Come prendere le distanze da qualcuno in modo semplice

Ending a romantic relationship is sometimes easier than ending a friendship. Unless you choose to cheat, most of the time, you’re with one person, and you know you can’t really find a healthy relationship until you leave.

Most people break up with their partners when they want to end a romantic relationship, yet it doesn’t even come to mind that si può uscire da altri tipi di relazioni nello stesso modo. When you’re unhappy in a friendship, you can get other friends without moving on, so you stay in a relationship that doesn’t work.

Besides, you might be trying to leave a relationship different from a friendship where there’s nothing left.

It might be a co-worker who annoys you and ruins your day at work or an entitled family member who doesn’t understand that you don’t have to obey them. It might be someone you worry about too much or simply someone you just don’t like being around.

Let’s see how to distance yourself from someone toxic and what to do when you don’t want to hurt the other person, you don’t want drama, or you don’t want to burn bridges.

Come prendere le distanze da qualcuno nella vostra vita

How do you get out of a friendship with someone? Usually, you let it fade away on its own – this is indeed the easiest way, and you’ll see how to do it – but a volte è necessario porre esplicitamente fine alle cose.

It might be someone you still care for, but you don’t want them in your life anymore for some reason, or someone you have to see on a daily basis, so you can‘t really avoid them.

Ad esempio, quando si vuole porre fine a un'amicizia che un tempo era importante e si vuole onorare quella che c'era prima, o quando si ha bisogno di allontanarsi da un familiare che chiede troppo, lasciare che si esaurisca da solo potrebbe non andare bene.

Qualsiasi cosa pensiate di dover fare, la vostra salute mentale deve essere una priorità – if someone isn’t good for you, letting them go is the only way to move forward.

1. Assicuratevi di volerlo fare davvero

First of all, don’t do anything unless and until you’re sure. Don’t call up a friend and break up with them on a whim. Deciding to end a friendship isn’t easy, and the reasons aren’t always simple. Se vi affrettate a farlo solo perché vi hanno infastidito, potreste pentirvene.

Think about your life without this person in it: is it better without them? Carefully consider your options and only take action when you’re sure.

2. Preparare

Once you’ve decided that it’s over, you must mentally prepare to move on. In primo luogo, create una distanza da parte vostra e rendete le cose più facili a voi stessi. Iniziate a ridurre le interazioni con loro e a rendervi più spesso non disponibili.

Strengthen your other relationships so you’re not tempted to go back when you’re lonely or bored. Get rid of memories and mementos that might make you falter because of nostalgia. Stay strong by reminding yourself why you’re doing this.

3. Creare una distanza fisica

Restituite tutti gli oggetti in vostro possesso e limitate il più possibile l'accesso. Smettete di fare progetti con loro e di contattarli per primi. – no phone calls and no casual texting. Take a long time to reply to their text messages when they reach out.

Stabilite dei limiti e cercate di allontanarvi dal contatto. Approach this the same way you would enforce the ‘no contact rule’ quando si rompe con un partner.

Stay away from them as much as possible. By keeping a physical space, you’ll be able to distance yourself slowly, which is the easiest way to do it.

4. Creare una distanza emotiva

It’s not unusual to feel guilty about leaving someone you can’t be friends with. You might feel like this, especially if they haven’t done anything specific you could pinpoint as a cause for wanting to distance yourself.

Remind yourself why you’re doing it, and make a clean break. Lower your expectations of the relationship and reduce your interactions to a minimum. Don’t talk to them about personal stuff – only speak to them on a surface level when you have to.

A volte l'abbandono e il diventare lentamente sempre meno disponibili possono essere sufficienti per allontanarsi da qualcuno.

Steps 1–4 from this list are enough if you want to let it happen naturally, but if you don’t want to distance yourself quietly, there are other things you can do.

