Getting caught up in feelings early during the dating stage can be a real roller coaster, and I’ve experienced that crazy ride more times than I’d like to admit.
I used to be the person who would one day casually go out with a guy, and the next thing you know, I’m daydreaming like crazy. We didn’t even set up a second date and I’m already planning our future together!
I was just so desperate for love that I thought every man I dated was the one, not realizing it would cost me a lot of heartbreaks. Then I stumbled upon Shahrzad Parandeh, a dating coach on TikTok who changed my life.
She listed everything I did wrong but luckily she provided solutions as well! She began her video by saying:
“If you’re a woman who gets attached early on during the dating phase, I’ve got you, girl! I want you to listen to this, I want you to save this and come back to it because it’s going to change your dating game and it’s going to really help you approach dating in a much healthier way.”
Shahrzad explains how she made the same mistakes before and it always backfired but now everything’s different. She shared the things that helped her and that every woman can apply to her life. So try this out next time!
Realize you don’t even know this guy
Although it might sound weird at first, it makes sense! We often fantasize about a made-up person in our mind while not knowing anything about them. Who knows if he’s even half of those things you want him to be?
Instead of spending your time convincing yourself that he is the right person for you, try to get to know him better before making any plans about your future. This man might be a convicted criminal while you’re here thinking he’s your perfect match.
Shahrzad explains you’re focusing on the wrong things:
“You wanna know whether or not he has what it takes to be with you. Is he gonna be a person that’s reliable, is he trustworthy, is he consistent, is he gonna treat you right?… And if right off the bat, he’s not showing you the qualities that you want, instead of focusing on what do I do to make him come to me, take a step back and say I don’t even know who he is. Let me see if he has the qualities, the real qualities that I want.”
You gotta admit she’s right. How can you think you’re in love when you haven’t even found out much about him? Don’t think you know him fully just from one date and late-night texting. Take your time to actually meet him and then decide if you like him, not the imaginary version in your head.
Slow down on texting him
We all know this might be hard, especially when you really like them. However, you can’t find out everything about someone immediately. It would also be boring to go over our whole lives quickly over texts and not leave anything for later.
She mentioned the importance of being real with yourself:
“When you’re texting all day and all night, you start to get this false sense of intimacy. You start to have real feelings for someone that’s just texting you. They’re not really dating you when they’re just texting you!”
I know it feels so good when you click with someone and have lots of topics to talk about but she has a point. It’s just a nice conversation, nothing more! So why would you invest your feelings as if you’re in a committed relationship when you’re far away from that?
The dating coach also explained it causes unnecessary drama and anxious feelings the moment they’re busy and can’t text you. If you get nervous while waiting for his response and then drop everything the second he answers, that’s the biggest sign you need to step back!
Focus your energy on yourself
Shahrzad ended her video by mentioning the advice she gives to all her clients. You need to think about all the energy you’re wasting on him and redirect it towards yourself. As she said:
“All that attention, all of that beautiful love that you’re freely giving away to someone that you hardly know, you deserve it, so call it back to you. Bring all of that attention back to you. You deserve all of that energy!”
Imagine you’re spending all this time and energy on someone who’s not even worth it and you’ll forget he existed one month from now. It’s much better to focus on yourself and relax. Don’t fantasize about him, let him show you if he’s what you want.
Her dating advice helped many!
A lot of women in her comments said she read them like an open book and they found this video very helpful. Some even admitted it wasn’t easy to come clean about this problem:
“This was hard for me to hear… it’s was only 3 wks and he already ghosted me. It’s been really really draining.”
Another girl regrets not hearing this advice on time:
“I wish I would have seen this before he friend-zoned me then ghosted me after 5 weeks. He was a gentleman but now I wonder if he was talking to someone else.
They’re not the only ones who have been enlightened. I have to admit this dating coach helped me as well. After implementing everything she talked about, I’ve experienced a huge change!
I do not get anxious anymore and I feel more relaxed and confident. I try to be open to everything and don’t make any conclusions ahead of time. So definitely try it out and you’ll be thankful to Shahrzad for sharing her wisdom!