When it comes to an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, it’s difficult to think straight sometimes.
You were in a romantic relationship with who you believed was your best friend and as much as you tried, it ultimately didn’t work out. And now all of a sudden, it seems like your ex wants you back.
Usually, when my ex wants to be friends after a failed romance, it’s seldom good news.
The reasons are almost always of selfish nature and being just friends with my ex-partner comes with a lot of baggage.
Are they interested in rekindling the romantic relationship (and vice versa)?
Do you honestly want to end up in the friend zone of someone you used to have a sexual relationship with? If you want your ex back, being just friends is the worst idea. You broke up for a reason.
And if your ex wants to be friends now, it’s only going to end up hurting you all over again.
And honestly, being friends with benefits never lasts because the emotions come creeping back and one partner always realizes that they want to start dating again.
What you need right now is emotional support and sticking by the no contact rule, because the whole let’s be friends things is just a ruse.
My Ex Wants To Be Friends – What Should I Do?
Plain and simple – tell them no. Having your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend so close to you after barely being able to get over them is a huge red flag.
Do you want to suffer even more? Has the first time you broke it off not been draining enough?
Physical contact with an ex-partner you’re so desperately trying to get over diminishes your entire effort. It’s even worse if being just friends is your way of getting your ex back to you.
That way, you’re deluding yourself and prolonging your healing process.
My advice is, be strong and stick to your decision. They are no longer your significant other and you don’t owe them anything.
Relationship experts warn against being friends with an ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend because it’s detrimental to your mental health for all the obvious reasons.
Exchanging casual text messages and cute banter over social media might feel like things are starting to look up, but that’s not the case.
If you called it quits, you must’ve had your reasons, why else would you’ve ended it in the first place? So no texting and no letting him get to you through mutual friends!
If your ex still constantly contacts you, stand your ground. It’s probably just dumper‘s remorse (if they broke it off).
You are trying so hard to move on with your life. Don’t let a past mistake get in the way of that.
So if your ex really wants to be friends with you, this will help you see their true motivation.
It’s so exhausting constantly wondering ”Why does my ex want to be friends after all the pain I went through?” and that’s why I’m going to help you quit them once and for all.
9 Reasons Why You Should Say No
If your ex wants to be friends, but you’ve been having a rough time getting over them, you should say no.
The romantic relationship has clearly run its course, and you should move forward, as opposed to letting yourself dwell on the past.
Here’s why this is a really bad idea that you should avoid at all costs:
1. What’s their motivation?
The first thing you must ask yourself is why your ex-partner suddenly wants to be friends. Do they miss the emotional connection you once shared?
Are they regretful of the way things ended? Does your ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend want to engage in a friends with benefits situation?
It’s important to get to the bottom of their intentions before letting them back into your life.
Is it worth undoing the hurt you’ve endured on your way to recovery and reopening the old wounds?
Make sure to really think about all the possible consequences before making the same mistake twice. Being just friends is never as easy as you’d like to think.
The longer it took you to get over them, the harder it will be to maintain a friendship. Do what’s best for you right now, not what your aching heart is telling you.
Stop wondering ‘’Why does my ex want to be friends?’’ and start taking care of your heart. One day, you’ll be thanking yourself for making this decision.
2. There’s a good reason why you called it quits
Normally, if my ex wants to be friends, I ask myself this: How did he treat me while we were in a romantic relationship?
Was he loyal, attentive, and caring? Was he the person he is trying to be now?
If things didn’t work out in the past, it’s highly unlikely that it’ll be any different today.
It’s really easy to be swept off your feet now after some time has passed and you managed to pull through in one piece. But there was also a time when it was unbearable.
There was a time when your relationship was severely struggling and you were hopeless and desperate.
If your ex wants to be friends with you now, it’s a sign that they don’t realize how difficult your recovery has been. Put yourself first for once. Do what’s right for your own needs.
Yes, you miss them, but are they the person you need in your life? Don’t let nostalgia blind you. Believe who they proved themselves to be, not who they are trying to be now.
3. The transition from a relationship to friends is complex
There are so many little things that are going to make the transition really difficult on an emotional level. When you’re in a romantic relationship, the physical contact is abundant and knows no limits.
But as just friends, you’re going to feel awkward always trying not to cross a line (that you really want to cross).
The things you were able to discuss as a partner aren’t going to be the same in your friendship.
You wouldn’t feel okay talking about your love life and especially hearing about their love conquests. It would be brutal.
But as friends, you’d eventually have to talk about it otherwise you’d both just be avoiding a huge elephant in the room. There are many reasons why this is the ultimate bad idea.
But I’m sure you’re starting to see it for yourself now as well.
This is why when my ex wants to be friends, I always imagine how I would deal with such things. That usually helps me make the right decision (no matter how difficult it is).