5. Essere gentili, onesti ed educati

Sedetevi con la persona con cui volete chiudere e parlatene. Affrontate questa situazione come una rottura, ma pensatela come una rottura amichevole. Openly tell them what’s going on and be respectful. Make sure to tell them it’s over directly, but don’t pick a fight.

Quando parlate con loro, concentratevi su ciò di cui avete bisogno in questo momento, non sui loro difetti. Let them know that you’re doing this for yourself. Try to leave the door open for the future even if you don’t intend to reconcile with them.

6. If they try to change your mind or argue, don’t engage

L'altra persona potrebbe non essere disposta ad accettarlo, soprattutto se ha una personalità tossica. In this case, standing your ground isn’t easy, but don’t let them convince you to change your mind.

If you make this decision after considering it carefully, they won’t be able to change your mind with anything they say. Discutere con voi è irrispettoso. e un segno che si preoccupano per voi.

7. Circondarsi di sostegno

Avete bisogno di sostegno dopo la fine della relazione con un amico, proprio come quando rompete con un partner romantico. Circondatevi di amici e parenti stretti che vi aiutino a superare la situazione.

Avere un sistema di supporto è utile per mantenere la propria decisione e andare avanti molto più facilmente e velocemente.

8. Tenersi occupati

Focus on your hobbies and passions to keep yourself distracted instead of dwelling on and questioning your decision. If the person you’re distancing yourself from used to be a close friend, this situation might be as difficult as breaking up with a significant other. It’s okay to need time and distractions to get over it.

9. Accettare la possibilità di perdere altre persone

If you and the person you’re distancing yourself from are family or have mutual friends, some of them might not see your point of view and decide to choose sides. Some might try to persuade you to change your mind, especially if you’re related.

Let them know that you don’t appreciate meddling and that you have your reasons for wanting to distance yourself.

10. Ricordate che you don’t have to justify yourself to anyone

The person you want to distance yourself from or other people in your life might want you to explain what’s going on. It’s fine if you want to tell them, but keep in mind that you chose this for your well-being, and you don’t owe it to anyone to tell them why.

If you feel discouraged because you’re getting questions and demands from all sides, tell yourself, “This is my life, and I’ll live it the way I want to.” This isn’t selfish – it’s healthy.

I limiti devono essere rispettati nelle relazioni sane, e chi vi fa mettere in dubbio la vostra scelta di fare di voi stessi una priorità li sta violando.

11. Assumersi la propria parte di responsabilità

Relationships are about what’s between people, so how they turn out depends on everyone involved. The relationship you’ve decided to end was influenced by you as much as the other person.

Don’t blame everything on them – even if they are toxic, assumersi la responsabilità per essersi lasciati coinvolgere.

Also, consider that if a lot of your relationships don’t work, it might be something that you’re doing. If you find everyone irritating, or if you feel like you’re often treated unfairly, consider examining your feelings and behavior.

A volte ci sono problemi di fondo che rendono difficili le relazioni, e finché non li affronterete, le vostre relazioni, sia romantiche che platoniche, ne risentiranno.

12. Perdonare l'altra persona

Un modo sano per andare avanti è scegliere di perdonare l'altra persona per qualsiasi cosa abbia fatto di male. Accettate che sia successo e che vi abbia influenzato, ma scegliete di non rimuginarci sopra e di perdonarli.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to let the other person back into your life. All it means is that you’re getting rid of negative feelings that hold you back. If you keep thinking about how they hurt you, you’re still letting them hurt you.

Perdonateli per il vostro bene.

13. Smettere di comunicare con loro

Potrebbe non essere necessario bloccarli, a meno che non decidano di rifiutare la vostra decisione o se pensate di essere tentati di contattarli vostro malgrado.

Cercate di rendere la comunicazione difficile o impossibile. Chiedete agli amici comuni o ai familiari di non parlarvi di loro e di non seguire i loro account sui social media.

Getting a notification from them on an app might make you fall into a habit of liking their posts or replying to their attempts to contact you, so it’s best to make sure you can’t.

