Tutto quello che c'è da sapere sugli ultimatum nelle relazioni di coppia

Gli ultimatum nelle relazioni sono sempre una cattiva idea? Sono tutti distruttivi per una relazione o alcuni sono effettivamente sani e necessari?

People call them ‘relationship killers,’ and if you want to check whether it’s true, keep reading below.

Definirei gli ultimatum salutari come un tipo di compromesso che le coppie fanno per mantenere una relazione sana e di successo.

Most people see ultimatums as really big threats to their relationships. I wouldn’t call it that. Relationship ultimatums are just how one partner wants to get their way if the other side refuses to compromise.

As long as you keep them realistic and healthy, they won’t be a threat to your relationship.

However, they won’t have a positive effect if you use them to control your partner and want to force them to do something they don’t want to.

Unfortunately, the thing is that most couples tend to be misguided about relationship ultimatums. That’s why ultimatums have become one of the most common reasons for breakups today.

I couldn’t agree more with the very famous relationship expert, Paula Quinsee.

Ha detto, “The worst thing you can do is give your partner an ultimatum or make them feel like they are being forced to make a decision.”

In realtà, la maggior parte degli esperti di relazioni concorda sul fatto che, nella maggior parte dei casi, quando qualcuno dà un ultimatum alla persona amata, gli si ritorce contro.

They don’t get the response they hoped for; it only creates an emotional distance between partners.

I pro e i contro degli ultimatum nelle relazioni di coppia

Il fatto è che gli ultimatum nelle relazioni hanno sia vantaggi che svantaggi.

It can save a relationship sometimes, while on the other hand, it can become a killer for a relationship if you don’t do it the right way.

Ecco alcuni pro e contro degli ultimatum nelle relazioni di coppia che possono aiutarvi a decidere se dare ultimatum alla persona amata sia positivo per la vostra relazione o possa effettivamente portare a una rottura.

Gli ultimatum possono migliorare la vostra relazione

Uno dei più importanti I pilastri di una relazione sana è la comprensione reciproca.

If you’re bothered by something your partner does and think it’s harming your relationship, you can work it out through healthy communication and reach a compromise.

However, if that doesn’t work, you can give them an ultimatum that they will most surely accept if, of course, se ti amano sinceramente. Se si notano alcuni signs your partner doesn’t love you, then things won’t be that simple. 

D'altra parte, può anche essere piuttosto distruttiva.

The thing is that no matter how much someone loves you, if you give them an unrealistic and unfair ultimatum, it won’t pan out the way you want it to. 

A nessuno piace essere controllato e gli ultimatum irrealistici in una relazione sono solo il modo in cui uno dei due partner vuole avere il controllo sulla relazione e, ovviamente, sull'altra metà.

You can’t immediately start to threaten your partner with ending your relationship if they don’t compromise on something.

That’s toxic and deeply unhealthy. It’ll damage your relationship to the point it will be irreparable.

Può garantire che entrambi i partner si sentano a proprio agio nella relazione.

Giving ultimatums doesn’t always have to be a dealbreaker for a relationship or coppia sposata. Possiamo vederla come un compromesso che entrambi i partner a volte fanno per ottenere ciò che vogliono.

It’ll help maintain a healthy relationship, and allow both partners to get what they want, and make them feel comfortable in the relationship.

Gli ultimatum a volte funzionano davvero come compromessi nelle relazioni sentimentali.

But, it can also make your partner feel pressured…

Questo è uno dei peggiori effetti collaterali del dare ultimatum nelle relazioni. I partner che si danno ultimatum a vicenda senza nemmeno saperlo possono avere conseguenze terribili sulla salute mentale di entrambi.

That’s why all couples should always prefer compromises when it comes to solving issues between them.

Compromises never leave any future resentments between partners, and we can’t say that when it comes to these kinds of demands in relationships.

E, in ultima analisi, può far scomparire la persona amata

Demanding your partner to do or to change something in this way can be destructive for your relationship. In most cases, people don’t get the response they were hoping for.

The partner who was given the ultimatum will feel trapped and pressured to do something they don’t want to do.

It won’t take long for them to realize that the other side is playing mind games with them and end that relationship.

Tuttavia, svolge un ruolo cruciale nella definizione di confini sani.

