Every relationship has its ups and downs and the fact is that all couples have some conflicts and fights; it’s a part of every healthy relationship.
We all have different opinions and perspectives about some things and it’s normal that we’ll have some disagreements about those things but it doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed to fail.
The important thing is how we handle those fights and deal with them. You have to be understanding and ready to apologize and forgive your partner when he offers an apology first.
However, there can be times when you can feel disconnected from your partner without any reason. It can be confusing and you will ask yourself, “Is he pulling away or breaking up with me?”
Don’t panic right away. There are many reasons why a man pulls away and it doesn’t have to mean that he is going to break up with you.
That’s not a reason for you to start ghosting him right away, especially if you’re in a serious relationship.
Trust me, that’s the last thing you should do because that’s just how you’ll scare him away. Give him space because he obviously needs it.
However, if you’re afraid of a break-up and want to know why men pull away in the first place, here are the most important differences between pulling away and breaking up.
Pulling away vs breaking up
Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether your problems and conflicts in a relationship are just temporary or they lead to something bigger.
It is especially confusing for those who met their partner on one of those online dating apps and are still dating online.
They haven’t gotten to know their partner well enough and they can’t tell whether they’re pulling away to break up with them or if it’s because of something else.
On the flip side, it may be even more confusing if you’re in a long-term relationship because you’ll definitely be afraid of your partner leaving.
It may lead to you reacting in the wrong way; for example, by giving them a hard time for pulling away.
Either way, you shouldn’t be worried. If your man is about to break up with you, it’ll be easy to see those red flags everywhere around you.
He is breaking up with you if…
1. He has a lot of solo plans
If you are in a committed relationship, you’ll do most things together. If he suddenly starts making plans on his own, it means that he is doing something he shouldn’t because you probably wouldn’t approve of it.
Also, it means that your partner doesn’t feel comfortable with you hanging out with their family or friends anymore.
If he suddenly starts excluding you from his activities or starts choosing his friends over you, there must be a good reason for that. The most obvious one is that he’s just preparing for a break-up.
2. He doesn’t have time for you
At the beginning of your relationship, you spent a lot of time together. Now, you barely even see him because he doesn’t have much free time to hang out with you.
It shouldn’t be like that. If a man truly loves you, you’ll be his priority and he won’t neglect you, no matter how busy he is.
If you aren’t his priority, then it means that he isn’t serious about you. If he doesn’t want to make time for you, then you shouldn’t waste your time on him either.
3. He never calls you first
Are you used to him being the one who always texts first in the morning or sends a goodnight text? Now that texting and those phone calls have suddenly stopped.
He never texts or calls first anymore, which is the most obvious red flag for you. He doesn’t care about how your day was, nor does he want to talk about his.
4. He removed you from his future plans
Do you remember how in the beginning he used ‘we’ whenever he talked about the future? Now he’s back using ‘I’.
It obviously means that he doesn’t see you anywhere in his future. He has plans and dreams but you aren’t a part of those.
If he has removed you from all of his plans for the future, it means that he already made the decision to break up but he still isn’t ready to tell you that yet.
If, for example, he had a profile picture with you on his social media and he suddenly changed it for one where he is alone, that is not a reason for panic.
However, if he deletes all the photos where you two are together, it’s a clue that he wants to hide that he is in a relationship.
Maybe he even does that so you can start a fight and give him the perfect opportunity to leave you.
If you notice that your partner is spending more time on his social media than he used to, you should find a way to check his phone.
Check his text messages first, then his gallery and his call history… Look for any signs that he isn’t being loyal to you.
6. He doesn’t want to be intimate anymore
Physical intimacy is essential for every healthy relationship. It’s how you show your partner that you trust him and that you care for him.
In the beginning, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other but now something has changed. He doesn’t even touch you for a day or even for weeks.
One thing you should know is that guys can easily lose interest.
I agree that there are some other explanations why he doesn’t want to be intimate with you anymore but the most common one is that he is no longer in love with you.
7. He always picks fights
Like we’ve already said, all couples fight and that’s a fact; it’s perfectly normal for every healthy relationship. However, if your man starts arguing about some silly things, then something is definitely wrong.
He gets upset at the smallest things and whenever you try to talk to him about those fights, it ends up even worse. It seems to you like you can’t have a normal conversation anymore without fighting over something.
He is picking fights just because he wants to make you break up with him because he is obviously not man enough to do it himself.
8. He doesn’t care about your interests anymore
Do you want to know about all the things that are important to him but he doesn’t care about your interests? He doesn’t care even about your job or how your day was?
If you invite him to an event that’s important to you and he doesn’t go, using his busy schedule as an excuse, the truth is that he doesn’t care about you. A guy doesn’t get too busy for a girl he really cares about.
If you have to try hard to keep your boyfriend in your life, it’s also a red flag that he doesn’t care about you or that he wants to end your relationship.
True love is never hard and you should never try to keep in your life someone who obviously doesn’t want to be a part of it anymore.
9. He stopped being jealous
Jealousy in a relationship is not necessarily a bad thing, as it shows that your partner cares for you. Of course, too much of anything can be unhealthy.
