10 segnali di una nuora tossica e come affrontarla
No matter how hard you try, are you struggling to build a good relationship with your daughter-in-law ? Is she rude and disrespectful all the time, and does she use every opportunity to make it clear that you aren’t welcome in her life?
If you recognize these 10 signs you have a toxic daughter-in-law , it’ll be obvious that your bad relationship isn’t because of you.
Potete e dovete continuare a cercare di avere un rapporto migliore con lei per il bene di vostro figlio e per l'amore che provate l'uno per l'altra.
However, you shouldn’t allow her to keep disrespecting and humiliating you. After this list of signs, you’ll also find some helpful ways to deal with your daughter-in-law and put her in her place.
10 segnali di una nuora tossica
Prestate molta attenzione a queste 10 bandiere rosse che dimostrano che avete una nuora tossica. Questo potrebbe aiutarvi a trovare un modo per costruire un rapporto migliore con lei.
1. She makes you feel like you aren’t part of the family
She thinks that you’ll walk away if you feel like you aren’t welcome. However, it’s your job to prove her wrong.
No matter how much she tries to make you feel like you don’t belong in your son’s life anymore, you should try to show her that you are and always will be parte della famiglia.
If you can’t work on fixing your relationship with her, focus on strengthening your relationship with your son. Sooner or later, she’ll come around and accept that you’ll never leave your son’s and her husband’s life.
2. Vi manca costantemente di rispetto
This can be very stressful, I know. I assume she does it specifically in front of other people, and that’s what bothers you most because you feel so humiliated and ashamed.
The fact is, she’ll keep doing it as long as she sees that it bothers you. Dovete capire che il suo unico obiettivo è allontanarvi da vostro figlio.
Bisogna essere pronti a tutto. And as much as certain things hurt you, try to behave as if you don’t notice them because that is the only thing that will make her stop mistreating you.
Of course, if she crosses the line and you simply can’t put up with her behavior anymore, then you should talk to your son about it. If he doesn’t do anything about it, you need to stand up for yourself.
3. Il suo bisogno di controllo è prepotente
While they were dating, your son probably allowed her to control many things in their relationship. It’s given her the right to think that she can control absolutely everything about his life.
She wants to control his job, their vacations, their kids… Absolutely everything. Unfortunately, you can’t, and you shouldn’t do anything about it because that should be your son’s job.
You need to warn your son about her controlling behavior and hope that he’ll talk to her and ask her to change.
Se promette che lo farà, credetele e datele un po' di tempo per dimostrarlo. Tuttavia, se ci vuole troppo tempo o se continua con il suo comportamento di controllo, ignorate le sue richieste e fate le cose come volete voi e incoraggiate vostro figlio a fare lo stesso.
4. Costante scaricabarile
She’s also aware that you two have una relazione tossica , and she doesn’t do anything to change that. The only thing she does all the time is put the blame for this bad relationship on you.
She wants to make you and everyone around you believe that you’re the culprit and the reason you two can’t get along. If you allow her to do that, it’ll create a huge problem between you and your son.
Prestate attenzione al suo comportamento in davanti agli altri persone rispetto a quando siete soli.
If she behaves all sweet and innocent in front of others and turns into a real devil when you two are alone, it’s clear that she’s trying to paint a different image of your relationship with other people.
5. La tecnica di manipolazione preferita è il gaslighting
She’ll do absolutely anything to harm your mental health and make you doubt your own sanity. As I said above, she’ll even try to manipulate you into thinking that it’s your fault you two can’t get along.
She’s so good at gaslighting that you aren’t even aware of what she is doing until it’s too late, and she’s already managed to trick you. In the eyes of your son and other family members, you’ll already be guilty for the bad relationship you two have.
And the worst thing is that you can’t do anything about it because you don’t have proof of the evil, toxic games she plays with you.
Vedi anche: 30 frasi allarmanti sul gaslighting da cui bisogna stare attenti
6. Ha tratti di personalità narcisistica
In the beginning, you didn’t think about it this way because you thought she was just spoiled or overly confident.
She always wants the spotlight, and her need to be the center of attention is unbelievable. Also, it’s like she needs to be right all the time.
She’s arrogant and manipulative, and she just doesn’t seem to have any kind of empathy or consideration for other people.
In short, you’ve finally understood that your son is married to un vero narcisista sotto mentite spoglie.
The whole world needs to revolve around her, and the reason she’s so disrespectful towards you is because she knows how much your son loves you, and she is afraid that you might steal her position.
7. Vi prende in giro sui social media
Whenever you post a pic on social media , she always has an ironic comment. You’ve also noticed that she is trying to make fun of you on other people’s pics too.
