I don’t know what happened to me. I always considered myself to be a strong and independent woman who never takes shit from anybody, but with you it’s different.
I never knew anyone or anything I couldn’t resist until I met you.
I know I have a million reasons to go, but I stay. In spite of everything I know in my mind, in spite of all the times you hurt me, I can’t shut down all that I feel for you in my heart.
My heart is always stronger. My love for you knows no boundaries.
The truth is you are my weakness. I catch myself excusing your lousy behavior.
I catch myself missing you and seeing only the good parts while turning a blind eye to the bad ones.
The way you treat me is not the way you treat someone you care for.
You say you will come over, and then you don’t show up.
Sometimes you don’t even bother to text me that you aren’t coming, and you leave me there waiting and crying, promising that I will never allow this to happen again until it does.
It’s not just that there is a never-ending list of things you do to that I shouldn’t tolerate but I do, there’s more.
All the broken promises, all the apologies I never heard, all the little lies…
In spite of it all and because of some reasons unknown to me… I stay.
People who care for me tell me I’m crazy.
They consider me a fool for staying when everything they see on the outside is screaming that my only choice is to let go of you.
It’s easy for them to judge and say what I should do because they are not attached to you as I am.
They don’t feel my feelings. They don’t know the other side of you.
The side of you that keeps me hanging on. The mild, kind, and loving side. They don’t feel your tight hugs.
They don’t hear all the heart-melting things you say to me.
They don’t see you on the days when you make me laugh so hard that my stomach hurts.
They don’t see the man that makes my heart skip a beat and my knees weaken.
But maybe the people around me see you with more clarity than I do. They don’t have rose-colored glasses on.
They don’t choose to see only the good parts. They don’t think with their hearts. They see the reality.
They see that you are taking me for granted. They see that I have more days that I’m sad or numb than those in which I am happy.
They see that what we have is not going to last forever while I still hold on to the hope that it will.
That things are going to magically shift, and we will find a way in which we can both be happy in this.
Deep down though, I know they are right. I know that this is not how my forever love story should look. I know you are my weakness.
I know I should let go of you, let go of this fixated idea of us that I have, but every time I even think that and start pulling away, you pull me even closer.
You know just what to do and what to say at a given moment to keep me hooked on you.
God, I’m so lost between my feelings and between my reasonings that I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to break this spell I’m consciously under.
So in spite of it all… for the time being…I stay….
