Why do I still feel connected to my ex? It’s been a while since the breakup, but I can’t stop thinking about them. Why do I feel such a strong connection with someone who’s been out of my life for some time?
We’ve all dealt with similar questions at some point in our lives. I know I have. And I kept looking for answers that were nowhere to be found.
But now, when this person is long gone from my memory, and I’m emotionally distanced from the entire situation, I’ve managed to find a reasonable explanation for this feeling.
To be exact, I found 20 reasonable explanations, and I’m more than happy to share them with you. Not only that: if you read on, you’ll also get a brief tutorial on how to stop being so attracted to them.
Is it normal to still have feelings for an ex years later?
Yes, it’s perfectly normal to feel something for an ex you broke up with ages ago. But I promise you: this is not love – it’s more nostalgia, a feeling of warmth and grief for the good old days.
Why Do I Still Feel Connected To My Ex? 20 Reasons
Here are the most common reasons you feel a powerful bond with your ex. Find yours!
1. Everyone heals at their own pace
The amount of time it takes for old wounds to heal varies from person to person. If you were deeply attached to your ex-partner and the relationship lasted a while, it is quite normal for it to take you a long time to get over it.
This is a person you shared your entire life with. You two built habits together, and it’s perfectly normal that you still feel like they’re around.
It’s all about the little things. You feel connected to them when you wake up in the morning, still expecting a text. Then you ask yourself if they also looked at their phone, waiting for your name to pop up.
Some people get over this feeling sooner, while for others, it takes time to cut ties with their ex. It’s not a big deal if you belong to the second group.
For you, enough time hasn’t passed. Just remember: we all heal at a different pace.
2. Questioning your decision
If you’re wondering: “Why do I still feel connected to my ex?” the reason might be hidden in the fact that you’re not so sure about your decision. You’re questioning your entire relationship, and you can’t help but ask yourself if breaking up was the right choice.
Maybe it was an impulsive decision? Were you angry and told them that you were leaving them without weighing all the pros and the cons?
In that case, it’s no wonder you feel like there is still unfinished business between you two.
But your heart wonders if they deserve a second chance.
There is no magic potion to help you resolve this dilemma. Listen to your intuition and do as it tells you.
3. Grieving period is still ongoing
You’re going through different stages of grief, and that’s perfectly normal.
But sometimes, your grief doesn’t allow you to see things clearly.
Sometimes, you actually want to be connected to your ex. You hope that they’re out there, thinking about you with the same intensity you’re thinking about them.
All of this will pass once the grieving period is over. Your wounds are still fresh, and you still haven’t moved on with your life.
Once that finally happens, the bond you think you have with your ex will also break.
4. Idealizing your past relationship
The number one thing that’s keeping you from getting over your ex is that you’re not looking at your relationship realistically. Now that it’s ended, you only remember the good times.
You think it was a one-of-a-kind type of love and assume you’ll never have the same feelings of love for another person.
Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but your past relationship ended up for a reason in the first place. At the end of the day, it means it wasn’t so perfect, was it?
I bet you two had a good relationship. It was nice while it lasted.
Try seeing it like that instead of idealizing it. You will fall in love again. And most importantly – you will feel connected to someone else again.
5. Social media reminders
Have you considered blocking your ex on social media? I know you don’t want to appear bitter and petty. Yes, blocking someone who was a huge part of your life can seem a little childish.
But what is more important: what your ex will think of you or your own well being and mental health? You see, the reason you still feel strongly connected to them is that they keep popping up on your social media feeds.
Every time they post a new selfie or story, you end up upset. It’s like you fall back in love with them whenever you see them on your phone screen.
Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Wouldn’t it be easier to block them once and for all and be done with it?
6. You don’t want to let go
As strange as this might sound, sometimes, deep down, we’re the ones who refuse to let go of the ones who broke our hearts. Of course, you’re completely unaware of this and convinced that you can’t wait to get over this man or woman.
But the truth is actually quite different. Crying over them and missing them has, in a weird way, become your comfort zone.
You’ve got used to the pain, and with time, it started to define you. Just like that, it became a part of your personality.