The first time you try to change your partner or their actions in this manipulative way, they’ll realize that it’s time to set boundaries in your relationship.

Of course, it’s a good thing because definizione dei confinie con questo intendo confini chiari e sani, è essenziale per ogni relazione sana.

Dovete anche avere i vostri confini, oltre a quelli che avete stabilito nella vostra relazione, perché questo impedirà agli altri di manipolarvi.

Maintaining a healthy relationship is never an easy job. That’s why both partners must create healthy lines of communication between them that will also help them set healthy boundaries.

5 Ultimatum che non si dovrebbero mai fare in una relazione

A prescindere dalla quantità di tempo che si trascorre con una persona, non si ha mai il diritto di porre richieste irrealistiche e ingiuste.

Ci sono ultimatum che nessuno accetterebbe mai, per quanto ami qualcuno. That’s why these kinds of relationship ultimatums below are deeply toxic and, in most cases, unforgivable.

Ecco cinque esempi di cose che non dovreste mai chiedere al vostro partner di fare se lo amate e volete che rimanga nella vostra vita.

RELATIVO: 9 compromessi che non si dovrebbero mai fare in una relazione

“It’s your family or me.”

La famiglia è davvero una no-go-zone quando si tratta di ultimatum relazionali. You simply can’t ask someone to choose between their family and you.

Provate a immaginare come vi sentireste se la situazione fosse invertita. Come vi sentireste se la persona amata vi chiedesse di scegliere tra lei e la vostra famiglia? Terribile, vero?

Family is the most precious thing in every person’s life. It’s simply something sacred for each and every one of us.

No matter how bad your relationship with your partner’s family is, and even if you feel that your il partner sceglie la famiglia al posto vostroNon dovete mai pretendere che dimentichino la loro famiglia per tenervi nella loro vita.

“Choose between your friends and our relationship.”

Questa situazione è molto simile alla precedente. Oltre alla famiglia, anche gli amici sono una delle parti migliori della nostra vita.

It would simply be unfair to end your friendship with someone you’ve been hanging out with your entire life for someone you’ve just met.

If you make your partner choose between their friends and you, I’m sorry, but I’m almost completely sure that you won’t get the answer you hoped for.

Is your partner spending way too much time with their friends? Are they giving them much more attention than they’re giving you?

I know how much it hurts and how much it’s bothering you right now. But, trust me, there are so many other (and less hurtful) ways you can work it out with your partner.

Pretendere che il partner scelga tra voi e loro dovrebbe essere l'ultima risorsa per risolvere il problema.

“It’s our love or your furry friends.”

Anche questo è un enorme NO-NO. Sostengo che nessuna persona al mondo potrebbe pretendere che io mi liberi dei miei amici pelosi. L'amore che provo per queste piccole creature è semplicemente inspiegabile.

That’s why I know for sure that telling your loved one to do this will not only hurt their feelings but will also make them reconsider your relationship. They’ll most surely pick their little friends over you in the end.

However, if there are any medical reasons why you shouldn’t have or be around pets, you should be open and talk honestly about it with your partner.

I’m sure they’ll be understanding and that together you’ll find the best solution to your problem.

“It’s your career or me.”

So, here’s my story related to these kinds of richieste di relazioni manipolative. I’m generally the type of woman who doesn’t like to be told what she can and can’t do in her everyday life.

At the time, I was working as a massage therapist in a wellness center, and, to be honest, most of my customers were guys. My then-boyfriend simply didn’t like it and demanded that I quit my job.

I really loved him, and we had a great relationship, but I couldn’t put up with that pressure every day. I left him and, of course, continued to work there until I found a better job.

It’s so unfair to demand someone to give up their career for you.

If you think they’re neglecting you because of their job or career, you should confront them about it and work on finding the best solution together. That’s how things function in a healthy relationship.

Rinunciare ai propri valori per la persona amata

I vostri valori rappresentano una parte enorme della vostra identità e rinunciarvi significherebbe semplicemente perdere voi stessi. Per nessuna persona vale la pena rinunciare a ciò che siete.

When someone loves you, they’ll accept you the way you are, which means they’ll also accept your beliefs and values.

They won’t even try to change you because they fell in love with you precisely because of what they’ve seen in you.

A relationship can blow up at any minute while you’re stuck with yourself forever, and that’s why you need to basare la propria vita sui propri valori and don’t ever allow anyone to change them.

