Here’s the thing with a sex drive and relationships. In the beginning (as you experience the joys of the honeymoon phase), your sex life is at its peak.
You can barely keep your hands off each other for 2 minutes. The excitement and strong sexual desire are almost palpable.
Then, after a few months, this, like everything else in a relationship, changes. Reality kicks in, your sexual interest is no longer at its peak, but now you’re comfier than ever with one another.
THE TRUTH REVEALED: All this is totally normal and expected. However, it can become a problem if your sex life becomes non-existent or you notice potential underlying issues.
Yes, it can definitely become a problem if you keep thinking, My boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in me sexually anymore. I wonder whether he’s attracted to me at all.
If this is happening to you right now, then you shouldn’t ignore it.
Instead, allow me to provide you with my humble guidance and assistance. Below you’ll find 3 different parts on this matter so that we cover everything you need to understand what exactly is happening (and what you can do about it).
My Boyfriend Doesn’t Seem Interested In Me Sexually Anymore: 8 Possible Reasons Why
Does he suffer from low libido, accumulated stress at work, or is there something else at play? Remember, it doesn’t have to be one reason but multiple.
1. Stress at work
Stress, stress, stress...Wherever we go, whatever we read, chances are we’ll stumble upon the word stress, which has become our eternal enemy. And yes, stress is one of the main culprits of low libido and erectile dysfunction.
Has your boyfriend complained lately about having headaches or feeling stressed out at work?
If yes, then you can be sure the reason he’s no longer sexually interested in you is because of too much stress.
Because of that, he’s having difficulty relaxing and thinking of you in a sexual way. His lack of interest in sex is not something you should take personally.
PRO TIP: If you want to help him relax after work, give him a massage, pour him a glass of wine, and put on some soothing music. If that doesn’t help, then prepare him a warm bubble bath.
2. Mental health problems
Have you noticed any changes in your boyfriend’s behavior lately? Does he seem more reserved or withdrawn? Does he seem less interested in doing things he used to enjoy?
Along with stress, depression and anxiety have also become our well-known enemies. If your boyfriend is struggling with mental health issues, it’s natural that his desire for sex decreases because of low testosterone levels.
He could be struggling with other health issues like high blood pressure, which can also affect his sex drive.
Again, this has nothing to do with you. His low sex drive is connected with untreated mental health issues. Note that lower sexual desire can also be a side effect of some antidepressants.
3. Underlying issues in your relationship
If one partner is dissatisfied with a relationship but refuses to acknowledge it, you’ll create a pile of underlying issues.
Difficult relationship moods and all types of problems need to be addressed for a relationship to be healthy.
And yes, if your boyfriend is not happy in your relationship, this will also influence your sexual intimacy. He won’t be able to relax and focus on cuddling or any type of physical intimacy because the underlying issues are haunting him.
PRO TIP: If you think that something’s not right in your relationship, don’t hesitate to address it. The more you postpone it, the worse it gets.
4. He has performance anxiety
Believe it or not, performance anxiety is not a new term. It has existed since the world began, but men don’t really like to talk about it. Every boyfriend wants to know and needs to know that he’s capable of satisfying his woman.
If he THINKS he’s not, this will impact his self-confidence and lead to less sex or no sex at all. Why? Because he doesn’t want to fail at satisfying you in bed.
Men with low self-esteem need validation from their partners so that they know they’re doing everything right. This happens in both the early stages of dating and a long-term relationship.
PRO TIP: If he’s good in bed, don’t forget to praise his performance. If he’s not-so-good, then tell him how he could improve things – in a non-judgmental way, of course.
5. Or he’s masturbating too much
Sometimes the reason for a lack of sex is not performance anxiety or underlying relationship issues but too much masturbating.
So, the main source of his sexual satisfaction is masturbation. Because of that, he no longer feels the need for other sexual activities like making love with you.
After he’s done masturbating, it’s difficult for him to get sexually aroused again over the next few hours. Also, if he’s addicted to porn, this might influence his sexual expectations in real life.
In other words, unrealistic expectations will make him feel like having sex with you is no longer fun.
6. He’s cheating on you
While you’re all alone thinking My boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in me sexually anymore, he’s out there satisfying his sexual needs with someone else.
