Come comportarsi con l'ex che ti ha lasciato? 20 modi per guarire

It’s painful enough when your ex breaks up with you, but having to see them around can make it impossible to put it all behind you. Staying away from your ex after the breakup is the best way to deal with it, but what to do when it’s not an option?

When you’re recovering from the end of a relationship and don’t know how to act around your ex who dumped you, it doesn’t matter whether you want them back or not. La vostra priorità in questo momento dovrebbe essere quella di proteggere il vostro cuore e il vostro autostima.

In altre parole, dovete mettere voi stessi al primo posto. Che vogliate riconquistare il vostro ex, rimanere amici o lasciarvi alle spalle la vostra relazione non ha alcuna importanza perché dovete prima guarire. 

Ecco alcuni consigli su come gestire i contatti con il vostro ex e allo stesso tempo stare meglio.

How To Act Around Your Ex Who Dumped You: Do’s & Don’ts

Se uscivate con un collega di lavoro o un compagno di classe, può essere difficile capire come comportarsi con l'ex che vi ha scaricato e mantenere la calma. E se avete un figlio insieme e avete deciso di fare da co-genitori? O se avete amici in comune a cui nessuno dei due vuole rinunciare?

What’s the best way to act when your ex is in your space, when even running into them is stressful?

13 do’s that help your self-esteem

1. Lasciarsi andare ai sentimenti

Getting dumped hurts, but it’s more than that. You’re left with a mess of feelings in your heart that threaten to overwhelm and defeat you.

It’s not only pain you feel, but also shame, betrayal and anger, and before you can move on, you have to deal with all of these feelings. If you try to bury them, they’ll burn you from the inside, but if you let yourself feel them, they’ll burn out.

2. Fare del proprio benessere una priorità

La cosa più efficace da fare per smettere di essere attaccati al proprio ex è sostituite il pensiero del vostro ex con concentrarsi sul proprio benessere.

That means you must make a conscious decision to put yourself first. Lots of people have trouble with this because they were taught that doing so means that they are selfish, but it doesn’t.

Ciò significa che dovete prendervi cura di voi stessi. Consapevolmente Dedicare tempo alla cura di sé, ma anche gestire lo stress, fare cose che migliorano l'umore e imparare a dire di no.

3. Perdonare il proprio ex

Perché dovresti perdonare il tuo ex se ti ha scaricato? Perché il perdono non ha nulla a che fare con loro e tutto a che fare con voi.

Forgive doesn’t mean forget. It’s not an excuse to let yourself get hurt again. Perdonare significa prendere il controllo dei propri sentimenti negativi e lasciarli andare. Solo così potrete trovare una soluzione e andare avanti.

4. Accettare la rottura

Dopo essere stati lasciati, una delle cose più difficili da fare è accettarlo, soprattutto se si provano ancora dei sentimenti per il proprio ex. La tentazione di contattarlo e di implorarlo di tornare con voi può essere irrefrenabile.

When you accept that it’s over, you put your dignity above your desire. Invece di cercare di convincere qualcuno che vi ha lasciato a riprendervi, rendetevi conto che il vostro rispetto per voi stessi è molto più importante.

Even if it’s impossible to forget your ex right now, you can move in that direction if you decide to accept the breakup.

RELATIVO: Le inevitabili fasi della rottura (+ 5 fasi del lutto)

5. Vivere la propria vita

Even though seeing your ex can make you relive the breakup all over again, it doesn’t mean that you should change your life because of them. Don’t adjust your life to accommodate your ex – don’t change plans to avoid them or give up on something to stay away.

When you run into your ex, it’s going to be rough, but that’s why you’re preparing for it. There’s no reason why you should avoid going somewhere just because your ex might be there or doing something because it has something to do with them.

Don’t allow your ex to control your life.

6. Refuse contact you don’t want

On the other hand, if you find it too painful to see your ex, just don’t. Obviously, in some cases completely avoiding them is impossible, but you can spare yourself a lot of stress if you ridurre il più possibile il contatto.

For example, if you work with your ex and you have to interact with them, keep things professional. Do your job but don’t engage your ex otherwise. Say hello and exchange basic pleasantries, but tell them you’re busy if they try to chat.

Quando dovete lavorare su qualcosa insieme al vostro ex, siate educati e cortesi, ma scansate le chiacchiere.

This isn’t the time to worry about what other people or your ex will think. If you maintain a friendly demeanor and focus on the work you’re doing, no one can reproach you.

7. Stabilire i confini

Boundaries define what behaviors you’re comfortable with and what you won’t tolerate. For example, if you don’t want your ex to contact you on social media you should let them know and they should respect that. If they don’t, you can block them.

