Come rifiutare qualcuno in modo gentile e rispettoso: 12 testi efficaci

Quando si tratta di uscire con qualcuno, una delle cose più frustranti è pensare a come respingere qualcuno in modo gentile e in modo rispettoso. 

You’ve been on a couple of dates (or you haven’t even dated) and you’ve realized that you’re not really interested in further dating (or ever dating).

You don’t want to give them falsa speranza e forse volete rimanere solo amici, giusto?

Ora, come spiegare tutto questo a una ragazza o a un ragazzo gentilmente, senza rottura il contatto del tutto o senza sembrare lo stronzo per eccellenza?

You don’t want to give them a crepacuore with thoughtless words but you don’t want them to think there is still hope. You need to be realistic and authentic. Easier said than done, right?

Ti capisco. Ma, ehi, non tutte le speranze sono perse! 

Sapete come si dice: L'onestà è la migliore politica! Ecco un elenco dei testi più efficaci che potete utilizzare in base alla vostra situazione!

Nota: Sentitevi liberi di modificare i testi in base alla vostra situazione o al vostro stile. Inoltre, assicuratevi di dare un'occhiata all'elenco di suggerimenti essenziali che vi aiuteranno a padroneggiare l'arte di rifiutare con gentilezza!

12 dei migliori modelli di messaggio per aiutarvi a rifiutare qualcuno in modo gentile

1. “I’m not ready yet”

“Hey (someone’s name). I really enjoyed spending time with you on our primo appuntamento but I’m afraid I got some cattive notizie.

I want you to know that I’m not ready for a relazione romantica or anything serious yet and that’s why I think it would be wise to stop dating for the time being. 

I don’t want you to think that there’s something wrong with you because there isn’t. It’s me.

I’ve got some things to sort out in my head and that’s why I cannot continue dating you. (Once I’m done with it, I’ll definitely let you know.)”

Questo è un ottimo modo per respingere qualcuno con gentilezza, perché l'accento è su di voi e non su di lui.

L'altra persona ha bisogno di sapere che non è lei il problema (soprattutto se si tratta di una persona veramente ragazzo simpatico o ragazza e volete rimanere in contatto con loro). 

Inoltre, questo messaggio è ottimo per le persone indecise (come me), quindi ho messo l'ultima frase tra parentesi a questo scopo.

If you’re not really sure about rejecting them completely, you can add that last sentence in case you change your mind in the future. 

2. “I just want to focus on my studies/work right now”

“Hi (someone’s name). I’m sorry to disappoint you but I think you deserve to know that I can’t really date anyone right now.

I just want to focus on my studies/work at the moment, so I don’t really have time for anything else, which includes dating.

I don’t want to waste your time and that’s why I’m telling you all this in advance. I hope you understand.”

If you’re busy with other things at the moment and you don’t have time for dating or a relationship, you should accentuate that and add that the reason why you’re telling them is that you don’t want to waste their time. 

This will show them how considerate and polite you truly are, because you care about other people’s time and feelings.

Inoltre, se lo desiderate, potete aggiungere questo alla fine del messaggio: I’ve got your numero di telefono, so I’ll make sure to contact you once I free myself from the shackles of obligations.

3. “I’m not the right girl for you”

“I’ve been thinking about telling you this for days and whenever I gathered the courage to do it, something stopped me. So, I’ll be as firm as possible. I just want you to know that I’m not the right girl for you. 

At times, I can be really annoying or needy and sometimes I’m also overly excited about stupid things. There are also days when I can’t control myself and I do things on impulse.

Penso che dovresti sapere tutto questo prima che le cose si facciano serie.

You might not understand it now but trust me, you’ll thank me later.”

Questo è il modo perfetto per dirlo all'altra persona: It’s not you, it’s me. By adding all those silly things like being annoying or excited about stupid things, you’re making it less serious and therefore, less painful.

Il messaggio è accattivante e giocoso e, soprattutto, onesto fino in fondo.

4. “I don’t think we’re un buon abbinamento“

“Hi (someone’s name). Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the two of us and I concluded that we’re not really a good match. I’m into rock music, you’re into country. I’m an introvert and you’re an extrovert. 

There are plenty of other things we discussed which made me realize that we’re two extremes.

I think you deserve to know how I feel about the whole thing, so I’m letting you know because I don’t want to give you falsa speranza.”

There will be times when you’ll meet someone who is the total opposite of you and when that happens, you shouldn’t pretend you’re okay with it (if you’re not).

If that is the case with you, the best way to reject them nicely is by saying that you’re not a good match. 

It’s objective and it’s your personal opinion and they cannot judge you for that or get insulted. They can only appreciate you being honest about it.

5. “Obligations, obligations…”

“Hey (someone’s name). As I’m writing to you, I’m thinking about all the deadlines I need to meet this next month, my two jobs, little sister, pet, you name it. 

As you can see, I don’t have time to breathe, let alone spend some quality time with someone and I’m truly sorry for that.