There are some healthy boundaries and you should never let your partner totally control you because he’s too jealous.
If he suddenly stops being jealous and he is okay with you hanging out with other men, it means that he has lost interest in you.
You can test him. Make him jealous with another man, just to see his reaction. If he does nothing, it is more than a clear sign that he doesn’t have feelings for you any longer.
A guy is pulling away if…
1. He’s acting distant toward you all of a sudden
You know you have done nothing wrong but still, he starts acting distant toward you. From a man who shared all of his secrets with you, he turned into someone so distant and cold with you, like a stranger.
First, you have to calm down. Freaking out isn’t going to get you anywhere. I’m sure there is a perfectly good explanation for his behavior, like maybe he has some problems at work. Maybe it’s not you at all.
2. He doesn’t text back immediately
You shouldn’t start panicking if you don’t get a response immediately. Maybe it’s just that your partner is busy at that moment or maybe he needs some time alone.
The most important thing is that he eventually texts back. It means that he still cares for you but maybe he just needed to pull away to think about some things.
3. He cancels on you at the last minute
If he becomes too busy to hang out with you and starts using many excuses, it’s a clear sign for you that something is happening and that it’s bothering him.
This may be so frustrating for you but still, you have to be full of understanding for your man because you aren’t sure what’s happening.
It may seem like he is pulling away but he is maybe hiding something from you to protect you.
4. He is being secretive
This is probably the most confusing one. All of a sudden, he starts hiding his phone or he doesn’t tell you where he is going.
You don’t know what to think, whether he is pulling away or he wants to break up with you? Or even worse, that maybe he is cheating on you.
However, all you can do is have an honest conversation with him. Don’t start ghosting him on social media or follow him everywhere he goes. Either would be the worst decision in this situation.
5. He isn’t the same in bed
You don’t feel the same spark when you’re in bed. It seems like he has something else on his mind and he becomes distant in bed too.
You try some new things to intrigue him but they don’t work either. Sometimes he even goes to bed before you, just to avoid it.
You start thinking that it’s you. You think he isn’t attracted to you anymore and you want to work on yourself and change your appearance.
Well, working on yourself is never wrong but you won’t make this situation better by losing weight or wearing some hot lingerie.
The only way you can fix that situation is to talk to your partner. Ask him what’s happening and why he has distanced himself from you in bed.
6. He is not attentive anymore
He was crazy about you in the beginning and he wanted to know everything about you. Now, things have changed and he doesn’t even pay attention to what you’re saying.
He wasn’t just your love partner, he was also your best friend; someone whom you could tell everything and who was always the best listener.
Now it feels like he has just lost interest in you and that he is pulling away because he doesn’t like you anymore.
You don’t even want to talk to him about personal things because you can’t help yourself but feel that you’re only bothering him.
7. He doesn’t arrange any of those sweet surprises for you anymore
He always knew how to surprise you and make you the happiest and most loved girl in the whole world. He was the one who kept that spark in your love life alive.
Now that’s all gone too. He has even forgotten some important dates and it seems like he has lost interest in you.
If you miss those days and want to find out what’s happening with your man, the best solution is to confront him and ask him for an explanation because you definitely deserve one.
8. He has sudden mood swings
If your man becomes moody all the time and dealing with his mood swings becomes frustrating for you, you have to know that you shouldn’t take it personally.
Maybe it has nothing to do with you. Maybe your partner is just going through a bad period in his life. And if that is so, he’s going to need your understanding and support. You shouldn’t let him go through it alone.
Why do men pull away?
I think that the most important question is why men pull away in the first place. What causes them to become so distant and cold toward us?
First of all, you should never see it as your fault, as there are several reasons why guys pull away. And the most important thing you should know is that it doesn’t have to mean that he is breaking up with you.
Here are the most common reasons why a man grows distant all of a sudden.
1. He has problems at work
It’s proven that stress at work can affect your relationship. If you have too many obligations and deadlines, you become moody and tired, which greatly affects your relationship.
That’s why you should always be a support to your man, especially if he has a stressful job. You have to find some ways to relax him and make him forget about his work when he is with you.
2. He is scared of commitment
If he is young, then he’ll definitely pull away the moment you start speaking about making your relationship more serious.
He is afraid of commitment and he doesn’t know how to react when you have those talks about the future. So, don’t rush him into anything because once he feels ready, then he’ll talk about the future.
3. He got scared because things were going too fast
Men prefer to go slowly. You have to let them make the first move. Don’t start talking about the future yourself, especially if you have only been dating for a couple of months.
Otherwise, you’ll only scare your man away. Pulling away (and eventually breaking up with you) would seem like the best way out of that situation.
4. He isn’t sure whether you’re the one
Maybe he just needs some more time to think about you and your relationship. He isn’t sure if you are the one and he needs some alone time to think about it.
He’ll pull away for some time and the only thing you can do is give him space. Let him decide, accept his decision and make peace with it.
The best way to find out whether he is pulling away or breaking up with you is just by giving him space. Don’t pressure him into anything. When he makes a decision, you’ll be the first one to know it for sure.
Open and honest communication is the key to solving all problems in your relationship and it’s also essential for having a healthy relationship.