Purtroppo, you’ll often run into resistance when you try to stabilire i propri confini. Your ex might tell you that it’s not a big deal, that you should stop using the app if it bothers you so much, that you’re being unreasonable, or some other excuse.

But there’s no reason why you should endure something that bothers you. I confini sani sono segno di una sana autostima e non si dovrebbe mai scendere a compromessi su questo punto. 

Let your ex know what you’ll tolerate and what you won’t and don’t let them guilt you into letting them act however they please.

8. Essere preparati

Quando sapete che potreste incontrare il vostro ex, preparatevi. Avere un piano o almeno una vaga idea di come si vuole reagire quando si incontra il proprio ex. Even though these things rarely go as planned, at least you won’t get caught off guard.

For example, have an excuse prepared if you want to politely brush them off. If you know that you don’t want to talk to them, but you also don’t want to ignore them, make sure that you know what to say so that you don’t fumble.

It doesn’t really matter what your ex might think even if you do, but it might give you anxiety later, so it’s best to have an action plan ready. 

“Smile and keep walking” is the best strategyma potete anche pensare a qualcosa di diverso che vada bene per voi.

9. Avere un backup

Affidarsi agli amici e alla famiglia dopo una rottura può aiutare a superarla. You don’t have to do everything alone. 

Find at least one person you can openly talk to and share your feelings regarding the breakup. It can even be a counselor if you don’t have anyone close to you nearby.

There’s no shame in hiding behind your loved ones when you have to deal with your ex. Your friends can act as a buffer between you until it doesn’t hurt as bad anymore. Just having someone with you when you’re near your ex can make a major difference.

Se condividete lo stesso gruppo di amiciDopo la rottura potreste sentirvi isolati. At this time it’s better to turn to friends you and your ex don’t share.

Finché non smetterà di farvi male, cercate di evitare di frequentare gli amici comuni se sapete che il vostro ex sarà presente. There’s no reason to hide or run away, but don’t force yourself to hurt your broken heart even more.

10. Agire come sempre

There’s no need to act as if you’ve suddenly become someone new and improved. The temptation to show your ex how well you’re doing is understandable, but Il vostro ex si accorgerà di voi se cercate di fingere.

Instead, it’s much better to keep your composure and act like you always do. You don’t have to prove your ex anything. Don’t act out or make a scene.

It’s best for your autostima if you don’t let your ex notice your sadness. It might feel good to show it at that moment, but as soon as it’s over, you’ll feel awful.

If you think that seeing your ex will be painful, try to avoid them until it doesn’t, but if you can’t, find your composure and prove a te stesso che il vostro ex non ha alcun potere su di voi.

11. Essere cordiali ed educati

Siate sempre il più educati possibile con il vostro ex. This doesn’t only help you avoid a public scene, but it also shows that you’re strong.

Imagine how seeing your ex and getting into a fight with them would make you feel. You’d get upset, cry and your whole day would be ruined. Your ex would be glad that they ended things with you. You’d leave an impression of someone needy and desperate.

D'altra parte, being polite shows your ex that you’re the bigger person, but also that you want to keep a distance. Siate amichevoli essendo cortesi, non vicini.

12. Mantenere la brevità

Whenever you have to interact with your ex, keep it as short as possible. This is how you’ll avoid getting into things with your ex you might not want to get into. 

Un modo per raggiungere questo obiettivo è concentrarsi solo sul motivo per cui si deve stare vicino al proprio ex.

If your ex is a co-worker, only talk about the work you’re doing together. Don’t let them distract you with small talk or irrelevant chit-chat. 

If you co-parent with your ex, only discuss important information about your kids. When they ask you how you’ve been, say you were fine but don’t elaborate.

In alcuni casi, il vostro ex cercherà ripetutamente di coinvolgervi in una conversazione che a questo punto potreste non essere in grado di gestire. È necessario essere decisi e tornare sempre sull'argomento. di cui dovete parlare con loro.

13. Mantenere la calma

Needless to say, when you feel broken after getting dumped, it would be easiest to scream and yell at your ex or beg them to take you back but it’s the last thing you want to do.

A mantenere la calmaÈ necessario essere determinati a mettere se stessi al primo posto. È questo che vi darà l'ispirazione per rimanere composti.

Your well-being is more important than showing your ex you’ve moved on. Your peace of mind is more important than getting back at your ex. Getting your life back on track is more important than having your ex take you back.

You’re important, not your ex. Ripetete questo concetto a voi stessi per aiutarvi a mantenere la calma.