Il mio tempo libero consiste in una o due ore la sera, quando accendo la TV e cerco di non addormentarmi mentre guardo qualcosa.

I wish we had met earlier or sometime in the near future when I will potentially have more free time but that’s just how things are at the moment.”

If the reason for rejecting someone is your tons of obligation at the moment but you’re interested in hanging out with them at some point in the near future, it’s important you tell them that.

You need to accentuate the fact that you’re interested in hanging out but prevented from doing so at the moment.

6. “Broken-hearted girl/guy”

“I want you to know I have really enjoyed every second of your company but there’s something you need to know about me.

I’m not ready for anything romantic yet because I need more time to heal my wounds from my previous rottura. 

I could have continued dating you without telling you anything about it but it wouldn’t be fair toward you.

That’s why I’m telling you honestly that I need more time and space to absorb and accept everything that happened in the past.”

Rotture are tough and it’s always wise to take some time for yourself and heal before jumping into a new relationship.

Also, the other person deserves to know the truth in case they’ve already developed romantic feelings for you. 

Vedi anche: 20 cose da sapere per aiutarsi a guarire da un cuore spezzato

7. “I’m only interested in friendship”

“Hey (someone’s name). I was thinking about telling you this earlier but I waited to be sure about it.

I want you to know that I really like you as a person and I’m interested in being friends with you but nothing more than that. 

Credo davvero che abbiamo il potenziale per essere buoni amici but if this is something that’s too hard for you, I totally understand and respect that.”

Questo è praticamente autoesplicativo. 

8. “Lack of chemistry or attraction”

“(Someone’s name), you’re an awesome person and I’m sure you already know that. You’re kind, you’re supportive and you’re fun to hang out with.

However, I’m afraid there’s no chimica reale/attraction between us, which is the essence of every relationship. It would be awesome if we could stay friends though!”

If you notice a lack of chemistry or attraction, this is a serious red flag that they’re probably not a potential partner but just a potential friend.

9. “Travel girl/guy”

“Hey (someone’s name). I’m going on a trip tomorrow/la prossima settimana, so I’m afraid I’ll be too busy to hang out.

I guess I’m an adventure-seeker and traveling is in my blood (well, my mom told me that), so I hope you understand that and hear from you soon.”

This one’s my favorite. I mean, who could get mad for being rejected by a passionate traveler? 

10. “Already dating someone else”

“I think you’re a really nice person but I’ll be straightforward with you: I’m already dating someone else. However, we could definitely stay in touch!

I’m just telling you this because I don’t want to giochi with you. I respect you and I think you deserve to know the truth.”

Remember to always tell the other person if you’re already dating someone else because if you don’t, you could risk experiencing some seriously awkward situations (not to mention a broken heart). 

11. “I don’t feel the same way”

“You’re a really cool guy/girl and I have enjoyed texting with you/hanging out with you but I need to tell you that I don’t feel the same way about this whole thing. 

I rather see you as my big brother/sister/friend and I think you should know that, so that we can avoid any potential awkward situations or disappointments.” 

By telling the other person that you don’t feel the same way, you are letting them know that things are not the way they seem.

Sometimes, people tend to overthink and misinterpret some clues, so it’s important to let them know how things stand.

12. “I want you to respect my feelings like I respect yours”

“Hey (someone’s name). I realize that you like me a lot because of all those grand gestures and the way you treat me is truly impressive. I respect your feelings but I need you to respect mine, too.

Pensavo che sarei stato in grado di ricambiare, ma più passavo il tempo con te, più mi sentivo strano in tutta questa faccenda.

I think you’re a great person and I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me. I respect your feelings and I hope you’ll respect mine as well.”

Il rispetto reciproco è una delle cose più potenti quando si tratta di amicizie, relazioni o appuntamenti. Cercare di ottenerlo dall'altra persona è uno dei modi migliori per respingere qualcuno in modo gentile ed educato.

Come rifiutare una persona in modo gentile: 6 consigli essenziali

Perché scegliere a caso un modello di messaggio non è sufficiente! Ecco alcune cose a cui dovreste prestare attenzione che vi aiuteranno a respingere qualcuno in un modo educato:

1. Siate onesti con voi stessi (e con loro)

Prima di decidere di rifiutare una persona, vi consiglio di chiedervi se è proprio quello che volete in questo momento.

Fare qualcosa d'impulso è la più grande scorciatoia per il rimpianto, quindi è necessario essere completamente onesti con se stessi prima di decidere di fare qualcosa.

Pensate a tutti i pro e i contro di uscire con loro (o di avere una relazione con loro). Questo vi aiuterà a vedere il quadro generale e a capire cosa volete veramente. 

Scrivete i vostri pensieri su un foglio di carta per renderli tangibili e più chiari.

If you still want to reject that someone after you’ve done all that, then keep in mind that you should be honest with them about the real reason why you don’t want to date/continue dating them or be with them. 

