Come controllare le emozioni in una relazione: 20 tattiche collaudate

Quando si diventa adulti, tutti si aspettano che si impari magicamente a controllare le emozioni in una relazione. Well, isn’t it time we all admit we have no clue how it’s done?

So di aver visto il controllo dei miei sentimenti come una missione impossibile. Mi ci è voluto un po' di tempo prima di riuscire a padroneggiarlo, e ora eccomi qui a condividere la mia saggezza con voi.

Come controllare le emozioni in una relazione di coppia

Seguite questa guida passo passo per riprendere il controllo delle vostre emozioni:

1. Identificare le proprie emozioni

You can’t expect to learn how to control your emotions if you haven’t reached a stage where you can identify them in the first place. Reprimere le emozioni might seem like the easier way to go, but trust me – in the long run, it will only cause you trouble.

That is why the first step of this process requires you to be honest with yourself. A lot of people have a habit of, for example, claiming to be angry when they’re actually sad.

Questa pratica non è benefica per la vostra salute mentale. Invece, siate abbastanza coraggiosi da guardare negli occhi tutte le vostre emozioni negative e affrontarle come un adulto.

2. Individuare i fattori scatenanti

Tutti noi abbiamo pensieri ed emozioni negative. Ma la chiave dell'intelligenza emotiva è conoscere se stessi abbastanza bene da arrivare in fondo alle proprie cause scatenanti.

Qual è il modello comportamentale nella vostra relazione che vi fa stare male? Quali sono le cose che vi provocano di più? E soprattutto, perché?

Let’s say that your significant other doesn’t reply to your text. That is your trigger, and it makes you feel bad.

Ma perché vi sentite così? Ferisce il vostro ego? Vi sentite trascurato emotivamente?

Questo comportamento scatena il vostro problemi di abbandono? Avete problemi di fiducia that make you believe they’re texting someone else?

3. Don’t judge yourself

When you’re trying to figure out how to control your emotions in a relationship in a healthy way, you must forget about self-judgment. You shouldn’t feel ashamed for feeling a certain emotion.

Who says that a certain feeling isn’t appropriate? Who says that you’re not allowed to feel that way? Your emotional state is your business alone, and you should accept and embrace all of your emotions.

4. Cercate di essere il più realistici possibile

One of the hardest things is to observe your love life from a realistic point of view. After all, you’re involved with it, and sometimes it’s impossible to be objective.

However, for the sake of your mental well-being, you have to try and take a step back. Forget about the infatuation, the anger, true love, resentment, grudges… Actually, try forgetting about all of your emotions completely.

Invece, osservate la vostra relazione come un estraneo. Immaginate che un amico intimo si sia rivolto a voi proprio per questo problema.

Cosa direbbe loro? Ebbene, applicate lo stesso consiglio a voi stessi!

5. Observe your partner’s emotions

Allo stesso modo in cui ci si concentra sui propri sentimenti, se si vuole una relazione sana, you should also observe your partner’s emotions.

Voi due siete una squadra e le vostre reazioni sono solitamente collegate. Anche il vostro partner ha problemi a controllare le proprie emozioni?

Is it possible that you trigger each other’s negative thoughts and emotions? In that case, you don’t have a healthy relationship, and that’s something you should work on before anything else.

6. Remember that you’re in charge

Whatever happens, you must keep one thing in mind: you’re in control here! Even when it appears like things are falling apart, you’re the one holding the steering wheel.

Your emotions don’t control you – you’re in charge of them. You’re the combination of your heart and mind, and it’s your job to find balance between the two.

What’s even worse than allowing your emotions to take control over you is allowing someone else to be in charge of your feelings and entire well-being. You should never get yourself into a situation where your entire mood depends on another person.

I don’t care if we’re talking about true love here – your partner shouldn’t have that kind of power over you. You’re not their puppet, and they shouldn’t be pulling the strings!

7. Circondarsi di positività

State lontani dalle persone negative, and you’ll stay away from negative emotions as well. I don’t care if these toxic people are your closest friends or family members – if they’re bringing negativity into your life, ditch them.

What if you’re surrounded by negativity in a place you can’t escape from, for example, at work? Well, if you can’t find another job, at least compensate for that negativity with as much positivity as you can. In the meantime, please try looking for a new job because your mental health should come first!

Why not try taking a break from social media? You spend all of your days scrolling through other people’s fake posts and fake love lives.

So naturally, you assume that you have it worse. Everyone’s partner treats them better – they get more expensive gifts, and they are intimate all the time.

On the other hand, your relationship looks like a wreck compared to theirs. Consequently, you become overwhelmed with negative emotions you can’t control.

8. Smettere di pensare e preoccuparsi troppo

Come controllare le emozioni in una relazione: Iniziate dai vostri pensieri.

