The biggest problem in a toxic relationship is that you aren’t necessarily aware you are in one. You get used to mistreatment because it gradually becomes a part of your life.
There can be happy moments (when your abuser is in the ‘mood’) which make you forget those bad ones that happened and are about to happen.
Toxic relationships are addictive. You can’t burn that bridge because you have some kind of security. You have someone who supposedly cares for you—someone who should care for you.
But, you don’t know any better, so you stick to him.
Toxic relationships are a challenge. You think it’s up to you to make your own happiness in this kind of a relationship. You think things don’t fall from the sky and you think it’s your obligation to make your relationship work.
There’s no harm in trying to make things work out, but bear in mind—you have to fight for someone who is worth fighting for. Abusers don’t deserve to be fought for.
Toxic relationships are all about fear. Most women keep thinking that being in a dysfunctional relationship is better than being single. They don’t have the courage to break free from their abusers.
See also: 10 Signs You Are in a Toxic Relationship
But, some of them do find the courage to break the chains of their abusive relationship only to stumble upon another obstacle. They meet someone new and everything that is supposed to be normal in a relationship is way out of their comfort zone. They are used to be treated badly.
Here are some things that can happen to you when you meet a good guy after the one who made you feel like crap:
1. You will have space and support to learn to love yourself
The first thing you have to do is to learn to love yourself. You have to trust yourself because no one can know what is good for you. You are the only person who knows and controls that part of your life.
Being with a good guy will give you the right conditions to grow into the self-loving woman you know you need to be.
Once you have accomplished this, you are ready to move on to the next step.
2. You’ll experience unknown ‘strange’ feelings
You’ve suffered enough and now when you’ve met a good guy, grab the bull by the horns and don’t let go. Instead of being scared of new feelings, embrace your positive and healthy relationship.
All of them are supposed to be like that and that is something you aren’t ready to understand, yet. Don’t be afraid to let yourself go because this guy will understand that you walked through hell and back.
3. You’ll expect the same story all over again
You’ve lost faith in people. After being treated like s**t, you are afraid you’ll be treated like that again.
When you start a new relationship you can’t shake off the feeling he is the same as the one before. For you, it’s impossible to imagine there is someone there for you who won’t treat you badly.
You settled for a guy who doesn’t deserve you and now that you’ve experienced the opposite treatment (love that you deserve), you can’t imagine what kept you going in your toxic relationship.
4. You’ll overanalyze everything
He treats you the way you deserve to be treated but something is bugging you. You can’t accept the fact he is behaving like that because he cares about you. You are overanalyzing stuff, looking for hidden motives. However, there aren’t any.
Most probably, you will keep your distance and look at things from a different perspective just to reassure yourself he doesn’t want to do you any harm.
Hopefully, then, you will realize there aren’t any hidden motives and his love for you is pure and long-term.
5. You’ll think he’s too good to be true
You can’t get rid of the feeling something will go wrong in your relationship any moment. You expect he will lose it. Maybe he will get rid of that ‘goodie-goodie’ mask and show his real face.
But, he stays the same—full of understanding, patience and ready to love you. There is absolutely no reason not to trust him, but your wounds haven’t healed yet. It will take time and he is aware of that.
6. You are waiting for the ‘perfect storm’
In toxic relationships, fights come out of nowhere. Even now, you can’t relax because you have the constant feeling that fighting is about to begin.
Fighting and abuse were a part of your everyday life, and you are so used to it that you expect it to happen.
You can’t understand he is not like that. He is different and you are confused because you are used to a completely different scenario.
7. You’ll apologize a lot
Due to the constant conflicts in your previous relationship, you were used to apologizing to people all the time.
You used to apologize to your partner just to calm him down and avoid conflict. You apologized for the things you did and didn’t do wrong.
8. You will learn to trust him
Over time, you will get used to good treatment—the treatment you deserve—and you will start to trust your guy completely. You will realize he doesn’t want to hurt you and he never will.
Slowly, you will start showing him your vulnerable side because you’ve finally made sure he will never hurt you.
You will learn what true love is. Your toxic experience will make you stronger but after you put your trust back into people.
You will finally see what it means to love someone who loves you back, who deserves and respects you.
Don’t give up!