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Never Settle For Less, There’s A Man Who’ll Truly Appreciate You. I Promise

Never Settle For Less, There’s A Man Who’ll Truly Appreciate You. I Promise

I come home after work, wash my hands, and hurry up to the kitchen. Then I take the ingredients for a cooking masterpiece I’ve been creating in my head while driving back home. I believe cooking is a way of showing my love for him.

I’m preparing the dish that I believe will leave Ryan impressed. Soon, I hear the sound of him entering the house. He asks:

“Hey babe, what’s for dinner?”

– “Chicken and veggie stir-fry. My specialty.”

“I think I’ll order a burger.”

All the magic instantly disappears and I want to throw away my deliciously smelling pan together with an almost done chicken and veggie stir-fry. I’m not even hungry anymore.

Of course, I’m mad at him. He never once said “thank you” or “I appreciate that you spent time on this.” I’ve wasted so much food because he orders fast food instead of eating what I make. He didn’t even apologize. 

It was all raw and tasteless

No matter how hard I tried, he always found something wrong. And it wasn’t just my cooking, nothing I did seemed to be good enough. The way I walked, talked or dressed, everything was just “bland”.

One evening, after another disappointing dinner, I ended up sitting alone in the kitchen, crying. Am I that terrible? He turned the one thing I loved into a stressful and unpleasant activity. 

Now cooking felt like a daunting project that I had to present to my always-disappointed boss.

Besides our kitchen quarrels, our bedroom activities were not much fun either. Or to use Ryan’s language – “They were raw and tasteless”. Maybe because of all the tension we had revolving around my cooking… 

He was never really satisfied with anything I did. I don’t remember getting compliments for my promotion at work, he never looked at me with admiration, and actually… When I think about it now, he really took me for granted.

“Will you cook with me?”

Then one Friday night, we invited friends over for dinner. My best friend’s brother, Kevin, came too. I had a crush on him when I was a teenager but nothing ever happened between us.

Ryan was just eating snacks explaining he had a massive lunch during a business meeting.

“Ryan doesn’t like my cooking.” I complained to my friends. “Nothing I ever cook is better than a burger.”

Kevin looked at me intensely and suggested,

 – “Why don’t you come over tomorrow and cook with me? I’ll show you some of my special tricks and I’m willing to taste your specialties.”

The next day, I joined Kevin in his kitchen. We laughed, shared stories, and cooked together. Kevin showed me some useful techniques and encouraged me to try new flavors.

The way he looked at me… oh boy, suddenly I felt good about myself.

Ryan never looked at me that way, I guess everything about me was too bland for his taste.

I brought home a dish we had made together. Ryan was doubtful but tried it. “Not bad but I’m not really hungry.” At that point, I wanted to punch myself in the gut so it hurts just as physically as emotionally.

Don’t settle for less than you deserve

Kevin and I have been dating for a year now. And that year made me realize what an ass I was. 

Nobody is making a fool out of me anymore.

I’m not begging for crumbs.

I’m not bending over backwards to be loved. 

Somebody appreciates me and I didn’t do anything extra to “earn it”.

We do enjoy our time cooking together but our passion doesn’t stop in the kitchen.

We spend the evenings on a couch, holding hands and watching Netflix together. 

We enjoy long walks and meaningful conversations.

I finally feel valued, loved, and accepted for who I am. I know I talk a lot about cooking, but that’s my passion and I didn’t need to change it or myself for someone ungrateful. I just needed to leave toxic surroundings and find someone who’d appreciate me and all my spices.

Not being the least interested in what turns my spark into a whole damn blaze should be the biggest red flag and I don’t know how I missed it.

I think Ryan needed to happen so I could learn what love isn’t, so I could learn not to be an idiot.

So gurl, why settle for something mild when your relationship can be a goddamn flame! You deserve someone who really, honestly sees who you are! 

Someone who even loves your flaws. Someone who knows they have a choice to leave at any time, but still wakes up every morning and chooses to stay. 

You’re not demanding, or dramatic. You deserve ridiculous, consuming, “can’t live-without each other” love. A love that wouldn’t risk letting you get away!