Come convalidare se stessi: Sapere che ciò che si sente è reale

“The woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet.” – Mohadesa Majumi

When you depend on people to build you up, they’ll have the same power to break you down. You don’t need their validation to know your worth.

So instead of seeking others to validate you, make sure your validate yourself. Make sure your self-validation is on fleek and no matter what others say, they won’t be able to break you down.

Cercare una convalida equivale a chiedere agli altri di dirvelo who you are and what you’re worth.

Whatever they tell you won’t be true because it didn’t come from you. You’re the only one who can validate yourself because that’s the only validation that counts.

You don’t need to get your friends’ approval to do something. Your family doesn’t have to like your choices and your boyfriend can’t determine which path should you take.

It’s up to you to follow your gut and say ‘no’ things which don’t feel right or do something just because you feel like doing it.

As a human being on this journey with your own thoughts of and in life, you have the right to feel the way you feel, no matter when you’re feeling it or why. Always keep this in mind.

“Nothing destroys self-worth, self-acceptance, and self-love faster than denying what you feel. Without feelings you wouldn’t know where you are in life. Nor would you know which areas to work on. Honour your feelings. Allow yourself to feel them.” – Iyanla Vanzant

La convalida è qualcosa che tutti cerchiamo. Ma pochi sanno che il posto giusto dove chiedere la convalida è dentro di sé.

It’s called self-validation and once you get on good terms with yourself, when you make peace within, nothing irrelevant can touch you.

Quindi, prima di scegliere di cercare una convalida al di fuori della vostra pelle, ricordatevi che solo voi potete convalidare voi stessi e i vostri sentimenti.

In case you’re still struggling with doing so, here are a few steps delivered by Marsha Linehan to help you in your process of self-validation.

Essere presenti

Being present means grounding yourself. Don’t dissociate, don’t daydream and don’t suppress or numb your emotions. Never allow them to bottle up to the point where they’ll take you on the verge of exploding.

Don’t try to turn off what you’re feeling because even if it seems like you’ve succeeded, it will come to collect later. So don’t fool yourself and essere presenti.

È vero che sentire tutto il dolore e lasciare che ci porti giù a volte può essere difficile, ma negarlo può portare a conseguenze maggiori.

Always assess your feelings and always work on them. Never try to run away because it will be like you’re running away from yourself.

It’s impossible and eventually all that you’ve been trying to avoid will come to the surface in waves.

Riconoscere il proprio stato interno

Whatever you’re feeling, try to label it accurately. Instead of fooling yourself and making yourself believe that it’s not too big of a deal, reflect on your emotions and events that occured.

Instead of falling into deep depression or something even worse, instead of beating yourself down, instead of saying: “Nobody is ever going to love me”; say: “I’m feeling sad and hurting because my boyfriend broke up with me”.

Never allow yourself to neglect your state to the point of convincing yourself that there is something wrong with you and that you’ve fallen into a hole from which there is no way out.

Indovinare

In certain situations, even you won’t be able to identify your feelings. Perhaps you’ll have a hard time realizing how you feel so you should try to think how would any other person feel in your situation.

For example: “Someone else would normally feel sad in my situation. Am I feeling sad?” Repeat this process until you actually figure out exactly what you feel.

Convalida dalla storia

Nella maggior parte dei casi, tendiamo a portarci dietro molti fardelli del nostro passato. Quante volte gli eventi passati hanno disturbato il vostro presente?

Too many times, I’d take a wild guess. So, before giving your feelings any diagnosis, think about how similar events affected you in the past and if you are projecting some of your trama from the past today.

Stay true to yourself and don’t let it just sneak upon you. Know when something hurt you and always try to see how much damage it has done. Know that often the feelings you feel today have something to do with the past.

Normalizzazione

Instead of beating yourself because of the way you feel or thinking how you’re the weakest person alive, acknowledge that it’s normal to feel the way you’re feeling.

Remind yourself that it’s all comes with being human and that you have to allow yourself to feel in order to be able to heal.

Genuinità radicale

In termini di autovalutazione, ciò significa essere se stessi e non mentire a se stessi. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Don’t fool yourself into rejecting who you are.

No matter if you like some of your traits or not, admit to yourself those are your traits and that you’re the one living with them. Always stay true to who you are and accept yourself like you are at the moment.

In your mind, learn to put your opinion first. Never allow yourself to think badly about yourself when you’re hurting or when you’re emotivamente vulnerabile. Those are emotions and thoughts woken up by the pain and that’s not who you truly are.

Quando il dolore diminuisce, cercate di guardarvi con gli occhiali del vostro sé superiore. L'io superiore è la parte di voi che vi accetta per quello che siete e che vi ama con le vostre perfezioni e i vostri difetti.

“All the wonders you seek are within yourself.” ~ Sir Thomas Browne

Smettete di chiedervi se piacete agli altri. Pensate se piacete a voi stessi. Perché solo quando si entra in buoni rapporti con se stessi, solo quando si accettarsi per quello che si è e imparate ad amare il vostro vero io, solo così anche gli altri potranno amarvi.

Never ask others to validate you, your behaviour or your feelings. Know that you’re the only one who can do it and learn how to do it.

Educatevi per sentirvi meglio con voi stessi. E fate di tutto per innamorarvi della vostra vita e del modo in cui la vivete.

Never look for a knight to save you—always look for a sword to save yourself.

E alla fine, qualunque cosa facciate, ovunque andiate, qualunque cosa sentiate, ricordate: La donna che non ha bisogno di conferme da parte di nessuno è l'individuo più temuto del pianeta.