The digital era has brought many advantages to us but also some heartbreaking downsides.
The main digital era disadvantage trending right now is related to emotional affairs and texting.
Emotional infidelity and cheating on the phone have become more popular than physical affairs.
However, an emotional affair means different things to different people and today, I’ll help you find your own definition of it.
It’s really hard to be in a relationship with someone who pays more attention to their phone than the person they are with at the moment–you.
While you’re overthinking things and worrying that you’re doing something wrong, they are secretly fantasizing about hanging out and being intimate with another person.
If you suspect that your partner might be involved in the evil art called emotional affairs and texting, we’ll also go through the signs of emotional cheating so you will know for sure what exactly is going on there!
What Is An Emotional Affair?
To put it simply, an emotional affair means having a romantic connection with another human being outside of the relationship or marriage.
This type of affair can be manifested in various ways.
For example, a person can start having a crush on someone (their close friend or co-worker), which might result in establishing a strong emotional connection with them.
It is not a prerequisite that this affair will turn physical but having a deep emotional connection with someone other than your current partner can be destructive, especially in the long run.
Emotion-based infidelity is often underestimated because we tend to solely focus on the physical aspect.
Seldom will you hear from someone close to you saying something like: He/she cheated on me emotionally.
We downplay the significance and power of our thoughts because it is not something that is visible to us.
Our feelings are also not visible or tangible but we are able to feel them with every fiber of our being.
“What you think, you become. What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create.” – Unknown
If you’re thinking about being intimate with someone else outside your relationship, chances are that one day you’ll do just that.
Why? Because you attract into your life what you feel. Your imagination creates infidelity that is not visible but that can be felt.
Physical infidelity is also destructive but sometimes our thoughts can hurt us more than words and actions.
Emotional Affairs And Texting
Emotional affairs and texting are two interconnected terms.
Texting is an instant form of communication and it allows us to connect with a wide array of people.
Almost every single emotion-based affair starts with texting.
Through texting, two persons exchange their feelings of lust, desire and affection for one another.
Exchanging hot pictures can also be added to the equation.
Emotional affairs through texting often start as something totally innocent and over time it evolves into infidelity.
It starts as a friendship but once the flirty elements become a part of the texting routine, then it is no longer as innocent as it was in the beginning.
What’s interesting is that two people involved in such an affair are often not even aware of the fact that they are doing something that they shouldn’t be doing.
They don’t feel like they’re doing something behind their partner’s back because it is ‘just texting’.
Are emotional affairs wrong?
It’s really hard to track the progress of emotion-based infidelity and once you become aware of the real situation, it’s often too late to withdraw.
The feeling of euphoria related to every text message works like a drug. You literally become addicted to the ringtone and message notification sound.
Every time you hear it, you expect and wish that it was them.
In no time, you turn into a texting ninja while being unaware that you’re doing something that you shouldn’t.
Emotion-based infidelity can be really time-consuming, which results in neglecting your current partner and making them feel taken for granted.
The thing is, some people don’t even consider it as cheating in the first place (especially if there’s no physical infidelity involved but yes, emotional affairs are wrong to a certain extent).
Here are some emotional affair texting examples:
• I had an argument with my boyfriend/girlfriend and I’m feeling so frustrated. Wish I could talk to you about it.
• I miss the sound of your voice and getting lost in your enchanting eyes. I wonder if we could go for a drink on Saturday?
• You’re such a naughty boy/girl. Stop sending me those pictures because I can’t stop thinking about you and it’s real torture.
The amount and content of such texts can be extremely hurtful for a partner if they somehow find out about the affair.
How Do Emotional Affairs Start?
There are different types of emotion-based affairs and they usually start with exchanging phone numbers or social media profiles.
Such affairs can happen among co-workers or random people who meet at different places like the gym.
For example, let’s say that you and another person of the opposite gender are alone at the gym.
The chances that you’ll talk to each other are really high because it would be awkward if you didn’t.