Vedi anche: Il mio ex ha una nuova ragazza: 12 consigli per gestire la situazione con grazia

7 don’ts to protect your heart

1. Don’t be negative

There are lots of ways you can end up the villain of a breakup that wasn’t your fault, and most of them can be connected to how you appear after the breakup.

Reigning in all negativity towards your ex will help you stay the mature one who doesn’t need to prove anything. You know what they’re like and what they’ve done and it’s not your job to make it known.

Don’t criticize your ex or badmouth them in front of everyone you know. Don’t try to get revenge, because it will backfire. Dipingerà solo voi in a bad light because you stayed with such a horrible person or make people think you’re exaggerating.

Se il vostro ex parla male di voi, dovete valutare quanto le sue parole siano dannose per voi e per la vostra reputazione.. 

If you don’t really care, let the people who told you about it know that they should stop reporting back to you. They can also ask your ex to stop talking about you to them.

Se il vostro ex sta mettendo vostro figlio contro di voi, parlate con vostro figlio e fategli sapere che ha anche la possibilità di rifiutarsi di ascoltare. Confortateli se si arrabbiano parlando apertamente.

2. Don’t ignore your ex

When you see your ex for the first time after the breakup, no doubt you’ll be tempted to act like you haven’t noticed them. It might work once, but next time it will be obvious that you’re ignoring them.

Dopo una rottura, sarebbe più facile far finta che il vostro ex non ci sia quando lo vedete, ma se volete davvero dimostrare la vostra forza, affrontarli di petto. Stabilite un contatto visivo, riconoscete la loro presenza e siate cortesi.

And that’s it. You don’t have to hang out with your ex. In fact, it’s better if you don’t. Invece di dedicare loro attenzione, passate a qualcosa o qualcuno di veramente interessante.

3. Don’t get emotional

If you feel like you’re going to cry or get angry when you see your ex, excuse yourself and leave as calmly as possible. Don’t show your ex that you’re hurting even if you are. You might feel like a wreck, but your ex doesn’t need to know that.

This isn’t about denying your emotions. You absolutely should address how you feel, but your ex shouldn’t be your audience when you do. Scoppiare in lacrime o in preda alla rabbia davanti al vostro ex non porterà a nulla, se non a farvi sentire ancora peggio.

4. Don’t try to “win the breakup”

You shouldn’t cry in front of your ex, but don’t pretend to be happy. If you want to show your ex that you’ve moved on and are doing well when you’re not, you’ll only seem desperate. 

Don’t pretend like you’ve changed into someone cool or that you’re living your best life if you’re not. 

Your ex will see through all of this, but that’s not why you should stop pretending that you’re doing better than they are. The real reason why there’s no need to win the breakup is that your ex doesn’t matter.

It’s not a competition. It’s not important who’s doing better. Why? Because you don’t have to prove anything to your ex. Il bagliore post-rottura è tutto per voi.

That’s easy to say, but per iniziare a crederci davvero, dovete davvero mettere voi stessi al primo posto. It’s only important how you feel and how you can make yourself really feel better. Your ex’s reaction has no influence on your life.

5. Don’t try to make your ex jealous

Cercare di ottenere il vostro ex indietro facendoli ingelosire non funziona mai. Sure, they could come back, but it’s never because they’ve dealt with their issues and now want a healthy relationship. Don’t let yourself be fooled.

If your ex wants to get back together only after you’ve started seeing someone else, face the facts and realize that they don’t really want you. They only want what they can’t have. Using rebounds and jealousy to manipulate your ex’s feelings will only hurt you.

6. Don’t obsess about your ex

If you don’t know how to act around your ex who dumped you and you want to learn just one thing, let it be this: don’t think about your ex.

The worst thing you can do to yourself after a breakup is show too much interest in your ex. You’re only making things worse for yourself, especially if it was your ex who ended the relationship in the first place.

La vostra dignità, il rispetto di voi stessi e la vostra guarigione devono essere al primo posto. If you want to get over your ex, remove them from your thoughts as much as possible. When you see them, don’t engage in unnecessary conversation.

When you talk to your ex, don’t discuss the breakup, your feelings, the reasons for the breakup or anything else that will put salt in your wounds. Le cose di cui parlate con il vostro ex dovrebbero essere superficiali o pratiche.

Don’t analyze their words, actions and body language trying to prove something to yourself. Evitate di darvi false speranze e di immaginarvi le cose. If you love yourself, be strict about this and don’t break your own heart.

RELATIVO: Tutto quello che c'è da sapere su come imparare ad amare se stessi

7. Don’t let your ex provoke you

Your ex might be the kind of person who isn’t satisfied with just hurting you, they might also want to twist the knife so that they can feel better about their own life. Se il vostro ex si comporta male e cerca di ottenere una reazione da voi, rifiutatevi di lasciarvi provocare.