You’re actually the one who doesn’t want to let go. What would you do with all of your free time?
After all, thinking about them is the center of your day. It’s what your life revolves around.
7. They’re still part of your life
Have you stayed friends with your ex after the breakup? Or maybe they’re just still a part of your life, and you can’t change it – maybe you’re coworkers, neighbors, or your lives are connected in some other way.
In that case, it’s no wonder you feel that the bond between you two is so strong. After all, they’re always there, as if nothing has changed.
You did your best to get over them, but that isn’t possible when you keep running into them. You can’t help but feel that your story isn’t over just yet.
If it’s possible, please remove them from your life. Trust me – they have no place there anymore.
On the other hand, if you’re forced to communicate with them, do your best to minimize your contact. Before you know it, you’ll start feeling better.
8. There is no new relationship in sight
Why do I still feel connected to my ex? When I was asking myself the same question, I figured out the answer pretty fast.
Does this sound familiar? I’m not saying that you must jump into a new relationship.
But the thing is that you don’t text other people, you haven’t installed dating apps, you’re not flirting with anyone… Basically, you’re still behaving as if you were in a serious relationship.
I get it, you need more time to let someone new in. But depriving yourself of the possibility of even meeting a potential boyfriend or girlfriend is not a healthy way of coping with your breakup.
You’re not allowing anyone else to have your attention. So what other choice do you have but to focus on your ex?
9. You still have feelings for them
You’re just a human being, and you can’t erase someone from your heart just like that. It’s possible that there is no deep reason for the feeling of connection with your ex.
You still love them – it’s as simple as that. Or maybe romantic love is too strong a word for your emotions.
The bottom line is that you still have feelings for this person. And there’s nothing wrong with this.
Of course, you shouldn’t allow this emotion to prevent you from moving forward. But you shouldn’t ignore it either.
Accept that you still love your ex and work on killing that love inside of you.
10. Your ex is still your person
And now, all of that is lost in the blink of an eye. It’s perfectly normal that you can’t cut all of your ties with them just like that.
As hard as you try, you still feel a strong emotional connection with them. But when you ask yourself: “Do I still love my ex?” you can’t seem to find the answer.
That’s because you’re no longer in love with them. Nevertheless, you still love them as a friend and as someone you’ve spent a lot of time with.
Don’t worry: there is nothing unusual about this, especially if you two had a strong bond.
11. Things left unsaid
Sometimes, all you need is proper closure to feel fully disconnected from another person. But sadly, that’s not what you got.
You never got an explanation for your breakup, or you haven’t had the chance to tell them everything that’s been on your mind.
It’s clear that there are a bunch of things left unsaid here. You feel like you have unfinished business in your past relationship, and that’s what’s keeping you so connected with them.
Here’s a piece of relationship advice: if you can’t or don’t want to talk to them, write them a letter one last time. You don’t have to actually send it – it’s enough to get everything you want to tell them out of your system.
12. They were your first love
They say we all remember our first love as long as we breathe. We compare each of our new relationships with them, and we never truly outgrow it.
If your ex was your first love, and you’ve heard a bunch of similar stories, you could assume that the same thing will happen to you. You idealize your relationship and expect to spend the rest of your life constantly thinking about them somewhere in the back of your head.
Well, trust me when I tell you that you can forget your first love. In fact, most people rarely remember it.
13. “What if ” questions
What if you two could have worked out your differences? What if you stayed together? What if you’re meant to be, and this is just a sign from the Universe that you should fight harder?
All of these questions are bothering you, and that’s the reason for your emotional connection.
But let me ask you: what’s the point? If you are meant to end up with someone, it will happen. There is absolutely no point in cracking your head open about it.
Instead of thinking about all the what-ifs, could-have-beens, and should-have-beens, focus on the present moment. Make the best out of your life today.
Remember that you can’t change the past. You can affect your future, but your destiny is written down in the stars. So, why bother?
14. Mutual friends reminders
You know what’s even worse than your ex popping up all over your social media profiles? Your friends and other people close to you mentioning them all the time.
You feel connected to them because someone keeps on bringing them up. As far as you’re concerned, it’s like they’re still physically present in your life.