14. Evitare i luoghi che frequentano per un po' di tempo

Solo perché smettere di essere amici di qualcuno doesn’t mean you don’t want to see them ever again, but all'inizio, potrebbe essere meglio stare lontani. If you know they’re going to be somewhere, decide to keep your distance for your own sake.

Vederli potrebbe farvi ricadere nell'abitudine di parlare con loro, vanificando così lo scopo della vostra decisione, quindi by avoiding them, you’re helping yourself stay strong.

If you’re unable to stay away because you go to school or work together and you have to see them, check out the section below that talks about this.

15. Concentrarsi sulla guarigione

Chiudere con qualcuno che era il vostro migliore amico a volte è difficile quanto chiudere con un'altra persona. Fate qualcosa che vi aiuti a guarire e a rimanere positivi.

Be kind to yourself at this point and let yourself grieve the relationship that doesn’t exist anymore. Think about it this way: your relationship had its place and time, and now it’s time for you to move on.

16. Dare tempo al tempo

All'inizio è difficile prendere le distanze, soprattutto se si è stati molto coinvolti dall'altra persona. Con il tempo le cose si semplificano e diventa più facile lasciarsi andare quanto più si è coerenti nel tenersi lontani.

You might be missing your friend today, but you still know that what you’ve done is for a good reason. If you persevere, in a while, you’ll be fine.

17. Uscire e incontrare nuove persone

Making new friends might be the last thing on your mind at the moment. Don’t think of it as finding a ‘rebound friendship’ but having the opportunità di ampliare la propria cerchia sociale now that you’re not worried and anxious because of your former friend.

18. Cercate un aiuto professionale se ne avete bisogno

Wanting a healthy relationship isn’t only limited to your love life. Taking steps to make sure you’re surrounded with positivity might prove to be a challenge.

Se sentite di aver bisogno di aiuto per affrontarlo, la consulenza è preziosa. Someone with an outside perspective is able to shed light on things you can’t see because of how emotionally involved you are.

19. Definire nuovi confini

Learn from this relationship, and recall what it is that this person did wrong. This will help you figure out what’s important to you and what you can’t accept.

Quando capire i propri limiticomunicarli e farli conoscere a chi li attraversa.

Tuttavia, nulla è stabilito nella pietra. I confini possono cambiare e spostarsi. Things that didn’t bother you yesterday might be a problem today, so don’t be afraid to let people know.

For example, if you used to be fine with people visiting unannounced, but you don’t want it anymore, some people might ignore you when you tell them to call ahead. When you let people know that something isn’t okay, refuse to accept their disrespect just because it was okay in the past.

20. Essere coerenti

La coerenza è essenziale per avere successo in qualsiasi cosa, anche nel mantenere le distanze da qualcuno.

If you flip between talking to them and not talking to them, you’re setting yourself up for failure. You’ll never get used to not having them in your life if you keep hurting yourself by associating with them.

Stay strong and consistent, and soon enough, you’ll be able to move forward without sparing a second thought for this person.

Come prendere le distanze da una persona tossica

Scegliere di allontanarsi da una relazione tossica è un atto di amore verso se stessi, ma it might be hard if you still have some feelings for the other person or if you can’t really avoid them.

Sometimes you need to get over a friendship the same way you’d get over a romantic breakup. Deciding how to distance yourself from someone who’s making your life miserable comes down to two choices:

1. If you’re done and don’t want anything to do with this person, you can simply cut them off. Choose to tell them what’s going on or ghost them, but remember that you don’t owe them an explanation unless you want to give them one.

Se la persona in questione è violenta, andate via in qualsiasi modo, assicurandovi di rimanere al sicuro.

2. È possibile seguire i suggerimenti di cui sopra and approach it as you would a relationship with someone you don’t want to hurt if you want to be kind. It’s best not to get involved too much, however, because Le persone tossiche tendono a cercare modi per prolungare il dramma.