Cheating is also one of the most popular reasons for a sexless marriage or relationship. It’s when they stay late at work, become overly protective of their phone, and similar.
If he’s cheating on you and hiding it, then you know the issues are much deeper than just him not being interested in you sexually.
It’s true that some men cheat just because, and others cheat because they are unwilling to address problems in a relationship.
PRO TIP: If he doesn’t show remorse, then a breakup would be a wise alternative.
7. His sex drive is naturally low
I don’t know if you’ve heard, but some men have a naturally low sex drive. They don’t feel the need to have sex frequently, and they’re okay with it.
However, don’t let this confuse you.
If your man refuses to have sex with you for weeks or months, then you know things are probably more complicated than you think.
8. He’s no longer attracted to you
Do you think he’s no longer attracted to you sexually or in general? When you become too comfortable in a relationship, you no longer pay attention to things you used to.
Perhaps you stopped surprising him with sexy outfits from time to time. Maybe you stopped sending him hot texts or hot pictures like you did before. Maybe you’ve been feeling unattractive lately.
All these things might be considered trivial, but they play a huge role when it comes to sexual attraction. If you no longer stimulate one another mentally and physically, your attraction will decrease.
PRO TIP: Rock that hot outfit you haven’t worn in a while and remind him why he’s attracted to you in the first place.
What Should You Do About It?
My boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in me sexually anymore. What should I do about it? Well, if you want to be in a healthy relationship, consider doing the following things to improve your sex life:
1. Establish the reason for his loss of sexual interest
The most important thing is establishing the reason for his loss of sexual desire. Is it lower sex drive, issues with emotional well-being, or does he feel overly self-conscious about his performance?
There are multiple reasons for this, and you’ll find the most common ones explained in detail above. Here’s a little help.
If the reason is his mental health or physical issues, then you know there’s nothing you can do about it. Instead, he needs to seek professional help.
If he’s falling out of love with you, you can always try to fix things (if he’s willing) and go to couples counseling. So, the reason for him acting this way might but doesn’t have to be you.
That is why it is important to go through the above list of reasons and find the one(s) that resonate with his behavior.
2. Then talk to him about it
Transparency in a relationship is never outdated. If you aren’t satisfied with your sexual relationship, there’s no need to shy away from talking about it with your partner.
If he cares about you, he’ll be more than willing to discuss these delicate matters with you and work on finding solutions for them.
However, if he gets defensive when you tell him how you feel, then he might be cheating on you, or he’s no longer romantically and sexually attracted to you.
So, if he’s not willing to talk to you about it or do anything about it, then feel free to call it quits (unless you decide to give him some time beforehand).
3. Initiate sex more often (if you haven’t already)
They say that simple problems require simple solutions. I’m not saying that this is a simple problem, but perhaps it could be fixed with a simple solution like initiating sex more often.
If you’ve already initiated sex multiple times without success, then you shouldn’t continue doing so. But if you haven’t, you can definitely give it a try.
Gone are the days when only men were the main initiators of sex, so there’s nothing you should overthink about it.
If initiating sex more often will fix your relationship and increase his libido, then don’t hesitate to do it. Also, don’t forget to add some hot outfits to the equation so that he becomes totally addicted to you.
As you already know, men are visual creatures, so you can use this to your advantage, aka to boost his sex drive with minimum effort.
4. Boost your physical attractiveness
If you don’t feel sexually attractive and desirable, chances are he won’t see you that way either. Everything stems from how we feel about ourselves and what we think about ourselves.
Do you think you could boost your physical attractiveness? Do you think this would make you feel more attractive?
If yes, then do it! I mean, there is always space for improvement no matter how hot you’re feeling at the moment.
To boost your physical attractiveness, I recommend buying some eye-catching outfits (if you catch my drift), perhaps changing your hairstyle, hitting the gym, and similar.
This will not only make him even more attracted to you but also boost your self-love. He will be impressed by your efforts and the final results. And yes, he will be unable to keep his hands off you.
5. Make it fun
One of the worst things that could happen to couples in a long-term relationship is a lack of fun in the bedroom and in general. Once you fall into a routine, it’s really hard to find a way out (speaking from experience).
So, my genuine relationship advice would be the following: Make it FUN, woman!
There are so many ways you can spice things up. You can try role-play, sex toys, or new positions. You can be a freak between the sheets.
