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How Are Most Affairs Discovered? 21 Ways You Need To Know

How Are Most Affairs Discovered? 21 Ways You Need To Know

Modern technology has made it relatively easy to cheat. Everything is more available: dating apps, social media, and the internet, in general, are good helpers in cheating.

However, modern technology has also made it easier to discover an affair. So, how are most affairs discovered? What are the common ways to catch a cheater?

Cheaters have a high opinion of themselves and believe their tactics for ‘‘hiding their affair’’ are better than their partner’s intuition and evidence. So let’s see how partners catch their cheating spouses!

How Are Most Affairs Discovered? 21 Common Ways

You probably know the feeling when you spot a minor change in your spouse’s behavior, and you immediately think: ‘‘Hmm, are they maybe cheating on me?’’

Well, one thing is sure: you aren’t the only one. Infidelity is all around us, and people catch their cheating spouses all the time.

Because of this, there are many common ways to catch a married person cheating. Let’s elaborate on each one.

1. Phone and text messages

The most common way people discover an affair is by looking at their partner’s phone and text messages.

You’d probably think that every experienced cheater knows how to hide their traces, but trust me, they don’t. If they really did, this wouldn’t be the most common way to discover cheaters.

One day you may be randomly washing the dishes and see a text message from their affair partner saying they miss them.

So if your partner doesn’t use any secretive apps, it is inevitable that, at some point, you will come across a message like this.

2. Emails

No one checks emails, right? This is what every cheating husband thinks. ‘‘Oh yeah, I’ll just text my affair partner via email, and my wife will never find out.’’ How silly of them to believe this!

Emails now come with mobile phone notifications and are easy to spot, just like text messages.

As affair partners normally don’t text that much, email communication is enough for them to arrange meetings and other plans. But sometimes, even those rare emails can be spotted!

3. Changes in your sex life

If you find that your sex life is somewhat different than it used to be, without you two talking about it, it’s pretty obvious they’ve had their first affair. How come?

Everybody is different: physically, psychologically, mentally, and in bed. If your partner had an affair, they’ve probably encountered things in bed they didn’t do with you.

They are usually good things, so when they have sex with you, they want to have a similar experience.

So if you spot a different way of kissing or different sexual positions, they did something new with their affair partner.

4. Changes in their behavior

It’s always the little things that will add up in the end and reveal that your partner is cheating you. When a partner is unfaithful, their primary relationship suffers first.

When they start an affair, they will become obsessed or immediately fall in love with their affair partner and do anything to impress them.

For example, you’ll see that they’ve become much happier and more distant.

This is only one of the ways cheaters change their behavior, but you’ll encounter many other, more specific situations.

5. Changes in their appearance

Another thing you’ll spot is an increased interest in their appearance.

For example, when I started dating my partner, he had shaved his chest to look good for me, and I told him that I liked him the way he was and that he shouldn’t do that for me.

For three years, he never shaved for me, but one random Sunday, he turned up manscaped. Did I need a better sign of cheating? Probably not.

6. Dating sites

Dating sites are the best and easiest ways to start an affair. This will probably be the starting point if your significant other decides to cheat on you.

However, the problem occurs if they are inexperienced and forget to clear their history and cache.

This is also where the email part comes in. Every time they get a match or receive a message, they will be informed about it via email.

So if your cheating partner forgets about this and doesn’t hide their phone from you all the time, you’ll catch them easily!

7. Tracking their credit cards

Even though this is an important step in hiding an affair, many cheating spouses forget about it. Suspicious spending isn’t something you can hide. Therefore, using a credit card is a big no-no.

Luckily for you, they often forget about this step, and bank statements will be what betray them. Cash and crypto are what every experienced cheater will use.

8. Screenshots and photographs

Going through your partner’s gallery can reveal many things. Screenshots of a chat with their affair partner or photographs of them being happily in love are just some of the things you can find there.

In the heat of the moment, they often forget to delete those screenshots or make a hidden folder for their photographs.

Additionally, if your partner is an iPhone user, it’s common for those photographs to sync up to other devices like your mutual MacBook or kids’ iPads.

9. Location

A cheating partner will never tell the truth about where they’ve been…obviously. They will use excuses like being at the gym, working late, or having a drink with friends.

They can lie to you for only a short time because, eventually, they will become tangled up in their own web of lies. They won’t know if they went for a drink with their friends last weekend or had a client dinner.

And this is where you’ll catch the cheater. Also, technology isn’t their best friend because today, it’s pretty easy to track someone.

10. Being spotted out

If you spot your spouse with someone you don’t know or, even worse…know but aren’t familiar with the fact that they go out together, it’s obvious they are having an affair.

But if you see an extreme amount of intimacy, this is more than just a one-night stand – it’s an emotional affair, which makes things even worse.

A physical affair is one kind of betrayal, but an emotional one definitely hurts more.

So if you catch your partner out with someone, even though they said they were going to the gym, you’ve just discovered your partner is having an affair.

11. A friend tells you

Sometimes, everyone could be aware that your partner is having an affair, except you. Maybe your friend saw your partner, or your partner accidentally sent a screenshot to the wrong person, and your friend received it.

As every good friend should do, they will tell you about the affair and show you screenshots or photographs.

However, even their friends will snitch on them because they cannot handle the pressure of knowing the wrong they’re doing to you.

12. Purchases

Like credit cards, purchases can also be a big problem for every cheating spouse.

Often they’ll forget about the things they bought for their affair partner, which can be easily tracked on your purchase history.

An experienced cheater will never let this happen; however, sometimes they forget about these things, and you catch them by showing them in black and white that they’ve ordered a bracelet you never actually received.

