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I Can’t Keep Letting You Into My Life Because It Always Ends In Disappointment

I Can’t Keep Letting You Into My Life Because It Always Ends In Disappointment

To be honest, I never believed in second chances and I never believed that people could change. I was always convinced that someone who screwed you over once will do it again. And that was my attitude toward all people in my life and especially men. It doesn’t mean I didn’t treat them rightI simply wasn’t ready to allow anyone to walk all over me, to take me for granted and especially to feel that he could do whatever he wanted while keeping me in his life. This was one of my most important deal-breakers: Who hurt me once will do it again and I wasn’t ready to give him that chance.

I have to admit I kind of felt sorry for the people who couldn’t seem to learn their lesson. I felt sorry for the women who kept forgiving their partners their mistakes over and over again. How could they think they would change? Weren’t they aware that they were only giving them the opportunity to keep screwing them over? I secretly ridiculed the couples who kept going back to each other even though they knew things wouldn’t work out and I couldn’t understand how come they allowed their hearts to lead them into something they knew wasn’t right.

Until I became one of those people. And until you came into my life.

Ever since our paths crossed, I did many things I swore I would never do. I betrayed many of my principles and deal-breakers. But constantly letting you back in and giving you endless second chances was something I hate myself most for doing.

Because now I understand all of those people I looked down on. For years, I thought you would change, although the chance for that to happen was non-existent. For years, I kept forgiving you for repeating all the things you promised you would never do. For years, I allowed you to walk away from me and to come back as you pleased. For years, I kept going back to you, knowing I shouldn’t. And that was my biggest mistake and defeat.

Now I know this. I also know that I was doing it because I loved you. And I still love you. But it doesn’t mean I’ll continue letting you in.

Because I know it would be the same even if I did. Now I know that you will never change and that there is nothing I could do to change you. Now I know that I was the one who allowed you to treat me this way and that now it’s too late for me to change my attitude toward you.

Every time you come back to me, I hope that this time it will be different. I hope that this will be the time when you will realize that I am the girl you should be with and that you’ll realize you love me the same way I love you. I hope that this will be the time you’ll finally understand I am the only one you need and that all of those other girls meant nothing to you. I hope that you’ll finally come to your senses and that you’ll realize that we are meant to be together.

So I always give you the second chance you beg me for. Because whenever you want me to take you back, you turn into the kindest, most loving man in the world. You tell me everything I need and want to hear and you promise me that this is the last time you have done something stupid. You keep telling me that you can’t imagine living your life without me and that you are ready to do whatever it takes just to get another chance.

Let’s get one thing straightmy reason has always been telling me that I am foolish. There has always existed this tiny voice in my head that kept warning me that I would get hurt once more. But with time, I’ve learned to ignore that voice and I’ve learn to pretend it doesn’t exist.

But finally, after all this time and after everything you’ve put me through, my voice of reason has prevailed. It has become louder than ever and it has helped me see the real you for the first time. It has helped me give up on you. It has helped me lose hope that you will ever be different.

Because you and I both know that you will always stay the same. We both know that you will always end up hurting me and disappointing me, despite all the promises you’ve been making. We both know that we have no future together and that it is about time to put an end to this charade.

So please, let me walk away for good because that is the least I deserve. Please let me find my peace and don’t come looking for me once you realize what you’ve lost. Because trust me, sooner or later, you will understand everything. But it will be too late.