Decodificare il comportamento dei ragazzi dopo una rottura (7 segnali di sofferenza)

I know that all women would like to know how to decode a guy’s behavior dopo una rottura. Sta soffrendo o no? Gli importa qualcosa di voi o non l'ha mai fatto? Ti ha bloccato? Potrai mai riunirsi? 

Abbiamo queste e molte altre domande su come gli uomini affrontare le rotture answered for you in this little guide below. We’ll help you enter into their minds and, if you want to get your ex back, this knowledge of psicologia maschile sarà sicuramente d'aiuto.

La verità è che essere in un lungorelazione a termine is inevitably going to result in one of two things. You’re either going to spend your life with this person or you’re eventually going to call it quits.

That’s just the factual reality of the dating world.

And in my own personal experience, I’d much rather rompersi nel tempo if I see that the relationship is going nowhere fast, because what’s the point in sticking around if you know that this is not your person?

This leads me to my second point…

Ai ragazzi importa qualcosa dopo una rottura?

No matter what you’ve read or heard, guys suffer just as much as girls do post-rottura.

They’re only human and if you think your ex-boyfriend has magically risen above his crepacuore and entered a new relationship with a healed, happy heart, you’d be dead wrong.

See… guys want you to think that things don’t affect them and that they gestire le rotture come i macho che sono.

Ma volete sapere qual è la vera verità?

Sentono la tua mancanza ogni secondo di ogni giorno, e i loro autostima subisce un duro colpo (soprattutto se siete stati i dumper), but they just don’t have the balls to face their emotions the way girls do!

Conosciamo tutti la procedura quando si tratta di ragazze.

Si tratta di un'occasione perfetta per riconnettersi con i vostri migliori amici. I’m sure you neglected them a bit because of your relationship.

Go out and have the most fun girls’ night ever. Or, you can stay in and buy copious amounts of wine, then bitch about him on your couch until the wine kicks in and you start feeling like the boss-ass bitch you are and realize you’re better off without him.

(Questo fino a quando non arriva il domani e tutto inizia a sembrare ancora una volta troppo reale.).

Repeat the process for a few weeks until you get your head in order with the help of your support system. Finally, unfollow him on your social media accounts, and pick up your broken pieces without needing anyone’s help.

Il dolore emotivo is still there, but you’re not denying it.

You’re willing to face your negative emotions and hard times head-on and take relationship advice from your girlfriends knowing they’ve got your back.

And with time it really does get better. He’s just one guy and this heartache is going to pass if you process it in a healthy way.

Vedi anche: Nascondersi dal mondo: 5 modi in cui lo si fa e come farsi notare

Come affrontano i ragazzi le rotture?

With men, things are a little different. Men can’t gestire il bagaglio emotivo come possono fare le ragazze, perché le fa sentire meno virili.

Quindi, Come si comportano i ragazzi dopo una rottura?

They’ll deny their heartache, enter nuove relazioni senza elaborare il loro dolore, e utilizzare social media to make you feel they’re doing better than they actually are.

And why? Because they can’t handle being alone as well as girls can, they turn to relazione di rimbalzo e gli incontri online alla ricerca di una nuova ragazza invece di affrontare il dolore della loro precedente relazione.

Vanno nessun contatto, instead of resolving their issues with their ex-girlfriends, which doesn’t allow them to truly get over it when the relationship ends.

Questo compromette le loro relazioni future perché non possono mai andare fino in fondo, a causa della mancanza di chiusura.

Cuore spezzato è qualcosa che richiede sensibilità, comprensione della propria psiche e del proprio benessere, insieme a supporto emotivo dai propri cari.

Accordo tra ragazzi con questo facendo quasi l'esatto contrario.

Saltano i passaggi necessari e si buttano subito nella parte recitativa (bevendo a canna con gli amici, rimorchiando a caso, poi telefonate da ubriachi to their exes, calling on their mutual friends and bitching about the other… etc.)

E il giorno dopo, quando la realtà si fa sentire e si rendono conto di quanto il loro comportamento sia davvero dannoso per la loro guarigione, sopprimono tutto e fanno il secondo round.

Essi iniziare a sentire la tua mancanza and they’re hurting, but they’ll never say it face to face. They go out with their friends, find new hobbies, drown themselves in work… They try everything just to keep you off their mind.

And the toxic cycle just keeps on turning until they can’t take it anymore and realize that every little thing they’ve done to get over their ex fidanzata è stato controproducente proprio per questo.

Guys’ brains are just wired differently. They are supposed to be these strong, macho men (nella propria testa) e qualsiasi segno di reale emozione è severamente disapprovato.

