Come rompere con qualcuno: Una guida in 12 passi per una rottura pulita

Che vi piaccia o meno ammetterlo, la vostra relazione è praticamente finita nel momento in cui iniziate a chiedervi come rottura con qualcuno. 

This is exactly what you’re going through. You’ve been trying to find the least harmful way to walk away from your partner and to give them the bad news the easiest way possible.

People assume that the one saying the final goodbye doesn’t carry any burden. However, that’s far from the truth.

I’ll be honest with you. Breaking things off is never easy.

However, sometimes you reach a point where it’s the only option you have – a point where your relationship is making you miserable and you know it can’t be saved. 

Ebbene, se questi sono i pensieri che vi passano per la mente e se continuate a chiedervi come rottura con qualcuno, ecco alcuni consigli del nostro esperti di relazioni che dovreste assolutamente controllare. 

1. Essere certi della propria decisione

Before ending your relationship, you have to be sure that this is what you really want. Please, don’t confuse yourself or your partner if you’re not certain in your decision.

Don’t do this if you want to scare them by pretending that you want to leave. Don’t do it to make them understand what they’re losing or to make them feel your absence so they can appreciate your presence more. 

So che potrebbe sembrare una buona idea, ma credetemi, questi non sono altro che giochi mentali immaturi che creerà una confusione ancora più grande nella vostra relazione.

First of all, you need to be clear that your relationship isn’t worth saving. You’re breaking up with someone because you don’t love them anymore, you think you two have no future together, or they don’t treat you right.

Anche se questi sono i motivi più comuni per cui le persone sono solite rottura, potete basare la vostra decisione su qualcosa di diverso.

The point is that you shouldn’t have to justify your reasons to anyone – the mere fact that you want out of this relationship is more than enough.

Tuttavia, è importante che ci sia un motivo per farlo. rottura. Don’t do it on a whim and if you’re likely to change your mind the next day. 

Most importantly, don’t do it if you expect to get back together with your partner.

I’m not saying that this can’t happen sometime in the future, but there is absolutely no point in breaking-up with them if you’re thinking about reconciliation now. 

2. Don’t beat yourself up

A molte persone supporre che l'unica persona che soffre a causa della rottura is the one who is being left behind. Well, that can’t be further from the truth.

Capire come rottura con qualcuno che vi ama, vi porta anche dolore emotivo.

Just because you want to say your goodbyes, it doesn’t mean that you’re happy about it. Besides, when you’re the one breaking up, you’re dealing with another painful emotion: guilt. 

This is especially true if we’re talking about relazioni a lungo termine.

You think that you’re throwing away your history together and all the years you spent next to each other, so you can’t avoid feeling guilty for being the one who destroys everything. 

Un'altra cosa da fare, prima di agire concretamente, è la seguente rottura is clearing your conscience. After all, you’re not married to your boyfriend or girlfriend, and even if you are, you have the right to file for divorce.

You didn’t sign a paper that the two of you will grow old together, no matter what.

You didn’t make any wedding vows, promising them to stick by their side through bad and good days, through sickness and health until death does you apart. 

You didn’t choose this person as your life partner just yet. Therefore, you have the right to change your mind.

Don’t feel guilty for breaking up with them if this is something you want to do. Don’t blame yourself for the failure of your relationship. Don’t think of yourself as weak for not being able to put up with it anymore. 

Relationships end and that is all a part of life. I know that you’re probably beating yourself up for being the one who has to put a stop to your romance, but you have to put your happiness first.

You won’t stay in a relationship that is making you miserable just to spare the other person’s feelings. You can’t keep on breaking your own heart just to save theirs. 

3. Farlo in tempo

L'errore numero uno di un molte persone fare quando vogliono rottura con il proprio partner è quello di rimandare.

Aspettano che il loro fidanzato o la loro fidanzata escano da un brutto periodo della loro vita, fino a dopo il loro compleanno, fino a quando tornano da quel viaggio che hanno programmato da secoli, e così via.

This is something you shouldn’t do. Trust me, before you know it, you’ll turn around and see that months have gone by since your initial decision and you’re still trapped in this relationship.

The fact is that people do this because they’re scared. They don’t have the courage to walk away, so they remain in this relationship, expecting a miracle to happen.