5 Ultimatum in una relazione che sono in realtà salutari

Gli ultimatum riportati di seguito dimostrano perché questo tipo di richieste viene spesso confuso con i limiti. In ogni caso, tutti questi sono sani e non avranno mai effetti negativi sulla vostra relazione.

If your partner sees any of these demands as empty threats and doesn’t accept them, then you need to come to terms with the fact they don’t really love you and let them go.

“Either we’re exclusive, or we’re nothing at all.”

Well, yes, every person has the right to give this one to their partner. If the other side has genuine intentions and feelings for that person, they’ll accept it without even thinking about it.

If someone doesn’t want to commit to you only and si rifiuta di uscire con voi in esclusivasignifica che dovreste smettere di sprecare il vostro tempo prezioso con quella persona e andare avanti.

Just because you honestly love someone, it doesn’t mean that they’re your forever person.

Don’t accept any excuses. If someone doesn’t want to have a serious relationship with you, it’s only because they want to keep their options open, which, once again, means they don’t really love you.

“If you don’t stop talking to your ex, our relationship is over.”

When you’re entering into a new relationship, you must leave your past where it belongs; in the past. That means that you shouldn’t keep seeing your ex and that you shouldn’t be in contact anymore.

Your partner has every right to be angry and to ask you to cut contact with your ex. If you don’t have any feelings for your ex anymore, you won’t have a hard time leaving them in the past.

“We won’t share our bank accounts until we’re official.”

This is a very normal demand, trust me. It’ll save you from many future resentments and fights.

Non si sa mai come può finire una relazione, e condividere i conti bancari può solo rendere le cose molto più complicate in caso di rottura.

A good relationship doesn’t imply having a joint bank account. It even doesn’t mean that both partners trust each other completely.

So, there’s no need to do it before you make your relationship official.

Actually, you don’t even need to do it then because I know so many couples who have been married for many years and don’t have a joint bank account, and they still function very well.

“If you start giving me reasons to doubt your loyalty, I’ll leave you for good.”

Here’s another boundary you have to set because you simply owe it to yourself. Don’t ever allow anyone to make a fool out of you.

Se il vostro partner inizia a darvi chiari motivi per dubitare della sua lealtà, dovreste affrontarlo immediatamente. Se negano, potete farli riflettere sulle loro azioni in questo modo.

Don’t leave things with empty threats. If they continue to give you reasons to doubt them, if you find out they’ve cheated on you, dovreste lasciarli immediatamente e per sempre.

Trust me. It’s the only way they’ll learn a lesson.

“The moment you disrespect me is the moment I’ll walk away.”

Ci sono quindi alcune basi principali di una relazione sana e buona. Il rispetto è davvero al centro di ogni relazione di successo. I always say, if there is no respect, there’s no love.

This doesn’t only apply to romantic relationships. You should never allow anyone to disrespect you, neither your loved one nor your best friend, nor any other person in your life.

Si tratta di una richiesta abbastanza ragionevole che ogni persona dovrebbe richiedere alla persona amata. Nessuno dovrebbe mai trovarsi in una relazione in cui don’t feel respected e trattati nel modo in cui meritano di essere trattati.

Se sentite che l'altra parte vi maltratta nella relazione, avete tutto il diritto di voltargli le spalle.

That person clearly isn’t aware of your worth, and sticking around would only mean that you aren’t aware of it too.

Parole finali

As you can see, ultimatums in relationships don’t always have to be deal breakers. Some of them are the culprits of a relazione tossica mentre altri sono in realtà buoni e possono mantenere la vostra relazione sana.

Per la maggior parte delle persone, questo tipo di richieste manipolative rappresenta l'ultima risorsa per risolvere i loro problemi. Unfortunately, they aren’t even aware of the consequences it can have on their relationship.

If you feel like there is no other way to improve your partner’s behavior or to make them change something for the sake of your relationship, it’s always better to consult with a relationship psychotherapist than to give them an ultimatum that can be destructive for your relationship.

I’m hoping you will manage to find a compromise with your loved one on the issues that you’re dealing with and that you won’t decide to go down this path.

Always keep in mind that everything can be solved through open and honest communication. True love doesn’t tolerate any kind of manipulation.