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The 119 Punniest Eye Puns And Jokes You’ll Ever See

The 119 Punniest Eye Puns And Jokes You’ll Ever See

Do you want to make others burst out laughing? Do you want to become the king/queen of puns?

Of course, you do! Here’s why eye love puns. 😄

They are the most powerful and effective tool that takes a sense of humor to the next level. The science of puns claims that coming up with a great pun is an indicator of high eye-Q, vocabulary, and intelligence.

However, you have to be careful when using them because you can easily make other people roll their eyes.

Don’t worry – I’ll do my best to prevent you from entering the cornea-st zone of eye puns. Below you’ll find the punniest list of eye puns and funny jokes you’ll ever see!

Best Eye Puns And Jokes Of All Times

woman with one closed eye looking to the side

If you’re looking for great eye puns guaranteed to make others laugh and boost your wittiness, here’s a collection of the best ones written by unknown authors:

1. “An eye doctor who is obsessed with Apple products is called an iDoctor.”

2. “Do you know why programmers have perfect vision? – Because they can C++.”

3. “Did you hear about the webpage for people who suffer from chronic eye pain? – It’s a site for sore eyes.”

4. “I might lose vision in both my eyes soon. Trying to stay optometrist-ic about it.”

5. “What would make our eyes feel lonely? – Eye-solation.”

6. “My nephew told me that he’s never had vision insurance. I told him he really should look into it.”

7. “The kid says to his mother: ‘Mom, I lost my contact lens!’ The mother replies: ‘I already told you to keep your eye on them!’”

8. “The eyes refused to talk to the glasses because they wanted to contact lenses.”

9. “When the left eye met the right eye at the corner, he said, ‘You’re looking alright!’”

10. “What do you call a fish with no eyes? – Fishually impaired.”

11. “I don’t understand why eye puns are always overlooked.”

12. “During the exam period, all optometry students drink a lot because they believe that alcoholic beverages could double their vision.”

13. “Do you know what is used to provide vision at night on school playgrounds? – Recessed lighting!”

14. “What is your favorite musical group of eyes? – The Black Eyed Peas.”

15. “A great pick-up line for far-sighted people: ‘Hey beautiful girl, eye can see you in my future!’”

16. “Very softly, the right eye whispered to the left eye: ‘Just between you and eye, something smells.’”

17. “Guess who I bumped into on the way to the eye doctor? Everyone.”

18. “What does the eye say once it finally has a new pair of glasses? – ‘Eye am back!’”

19. “The 18-year-old refused to take off his old glasses because he was waiting for adult super-vision.”

20. “What is it called when you poke your eye while putting on safety goggles? – Eye-rony!”

woman laughing

21. “Eyes actually do not like wearing glasses because they keep asking to lens some money.”

22. “The teacher wore her sunglasses to work because she had such bright students in her class.”

23. “When the one-eyed pirate captain orders something to his crew, they say ‘Eye eye, sir!’”

24. “An optometrist’s child is without a doubt the apple of their eyes.”

25. “‘Iris my case,’ said the eye medic to the judge when he was asked to testify in court.”

26. “The easiest way for a dictator to take a globe is to have a contact lens.”

27. “The optometrist was brought to court since he was the only eye-witness.”

28. “The vision can come up with an approximate estimate by eyeballing it.”

29. “When you’re with your cross-eyed friend, do you ever wonder if they’re seeing someone else?”

30. “Patient: ‘Doctor, I’ve got mustard in my eyes, and I can’t see a thing!’
Doctor: ‘Any other symptoms?’
Patient: ‘No, but I have the strangest feeling this has happened before.’
Doctor: ‘French mustard?’
Patient: ‘Yes, why?’
Doctor: ‘It’s Dijon view.’”

31. “The YouTuber did not want to visit the party looking bad because bad views travel fast.”

32. “Men always find it hard to make eye contact simply because breasts do not have eyes.”

33. “A man goes to the optometrist for his eye test and is asked what he can see.
‘I see empty airports, empty football fields, closed theaters, and closed pubs,’ he says.
To which the optometrist replies, ‘Perfect — you’ve got 2020 vision!’”

34. “I’m retina cornea jokes too. If you need more, eye cone lens you some.”

35. “A garbage man has a special kind of vision. It is called bin-ocular vision.”

36. “I broke my glasses yesterday. I barely look forward to buying a new one.”

37. “The optometrist refused to learn any eye jokes. He did not want to break the eyes.”

38. “It was clear that the optometrist loved his patient. Every time she left his office, he handed her a bottle of contact solution and said, ‘Eye care for you.’”