Whatever you choose, know that it will do wonders for your love life.
Nobody likes repeating the same thing over and over again, right? That’s exactly how some couples lose their sex drive. They already know the entire sexual scenario by heart, so they no longer feel excited about it.
Their desire to have sex with their partner naturally decreases due to a lack of excitement and fun.
Perhaps that’s exactly how your man feels right now. By making it fun and suggesting that you try new things, you’ll definitely level up your sex game and please him like a goddess.
6. See a sex therapist (if needed)
If all else fails, you can always see a sex therapist. They will help you work on both the emotional and physical aspects of your relationship.
A sex therapist will give you plenty of valuable advice on how to improve your performance in bed, how to spice things up, and what you should pay special attention to.
Sex therapy is especially beneficial if your boyfriend has performance anxiety. I’m sure a sex therapist will figure that out during sessions without your boyfriend saying it directly.
And that’s the best thing about these therapy sessions. Sometimes, all you need is an opinion from a third party who specializes in dealing with certain matters – in this case, sexual ones.
How Do You Tell If Your Boyfriend Is No Longer Sexually Attracted To You?
There are many subtle and less subtle signs that your boyfriend is no longer sexually attracted to you. The most important ones are the following: lack of affection and compliments, no sex, not enjoying spending time together, excuses, and dull texts.
The reason why it’s essential to go through these signs is that they will help you understand whether your suspicions are valid or not. So, let’s see.
• Lack of affection and compliments
When was the last time your boyfriend complimented you? When was the last time he kissed you like he really meant it?
If you’re tired of begging for attention, then chances are your boyfriend is no longer interested in you romantically or sexually. Let’s be honest.
If you’re romantically interested in someone, you’d want them in a sexual way as well. You’ll want all of them now and always. Anything else is just an excuse (or a lack of affection and sexual interest).
• Sex is officially dead
If you had to wait for him to initiate sex, you feel like you’d probably wait forever. Does this resonate with you? Wait, have you been the only one initiating sex (unsuccessfully) for some time now?
If yes, then you know sex is officially dead, and your relationship is complicated. It may be because he’s no longer attracted to you sexually or other external factors like stress at work.
Whatever it is, one thing is sure: Your sex life is non-existent, and it’s time you do something about it.
• Excuses are consistent
Believe it or not, “I have a headache” is not only a popular woman’s saying when she’s not interested in having sex. Men use it, too, when they’re not in the mood for sex or when they’re no longer interested in their partner sexually.
It doesn’t have to be a headache, but it can be anything else. From staying late at work (wait, does that indicate cheating?) to spending too much time with his best friends, excuses are consistent and sex is non-existent.
There’s probably a reason he’s ignoring you, making you feel disrespected and sexually frustrated.
• Spending time together feels forced
Even when he manages to find time to spend with you (wow, he can do that?), everything feels unnatural.
As a matter of fact, your entire relationship feels forced. There are no subtle touches, there is no chemistry, and he doesn’t even try to make you horny. Why?
Is he truly not interested in you, or is he playing hard to get? Seriously? Do men even know how to play hard to get when it comes to these sexual matters?
• Dull texts
Trust me, men, boyfriends, and generally the entire male species are highly skillful when it comes to sexually provoking a woman via text.
Some of them try hard to make a woman horny by sending dirty texts, while others resort to sending hot pictures to catch your attention and make you want them badly.
Whatever method they choose, the goal remains the same: They want to make you aroused because they’re sexually attracted to you.
Now, if your boyfriend has suddenly become ‘bad at texting’ and seldom or never uses any sexual connotations, you should be worried. I’m saying this to you, woman-to-woman.
Is the statement My boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in me sexually anymore still running through your head? If not, then you can be sure that you’ve found the reasons why your boyfriend might be disinterested in you sexually.
Whatever the reason, keep in mind that you don’t deserve a guy who makes you feel alone in a relationship. If talking to him about it doesn’t help, then consider seeing a sex therapist or another professional.
If that also doesn’t help, then perhaps breaking up with him is the right thing to do. As always, you are the judge of that because every relationship is individual.
Everyone deserves to feel desired and wanted in a relationship both emotionally and sexually.
If that’s something your partner can no longer give you and it can be fixed, then you know what you ought to do. Life is too short to spend it with someone who makes you unhappy.