In altre parole: Solo dire la verità ma in modo piacevole, modo educato.

Si tenga inoltre presente che il la cosa peggiore si può fare è rottura con qualcuno o smettere di frequentarlo senza un motivo specifico, solo per scoprire di aver commesso un errore.

2. Prepararsi a ogni possibile risultato

L'essenza di imparare a respingere qualcuno in modo gentile sta nella capacità di prepararsi a ogni possibile esito. Per esito intendo la loro reazione alla vostra dichiarazione. 

Non tutti siamo bravi ad accettare un rifiuto. Alcune persone si offendono anche se le rifiutate nel modo più assoluto. modo educato possible and there’s nothing you can do about it.

So, the best thing to do is prepare yourself for such a situation and think in advance about how you’re going to react if something like that happens. 

You don’t want to lose your cool and start saying things you don’t really mean just because their reaction forces you to do so (and you don’t want to involve their friends or membri della famiglia in esso).

Si vuole evitare qualsiasi potenziale imbarazzo e si vuole fare la cosa dello scarto in un modo piacevole. So, no matter what happens, don’t overreact or overthink. Stay polite and stick to what you really want and mean.

Inoltre, ricordate che anche il risultato peggiore è sempre meglio che fantasma.

3. Fatelo di persona (se potete)

If there’s one thing I hate most about these modern times, it’s a lack of face-to-face communication; we do everything via social media e gli sms.

Honestly, I am waiting for the day when being ‘in a social media relationship’ will become legit.

Quindi, per favore, fate il rifiuto di persona (se potete, ovviamente). Altrimenti, inviate un messaggio. 

The reason why it’s better to do it face-to-face is because the other person can see your genuine facial expressions and see whether you’re being honest with them. That effect is hard to achieve via a text message.

People tend to overthink things because they can’t hear the tone of your voice and they can’t see your face and therefore they cannot know for sure whether you’re being honest with them. 

I understand that doing it in person requires more courage than doing it via text message but the effect is not the same and that’s a fact. 

4. Evitare di dare la colpa all'altra persona

If there’s one thing you should definitely avoid doing, it’s putting blame on the other person, like with something like this: I don’t want to date you because you drink/curse too much.

Questo tipo di affermazione è un attacco diretto a una persona e si dovrebbe evitare di farlo a tutti i costi. 

You don’t want to make the persona sentire bad about the whole thing. You want them to understand what you’re trying to say to them and how you feel about it instead of blaming them for it.

Just imagine if someone told you that they didn’t want to date you because you drink too much. You would instantly feel insulted and start thinking that it’s none of their business if you drink too much, right?

Giudicare e spettegolare sono due delle cose più tossiche al mondo e non hanno mai un esito positivo. 

Now imagine that someone said to you they don’t want to date you because they don’t think you’re a good match.

It’s neutral, polite and it’s really hard to get offended by a statement like that. And that’s the effect you need to achieve when rejecting someone nicely!

5. Don’t wait for a right time to do it

Mi risulta che avrete un tempo difficile trovare il coraggio di rifiutarli, ma non c'è mai un momento giusto per fine delle cose con qualcuno.

Si potrebbe pensare che se si rimanda a domani, la prossima settimana or next month, things will be different. But they won’t. 

The longer you wait to do something, the more you’re ansioso about doing it (definitely speaking from experience). So, don’t wait for a right time to do it because the right time doesn’t exist.

The right time is now. You can never know what’s going on in that person’s life at the moment, so how can you know when it is the right time for them? You cannot know, right?

Quindi, uno dei migliori Consigli degli esperti è la seguente: Aspettare il momento giusto per fare qualcosa non farà altro che prolungarlo.

E prolungarlo significa dare loro falsa speranza when they could’ve started dating someone else instead and moved on. 

Don’t wait for the right time to do it but just do it! (As Nike would say.) 

6. Don’t sugar-coat it

If you’re one hundred percent sure about rejecting them, then don’t zucchero cose, ovvero dare loro falsa speranza.

If you know that you don’t want to date them ever again, don’t make them think that you might reach out to them at some point in the near future.

Meritano di sentirsi dire la verità in un modo piacevole. Dovete evitare di fare giochi mentali con loro perché, se lo fate, continueranno a vivere nell'illusione, pensando che le cose vadano bene.

Dovreste invece imparare a rifiutare qualcuno in modo gentile e onesto. 

Come già detto: L'onestà è la migliore politica

Rejecting someone is one of the hardest things to do but it’s necessary for both your happiness and the other person’s. If you feel like it’s something you should do, you shouldn’t prolong it any further. 

Dire loro come vi sentite in questa situazione vi farà sentire meglio e a lungo andare sarà vantaggioso per entrambi. Tutti meritano di essere felici e a volte il rifiuto è il primo passo verso la felicità.

Vedi anche: 9 segni che gli piaci (ma ha paura di essere rifiutato)