4. Don’t tempt yourself
Would you be saying yes simply to get your ex back at some point? Sure, your ex has their own motivations, but what are yours?
Don’t do things that are detrimental to your progress. You’ve come too far to put yourself back in the friend zone of your ex-partner.
Besides, how do you know it would be different this time around? It doesn’t really matter who initiated the break-up. The point is that it had to happen.
They may have been your best friend and partner in crime once, but now they are a mistake you need to recover from.
Being in the friend zone of your ex is the last thing you need in your life right now. Look around yourself. Life is filled with abundant possibilities and chances for new beginnings.
Don’t be your own worst enemy when it comes to your happiness. Deep down, you know what your soul needs, and it’s not your ex.
5. You’ll never get over them by being close to them
If your goal is to get over them, you need to put as much distance as you can between you two. You will never fully heal if your ex keeps being around you all the time.
Being friends is the opposite of what you’re trying to accomplish here.
If your ex really wants to be friends with you, that means that they still care to some extent.
That’s precisely why they should understand that some healthy distance is what you need right now, not their friendship.
Who knows, at some point in the distant future, you both might be in a better headspace for the possibility of a friendship. But that’s but a dream right now.
Do your thing and keep your distance. At this time, you are your number one priority.
6. Do you want to be friends with benefits?
One of the possible reasons why your ex wants to be friends with you is for a sexual relationship. That means no strings attached and no emotions involved.
Strictly just sex, for hedonistic purposes and nothing more. Can you handle that?
Would you be prepared to be a booty call to someone who used to be your loving partner? Would you be okay with your ex texting you at 1 AM for a quickie?
I know for a fact that if my ex wants to be friends, it’s highly likely to end with our clothes off.
It’s hard to separate your emotions and your lust, especially while you’re still fresh from the breakup. My advice is to not do this to your mind, body, and soul.
You are still recuperating and you won’t be able to handle this the way you think you would. Heal first. Everything else will come later.
7. You’re not a placeholder
Maybe your ex is in a bad place and they are seeking an emotional connection to feel validated and secure. Do you really want to be a placeholder until they find someone else?
Your ex surely has other friends they can rely on in their times of need, instead of pestering you.
If you said yes, you would merely be filling in for someone else in the future. You’re worth so much more than that.
You deserve someone who will value you while they have you. You deserve someone who won’t let you go and then seek friendship as if the breakup wasn’t painful enough. You deserve love in the purest form.
Don’t let your ex take advantage of the bond you once shared. Some things are not to be messed with.
8. It’s unhealthy
What you need is people who make you happy and relaxed. People who lift you up and encourage you. People who don’t take advantage of you and who love you for who you are.
So when I hear that my ex wants to be friends, I know that it’s rarely from the goodness of his heart.
The strain of your relationship was bad enough. But trying to maintain a friendship with an ex who caused you pain is unhealthy, plain and simple.
Your brain won’t be able to handle it and your emotions will be all over the place.
You’ll constantly be asking yourself if this is normal and it will drive you crazy.
Rely on the people who were there for you from the start. Those who never gave up on you and who will continue to shower you with support and affection.
By being friends with an ex, you are privy to all of their relationships. Could you handle seeing them with someone else at the altar?
9. You’ll never find a date with your ex always by your side
Okay, so it’s inevitable that at some point you’ll start dating again (as should you). But think about how awkward it would be for your prospective date to know you’re still close with your ex.
Wouldn’t that be difficult to explain? Would you even be able to explain the reasoning behind it?
Moreover, your date is likely to feel threatened by your ex, as they don’t really know how serious you were and if you are completely over them in the first place. Do you really want to put them through all that?
Think about your future. How will having an ex-partner always around help you achieve anything?
It’s a constant disturbance on an emotional level and a reminder of a love that was once amazing but ended up crashing down.
If you truly want to move on and get back into the dating pool, it’s time to get your ex out of the picture.
One day, you’ll see how important this was. If your ex still wants to be friends once you’re both in a happy, stable relationship down the line, sure, consider it.
But right now, let yourself experience a new side to life, one without your ex holding you back.
Getting over my ex was such a complex and draining process. Emotions were overwhelming and I couldn’t trust my mind. And when in the midst of all that I learned that my ex wants to be friends, I just turned numb.
Do I really want my ex back? Have I not been hurt enough? Will it work out this time around? Why is he so attached to me?
There are so many questions and not enough time to process them all. One thing’s for sure though.
If your end goal is to get over your ex and move on with your life, staying friends is not an option. You just got a new lease on life, why ruin it?
Think of all the reasons it went wrong. Think back on all the tears you cried and all the nights you spent wondering why it had to hurt so much.
Has your ex really changed? Or are you just letting the nostalgia get the better of you?
Be strong and stay away from your ex. Keep close to those who make life better and avoid the one you barely managed to get over. Life always works out in the end. If it still hasn’t, it just means it’s not the end!