In a world where honesty is often valued, encountering a partner who twists the truth can be unsettling. While everyone is prone to an occasional white lie, a pathological liar can weave complex webs of deceit.
Below, we explore 18 behaviors that might indicate your partner’s knack for make-believe goes beyond simple storytelling.
Be observant, as recognizing these signs is the first step in addressing the issue at its core. Understanding these behaviors will empower you to make informed decisions about your relationship.
1. Their stories keep changing—just slightly
Imagine listening to a tale only to hear a different version later. A subtle shift in details can signal a bigger issue. One moment, they went to a café on Main Street, the next, it was a bakery two blocks away. Such contradictions may seem minor but often indicate a deeper pattern of deceit.
This inconsistency is a hallmark of a pathological liar, where keeping track of fabrications becomes too complex. It’s as if their story is a moving target, never staying still long enough to pin down the truth. For them, the tale isn’t about facts but about weaving a narrative that suits the moment.
2. You notice emotional reactions that don’t match the moment
Ever caught someone laughing at a funeral or being overly cheerful during a breakup? Such mismatched emotional reactions can be telling. This dissonance often arises because their emotions are not genuine. Pathological liars frequently mimic emotions to fit social cues but sometimes misfire, revealing their act. It’s unsettling and confusing for those around them.
These reactions, or lack thereof, may initially seem like quirks but can underscore their detachment from authentic experiences. Understanding this behavior requires a keen eye, but once noticed, it becomes a glaring red flag in their tapestry of deception.
3. They give way too much detail when it’s not needed
It’s not uncommon for someone to pepper their stories with unnecessary details. Perhaps they describe the weather, the color of their shoelaces, or what song was playing, all while recounting a simple event. This over-explanation is often a smokescreen
Pathological liars use excessive detail to distract or convince others of their authenticity. But, ironically, these details can make their story less believable. It’s as if they’re hoping the minutiae will lend credibility, overshadowing the core of the lie itself. Pay attention to these verbose narratives; they often hide more than they reveal.
4. Their timeline doesn’t add up—and they’re annoyed when you notice
Consider the frustration when someone’s timeline doesn’t make sense. They claim to have been in two places at once or achieved tasks in impossibly short spans. When questioned, a pathological liar’s annoyance or defensiveness can be telling. They expect their version to be accepted without scrutiny. This reaction is a tactic to deflect and dissuade further probing.
Their timeline isn’t about accuracy but about crafting a narrative that suits their needs at the moment. It’s an exhausting dance of avoidances and half-truths, leaving you baffled and questioning your own perceptions.
5. You catch them lying about things that don’t even matter
Imagine catching someone in a lie over something insignificant, like what they had for lunch. This tendency to lie about trivial matters is a profound red flag. Such deceit is often not about the lie itself but the act of lying. Pathological liars find comfort in fabricating realities, using even the smallest opportunities to practice their craft. It’s a habit deeply ingrained, not easily shaken.
Over time, these seemingly inconsequential falsehoods weave a pattern, painting a bigger picture of their relationship with the truth. It’s puzzling and frustrating, leaving you to wonder why honesty is so elusive.
6. They get defensive before you ask a single question
Have you ever noticed someone bracing for an interrogation before any questions are asked? This preemptive defensiveness is often a smoke signal. Pathological liars may react this way to avoid scrutiny, anticipating that their fabrications might be under threat. It’s a protective mechanism, shielding their narrative from perceived attacks.
This readiness to defend suggests they are always on guard, aware that their stories might not stand the test of truth. Their constant vigilance speaks volumes about their internal recognition of deceit, even if they never admit it outright.
7. You feel confused after conversations—often
Leaving a conversation more confused than when you started is a hallmark of dealing with a pathological liar. Their narratives are often convoluted, filled with contradictions and evasions. It’s not about clarity but maintaining a façade that suits their needs. This confusion isn’t accidental; it’s a tool.
By keeping you off-balance, they maintain control of the narrative, ensuring that the truth remains obscured. Over time, this pattern can erode trust and make you question your own memory and judgment. It’s a disorienting experience, leaving you to untangle the web of half-truths.
8. They claim others “misheard” or “misunderstood” them—again and again
Repeatedly hearing someone say they’ve been misunderstood is telling. Pathological liars often rely on this tactic to shift blame when caught in a lie. It’s a way to deflect responsibility, suggesting that the error lies with others, not their narrative.
This repeated pattern can be frustrating and disheartening, especially when you’re certain of what was said. It’s a strategic maneuver, designed to create doubt and keep their story intact. Recognizing this behavior can be empowering, allowing you to see beyond the smoke and mirrors they construct.
9. Apologies feel rehearsed, not real
A genuine apology is heartfelt, but with a pathological liar, it often feels scripted. Their apologies might check all the boxes but lack authenticity. It’s as if they’re reciting lines rather than expressing remorse. This rehearsed nature can be jarring, making you feel like you’re in a play rather than a sincere moment.