Dio non voglia che ammettano che they’re hurting e di seguire il processo come farebbe una persona sana di mente, giusto?

But I’m here to show you that guys really don’t have it all figured out. They just want you to think that they do.

Potreste vedere il tuo ex fidanzato durante una serata fuori e pubblicando le foto su social media come un animale da festa, ma quello che dovete sapere è questo: L'aspetto da duro con i suoi problemi non è altro che un meccanismo di difesa.

Because if he actually let himself FEEL what he’s feeling, the ground would crumble underneath his feet and his head would shatter from all the unresolved issues he’s been suppressing for so long.

Fidatevi di me quando ve lo dico, guys’ behavior after a breakup is anything but what they’re letting on.

Inside, there’s a fragile man with un cuore spezzatocercando di ricucire i pezzi nei modi più sbagliati.

Quindi, prima di chiamare il vostro ex "senza cuore" per andare avanti così in fretta, escludendo completamente la possibilità di tornare insieme, considerate i seguenti segnali che dimostrano l'esatto contrario.

Come si fa a sapere se un ragazzo soffre dopo una rottura?

It’s a well-known fact that uomini e donne affrontano le rotture in modi completamente diversi.

Women tend to cry and I think it’s the reason why they move one faster than guys. They let all of their negative emotions out almost right after the split happens.

On the other hand, men don’t want to show that they’re suffering and they keep bottling up their emotions as if they will never come out to the surface. And that’s precisely where the biggest problem arises.

Prima o poi, tutte queste cose sono schiaccianti, emozioni represse trovare una via d'uscita e diventano più dolorosi di prima. Alla fine, l'evitamento emotivo si traduce in un comportamento piuttosto autodistruttivo.

Se volete scoprire se il vostro uomo sta soffrendo dopo la rottura, dovete osservare attentamente il suo comportamento e cercare di dargli un senso. Se il vostro ex partner ha mostrato questi 7 segni dopo la rottura, trust me, honey, he’s hurting big time.

Vi ha tolto l'amicizia sui social media

Un giorno, mentre scorrevate il vostro Instagram, vi siete improvvisamente accorti che la sua presenza non si trovava da nessuna parte.

So you went to check his profile and what do you know… he’s deleted you from Insta! Quickly, you go to your other accounts and find out the same shit happened everywhere.

And you’re baffled. After so much time together, he just nonchalantly decides to delete your presence from his online world.

Naturally, you’re pissed! You take it personally (even though you probably shouldn’t) and immediately call your girls to bitch about this.

But what you don’t realize is that this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.

Ai ragazzi viene insegnato che devono essere insensibili al dolore e al crepacuore è l'emblema di tutto ciò!

So to make it easier on himself, he deletes every trace of you from his social media accounts so as not to have to be reminded of the pain he’s suppressing.

Or, he may even do it because he doesn’t want to come into the temptation of reaching out and sending you a (probably) SMS da ubriaco.

Guys don’t deal with this shit at all. They just wipe it under the rug and put it on a tough exterior.

But if he had to see your face every day as he’s scrolling through his Insta, Facebook or Snapchat, his heart would break all over again.

Gli fa male vedere il tuo volto. Gli fa male sapere ti ha lasciato andare. He might even shed a tear over it, but he can’t let it happen. He doesn’t want to see you because he’s actually a coward, a man who can’t face his actions. End. Of. The. Story.

So he ignores how he feels (heartbroken), deletes any sign of your social media presence, and pretends it’s all okay.

He can’t see you face to face

Dopo una rottura, di solito le emozioni sono altissime e la logica esce dalla porta.

Entrambi siete feriti, confusi ed esitanti a lasciare che tutto accada senza dare un senso alla cosa. E gli scatti d'ira sono spesso dovuti alla mancanza di buon senso, così presto... dopo la rottura.

With guys, it’s all on an even bigger level. Your ex-boyfriend can’t see you because he hasn’t dealt with what’s happening at all.

He’s hurt, angry, and perplexed, and very likely to resort to anger and yelling because you are the reason for this pain.

And I don’t mean it in a negative way. You’re quello che ha perso, and therefore he’s in pain and angry.

Seeing you only reminds him of how poorly he’s treated you and therefore lost you, so he lashes out big time.

The very thing he’s so desperately trying to avoid is staring him straight in the eye and trying to have a conversation with him, and he can’t handle it.

Vuole andarsene, ma ci sono cose da discutere.

Who gets the dog? Who’s the one who has to move out? Is this davvero o avete solo bisogno di una pausa per capire come stanno le cose?

Talking is mandatory because that’s the only way to get closure.