As long as you dissect everything your partner says or does, you’ll be overwhelmed with negativity. Trust me, overthinking and worrying too much are your biggest enemies.

Don’t get me wrong – this doesn’t mean that you should just go with the flow. You’re still in charge of your life, and thinking your decisions through is the mature thing to do.

However, you don’t have to analyze every little thing that happens in your relationship. Most importantly, you don’t need to assume that there will always be the worst possible outcome.

Yes, you should take control of your emotions. However, you should be aware that you can’t have full control over everything that happens to you. That’s why you have to Smettere di pensare troppo nella vostra relazione.

Some things are meant to be, and you thinking about them and worrying yourself sick won’t prevent them from happening. So, why not sit back and enjoy your life instead of ruining it?

9. Comunicazione sana

You can’t have a healthy relationship without comunicazione sana. And you can’t hope to figure out how to control your emotions in a relationship if it isn’t healthy.

I mean, it’s completely natural that you’ll be angry, frustrated, and unhappy all the time if you and your partner fight every day. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that there won’t be any arguments in your relationship.

Tuttavia, il rispetto reciproco deve esistere anche quando litigate. Esercitatevi a parlare lentamente e con calma senza alzare la voce. Se necessario, contate fino a dieci prima di dire qualcosa nel bel mezzo di una discussione.

But that’s not the entire point of healthy communication. You both have to learn how to verbalize your feelings correctly, without the fear of judgment.

Comunicazione con il linguaggio del corpo

Another important aspect of healthy communication is body language communication. If you and your partner display aggressive or avoidant body language, you’ll have a hard time controlling your negative emotions.

10. Individuare la fonte delle emozioni negative

We’ve already discussed the fact that you should stay away from whatever triggers your negativity. But it’s time to look at something else, as well: the source of your negative thoughts and emotions.

Il modo in cui praticare intelligenza emotiva is to understand why you feel the way you do. Dwell deep inside yourself and try figuring out where these negative feelings are coming from. I bet they’ve piled up for a reason.

Come siete stati trattati nell'infanzia? Qual è il suo stile di attacco? Avete un bagaglio emotivo da una precedente relazione?

Queste domande potrebbero non sembrare legate alla vostra attuale storia d'amore, ma credetemi, le risposte sono fondamentali.

11. Chiedere un aiuto professionale

If you find it impossible to take control of your emotions, maybe it’s time to ask for professional help. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to diagnose you, but there are several personality disorders and mental health conditions that might prevent you from taking charge of your feelings.

Se temete di soffrire di una certa condizione di salute mentale o semplicemente sentite che le vostre emozioni sono troppo forti per essere gestite, rivolgetevi a un professionista della salute mentale. Un esperto vi farà una diagnosi e, soprattutto, vi indicherà la strada da seguire durante questo viaggio.

Even if you have a personality disorder or suffer from something else, it’s not the end of the world. It definitely doesn’t make you crazy.

Al contrario, affrontare i propri problemi in tempo e chiedere un aiuto professionale è una cosa matura e coraggiosa!

12. Impegnarsi nella cura di sé

L'amore per se stessi, il rispetto per se stessi e la cura di sé sono fondamentali per mantenersi sani e in salute. L'insieme di questi elementi aumenta la vostra autostima e vi farà sentire molto meglio in una relazione.

You have to be aware of one thing: the romance you’re currently in is not the most important relationship in your life. In fact, the one you have with yourself is.

Se si padroneggia l'arte di amore per se stessi, your partner will have no choice but to follow your lead. You’re showing them by example that there is a certain standard you’re willing to settle for and that anything less is unacceptable.

The same goes for self-respect. The more you respect yourself, the more respected you’ll feel in your relationship. Consequently, there will be way fewer negative feelings to deal with.

Anche la cura di sé è una parte importante di questo viaggio. Bisogna imparare a viziarsi. Quando si impara a trattatevi come una persona che amate, your mood won’t be affected by anyone’s actions.

13. Metodi di auto-aiuto

When you’re trying to figure out how to control your emotions, you have to learn how to deal with their consequences as well. What should you do when a negative feeling gets the best of you? How do you stop the process and help yourself?

You know exactly what I’m talking about – you feel anger, hatred, or sadness taking over. You’ve reached the level of emotional intelligence to recognize the signs that they’re there, but now, you need the tools to overcome them and calm yourself down.

Il metodo migliore e più semplice è quello di respirare profondamente. Questo rallenterà la frequenza cardiaca e vi aiuterà a pensare con chiarezza.

If possible, remove yourself from the situation. Tell your partner that you need some time off and that you’ll finish your discussion after you calm down.

Finally, if you’re really not feeling well, try accessing a mental health resource, such as a hotline in your area, or even call your therapist.