13. They confess to you

If you’ve wondered: ‘‘How are most affairs discovered?’’ confessing is one of the top three ways you’ll discover that your partner is having an affair. Yes, statistically, this is the most common way. Why?

Well, even though a cheating spouse will enjoy the time spent with their affair partner, after some time, most of them feel guilty about what they’ve done.

Hiding things, lying, and cheating on you and bottling it up will increase their feelings of guilt, so they’ll have no choice but to confess their wrongdoings.

14. Their affair partner contacts you

If, however, they don’t confess, it’s common for their affair partner to. Cheaters are selfish people; they usually care only about themselves.

So maybe they didn’t only neglect their primary relationship but their affair as well. As revenge, their affair partner may knock on your door or send you a text message saying your partner has cheated on you.

Yes, their affair partner will do this as revenge, not because it’s the ethical thing to do. But you should thank them because they freed you from a cheating liar!

15. They’ve got an STD

If your partner gets a sexually transmitted disease and you haven’t had sexual relations with someone else…

Well, you’ve got your confession without them saying a single word! The logic behind this is obvious, they had sex with someone else and caught an STD.

It’s a sign they weren’t careful enough and didn’t use protection when having sex with their other partner.

16. They have a burner phone

People who love cheating and don’t intend to stop will eventually need a burner phone. However, the real problem is not getting a burner phone but keeping it away from their partner.

Some people keep their phones at work, but others don’t have this kind of luxury.

Even if your cheating spouse has a place to hide their phone, they won’t always be able to delete their evidence in time.

17. Constant lies

Constant lying can also help you discover whether your partner is cheating on you. Eventually, they will drown in their own lies, and it will be impossible for them to keep track of every lie they tell.

Some statistics say that 20% of all cheaters were caught because they got too mixed up in their own lies.

So if they said they went out with a coworker the other night, but tomorrow say that they were at the gym, it’s obvious they’re lying and probably cheating on you.

18. They come home late

We all have job-related responsibilities, hobbies, activities with other people, and the list goes on.

So it’s normal that your partner might occasionally get stuck at work, but only occasionally. If this happens all of the time, I hate to break it to you, but they’re probably cheating on you.

19. Spying apps

Sometimes, the partner who thinks they are being betrayed may approach the problem in a way that’s not necessarily legal. Using spy apps is one of those ways.

Hiring a private investigator or installing an app that spies on them sounds like a good start if your cheating spouse is carefully deleting evidence of their wrongdoings.

These apps will allow you to track their text messages, emails, location, and movements, so you’ll have a real-time visualization of all their notifications.

20. Private investigator

You’d be surprised how many partners hire a private investigator when they’re not sure if their partner is being faithful.

If you haven’t succeeded with spying apps, a private investigator will do the job.

Although they might be a more expensive option, they will provide you with concrete evidence. And this is what you need, right? So the money will be worth it!

21. You caught them in the act

The worst way of finding out that your partner is cheating on you is if you catch them in the act. Maybe you went on a business trip and wanted to surprise your partner by coming home two days early.

You come home, and you really have something to see! Your spouse in your bedroom with someone else!

Sadness, disappointment, anger… Those are just some of the emotions you’ll experience in that moment. But believe me when I say this might be your luckiest day because you’ll get rid of a cheating liar!

How Long Do Affairs Last After They Are Discovered?

Usually, affairs don’t last long after they’re discovered. But again, that depends on how long the affair lasted and its nature. Was it a physical or emotional affair?

Some statistics suggest that affairs that last more than five years develop into unbreakable emotional affairs.

However, if this is just a casual affair and the cheating spouse loves their official partner, they will immediately stop and focus on their primary relationship.

How Frequently Are Affairs Discovered?

A study on a dating site called Illicit Encounters revealed that around 60% of adulterers had been caught at some point, usually during their third affair.

However, these are unofficial records and are only from one site. In general, it is estimated that 80% of all cheaters don’t get caught.

These statistics are really scary, but sometimes, you just have to investigate a little, and you’ll find evidence of whether they’re cheating or not.

Should You Forgive Your Partner For Cheating?

Every betrayed spouse has the same question go through their mind after being cheated on: ‘‘Should I forgive them?’’ I know this can be a hard decision, especially if you’ve had a good marriage.

They may claim that they’ve only had a one-night stand and that the whole thing was a mistake, but the best relationship advice I can give you is to respect yourself enough to walk away from a cheating partner.

Yes, they may regret what they did and swear that they won’t do it again, but trust me, even if you think you’re capable of forgiving them, this will still negatively impact your mental health.

So, leave them and start a new life. The right person will come along, and they’ll never think about cheating!


What are the top reasons why people cheat?

The most common reason why people cheat is a lack of sexual connection, but there are other common reasons:

• Lack of emotional intimacy

• Constant fights

• Drug or alcohol addiction

• Sex addiction

• Revenge

• Long-distance relationships

Where do affairs happen the most?

When someone wants to have an affair, they’ll get it no matter where. However, some places make it easier to begin an affair than others.

• Workplace – this is the most common place to have an affair, especially for older people who don’t go out that much.

• Gym – the gym is also a common place to have an affair where a client and personal trainer extramarital affair is the most common. However, it can happen with usual gym members as well.

• Dating apps – if your partner is aiming to have an affair, they may start by installing a dating app.

In Conclusion

So if you’ve wondered: ‘‘How are most affairs discovered?’’ I hope you got your answer.

The top three ways affairs are exposed are through your cheating spouse confessing, finding text messages or phone calls, and catching them in the act.

Although experienced cheaters know how to hide the evidence of their wrongdoings, they always say you can’t lie forever.

Discovering that your partner is having an affair is one of the most heartbreaking things to experience, but it’s definitely better than loving someone who doesn’t care about you.