Pathological liars use apologies as tools to placate, not to mend. The lack of real emotion reinforces the disconnect between their words and true feelings. Over time, these hollow apologies can erode trust, leaving you skeptical of their sincerity.
10. They seem to enjoy being admired for stories that aren’t true
Some people relish admiration, even if it’s for fabricated tales. Pathological liars often thrive on the attention their stories bring, regardless of authenticity. This enjoyment is not just about the narrative but about the validation it provides. It’s a cycle of deceit, where the lie is a means to an end—acceptance and admiration.
This behavior can be addictive, reinforcing their pattern of dishonesty. Observing this trait can be eye-opening, revealing a deeper need for approval that goes beyond the bounds of truth. It’s a poignant reminder of the motivations behind their fabrications.
11. The facts shift depending on who’s around
Experiencing different versions of the same story based on the audience is disconcerting. For a pathological liar, facts are malleable, adjusted to fit the social context. This fluidity isn’t just creative storytelling; it’s strategic. By altering their narrative, they aim to please or manipulate those present.
This chameleon-like behavior is a testament to their skill in deception, allowing them to maintain control in diverse settings. It’s a dance of words, where the truth is a mere suggestion. Recognizing this pattern reveals the depth of their duplicity and their need to maintain a facade.
12. They over-explain when the truth would be simple
When a simple truth becomes a tangled explanation, it raises eyebrows. Pathological liars often complicate straightforward facts, adding layers of unnecessary detail. This over-explanation is not for clarity but to mask the truth. By making their narrative complex, they hope to confuse and deter probing questions
It’s a tactic that can be exhausting to witness, as the simplicity of the truth is overshadowed by a web of words. Observing this tendency can highlight their discomfort with honesty, revealing their inclination to hide behind verbosity.
13. They turn your doubt into guilt
Doubt is natural, but when it’s turned into guilt, it’s a manipulation. Pathological liars often use this tactic, flipping the script to make you feel at fault for questioning them. It’s a psychological maneuver designed to protect their narrative and dissuade further inquiry.
By making you feel guilty, they deflect attention from their deceit. This emotional manipulation can be draining, leaving you questioning your instincts and eroding trust. Recognizing this tactic is crucial, allowing you to stand firm in your perceptions and challenge their falsehoods with confidence.
14. You feel like the detective in your own relationship
Constantly feeling the need to verify your partner’s stories can be exhausting. With a pathological liar, you might find yourself in this detective role, sifting through details to uncover the truth. This constant vigilance is not born from paranoia but necessity.
Their web of lies demands scrutiny, as each story leaves you with more questions than answers. It’s a tiring position, one that erodes trust and creates distance. Feeling like a detective is a significant red flag, signaling the depth of deception and the challenges in maintaining a genuine connection with honesty.
15. They blame lies on stress, tiredness, or “trying to protect you”
Lies cloaked in excuses are a common defense. Pathological liars often cite stress, fatigue, or even noble intentions to justify their deceit. It’s a convenient way to deflect responsibility, framing the lie as a necessity rather than a choice. By attributing their falsehoods to external factors or supposed care, they attempt to mitigate blame.
This pattern can be frustrating to witness, as it minimizes the impact of their deception. Recognizing these excuses helps in seeing through the facade, understanding that these justifications are another layer of their complex web.
16. They dodge eye contact—especially when challenged
Eye contact is a window to honesty, and its absence can be telling. When challenged, a pathological liar may avoid meeting your gaze, a subconscious acknowledgment of their deceit. This evasive behavior is often instinctual, revealing their discomfort with scrutiny.
It’s a physical manifestation of their internal struggle, where maintaining eye contact would mean confronting the truth. Observing this behavior can be enlightening, providing a non-verbal cue to their honesty, or lack thereof. It’s a simple yet profound indicator of the authenticity of their words.
17. You sense a weird thrill in how they tell stories
Some people find excitement in storytelling, but with a pathological liar, it often feels different. There’s a peculiar thrill in their narrative, as if the act of deception itself is exhilarating. This enjoyment isn’t just about the story but the control and manipulation it represents.
For them, each tale is a performance, where the lie is part of the thrill. This attitude reveals a deeper relationship with dishonesty, one where the boundaries between truth and fiction blur. Observing this thrill can be unsettling, highlighting the complexities of their character and their need for validation.
18. Trust never gets rebuilt because the lying never truly stops
Trust is fragile, and with a pathological liar, it’s perpetually at risk. Their consistent dishonesty ensures that any attempt at rebuilding trust is futile. The cycle of lies creates a foundation built on sand, where each untruth chips away at potential reconciliation. It’s a disheartening reality, where promises of change are often empty.
This pattern of perpetual deceit leaves a relationship in limbo, unable to progress toward genuine trust. Recognizing this cycle is crucial, allowing you to make informed decisions about your connection and its future.