39. “In Heinz-sight, smearing ketchup on himself was a terrible idea.”

40. “The man bought four new pairs of glasses for the cost of two. He thought the purchase was eye-deal.”

See also: 120+ Flirty Jokes, Funny Pick-Up Lines And Witty One-Liners

Funny Eye Puns And Jokes That Are A Real Sight For Sore Eyes

two girl friends laughing together

41. “The pirate married his eye doctor because it was an eye-deal relationship.”

42. “What did the blonde say to the contact lenses? – ‘I cannot take my eyes off you!’”

43. “Who has two asses and one eye? – An assassin.”

44. “The optometrist listens to her favorite music on eye-tunes.”

45. “Looking for a good eye doctor…I can’t see mine anymore.”

46. “I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader. The look on his face was priceless.”

47. “Contact lenses are much better than glasses, at least, in my eyes.”

48. “What do you call a lotion that makes your eyes wet? – Moist-your-eyes-er.”

49. “The optometrist lost most of his patients because he wouldn’t stop cracking cornea puns!”

50. “A magician runs into a man who doesn’t believe in magic.
‘Prove to me that you can do magic,’ says the skeptic. ‘I bet you can’t.’
With that, the magician turns the man into an eyeball.
Shocked, the man says, ‘Well, eye’ll be!’”

51. “Your eyelashes are supposed to keep things out of your eye, yet most of the time, they’re the only things getting stuck in there. How eyeronic!”

52. “Your eye pun is so bad that there is no need to lash out.”

53. “The careless lady keeps losing her contact lenses. She is just unable to keep her eye on them.”

54. “Why did the optometrist decide to go into real estate? – She wanted to cornea the market.”

55. “Eyeballs like purchasing and using new electronics because they are very eye-tech.”

56. “Optometry is an eyedealistic career for people with a good eye for things.”

57. “After the training accident that cost York an eye, Carolina waits at his bedside for him to wake up.”

58. “The eye doctor always takes the elevator. He hates the stares.”

59. “Why do beekeepers have such beautiful eyes? – Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder!”

60. “‘Eye’m loving it!’ the eye doctor squealed when he had his first McDonald’s.”

woman covering her face

61. “Which type of humor does an optometrist like the most? – It must be eye-rony!”

62. “Patient: ‘I keep getting a stabbing pain in my eye every time I drink coffee.’
Doctor: ‘Have you tried taking the spoon out of the cup first?’”

63. Q: “Why did the optician laugh at the eye joke?”
A: “It was vitreous humor.”

64. “‘Bad puns are how eye roll,’ said the optometrist to his annoyed patient.”

65. “What has up to 4 eyes but cannot see anything? – Mississippi!”

66. “What did one eye say to the other before vision surgery? – ‘Eye wish you the best.’”

67. “When my optometrist told me that I had bad vision, I said, ‘But I don’t see the problem.’”

68. “My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday. He didn’t want to make a spectacle.”

69. “An optometrist’s students are actually his pupils.”

70. “Eye doctors are the best because they used to be good pupils at school and university.”

71. “What do you call it when an Apple user looks you in the eye? – iContact.”

72. “Why do pirates wear an eye patch? – They can’t see anything with two of them.”

73. “It is very bad manners to lash out if you hear a cornea pun.”

74. “An optometrist’s favorite gadget to use is an eye-watch.”

75. “The eye medic loves to visit the playground because she likes riding the see-saw.”

76. “A man goes to the eye doctor, sits down, and the receptionist asks why he’s there.
The man complains, ‘I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.’
The receptionist asks, ‘Have you ever seen a doctor?’
To which the man replies, ‘No, just spots.’”

77. “The cellphone started wearing glasses after he lost all of his contacts.”

78. “I love wearing glasses. They make spectacular accessories.”

79. Q: “What did the doctor say after performing eye surgery?”
A: “Wow, what an eye-opening experience.”

80. “A man gets an eye exam, after which the doctor has a concerned look on her face.
‘What’s wrong?’ asks the patient.
‘Well, your test results don’t look too good,’ the doctor says.
‘Can I see them?’ says the patient.
The doctor answers, ‘Probably not.’”

See also: 78 Hilarious Cheese Puns That Will Make You Brie Your Pants

Funny Eye Puns And Jokes That Will Make You Cry With Laughter

81. “The eyebrows and eyelids are always in a fight. They never see eye to eye.”

82. “A fish without eyes is also called a fsh.”

83. “What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in his eye? Chicken-sees-a-salad.”

84. “Nobody knows what a deer with no eyes is called. Even zoologists have no eye-deer.”

85. “I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it. It’s true – I SAW it with my own eyes.”