I know it isn’t easy to put up with it all, but for the sake of your amatabisogna avere pazienza. Se la cosa ti infastidisce così tanto, parlane con tuo figlio e fagli capire quanto ti infastidisce.
If he doesn’t do anything about it, you should find a way to put an end to it. Simply hit the block button, and let her make fun of someone else. Or, find another solution but DON’T EVER descend to her level and make fun of her.
8. Parla sempre alle tue spalle
Your family members , friends, and even some of your neighbors have told you that she’s been talking trash about you behind your back. This is what probably hurts you most because you know you didn’t deserve it at all.
However, it shouldn’t bother you that much. Il tuo persone care know you, and they’ll never believe her lies.
They’re probably familiar with your situation, and they already know what your nuora sta cercando di fare. Dovresti lasciare che continui a parlare male di te, perché questo la dice lunga sul suo carattere.
9. Si presenta sempre senza preavviso
I know how frustrating this can be. My DIL tried to do the same thing to me. However, I showed her that it didn’t bother me, even though it really did, and once she saw she couldn’t hurt me with it, she stopped doing it.
I behaved as if I didn’t see what was going on. I tried to ignore it as much as I could and let her have her way. And you should do the same. Eventually, she’ll realize that she doesn’t gain anything from it, and she’ll change her behavior.
I showed up unannounced at their place only once, and she freaked out. Maybe that scared her, and maybe that’s another reason she stopped with those unannounced visits to our place.
10. Cerca di mettere gli altri membri della famiglia contro di voi
If they have kids, she’ll try to turn them, your own grandkids, against you. And she’ll also try to affect the other membri della famiglia e di mettere un cuneo tra voi e loro.
Il fatto è che la vita familiare non è mai facile. Ci sono molti rapporti che vanno coltivati costantemente, e diventa ancora più difficile quando i figli crescono e la famiglia si allarga.
And the worst thing is when some of your in-laws don’t want to accept you as part of their family even though you’ve shown them they’ve been welcome from day one.
She probably won’t succeed in turning those other family members against you if you have a good relationship with them. So, try to ignore her and focus on maintaining good and stable relations with other people inside the family.
Come comportarsi con una nuora cattiva
Of course, you should try to fix the toxic relationship you have with your daughter-in-law . However, if that isn’t possible, here are some effective ways to handle her and keep your relationship intact.
• Try to understand her reasons for treating you that way
Maybe your daughter-in-law isn’t toxic after all… Maybe she simply doesn’t like you and doesn’t want you to be part of her family.
Now, if you want that to change, you need to understand what caused that aversion from her side. Maybe you did something that hurt her in the past, and she can’t get over it.
Se vi rendete conto che alcune delle vostre azioni erano sbagliate, dovreste scusarvi e chiederle perdono. Questo dovrebbe aiutare vostra figlia a lasciarselo alle spalle, e poi potrete lavorare per costruire un'atmosfera di fiducia. una relazione sana tra voi due.
• Avoid getting into conflict with her
Avere a che fare con una nuora difficile è la cosa peggiore. She constantly picks fights with you and tries to show you clearly that you aren’t welcome in the family anymore.
So che può diventare prepotente e che può prosciugarvi emotivamente. Tuttavia, dovete evitare di entrare in discussioni inutili con lei. Non per lei, ma per il vostro caro figlio.
La verità è che i vostri litigi con lei lo feriranno di più. He will feel torn between you and his wife, and sooner or later, he’ll feel like he has to choose and make a decision between you, his mother, and his wife, the woman he loves.
He might be aware of his wife’s toxicity; however, she’s his partner, and he can’t give up on her. On the other hand, he won’t be able to give up on you either because, after all, you are and always will be the first woman he ever loved.
Il solo pensiero di dover fare quella terribile scelta gli spezza il cuore.
• However, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself
Avoiding conflict with your DIL doesn’t mean allowing her to talk badly about you in front of other people. It doesn’t mean you should allow her to treat you badly in front of your family members or at important family events .
No matter the circumstances, you should never put up with another person’s mistreatment and disrespect.
Whether it’s your loved one or son/daughter/ sister-in-law or your husband’s mother , you need to stand up for yourself and show others that you won’t allow di trattarvi come un estraneo .
Actually, you won’t allow them to treat you in any other way than you deserve to be treated.
If you allow them to disrespect you even once, they’ll see it as a green light to repeat it again and again. In the end, that will result in damaging your own emotional and mental health .
• Don’t let her affect your self-esteem
She’ll most definitely try. She knows that by making you doubt your confidence , she can manipulate you easier. It would allow her to shift the blame for your toxic relationship onto you.
