Go on, keep me a secret. I dare you to do it one more time. I dare you to come running to me in the middle of the night to kiss and hug, to get just enough of the love you need and then hide on the balcony to text her, to invent some stupid lie of your current location.
Come on, I dare you to treat me like your backup plan! I dare you to lie to me one more time and tell me I’m the one.
I dare you to call me one more time to meet somewhere far away so you’ll be sure no one knows you. Somewhere you’re positive no one will see you walking by my side and holding my hand.
I dare you to take me to dinner in the deeply hidden, little restaurant in the part of the town that no one goes to. I dare you to take me to the table somewhere in the dim corner where it’s dark enough so we won’t be seen. I still remember the faces of those poor girls on dates who knew they’ve been taken there because he is either ashamed or they are simply a second choice.
You never took me anywhere. We never went shopping together; we never went for a walk. The furthest I’ve gone walking with you is from the motel to the car, running in fear that you might be seen.
I’m fucking tired of it all.
I wasn’t expecting things to be this way. I never wanted to be anyone’s second choice. I just fell in love and you lied you fell in love, too. I guess I’m that naïve girl who fell for your promises of leaving her and staying with me. But, you kept me in reserve, for just in case and I sadly believed in each and every one of your lies.
I’m fucking tired of you knocking on my door in the middle of the night. I’m tired of sensing her smell when I get close to you. I’m tired of seeing different shades of lipstick in the shape of a goodbye kiss on your cheek every time you come over. I’m tired of being your second choice, someone you come over to when you don’t have anywhere else to go.
I’m fucking tired of you not taking me anywhere. I want to enjoy love. I want to go everywhere with the man I love. I want to climb mountains, walk by the river, go for a coffee and go dancing with him. I want to enjoy life with him. But, with you, the only thing I get is a filthy couch in a cheap motel and my room. Fuck that! I want more and clearly, you’re not going to give it to me!
I’m fucking tired of you hiding me like I was a disease and not someone you love. I’m done hiding. I’m young and I want to live a normal life. I want a man who will love me with all his heart and in every second of the day in every possible situation we are in. I want a man who will embarrass himself in order to get me out of a tricky situation. I want a man who will get the attention off of me if I don’t want it. I want a man who will take me by the hand and show me to everyone. You never had the guts to do that. You said you wanted to, but you only said it to keep me a bit longer as your second choice. Well, that ends today, honey!
I’m fucking tired of asking you to meet your friends. You met mine. Some of them didn’t even like you, but I told them to give you another chance. I told them that you’re not that bad. That you are just in a tricky situation and you need some time. And once you solve everything, we’re going to be the happiest couple alive. I accidentally fed them with all the lies you were feeding me. I never met your friends. Something always came up. They were busy, you were busy, and we’ll do it some other time. I bet they didn’t even know I existed.
I’m fucking tired of staring at an empty screen. I’m tired of texting you and staring at the screen waiting for the message I know is not coming. I’m tired of jumping off of my seat every time my phone rings, hoping it was you, although deep inside, I know it’s not. I’m tired of checking my phone every five minutes. My friends yell at me. They are angry with me because even when I’m with them, I’m not there. I’m hoping that you’ll call me. I’m hoping that, as trashy as it might sound, you’ll take me somewhere where no one can see you so I can be with you.
Well, I’m fucking tired of that. I’m tired of you treating me like shit. I’m tired of being your second choice. I’m tired of hiding and eating in dark and suspicious restaurants. I’m done waking up at 2 a.m. although I have to go to work tomorrow morning just because you ‘couldn’t’ come over any sooner.
I’m fucking tired of having you in my life and I feel sorry for that poor woman whois still with you and the one who is going to replace me. You, poor excuse of a man. You’re never going to change.
For a moment, I felt as sorry for myself as I feel sorry for you, too. But that won’t last for long because today, I’m saying a final goodbye. So long and God forbid we ever meet again.
Sunday 3rd of June 2018
Powerful. I was just there. Thank god he discarded me. xo