In pratica, si aspettano che sia l'altra persona a fare la mossa o che la loro relazione finisca magicamente. È improbabile che ciò accada e, che vi piaccia o no, dovete trovare la forza di fare il lavoro sporco da soli.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not telling you to abandon your partner in the middle of a family emergency or the moment they lost their job.

Dopo tutto, questo è ancora il vostro amico fidato, even though you don’t feel any romantic connection with them anymore. 

However, I’m begging you not to make excuses and not to postpone the rottura. Trust me, it’s better to do it in time before things between you two become even worse. 

After all, by leaving them, you’re actually doing your partner a favor. It’s way better to be honest about your feelings than to keep on che li guida just because you’re scared of saying the final goodbye. 

Siate diretti e strappate il cerotto raccontando tutto AL PIÙ PRESTO e nel modo più diretto possibile. 

And the worst thing you could do is treat your significant other as a safety net. Don’t go out there hunting for a new potential partner until you make everything clear in your current relationship. 

4. Pianificare la conversazione di rottura

When you’re wondering how to rottura with someone you love (because no matter what happened, I’m sure you still have some emotions towards this person), you have to know exactly what you’re about to say. 

Otherwise, your emotions will take over and if you don’t plan ahead, you won’t manage to do it. 

Of course, this won’t be a monologue, so it’s impossible to plan every single sentence to come out of your mouth, but you should definitely think about what you want to tell them as a whole.

If you usually have trouble expressing yourself verbally, write your thoughts down on a piece of paper and learn it by heart. No, you won’t be reading or reciting your speech, it will just serve you as a guideline. 

Remember: This is probably the last time you’re having this kind of conversation with your partner. So don’t leave anything unsaid.

Instead, tell them everything that’s on your mind and heart. Try to explain to them how you feel, why you think that your romance should end, and most importantly, do your best to give them chiusura. 

However, don’t use this opportunity to analyze your entire relationship from the first day.

Non ha assolutamente senso tirare fuori tutto il vostro bagaglio emotivo, perché questo porterà solo a una discussione inutile. 

Don’t become all defensive or try arguing with your partner. Just be calm and honest. 

Try not to show too many emotions; that will only make things even harder for both of you. Nevertheless, don’t behave like you’re completely indifferent to all that’s been going on. 

Cercate di trovare un equilibrio. Mostrate loro che lasciarsi è difficile da fare for you, but that you’re certain in your decision and nothing they do or say can change your mind. 

Quando si parla di ragioni per il vostro rottura, be as honest as possible. Don’t lie or sugarcoat things; tell them straightforwardly why you’re leaving them.

Inoltre, preparatevi al fatto che probabilmente ci saranno domande difficili da parte del vostro partner. Tuttavia, questa è la persona con cui avete trascorso un molto tempo con i quali probabilmente li conoscete meglio. 

Therefore, if you think things through you’ll probably be able to predict most of their responses and questions. So, prepare yourself and be ready to give them the answers they want to hear. 

RELATIVO: Testi di rottura: 50+ messaggi di testo per chiudere la relazione

5. Faccia a faccia

Negli appuntamenti moderni, tutto avviene letteralmente tramite social media, messaggi di testo, o telefonate. Ebbene, anche se è diventata una prassi rottura with someone this way, it is something you shouldn’t do at any cost. 

I don’t care if you and your partner met on a dating site or if you even started your relationship on social media, meritano che voi rottura con loro, guardandoli dritti negli occhi. 

It doesn’t matter if you two have been in a relazione a distanza. Per favore, trovate un modo per vederli di persona.

Let’s be honest. Scaricare qualcuno attraverso un messaggio è un gioco da ragazzi.

You don’t have to actually talk to them, you don’t have to be scared of your voice trembling, you don’t have to look them in the eyes while telling them about your decision.

Besides, if things get rough, you can always block their number or stop responding to their text messages. It dehumanizes the entire process and you don’t see your ex partner che piange dall'altra parte dello schermo.

However, if you’re mature enough to have a relazione romanticaDovreste essere abbastanza maturi da fine delle cose anche alla vecchia maniera. Farlo faccia a faccia dà a un'altra persona un certo senso di valore. 

In questo modo, riconoscete la loro importanza nella vostra vita, anche se volete che la vostra relazione finisca.

You’re showing them that they have been important enough for you to give them your time and effort to explain yourself. 

Besides, you won’t be seen as a coward who doesn’t have the courage to actually tell someone you’re walking away from them. 