That’s why you need to establish your own support system. Trovate qualcuno di cui vi fidate e lasciate che sia il vostro confidente. Parlate con loro e raccontate tutto del rapporto con vostra figlia.
That’s the best way to protect your self-esteem . Show her that you know your worth and that no one can manipulate or play with you.
• Always be the bigger man
Nella vita e in ogni situazione che la vita vi offre, dovreste cercare di essere la persona più grande . Guardate al di là di tutto e concentratevi sulle vostre priorità.
I know that some people don’t deserve your kindness, but it’s actually the most powerful weapon you can use against them. It’ll hurt them more than revenge or insults.
• Don’t let her come between you and your partner
I rapporti con i parenti possono essere a volte molto difficili. Sia che abbiate un cattivo rapporto con vostra figlia/genero o con vostra madre/suocero, non dovete mai permettere che si mettano tra voi e la vostra famiglia.
Dovete restare uniti, a prescindere da tutto. Il vostro amore deve essere il più forte di tutti e deve essere davvero incondizionato e indissolubile.
Whatever you think about her or, for example, her parenting style , or her behavior towards your son, you should keep it to yourself. If you constantly speak ill about her to your son, it’ll seem like you’re trying hard to separate them.
• Set boundaries
Quando qualcuno influisce sulla vostra serenità, dovete tenerlo a distanza di sicurezza e stabilire con lui dei forti limiti. Don’t let them come too close because their toxicity may rub off on you.
Of course, you can’t behave like she doesn’t exist, but you can avoid her as much as possible. Se vi sta dando del filo da torcere per social media è sufficiente bloccarla o toglierle l'amicizia.
Per il vostro benessere, dovete stabilire dei limiti con le persone tossiche. In caso contrario, danneggeranno la vostra salute emotiva e mentale.
• Don’t let her toxicity poison you
When someone tries to belittle, humiliate, or disrespect you, it really starts affecting your emotional and mental health, especially if it’s someone close to you.
Sooner or later, you’ll reach a point where you want to hurt them back in the same way they’ve been hurting you almost every day. And that is precisely why you should never allow it to happen.
Se qualcuno si comporta male con voi, lasciate che vi mostri il suo vero volto. Don’t even think about getting revenge because that’s a job for karma.
She’ll be a mother-in-law someday to another woman, and maybe that woman will treat her in the same way she’s treating you right now – that will be her karma.
• If you can’t change it, accept that she doesn’t accept you and learn to live with it
If your little ‘ monster-in-law ’ doesn’t want to work on fixing your relationship, no matter how much you try to change her opinion, you really have no other choice but to accept it.
In questo caso, lavorate per rafforzare il legame con vostro figlio. Dovete dimostrarle che avete un rapporto così forte con vostro figlio, un rapporto che niente e nessuno è in grado di danneggiare o rompere.
Dimenticatevi di lei e cercate di ignorare la piccole cose che lei fa per irritarti. Si concentri su suo figlio e lasci che il tempo faccia il suo corso per quanto riguarda il rapporto con sua nuora.
Vedi anche: La migliore lista di limiti per la suocera: 15 limitazioni
Cosa succede quando si ha una nuora tossica?
Purtroppo, la sua tossicità inizierà presto a influenzare la vostra vita e forse anche il rapporto che avete con vostro figlio. Questo tipo di scenario è quasi inevitabile.
She’ll be the cause of most of your conflicts with your son. E, naturalmente, vostro figlio non sceglierà mai tra voi due perché vi ama entrambi, ma questi due tipi di amore sono molto diversi.
She won’t consider you part of her propria famiglia, che probabilmente influenzerà il vostro rapporto con vostro figlio.
You’ll know that it isn’t fair because you didn’t do anything to earn her rejection, but you need to understand that it isn’t your fault. No matter how much she keeps rejecting you, you shouldn’t blame yourself for it.
She’ll try very hard to stand between you and your son, her husband, and ruin your relationship. If you don’t stand up to it, she’ll eventually succeed in her intention, and both you and your son will end up hurt.
Nel complesso
Avete riconosciuto questi 10 segnali che indicano che avete una nuora tossica? Se lo avete fatto, mi dispiace per voi. Questo tipo di fardello mi è così familiare e, credetemi, posso sentire il vostro dolore.
We all know how strong a mother’s love is for her son, and it hurts like hell when someone comes and tries to ruin that love. Tuttavia, mi creda, suo figlio si trova in una posizione ancora peggiore della sua.
Now, you have two choices… Either you can accept that she doesn’t like you and try to keep your relationship with her outside of the relationship with your son, or you can try very hard to get her to like and accept you.