Also, you shouldn’t stoop on your ex’s level and try to bait them. Seeing your ex angry won’t bring you satisfaction. L'unica cosa che vi renderà liberi è andare avanti.

Dovreste mai contattare un ex che vi ha scaricato?

If your ex dumped you because you’ve done something to hurt them, trying to contact them while they’re trying to stay away won’t get them back. If the breakup wasn’t your fault, you should still non contattare mai un ex che ti ha scaricato.

Contattare il vostro ex vi farà solo sembrare disperati. Non importa quanto vi manchi il vostro ex ragazzo o la vostra ex ragazza, making the first move after they’ve broken up with you is needy and unattractive. Seguire il regola del divieto di contatto religiosamente.

Your mantra during the recovery period should be “compassion, self-respect, confidence.”

• Be kind to yourself e gentile con i propri sentimenti.

• Don’t lower yourself supplicando qualcuno che ti ha scaricato di riprenderti.

• Believe in your own value even if your ex didn’t.

Come fare in modo che il vostro ex si penta di avervi lasciato?

Thinking about how your ex feels means that they still have power over you. The urge to be petty and make them regret what they’ve done to you is understandable, but il tuo ex merita davvero uno sforzo?

Invece di pensare a come migliorare il vostro aspetto, a mettervi insieme a qualcuno di meglio o a realizzare qualcosa di straordinario solo per far rimpiangere al vostro ex di avervi lasciato, incanalate questa energia nell'amore per voi stessi e fate tutto per voi.

It’s not your ex’s mind you need to change, it’s your own. You don’t have anything to prove to someone who left you. You owe it to yourself to start feeling better and loving yourself. Refuse to to focus on your ex – instead, far girare il mondo intorno a te.

Cosa fare quando il vostro ex vuole tornare insieme?

Quando il vostro ex vuole tornare insieme, prima di tutto valutate come vi sentite al riguardo prima di dare loro una seconda possibilità.

• Do you want it or are you only considering it because it’s easier than getting back into the world of dating?

• Do you have feelings for your ex o è solo un'abitudine?

• If you were to get back together, le cose sarebbero diverse?

• Does the motivo per cui vi siete lasciati esiste ancora?

• Would your relationship last questa volta?

Credo che si debba non riprendete mai un ex che vi ha scaricato. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same, but make sure you’re not taking them back because you’re used to being with them and you don’t want to leave your comfort zone.

Don’t get back together if the reason why you broke up hasn’t been dealt withperché l'ultima cosa che volete è rompere due volte per lo stesso problema.

Come si fa a dimenticare il proprio ex?

Naturalmente, il primo passo da compiere è quello di interrompere tutti i contatti con il vostro ex. Cancellate tutti i numeri di telefono e bloccate tutti gli account dei social media che potrebbero usare per contattarvi o che voi potreste usare per chiamarli o inviargli messaggi di testo.

There are no shortcuts when you’re trying to dimenticare un ex. Devi permetterti di elaborare il lutto della relazione e di lavorare sui tuoi sentimenti passo dopo passo prima di poter guarire. If you try to rush it, you’ll always carry unhealed scars.

Fatevi aiutare da familiari e amici. Vent and complain, but don’t obsess over your ex. Come to terms with the breakup and think about what didn’t work. After your pain becomes bearable, distract yourself from thinking about your ex.

La cosa migliore da fare è trovare qualcosa che vi aiuti a non pensarci più, ma che vi faccia anche migliorare in qualche modo. Trovate qualcosa che vi piace fare e fatelo invece di struggervi per il vostro ex.

Dovreste rimanere amici del vostro ex?

You can stay friends with your ex, but only if you’re not harboring any hopes about getting back together. If either of you wants reconciliation, you can’t be friends. 

You won’t figure out down the line that you were meant to be after all, but instead you’ll just end up broken-hearted.

Another condition for staying friends is that neither of you has done something that the other person can’t forgive. You can’t be friends if one or both of you are holding a grudge. Se non ci sono rancori, l'amicizia è impossibile.

Il bilancio

Getting dumped can be devastating, especially if you were in love with your ex. Everyone knows that the no-contact rule works, but what if your ex is someone you can’t avoid? How to act around your ex who dumped you?

Invece di farsi ancora più male concentrandosi sul proprio ex dopo la rottura, proteggere i propri sentimenti deve essere una priorità. Keep things short, be polite and don’t ignore them, but make sure you stay distant and formal.Affermate con calma i vostri limiti e concentratevi sul vostro benessere. If you don’t allow your ex to stay relevant in your life, you’ll heal much faster than if you think about them all the time.