How do you know someone’s behavior is toxic?

• They hurt you mentally, emotionally, or physically.

• They make you feel unsafe, afraid, or uneasy.

• They make you feel invisible, bad about yourself, or manipulated.

• They get you into trouble or complicate your life.

• They don’t respect your boundaries, not even when you try to enforce them.

• They never acknowledge their mistakes and never apologize.

• They isolate you from your loved ones or damage your other relationships.

• They hold you back from achieving what you want and becoming who you want to be.

• They have a negative effect on your life.

RELATIVO: 81 citazioni più incoraggianti sul lasciar andare una relazione tossica

Perché allontanarsi da una persona della propria vita?

Deciding to distance yourself from someone isn’t done lightly. Even if you haven’t given it much thought consciously, Qualcosa di loro vi infastidisce a tal punto da voler porre fine alle cose.

It’s important for your self-esteem to put your needs first. You don’t have to stay stuck in a toxic friendship any more than you’d have to stay in a toxic romantic relationship.

For example, if a friend hurt you and you forgave them, but you don’t want them in your life anymore, you might feel conflicted. Remember that your feelings are valid and that it’s okay to choose who you keep around.

If you can’t figure out why someone is making you uncomfortable, take a look at the list below. Tutti questi elementi potrebbero essere considerati un motivo sufficiente per prendere le distanze se vi mettono a disagio. But also, keep this in mind: you don’t need to look for a reason at all.

1. Provocano drammi e ci prosperano sopra.

2. La sensazione è che vogliano sempre qualcosa da te e non diano mai nulla in cambio.

3. They’re negative, and interacting with them drains your energy.

4. They’re too needy and expect you to always be there for them.

5. When you really need someone to lean on, they’re suddenly busy.

6. Similar circumstances are the only reason you’re friends. For example, your kids are friends, or you work together.

7. Non siete d'accordo su questioni importanti e avete valori diversi.

8. Non avete nulla in comune.

9. You’ve grown apart even though you used to be close.

10. Your friendship has run its course, and there’s nothing left.

11. Your relationship feels like an obligation, and you only socialize out of habit or because that’s how it’s done.

12. You feel like you have to be someone you’re not around them and can’t be yourself.

13. You can’t rely on them for support or help, and it seems like they don’t care about you at all.

14. You’re not putting equal effort into the relationship.

15. You’re the only one maintaining the relationship – you’re always the one to get in touch, call, organize, etc.

How To Distance Yourself From Someone You Can’t Avoid

When you’ve had it with a schoolmate or a co-worker you see every day, keeping your distance might be difficult. How do you stay on track when you keep seeing them around and can’t cut off all contact?

Tutti i suggerimenti di cui sopra sono utili, ma i punti seguenti lo sono in modo particolare:

• Limit your contact. Parlate con loro solo quando è necessario, e siate gentili e concisi.

• Stick to the point. There’s no need to catch up or exchange pleasantries. For example, if you work together and you need a file from them, ignore everything they say to you and only focus on getting the file.

• Set boundaries. Let them know you’re not interested in interacting with them more than necessary, and reinforce these boundaries if they try to break them.

• Don’t explain yourself. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for making your mental health a priority.

In sintesi

Non c'è alcun obbligo di mantenere i contatti con un amico tossico o un familiare esigente. Si può cercare di lasciare che la relazione si allontani da sola, ma a volte potrebbe essere impossibile e si deve porre fine alla relazione stessa.

Deciding how to distance yourself from someone depends on why you’re doing it and what you want the end result to be. If it’s someone toxic, cutting them out is sometimes your best course of action. If it’s someone you still want to stay on good terms with, a conversation might be necessary.

In some cases, the most difficult part is stopping yourself from contacting that person because you’re so used to doing it. Reminding yourself why you’re doing it is the most effective way to stick to your decision: you’ve done the right thing and chosen your well-being over staying in a relationship that doesn’t work for you.