14. Rimanere nel presente

Many people have a hard time remaining in the present moment, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Even if everything is going great now, you can’t stop thinking about that argument you and your significant other had a few weeks ago.

Oppure continuate a preoccuparvi del futuro. Dove sta andando questa relazione? Avete un futuro insieme? Finirete per trascorrere il resto della vostra vita l'uno con l'altra?

Cosa succede se il vostro partner vi lascia? E se si innamorasse di qualcun altro? Come fareste a vivere senza di loro?

The list of these questions is endless, but I’m sure you get the point. At the end of the day, you’re consumed by negative feelings that have nothing to do with the present moment.

Invece di godervi quello che avete ora, passate la maggior parte del tempo a stressarvi per potenziali scenari o per certe cose che avrebbero dovuto essere lasciate nel passato.

15. Praticare la gratitudine

If you’re wondering how to control your emotions in a relationship, the answer is to focus on positive emotions. Easier said than done, I know.

Perché non provare praticare la gratitudine per un cambiamento? Invece di prestare tutta la vostra attenzione alle cose che mancano nella vostra relazione, guardate a quelle che avete.

Can’t think of anything? Start writing a gratitude journal.

Every night before you go to bed, write down everything good that happened between you and your partner that day. But make sure you don’t take anything for granted.

Write down things such as: “We shared a passionate kiss,” “They sent me a good morning text.”, “They hugged me.”, “They made me laugh.”, “They helped me bring in the groceries.” and so on.

This way, you’ll go to sleep with a smile on your face, filled with positive emotions. Not only that: the next time you are overwhelmed with negative feelings, just open your gratitude journal and start reading. All of a sudden, you’ll realize there is not so much to worry about.

16. Nessuna ipotesi

A wise man once said that assumptions are the termites of relationships. Don’t overestimate yourself by thinking of yourself as a mind reader.

Trust me, you have no clue what is going on in your partner’s head. Non c'è assolutamente bisogno di preoccuparsi che vi lascino solo perché si presume che ciò accadrà.

Don’t stress yourself out about your partner allegedly being angry if they hadn’t specifically told you that was how they felt.

And it works the other way around as well. Never think that they can assume how you feel – you must verbalize your emotions and be direct. It’s the only way to protect them!

17. Trovare un sistema di supporto

Se ancora non riuscite a capire come controllare le vostre emozioni in una relazione, parlatene con qualcuno di cui vi fidate oltre al vostro partner. Rivolgetevi a un amico intimo o a un familiare e parlategli delle vostre emozioni.

Even though your loved ones are not mental health experts, they know you to the bottom of your heart. They might help you process or understand your emotions. Maybe they’ve been through a similar situation or dealt with some mental health issues that made them feel like they’re losing control.

If nothing else, they’ll hear you out and give you a shoulder to cry on – which is sometimes more than enough.

18. Siate aperti al riguardo

Tuttavia, la persona più importante con cui parlare di questo problema è il vostro partner. Even if you’re dealing with a certain mental health condition or a personality disorder that causes your sbalzi d'umoreÈ un aspetto che il vostro interlocutore dovrebbe conoscere bene.

Parlate con loro dei vostri fattori scatenanti, in modo che possano aiutarvi a evitare quelli che vi colpiscono di più.

No, this doesn’t mean that you’re asking them to treat you like a porcelain doll. But they should know what you’re struggling against.

And if they love you enough, they won’t let you go through this alone. They’ll hold your hand and help you learn how to control your emotions in a relationship.

19. L'arte del perdono

Ricordate quando abbiamo detto che non ha senso guardare al passato? Ebbene, perché ciò sia possibile, è necessario imparare come perdonare il vostro partner.

Se avete superato alcune cose e se la vostra relazione è sopravvissuta a qualche ostacolo, perché nutrite ancora rancore? Il risentimento è una delle emozioni negative più potenti e dovete liberarvene prima che vi mangi vivi.

I won’t lie to you: forgiving isn’t always easy. In fact, sometimes it’s the hardest thing you have to do. However, you’ll feel liberated once you achieve it.

20. Farsi una vita

Okay, this might sound harsh, but you’ll never learn how to control your emotions in a relationship until you smettere di essere emotivamente dipendenti sul proprio partner. As long as they’re the only person who can control your mood swings, I’m sorry to say, but you’re doomed.

It’s great that you’re so invested in your relationship. However, it doesn’t mean your entire world should revolve around it.

In poche parole, fatevi una vita al di fuori della vostra storia d'amore. Uscite con gli amici, trovate qualche hobby e, soprattutto, lavorate su voi stessi.

Per concludere:

Once you learn how to control your emotions in a relationship, you’ll reach a level of emotional intelligence you didn’t even know existed. These skills will help in all other fields of your life and in all the other relationships you have.

Soprattutto, contribuirà a migliorare la vostra salute mentale, e non c'è niente di più importante!