This is especially the case if you two have a lot of mutual friends. Why don’t you try taking a break from them?
I’m not saying you have to cut these people out of your life – just focus on other people until you’re better. Or simply ask them to stop mentioning your ex.
15. You’re lonely and bored
If you keep on asking yourself, “Why do I still feel connected to my ex?” here is another simple reason. I know you’d probably love to romanticize this connection, but is it possible that you’re just lonely and bored?
There is nothing and no one occupying your time and attention right now. So why wouldn’t you pick at old wounds a bit just to keep yourself busy?
If you suspect this to be the reason you’re feeling like this, get a new hobby, go out with your friends, or do anything else that will keep your mind off your previous relationship.
16. Low self-esteem
Somewhere deep inside, you are scared that you’ll never find someone new to love you. You think you’re unworthy of love, and you consider yourself lucky this one person made you their girlfriend or boyfriend.
You don’t actually feel connected to your ex – you grieve the self-esteem they used to give you. Without them, your insecurities come back.
They were the one who gave you validation and a sense of worth. I hate to break it to you, but you’ll continue feeling like this until you realize you’re the only one who determines your value – with or without a relationship partner.
17. They refuse to let you go
Energies and spiritual connection are weird things. Maybe you feel so bonded with your ex because they’re actually connected to you.
Somewhere on the other side of the world or just across the street, they refuse to let you go. Maybe they’re doing it deliberately or subconsciously.
But the point is the same: The vibrations they’re sending you are holding you back from moving forward.
Their love for you is so powerful that it doesn’t allow you to get over them.
Years can pass by, you can date other people, and you can be miles apart from each other, but you’ll always feel this inexplicable bond.
This is someone who completes you in a special way. A person you feel the most powerful spiritual connection with ever, even if you’re physically nowhere near each other.
19. Karmic relationship
This type of romance is turbulent and toxic. Even though you and your ex shared great love and passion, you could never find a middle ground.
Compromise has never been an option, and the relationship seemed impossible to maintain from the very first day.
If this sounds familiar, and you still feel connected to your karmic ex, it’s quite likely that your karmic romance isn’t over just yet. And guess what: it won’t be until you both learn the lessons the Universe wants you to.
20. Twin flame connection
If you’re in the middle of your twin flame journey, you’ll forever feel a deep connection to your mirror soul. You two are not together at this exact moment because you’re going through a stage of separation.
Nevertheless, deep down, you know that this is the person you’ll end up with. You feel forever connected to them because your twin flame union is really one of a kind.
How do I stop being so attached to my ex? 5 solutions
Here are some tips that you can use to deal with a breakup and stop loving your ex-partner.
1. The power of self-love
Every relationship expert will tell you the same thing: once you learn how to love yourself more, everyone else will become less important. Prioritize your own well being and mental health and realize that you’re destroying yourself by grieving over someone who never deserved you.
2. New beginning, new you
Instead of seeing this breakup as a curse, see it as your biggest blessing. Remember, everything happens for a reason, and you still haven’t figured out yours.
See this as a chance for a fresh start. Reinvent your life without this person by your side, and most importantly, reinvent yourself! The end of a relationship isn’t the end of your life.
3. No contact
Block their number, unfollow them on all social media platforms, and ask your friends not to mention them. You know what they say: out of sight, out of mind.
4. Nostalgia is not your friend
What’s the point in that? Stop pining for the old days and pay attention to the present moment. I bet there is a lot to enjoy in life right now – you’re just failing to see it.
5. Rationalize the breakup
Instead of thinking about how to get your ex back, try to rationalize this relationship you ended for a reason.
List all the pros and cons on a piece of paper. But be sure to take off your rose-tinted glasses.
I know you’ll realize that breaking up with them was actually the best thing that could ever have happened.
Having your ex intrude on your thoughts all the time is quite hard. But I want you to know that you’re not alone.
At some point in our lives, we’ve all asked the same question: “Why do I still feel connected to my ex?”
And guess what: we’ve all found the answer. Not only that, we’ve all managed to get over them successfully. So will you!