Purtroppo, un'altra forma popolare di rotture è ora fantasma. You know that move when you just disappear from the other person’s life without even saying a word?

As tempting as this might sound, I can’t emphasize how wrong it is on so many levels. So, I’m begging you not to even consider it. 

6. …but not in public

Another thing to keep in mind when breaking up with your significant other is the place in which you’ll do it. First and foremost, a serious conversazione di rottura come questo merita un po' di privacy. 

Inoltre, per quanto si pensi di conoscere l'altra persona, non si può mai prevedere completamente la sua reazione.

You don’t know if there will be screaming, crying, curses, or fighting involved, so you might want to avoid doing it in a public space.

Besides, you don’t want to humiliate your partner by allowing other people to see or hear that they’re being dumped.

With all this in mind, it’s obvious that you should be careful while choosing the place for your rottura.

However, don’t do it in your house, apartment, or car either.

In this case, if things get rough, you’ll find yourself in a situation where you have to throw your ex partner out – and that is the last thing they need to go through after being dumped. 

Basically, what is important is to pick a quiet setting. Maybe it’s better to do it “on their field,” so you can be the one to walk away. 

7. Sapere che farete del male all'altra persona

I won’t lie. Lasciarsi è difficile. This is not the nicest thing you’ll have to do in life, but sometimes it simply has to be done.

Questo vale soprattutto se sapete che l'altra persona vuole continuare la relazione. Sarà difficile dire di no se l'altra persona inizia a implorare per una seconda possibilità. 

What I’m trying to tell you is that no matter how you play your cards, you will definitely end up hurting the other person. You will probably break their heart and there isn’t a scenario in which they’ll be left unharmed. 

Even if your ex stopped loving you, you’ll hurt their ego when you walk away from them. So, please accept this as an inevitable fact. 

Also, I’m asking you to acknowledge their pain.

Even if you see them as the bad guy in the story – even if you think that they’re the one who caused this rottura – they have the right to feel hurt, abandoned, or even betrayed. 

What is important here is for you not to feel like a villain. You’re just choosing your own happiness over someone else’s and, contrary to popular belief, there is nothing selfish about that.

Your partner might tell you that you’re ruining their life and breaking them beyond repair, but trust me, it’s not the case. They’re feeling like this right now, but sooner or later, they volontà recuperare. 

The end of your relationship isn’t the end of the world for either of you. They will find their happiness without you, so the last thing you should allow is for guilt to eat you alive. 

8. Lasciateli parlare

You’re the one who is breaking things off, so you’re the one who’ll have to start and lead this conversation. However, you can’t expect the other party to peacefully listen to you, without saying a word. 

Dopo tutto, la vostra relazione era una strada a doppio senso, il che significa che anche loro ne facevano parte in egual misura. Anche loro hanno il diritto di dire la loro opinione e di parlare dei loro sentimenti.

È una cosa che dovete permettere loro di fare. Lasciate che vi dicano tutto quello che vogliono e date loro la possibilità di essere ascoltati per l'ultima volta. 

Naturally, you won’t always agree with everything they have to say. After all, you two probably have different perspectives on your relationship.

However, even in this case, you need to let them clear everything they have off their chest. Remember that this conversation shouldn’t revolve around who is right; it should be seen as a possibilità di chiusura. 

9. Essere gentili ed empatici

Whenever you’re talking to someone, even if that someone is a stranger, you ought to do your best to be kind and empatico.

Well, this is especially true when you’re talking to the person who was your amata e con cui avete una lunga storia. 

Remember that they’re the ones being hurt more than you are here. They’re the ones who are receiving bad news and the ones who are brought to a dead end.

Even though this situation is probably painful for you too, you’re the one who made the tough decision to fine delle cose.

On the other hand, your partner might still want to remain in the relationship yet they’re being involuntarily kicked out of it. 

What I’m trying to say is that considering all this, it’s clear that right now they’re in a worse position than you. Therefore, you’re the one who should give them all the sympathy in the world. 

Please, try putting yourself in their shoes. Try to understand them and do your best not to judge them, even if they don’t accettare la rottura come ci si aspettava che facessero. 

Be as gentle as possible while telling them that you’re about to leave them. Don’t lie to them, but also don’t insult or humiliate them in any way possible. 