86. “The live streamer refused to wear glasses during his video because he was doing a blind run.”

87. “The man vowed to find the thief who stole his glasses. He had contacts.”

88. “When the police officer arrested Thug Glasses for robbing a bank, he exclaimed: ‘Sir, I have been framed!’”

89. “A giant, angry cyclops is heading our way right now…You might say we’re on the wink of destruction.”

90. “Since I did not like the frame samples in the store, getting them custom-eyes-ed seemed like the best option.”

91. “Eye puns aren’t really puns. They’re optical allusions.”

92. “The eyes thought they looked exceptionally good when they wore glasses.”

93. “Getting glasses has taught me a lot. I am seeing things more clearly now.”

94. “A patient gets their eyes checked after cataract surgery.
Patient: ‘How does it look, doc? Am I able to play the piano?’
Doctor: ‘It looks all fine. With the right glasses, it should be no problem.’
Patient: ‘That’s amazing – I’ve never played the piano before!’”

95. “I wear glasses during my math exams because they help with my di-vision.”

96. “The eye doctor shouted at the naughty student, ‘Go and sit in the cornea. You’re in a time out!’”

97. “Where do rabbits get their eyes checked? – The hop-tometrist.”

98. “If you want to be a successful eyewear designer, what you require is an eye for the right st-eye-le.”

99. “How do you know if your eyes are flirting with you? They go wink, wink!”

100. “The woman wore her glasses when she slept at night because she wanted to see her dreams more clearly.”

friends laughing together

101. “I went to a new eye doctor today, and he was too narcissistic. After all, what could I have expected from an I-expert?”

102. “Sometimes I feel like taking off my glasses. I am tired of seeing things.”

103. “For Thanksgiving, my optometrist gave me a basket filled with contact solution, contacts, glasses, lens cleaner, and more. It was a cornea-copia of goods.”

104. “The eye doctor easily passed his eye exam because of his high Eye-Q.”

105. “A bone doctor and an eye doctor were telling each other jokes. The bone doctor’s jokes were humorous, but the eye doctor’s jokes were cornea.”

106. “I have been diagnosed with special vision and being able to identify comic buffoonery and ridiculous humor. My optometrist just told me that I’m very farce-sighted.”

107. “Eye can’t think of anything right now. Iris my case. Your pupils are impose-eye-ball.”

108. “When the cops failed to solve the difficult optometrist murder case, they closed the lid on it.”

109. “Eyes feel very lonely when they are eyes-olated.”

110. “Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.”

111. “Boxers cannot wear glasses in the ring when fighting because it is a contact sport.”

112. “Johnny was looking out the window, straining his eyes to see a billboard half a mile away.
‘What are you doing?’ asks his friend.
‘Well,’ Johnny says, ‘my mom says I can only go out and play if I have supervision.’”

113. “‘Eye see what you did there,’ Eye said when Iris cracked a cornea pun.”

114. “I have no idea what to do after I get a pair of glasses. I have to wait and see.”

115. “Why did the teacher who needed glasses quit her job? – She couldn’t control her pupils.”

116. “What do you call an alien with one missing eye? – Alen.”

117. “I went to an optimistic optometrist yesterday. He told me that my glasses were half full.”

118. “Wow, he sure looks ex-eye-ted to see them. Eye hope they can look past all of this and patch up their relations.”

119. “And with that, my friends, eye take my leave.”

Eye Puns Ideas

beautiful young woman smiling

If you want to come up with your own pun, here is some inspiration for eye puns that will evoke your imagination and make you think.

“Eye’ve heard all this before.”

• “Everyone has two eyes, but no one has the same view.”

“I view you were trouble.”

• “Why do eye bother?”

• “Me, myself, and eye.”

“Eye know.”

• “Eye’m not lying.”

• “Sometimes life is eye-ronic.”

“Eye think we make a great pair.”

• “Are view deaf?”

“Eye’d never tasted anything better.”

• “You’re all eye need.”

• “Sight off more than you can chew.”

“A bitter pupil to swallow.”

• “A stare is born.”

• “Eye wish you the best.”

“Skating on thin eyes.”

• “Eye’ll be damned.”

“Eyes and lows.”

• “Eye got my eye on you.”

“Eye believe in you.”

• “Eye see you.”

Did These Eye Puns Catch Your Eye?

I bet you’re still laughing because I definitely can’t stop, even if my life depended on it. 😂 These eye puns totally deserve to be used more often because they’re brilliant, funny, and catchy.

And yes, they deserve to be shared with others. Making someone laugh means making their day. That’s wh-eye we LOVE puns. 😍

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