I want love – true love to finally show me I can be myself. I want a love that doesn’t hide, that isn’t calculated, scared, or indecisive.
I want love so strong it overcomes all my fears. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes I’m so convinced I will never find it. The emptiness in my chest is too comfortable. I’m used to it.
It seems as if I crave love and at the same time, I’m afraid of it. I’m scared of commitment and being hurt again. I’m scared of making one big decision with such a huge impact on the rest of my life.
Maybe it’s because subconsciously my mind thinks I’m not deserving of love. Why?
I don’t accept myself as I am, and no matter how hard the other person tries to make me comfortable, I can’t feel comfortable inside myself.
The same thing makes me drawn to partners who mistreat me.
I don’t want to end up with someone who will ruin my life and leave me in pieces. It happened before. That’s why I’m feeling this wrecked in the first place.
When you go through abuse, everything in your life changes. You’re not the person you were before.
Uncertainty and feeling powerless become part of you. There’s no going back to the old.
Frankly, the idea of someone seeing me just the way I am scares the heck out of me. It’s almost like admitting what you see now is all I can give you. And I‘m scared that’s not enough.
I don’t want to just wake up heartbroken one day. I’d rather wake up lonely even if it hurts. The fear of future pain is almost paralyzing.
However, I want to overcome this fear and I’m aware that the first step in overcoming it is changing my relationship with myself.
When we stop limiting our feelings and let ourselves be vulnerable, things start changing. If we’re not vulnerable, we’re not being honest with ourselves.
I remind myself: Somewhere out there is a person who will accept your imperfections and never think of you like too much or too little anything. Someone who truly loves everything you are.
But before that, you need to let them see you.
Don’t paralyze yourself in fear and don’t give or accept half-hearted love.
Be yourself proudly. Don’t let the past trauma take you away from you. You’re more than the things that happened to you.
Don’t close off your heart because by doing that, you’re hurting yourself anyway.
Every lesson in life has its meaning. Everything in life goes on, so let it go on.
Don’t settle thinking I’m that girl who’s going to end up alone forever. That’s not true! You decide who you are.
Instead, stop thinking about love and a relationship as something unattainable. Making an effort towards something always opens a new door you didn’t know about.
Make a connection, say what’s on your heart, don’t worry about how you’re being perceived, and let the magic happen.
Being hurt or even being alone isn’t the worst thing that can happen to you. Every situation is a chance for growth.
Take your pain and what you learned from it to plant something new – something that can be your own revolution.
You can have someone you can call your own, someone who will be there always. Someone who loves you without limit – who won’t make you feel worthless, overlooked, put aside or sad.
You deserve to love and to be loved in return. Open your heart for something new.
Start by loving yourself and watch things change. Little by little you will find yourself doing things you never imagined. Bit by bit you’ll notice fear disappearing.
Love is the most powerful of all things, so don’t underestimate its importance in your life. You need it, you’re deserving of it, and you can experience it in its truest form.
Don’t let it scare you. True love doesn’t know fear.
It exists. Just let it find you.