Another thing you should be careful about is the tone of your voice. Be cautious not to raise your voice or talk like you’re arguing. 

Yes, your relationship is coming to an end. However, you two are still equals here. Don’t you ever forget that. 

10. Evitare il gioco delle colpe

Un altro errore che la maggior parte delle coppie commette nel porre fine alla propria relazione è quello di sfruttare l'occasione per risolvere tutte le discussioni.

This is the final goodbye – it’s not a chance for you two to figure out who made more mistakes and who’s to blame for your rottura. 

That’s why I’m begging you to avoid the blame game at all costs. As it was already stated, both you and your ex have different perspectives on your fallito relazione romantica.

Therefore, it’s not surprising to have them see you as the bad guy of the story and viceversa. Tuttavia, non è questo il luogo o il momento per discuterne. 

After all, what’s the point of shifting responsibility? You decided it’s time to fine delle cose, which means that you’ve reached a point where nothing can be done to save your relationship. 

Don’t rehash your old issues, don’t be resentful, and don’t mention some old grudges you might have. You both need to accept that it’s over and that it’s completely irrelevant who did what. 

11. Tagliare tutti i legami

Rimanere amici di un ex is a civilized thing to do, especially if we’re talking about someone you spent years with.

For all of this time, this person was a huge part of your life and it is totally understandable that you can’t kick them out so easily.

They weren’t just your romantic partner and a amata. Erano anche uno dei vostri amici fidati, e hai iniziato a vederli come un membro della famiglia nel corso degli anni.

Tuttavia, ogni esperto di relazioni vi diranno di tagliare i ponti con loro una volta che modi di separazione – at least in the beginning.

Fidatevi di me, questo è l'unico modo per entrambi di lasciarsi andare of your relationship for real and it’s the best move for your benessere e salute mentale. 

I’m not saying that you should suddenly become enemies or that you shouldn’t say “hi” to each other when you run into each other, but everything besides that will only make things complicated. 

If it’s necessary, break things off with your amici comuni as well. Don’t deepen your ex’s wound and keep on hurting this person’s feelings ancora di più rimanendo nella loro vita in questo modo o in un altro. 

This is especially true if the other person doesn’t want to rottura. Believe me, you’ll only give them falsa speranza se promettete di rimanere amici. 

Besides, you’ll also make a mess in your head if you don’t go no contact. You’ve gone this far and made your decision, so the last thing you need is having them next to you all the time as if nothing has changed. 

Also, cutting all ties is the only way in which you’ll show to your ex that you really mean what you said. This way, you’re not leaving any space for them to think that you’ll change your mind in the future. 

I’m not saying that reconciliation is never possible. After all, you never know what life might bring.

Tuttavia, questo non è un aspetto da menzionare se si vuole davvero dare un taglio netto e strappare completamente la cerotto off.

Don’t go giving either of you falsa speranza parlando della possibilità di tornare insieme un giorno. 

12. Imparare dalla propria relazione

When you’re wondering how to rottura with someone, you never think of what comes next – after the rottura è finita.

You did what you wanted to do, your relationship is over, and now you’re left all alone with your thoughts. 

Well, that’s exactly why I’ll ask you to use this time to reexamine your relationship. Of course, this isn’t something you should do with your ex, but on your own. 

No, don’t think about your failed romance because you want to fix it. Scrutinize it so you can lasciarsi andare e utilizzarlo come un prezioso lezione di vita.

Think about your dealbreakers. What were the things the other person was doing but you couldn’t tolerate, as much as you tried?

What were your mistakes? Be mature enough to take your share of responsibility and think about the things you shouldn’t be doing in the future with other partners.

Quando si tratta di andare avanti con la vostra vita sentimentale, secondo tutte le allenatori di relazionibuttarsi subito in una nuova relazione non è una buona idea.

Usate questo tempo per conoscere voi stessi e godervi il più possibile la vostra vita da single. 

Most importantly, stay away from any potential rebound relationships. You won’t heal your broken heart by breaking someone else’s in the process. 

Lavorare invece sull'auto-miglioramento e concentrarsi su cura di sé. Sistemate le vostre emozioni e salute mentale, e imparare a mettere se stessi e la propria benessere in primo posto. 

Costruire un relazione sana con voi stessi prima di cercare un partner. Ricordate le mie parole: questo è l'unico modo per sperare di avere una relazione sana con qualcun altro.