9 cose da fare quando si fa del male a qualcuno
Being heartbroken by someone you love is hard. However, if you’re not a bad person or a narcissist, you can also go through a tough time when voi feriscono un'altra persona.
That is exactly what’s going on with you right now. The guilt is killing you because you’re aware of your harmful actions.
It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about your significant other, a coworker, a friend, or a family member, the bottom line is pretty much the same: You broke your loved one’s heart and you’re looking for ways to fix things.
Well, you’ve come to the right place where you’ll get all the professional advice you need. Here is exactly how you should behave and what you should do when you hurt someone.
Remember that you’re a human being
First and foremost, you should always keep one thing in mind: You’re just a human being made out of flesh and blood. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you’re entitled to do whatever the hell you want.
However, one mistake doesn’t automatically make you a persona cattiva o.
The fact is that you’re not a robot or a preprogrammed machine that is not allowed to commettere errori. You might have tried running away from this fact but the truth is that you’re far from perfect.
You have your set of flaws and whether you like it or not, now is the time to accept them. Knowing this, will make it easier for you to come to terms with the fact that you’re simply sinful, just like the rest of us.
On the other hand, precisely because you’re a essere umanosignifica anche che avete una coscienza.
Avete una mente e quindi la capacità di pentirvi di quegli errori e di correggerli.
Una posizione difficile, lo so. Ma è proprio questa combinazione di qualità che l'ha portata qui.
It’s what made you hurt the person you love and it’s what made you feel guilty for your actions.
Don’t defend your wrong action
What you did wasn’t right. When you hurt someone who cared for you, you didn’t only cause their heartbreak, you also stabbed them in the back. You violated their trust and you killed their faith in people.
Therefore, the consequences of your actions are numerous and the pain you’ve caused won’t go away overnight.
Invece, la vittima dovrà passare attraverso una processo di guarigione. Let’s be real: It’s all your fault.
Secondo la maggior parte allenatori di relazioni, il la cosa peggiore you can do at this point is to try and pretend that you haven’t done anything that wrong.
In effetti, difendere le proprie azioni potrebbe essere ancora più doloroso per la vittima di quello che ha fatto in primo luogo.
When you do something wrong, you’re the only one responsible for it. There is no point in looking for excuses or justifications.
Your mistakes are not canceled by the fact that you were “provoked” to behave like this, that your victim “made you” hurt them, and so on.
Dovete essere abbastanza responsabili da sostenere le vostre azioni, come un vero adulto.
Per favore, evitate il gioco della colpa a tutti i costi.
I’m not saying that the other party is perfect or that they never did anything to hurt you, but this is beside the point; you’re looking for redemption for your harmful behavior.
L'unico modo per farlo è accettare la piena responsabilità, senza cercare di sfuggirla.
Acknowledge the other person’s emotions
What you have to be aware of is that we all have big differences in character. Therefore, someone is not weaker than you just for having a harder time accepting the things you’ve done to them.
Maybe you wouldn’t be this hurt if you were in their shoes and that’s your right. However, the other person is clearly heartbroken and they’re entitled to feel that way.
So, please, acknowledge the other person’s emotions, even if you don’t fully understand them. Give them the right to feel sadness and pain.
They feel betrayed or disappointed by something you did. It’s just how things are and you don’t have a say in that.
The worst thing you can do in this case is to try and diminish the other party’s hurt feelings. Don’t even think of accusing them of being too sensitive or overly emotional.
If you do this, you’ll show that you actually have no remorse whatsoever. You’ll show that you’re only apologizing because it’s the right thing to do, not because you sono davvero dispiaciuti.
Furthermore, this will be proof that you’re completely unaware of your mistakes. You’re not aware of the magnitude of your actions nor of the effects they had on someone else.
Avvicinatevi alla vittima con la massima delicatezza possibile
What you need to know is that your victim’s heart is fragile right now. They have hurt feelings and the last thing they need is someone aggravating their wounds.
Therefore, you have to approach them as gently as possible. While you’re trying to repair your broken relationship, pay attention to their mental and emotional state.
Non si litiga, non si urla, non si dà la colpa a nessuno e non si creano aspettative troppo grandi.
This doesn’t mean that you should walk on eggshells around them or that you should treat them like a little child.
Tuttavia, bisogna stare attenti a non fare nulla che li ferisca di nuovo.
Yes, you might think that they’re too sensitive now. Nevertheless, don’t forget that you’re the cause of their sensitivity and if you want them to forgive you, you’ll just have to deal with it.
Don’t rush the process
When you hurt someone you love and want their forgiveness, you’ll probably push them as hard as possible to get it.
You want them to see how eager you are to come back into their life and you don’t miss any opportunity to reach out.
Avete l'impulso di chiamarli, mandargli un messaggio, presentarvi nei luoghi in cui vi aspettate che si trovino o addirittura andare a bussare alla loro porta. Tuttavia, ciò non può che essere controproducente.
By doing this, you’re putting an unbearable amount of pressure on your victim. You show them that their forgiveness is more important than the way they feel.
Basically, you’re apologizing because you want to clear your conscience, not because you want them to feel better.
Consequently, when you pressure your victim, you make them feel guilty. They don’t feel ready to perdonarti just yet but can’t seem to get rid of your presence in their life.
On the other hand, your victim can get angrier at you. You’re not giving them space or time to clear their head and to reach a conclusion.