After some fun chit-chat, you might decide to exchange contact information and that’s how it all starts.
One text message leads to another and over time, your acquaintance evolves into a close friendship.
Then such a friendship might gradually turn into emotional infidelity in a relationship or extramarital affairs (assuming you’re in a committed relationship or married).
Now, the REAL answer to why emotion-based affairs start lies in your own relationship or marriage.
Such affairs don’t happen just because someone is bored and wants to experience something new. Well, they can happen because of boredom as well but that’s really rare.
They happen because of something that a current relationship lacks, so it’s essential that a partner who is guilty of emotional infidelity asks himself/herself the following questions:
What is it that my current relationship lacks? Is it emotional support, emotional intimacy or something else?
Remember, everything happens for a reason. If you’re not happy in your current relationship and you feel like you’re missing something, it’s likely that you’ll start searching for that missing piece somewhere else; with another person.
Do Emotional Affairs Last And Do They Turn Physical?
Emotion-based affairs can last for as long as you want them to.
But don’t get me wrong, it’s not that you can decide overnight that you no longer want to be a part of such an affair and expect that everything will magically disappear along with your feelings and chat conversations.
You can decide not to be a part of it but it will take a lot of time to completely forget what happened and to get rid of the need to be in touch with them.
To put it simply, emotional affairs can last if you let them evolve into something more meaningful.
Regarding the physical aspect, yes, they can turn physical, which is then considered physical cheating.
Again, it all depends on the two people in such an affair.
If they decide to take it to the next level, they might find themselves in the realm of even more confusing situations, hurting their partners in both mental and physical ways.
If they decide not to take the emotional connection to a physical level, it is still considered infidelity, only in a different context.
6 Signs Of An Emotional Affair
Sharing frustrations and intimate details about your marriage/relationship
Emotional affairs usually start when you share too much information about your current relationship.
By doing this, you are making some space for another person to fulfill your needs.
Intimate details about your marriage or relationship should be discussed only with your partner or a very close friend, in case you need a piece of advice or similar.
If you only share these things with other people and never talk about them with your partner, this will negatively affect your current relationship.
You can’t fix things or improve them if you don’t talk to your partner about them first.
Engaging in flirty banter
When it comes to the evil art of emotional affairs and texting, it all usually starts with some flirty banter.
This includes choosing inappropriate words or sending pictures for the sake of teasing the other person.
These pictures don’t need to be nudes in order to be considered an affair. You can also be fully dressed but the context and the intention are what matter.
If your intention is to stimulate the other person, seduce them or similar, there lies the act of infidelity.
You might think that it’s only an innocent picture and that could be true, as that is how it would be perceived generally.
But the real proof of your affair hides behind your willingness to impress the other person and get the desired reaction from them.
Flirty banter is considered one of the most powerful texting secrets when it comes to catching someone’s attention and making them like you, so let that sink in.
You contact each other at inappropriate times
This includes messaging or calling each other at weird times. Let me elaborate on this one.
So, let’s say that your partner is working a night shift and you’re lying in your bed feeling lonely and finding it difficult to fall asleep.
That is when you start thinking about texting that one person. You engage in flirty banter with them, maybe share a picture or two and then go to sleep.
After that, you think to yourself that it was not a big deal because you didn’t do anything wrong (or anything physical).
However, the real threat lies in the fact that you’ll do it again when you’re feeling lonely or bored (or when your current partner is unavailable).
This will become your favorite remedy for everything and that is how one inappropriate time turns into many inappropriate times.
You’re hiding things
If you have a tendency to hide yourself during phone calls with them, then you know you’re doing something that you shouldn’t.
The same thing goes for hiding your cell phone, lying about your whereabouts or plans and similar.
I know for sure that when a man hides his phone, he’s doing something he shouldn’t behind my back.
We were watching a movie when he received a text message from his close friend of the opposite gender.
