas e injustas.
Hay ultimátums que nadie aceptaría jamás, por mucho que quiera a alguien. That’s why these kinds of relationship ultimatums below are deeply toxic and, in most cases, unforgivable.
Aquí tienes cinco ejemplos de cosas que nunca debes exigir a tu pareja si la quieres y quieres que siga en tu vida.
RELACIONADO: 9 compromisos que nunca debes hacer en una relación
“It’s your family or me.”
La familia es realmente una zona prohibida cuando se trata de ultimátums en las relaciones. You simply can’t ask someone to choose between their family and you.
Intenta imaginarte cómo te sentirías si la situación fuera al revés. ¿Cómo te sentirías si tu ser querido te pidiera que eligieras entre él y tu propia familia? Horrible, ¿verdad?
Family is the most precious thing in every person’s life. It’s simply something sacred for each and every one of us.
No matter how bad your relationship with your partner’s family is, and even if you feel that your la pareja elige a la familia antes que a tiNunca debes exigirles que se olviden de su familia para mantenerte en su vida.
“Choose between your friends and our relationship.”
Esta situación es muy similar a la anterior. Junto con la familia, los amigos son también una de las mejores partes de nuestra vida.
It would simply be unfair to end your friendship with someone you’ve been hanging out with your entire life for someone you’ve just met.
If you make your partner choose between their friends and you, I’m sorry, but I’m almost completely sure that you won’t get the answer you hoped for.
Is your partner spending way too much time with their friends? Are they giving them much more attention than they’re giving you?
I know how much it hurts and how much it’s bothering you right now. But, trust me, there are so many other (and less hurtful) ways you can work it out with your partner.
Exigir a su pareja que elija entre usted y ellos debería ser su último recurso para resolver este problema.
“It’s our love or your furry friends.”
Esto también es un enorme NO-NO. Afirmo que ninguna persona en este mundo podría exigirme que me deshiciera de mis amigos peludos. El amor que siento por esas pequeñas criaturas es sencillamente inexplicable.
That’s why I know for sure that telling your loved one to do this will not only hurt their feelings but will also make them reconsider your relationship. They’ll most surely pick their little friends over you in the end.
However, if there are any medical reasons why you shouldn’t have or be around pets, you should be open and talk honestly about it with your partner.
I’m sure they’ll be understanding and that together you’ll find the best solution to your problem.
“It’s your career or me.”
So, here’s my story related to these kinds of demandas de relaciones manipuladoras. I’m generally the type of woman who doesn’t like to be told what she can and can’t do in her everyday life.
At the time, I was working as a massage therapist in a wellness center, and, to be honest, most of my customers were guys. My then-boyfriend simply didn’t like it and demanded that I quit my job.
I really loved him, and we had a great relationship, but I couldn’t put up with that pressure every day. I left him and, of course, continued to work there until I found a better job.
It’s so unfair to demand someone to give up their career for you.
If you think they’re neglecting you because of their job or career, you should confront them about it and work on finding the best solution together. That’s how things function in a healthy relationship.
Renunciar a tus valores por tu ser querido
Tus valores representan una gran parte de tu identidad, y renunciar a ellos supondría simplemente perderte a ti mismo. Ninguna persona merece que renuncies a lo que eres.
When someone loves you, they’ll accept you the way you are, which means they’ll also accept your beliefs and values.
They won’t even try to change you because they fell in love with you precisely because of what they’ve seen in you.
A relationship can blow up at any minute while you’re stuck with yourself forever, and that’s why you need to basa tu vida en tus propios valores and don’t ever allow anyone to change them.
5 ultimátums en una relación que en realidad son saludables
Estos ultimátums demuestran por qué este tipo de exigencias se confunden a menudo con los límites. En cualquier caso, todos ellos son saludables y nunca tendrán efectos negativos en tu relación.
If your partner sees any of these demands as empty threats and doesn’t accept them, then you need to come to terms with the fact they don’t really love you and let them go.
“Either we’re exclusive, or we’re nothing at all.”
Well, yes, every person has the right to give this one to their partner. If the other side has genuine intentions and feelings for that person, they’ll accept it without even thinking about it.
If someone doesn’t want to commit to you only and se niega a salir contigo en exclusivaentonces significa que deberías dejar de perder tu valioso tiempo con esa persona y seguir adelante.
Just because you honestly love someone, it doesn’t mean that they’re your forever person.
Don’t accept any excuses. If someone doesn’t want to have a serious relationship with you, it’s only because they want to keep their options open, which, once again, means they don’t really love you.
“If you don’t stop talking to your ex, our relationship is over.”
When you’re entering into a new relationship, you must leave your past where it belongs; in the past. That means that you shouldn’t keep seeing your ex and that you shouldn’t be in contact anymore.
Your partner has every right to be angry and to ask you to cut contact with your ex. If you don’t have any feelings for your ex anymore, you won’t have a hard time leaving them in the past.
“We won’t share our bank accounts until we’re official.”
This is a very normal demand, trust me. It’ll save you from many future resentments and fights.
Nunca sabes cómo puede acabar tu relación, y compartir cuentas bancarias sólo puede complicar mucho más las cosas si rompéis.
A good relationship doesn’t imply having a joint bank account. It even doesn’t mean that both partners trust each other completely.
So, there’s no need to do it before you make your relationship official.
Actually, you don’t even need to do it then because I know so many couples who have been married for many years and don’t have a joint bank account, and they still function very well.
“If you start giving me reasons to doubt your loyalty, I’ll leave you for good.”
Here’s another boundary you have to set because you simply owe it to yourself. Don’t ever allow anyone to make a fool out of you.
Si tu pareja empieza a darte razones claras para dudar de su lealtad, debes enfrentarte a ella inmediatamente. Si lo niega, entonces puedes hacerle reflexionar sobre sus actos de esta manera.
Don’t leave things with empty threats. If they continue to give you reasons to doubt them, if you find out they’ve cheated on youdeberías dejarlos inmediatamente y para siempre.
Trust me. It’s the only way they’ll learn a lesson.
“The moment you disrespect me is the moment I’ll walk away.”
Así pues, hay algunos fundamentos principales de una relación sana y buena. El respeto es la base del éxito de cualquier relación. I always say, if there is no respect, there’s no love.
This doesn’t only apply to romantic relationships. You should never allow anyone to disrespect you, neither your loved one nor your best friend, nor any other person in your life.
Es una exigencia bastante razonable que toda persona debería pedir a su ser querido. Nadie debería estar en una relación en la que don’t feel respected y tratados como se merecen.
Si sientes que la otra parte te maltrata en la relación, tienes todo el derecho a darle la espalda.
That person clearly isn’t aware of your worth, and sticking around would only mean that you aren’t aware of it too.
Palabras finales
As you can see, ultimatums in relationships don’t always have to be deal breakers. Some of them are the culprits of a relación tóxica mientras que otras son realmente buenas y pueden mantener sana tu relación.
Para la mayoría de la gente, este tipo de exigencias manipuladoras representan el último recurso para sus problemas. Unfortunately, they aren’t even aware of the consequences it can have on their relationship.
If you feel like there is no other way to improve your partner’s behavior or to make them change something for the sake of your relationship, it’s always better to consult with a relationship psychotherapist than to give them an ultimatum that can be destructive for your relationship.
I’m hoping you will manage to find a compromise with your loved one on the issues that you’re dealing with and that you won’t decide to go down this path.
Always keep in mind that everything can be solved through open and honest communication. True love doesn’t tolerate any kind of manipulation.