Instead, you’re constantly on their back, without any understanding of the way they feel and for the problems they’re facing.
Pertanto, the best thing to do is let time work its magic. Show the other person that you’re there and that you don’t mind patiently waiting for them to be ready for you.
Impegnarsi nel perdono e nella cura di se stessi
While there are people who act as if they didn’t do anything wrong, there are also the ones who beat themselves up too hard.
Essere qui e cercare cose da fare quando si fa del male a qualcuno fa chiaramente parte del secondo gruppo.
Anche se non assumersi la responsabilità delle proprie azioni non è accettabile, nemmeno giudicarsi troppo severamente è salutare.
Anzi, sarebbe meglio se riusciste a trovare una via di mezzo e un equilibrio tra i due.
Accept that your behavior was not okay and that it caused someone’s emotional pain, but don’t see it as the end of the world and as something you can’t correct.
Vedete: L'altra persona può perdonarvi per tutto ciò che le avete fatto. After all, that’s what will happen sooner or later.
Tuttavia, lasciarsi andare di autogiudizio è ancora più importante.
È necessario ripulire la propria coscienza e liberarsi del senso di colpa se si vuole preservare la propria salute mentale e impegnarsi in un'attività di volontariato. cura di sé.
Beating yourself up and calling yourself a narcissist won’t get you anywhere.
Every time these negative feelings overwhelm you, remind yourself that they’re completely pointless and will achieve nothing.
You can’t turn back time as much as you might want to, can you? Therefore, you won’t erase your victim’s pain by overthinking your actions.
Chiedere un'altra prospettiva
If you feel lost and as though you don’t know what’s the smart thing to do, the best thing is to look for another opinion and perspective.
After all, you’re emotionally involved in this entire situation and you can’t be objective about it, despite all of your efforts.
Maybe you’re being too hard on yourself. At the same time, there is also a possibility that you’re justifying your actions and looking for excuses for thems.
In ogni caso, you’re not being neutral here and neither is your victim. They’re the ones hurt in this case and it’s possible that they’re blowing things out of proportion and looking for attention as well.
Ecco perché dovreste rivolgervi a qualcuno di cui vi fidate e raccontargli tutta la situazione. Scegliete un amico onesto, un collaboratore, or a family member, even if you’re afraid that they’ll be too harsh.
Dopo tutto, è proprio quello di cui avete bisogno: Una dura verità da parte di una persona cara. Avete bisogno di qualcuno che vi tolga gli occhiali rosa e vi faccia guardare in faccia la realtà.
This doesn’t mean that they should tell you what to do with your own life or that you should listen to them blindly. Instead, they’re just there to offer you a fresh point of view.
Just be careful about the ones you tell your secrets to. If you’re not sure whether you have loyal people around you, ask for professional advice.
Non c'è da vergognarsi a parlare con un terapeuta delle cose che ci preoccupano.
Another great piece of advice is to try walking in your victim’s shoes. Put yourself in their position and look at things from their perspective.
What do you do when someone hurts you? What’s your first instinct when someone causes you heartbreak? What can they do to fix things?
Do “the friend test”
Another great thing you can do is “the friend test”. This will help you detach from the situation and make it possible for you to move in the right direction.
Imagine that your friend has the same problem you currently have. They come to you and tell you that they’ve hurt someone they care for deeply.
They want their forgiveness but don’t know how to get it. They’re also beating themselves up for their mistake.
Le chiedono un consiglio perché si fidano di lei e la considerano una persona saggia e intelligente. Cosa direbbe loro?
Scommetto che trovereste subito una soluzione. Gli consigliereste come approcciare la vittima e gli fornireste i passi esatti che sono elencati qui.
Non solo, ma sareste anche pieni di comprensione per il vostro migliore amico. Qualunque cosa facessero, li avreste richiamati per le loro azioni e avreste anche mostrato compassione.
L'ultima cosa da fare è peggiorare le cose giudicandole e attaccandole. Al contrario, dovreste dire loro di non essere così duri con se stessi e di non lasciare che il senso di colpa li mangi vivi.
Quindi, cosa vi impedisce di trattare voi stessi allo stesso modo? Dopo tutto, dovreste amare voi stessi più di qualsiasi altro amico al mondo.
Pertanto, per favore, seguite il consiglio che dareste al vostro immaginario migliore amico e applicarlo a se stessi.
Imparare dal proprio comportamento sbagliato
Finally, even though you can’t change what you’ve done, you certainly can learn from it. Instead of lamenting your past, walk away from it with a lezione dura ma preziosa.
Quello che hai fatto è stato tossico. You broke someone’s heart and your actions hurt their feelings.
However, that doesn’t mean that you should turn this into patterns of comportamento scorretto. Invece di lasciare che diventi un'abitudine, imparate dai vostri errori.
Promise yourself that that was the last time you displayed that selfish behavior and that from now on, you’ll think about the possible consequences of your actions.
Tell yourself that that was the last time you didn’t show compassion and that from now on, you’ll always take other people’s feelings into account.
Ad essere sinceri, quando si ferisce qualcuno, probabilmente ci vorrà un'eternità per riconquistare la sua fiducia e per ricucire il rapporto interrotto.
That’s why you have to start this moment. Show them that you care and that you’re ready to do whatever it takes to come back into their life. Good luck!