As he was typing his reply, I noticed that he was literally hiding his phone from me so that I couldn’t see what he was texting her.
That is when I started being suspicious of his overall behavior and when I talked to him about it, he admitted that he was having an emotional affair (not exactly in these words) but they hadn’t done anything physical.
When he said that to me, everything started falling into place.
Finally, I realized why he had been acting so mysterious all this time and why he refused to tell me what was going on in his head.
When texting, you can make innuendos without fearing that other people will hear you and this often results in oversharing things.
Emotional infidelity is not only about sharing spicy things with the other person.
It is also about sharing your personal things and, let’s say, secrets that you normally wouldn’t share with your current partner or your friends.
Oversharing things results in establishing a strong connection.
When you share every single detail about your life with another person, you are connecting with them on so many levels.
By baring your soul, you are telling them that they are a person you deeply trust and you want them to be a part of your life.
You want them to know your every single thought and by doing that, you are encouraging them to also overshare things with you and that is how things get out of control.
Constantly fantasizing about being intimate with the other person
Many people are convinced that the only legit type of infidelity involves being physically intimate with another person.
Well, you can also be physically intimate with another person in your mind. However, don’t mistake what I mean.
It’s natural for people to sometimes fantasize about other people but constantly fantasizing about being with that one specific person who is not your current partner is called infidelity.
Even though you haven’t done anything in person (yet), you have spent a great amount of time fantasizing about being intimate with the other person instead of focusing on improving intimacy with your current partner.
This can lead to having difficulties being intimate with your current partner because in your mind, you are connected to another person and you are thinking only about them 24/7.
Once a thing or a person becomes an obsession, it’s really hard to take a step back and refrain from doing something that you know you shouldn’t.
That is how fantasizing turns into a physical act of infidelity at a real place instead of your imagination.
What To Do If You Find Out Your Partner Is Emotionally Cheating On You
Talk To Them About It
If you suspect that your partner is having this type of affair, the first thing you should do is talk to them about it.
Both of you need to be open and honest with each other because that is the only way to deal with this situation.
If they tell you that they are ready to stop contacting the other person and they don’t intend on taking things to the next level, then you might succeed in making things work.
But if they are not willing to cut contact with the other person and they admit that they have intense feelings for them, then your relationship might have come to an end.
Still, it’s advisable that you give your partner some time to think about their actions and what they really want.
You don’t want to push or nag them because they are the one who needs to decide to stop being involved in an affair.
If they do it just because you told them so, chances are they’ll do it again in the future.
Evaluate Your Own Behavior
Instead of only focusing on the behavior of your significant other, you also need to evaluate your own.
Emotional infidelity often happens because of something that’s missing in your current relationship. It might be a lack of support, intimacy and other essential aspects.
A healthy and happy relationship requires effort from both partners. That is why it’s important that you also look at your own behavior to see what needs to be improved.
Not addressing the underlying issues in your relationship can lead to long-term unhappiness.
Seek The Help Of A Counselor
If you have already talked to your partner about it and you still haven’t succeeded in making things better, then consider going to couples’ therapy.
A family therapist or relationship expert will help your partner learn how to end an affair (be it emotional or physical); of course, assuming that they are willing and ready to do so.
Also, it will be easier for you to address your relationship problems in such an environment because your counselor will not take sides but point you toward effective ways of solving your issues.
As you’re making progress, make sure to gradually check in on how you and your partner are feeling.
Remember that healing from an affair is a process where both partners need to be patient and understanding.
Emotional affairs and texting can be more harmful to your relationship than physical affairs.
Such affairs often happen because of something that’s missing in your relationship with a current partner.
If you find out your partner is emotionally cheating on you, you need to talk to them about it, evaluate your relationship, prepare for affair recovery and/or seek the help of a counselor.
The only way to improve things in your relationship and prevent future destructive behavior is by addressing the underlying issues that were the cause of the infidelity in the first place.
Good luck and stay strong!