When you fall to the lowest point in your life and your whole body is sore from the ache you’re feeling deep in your heart and soul, you have no other choice but to change.
You have no other choice but to change the way you do things, the way you look at the world and the way you allow other people treat you.
When you get tired of getting broken over and over again, when you get tired of doing different things but always ending up in the same place, when you get tired of people constantly letting you down, you realize that there isn’t any point in getting mad at anyone or holding grudges because in the end, it does you no good.
For a long time, I have been mad at the entire world. For a long time, I was fighting battles inside my head, keeping myself awake late into the night and arguing with God for letting everything hurt me.
But then I realized it’s not God who’s doing me so much damage. It’s me who’s holding onto the pain others caused me.
For a long time, I held grudges and allowed my anger to spread its roots inside me. I was the only one responsible for letting my soul rot because I didn’t know otherwise.
I still struggle with it, but I’m slowly learning to let go. I’m slowly learning the wisdom of this life.
I’m slowly learning that those who walked away were never meant to stay.
Everyone who came into my life had a purpose. It was either to love me, break me or teach me a lesson. Sometimes it was all of those together.
But regardless of the feelings caused or my wishes for them to stay in my life, now I know that nobody who wasn’t meant to be in my life could stay no matter how hard I wanted them to.
I’m slowly learning that those who weren’t there for me when they should’ve been didn’t know any better.
Not all people in this world have the ability to feel empathy. Not all people feel it is their obligation to be there in times of need for those who have been there for them.
Not all people like me and that’s okay. Now I know that those who choose not to be there for me didn’t know any better.
They don’t know how to care for anyone other than themselves. And letting me down had nothing to do with me. I’m finally ready to accept it wasn’t my fault.
I’m slowly learning that those who hurt me don’t need to have power over me forever.
I’m learning to stop giving people who hurt me power over me. I’m learning to forgive and move on.
I’m slowly teaching myself to heal, patch my wounds and not just allow people to have power over me long after they’ve hurt me.
Truth to be told, they either chose to hurt me deliberately or chose to be oblivious to things they did to me, so why should I allow them to occupy my mind and disturb my peace? I shouldn’t and I won’t.
I’m slowly learning that I don’t need to force anything.
The time has come to admit to myself that people who are meant to be in my life won’t expect me to chase them. I won’t need to beg anyone for anything—not for their love, not for their time and not to put me on their priority list.
I need to learn to be patient and trust that everything has its own season in my life, and that things that are meant to be will find their way to me. In the meantime, the least I can do is try and be the best version of myself. As simple as that.
I’m slowly learning that living in the past isn’t really living.
For a long time, I held onto past events and replayed them in my head. For a long time, I had this ugly custom of thinking about the things that hurt me and what I could’ve done to avoid them.
For a long time, I imagined the events that broke my heart with different outcomes. And that’s not how you live life.
That’s how you get yourself stuck in the past and miss living. You have to let go of what has happened in order to be able to fully welcome things in life that are headed your way.
I’m slowly learning to take control of my life.
I’ve let so many things that have happened to me determine my course of life. I’ve allowed other people’s actions to affect my behaviour and the way I treat myself and my life.
For a long time, I was toxic to myself because I didn’t know how to let go or how to take charge. I held onto things that had happened and it all smouldered in me for way too long. But no more.
Now the time has come for me to forgive those who hurt me. It’s time to move on.
It’s time to let go of all the emotional baggage I have; it’s time to accept all the lessons I learned and others forced me to learn. It’s time to let go of the pain others caused me and know better than to allow them to do it again.
It’s time to be happy. I might not get there right away, but I’m ready for that journey.
It won’t happen overnight, but I’m sure it will eventually.