He’s unable to see you without feeling crappy, and that’s why he avoids seeing you face to face. It brings out so much shit that he’s just not ready to deal with.

Vedi anche: Leggete questa frase ogni volta che iniziate a confrontarvi con una ragazza più carina

Inizia a presentarsi nei luoghi che frequentate

Sometimes, guys’ behavior after a breakup is so transparent. It’s too obvious that he’s going through the motions and he gives it all away with his unorthodox actions.

Per esempio, si sa che lui mai va nella sua caffetteria preferita, soprattutto per oziare e non fare nulla.

But all of a sudden, there he is. Sitting there, sipping his coffee and pretending to be surprised that he’s bumped into you.

Like he doesn’t already know that this is where you get your after-work caffeine fix with your girls. So he says hi, chats you up, and marvels at this wonderful coincidence.

Only it was all planned in advance. See, he can’t get you out of his head, but he also doesn’t want to seem desperate chiamandovi e chiedendovi come state.

He’s too much of a man for that. So he decides to show up at places he knows you’ll be, and have a mini convo to see you and get his fix.

Actually, there’s nothing wrong with this. The al ragazzo manchi chiaramente and since he can’t simply talk to you about his feelings and hash things out if possible, he’ll resort to these measures just to see your face.

That way, his reputation is untarnished and he’s not letting his negative emotions get the better of him.

Luckily, you know better and you can enjoy the fact that you’ve left such a big hole in your ex’s heart.

Inizia a mandarvi messaggi ossessivi

Avoidance didn’t do the trick since he clearly can’t get you out of his head, and pretending that he’s okay is silly since he can’t lie to himself.

Quindi chiude il cerchio e torna a voi. It’s eating him alive not knowing how you are and what you’re doing, and since nothing else worked, he starts blowing up your phone.

First, it appears to be just friendly banter – where you are, how you’re doing, what’s been going on in your life – and for a minute, it all seems normal.

Ma poi inizia a rivangare la storia della rottura e a fare il detective con te.

Why did you guys break up in the first place, how did you let it happen, he might even start blaming you for how it all went down, and all that because he’s hurting and ti rivuole indietro.

A guy who’s over you and turned a new page wouldn’t be blowing you up this way and pinning blame.

A guy who has his shit together doesn’t reminisce about the breakup and mentions tornare insieme, as if it didn’t take you so long to finally move on.

His behavior is shady but it all comes from a place of misplaced hurt. He still has feelings for you and he can’t process them right.

So he texts you, calls you and initiates conversations to try to make sense of what’s going on and help himself andare avanti.

Crea una falsa narrazione della rottura

One of the most concerning types of guys’ behavior after a breakup is distorting the truth about how it all happened.

Clearly, you know what went down and he does too. There’s no point lying to yourselves.

Ma quando uno dei due partner non riesce ad affrontare le conseguenze della rottura, tende a creare la propria versione della verità.

Questo è un meccanismo di coping that lets them face what happened easier and look better in other people’s eyes.

Suddenly, you’ll start hearing stories about your breakup that bear zero resemblance to what actually took place.

Se sei stato tu a scaricato him, all of a sudden, he’ll turn things around and make it seem as if it was all his idea.

È stato lui a ha dato il via alla rottura because you were suffocating him or he just couldn’t handle your bossy personality anymore.

Whatever he starts telling people, it’ll be a blatant lie.

And do you know why he’s doing this? It’s because he’s so hurt and feels betrayed by your breakup that the only way to feel better is to be the victim in other people’s eyes.

He can’t change what happened but he sure can tell his own version and, in that way, move on knowing he’s no longer il cattivo.

This behavior is unhealthy and hurtful toward you, so it’s on you to talk to him and make him see how wrong and toxic this is.

Vedi anche: Sesso con gli amici? I 10 segreti più grandi che nessuno ti svela

Diventa uno stronzo

Già. A volte i ragazzi si trasformano in stronzi completi after the breakup and they’re the only ones who can make any sense of that shitty behavior.

They look at it this way: ”You’re the one who dumped me, so now I get to hurt you back.”

They become obnoxious and unbearable. Anytime they’re around their ex-girlfriend, they start calling her names, being nasty, and acting as if she’s a bitch simply because she couldn’t handle being around his sorry ass anymore.

Questo è il peggior comportamento che un ragazzo possa mostrare dopo una rottura.

It shows his lack of respect for his ex and it proves my point – guys suck at handling their emotions post-breakup!

You’re the one who stood by his side while he was going through shit.

You’re the one who held his hand when it wasn’t easy for him. And how does he repay you?

By hurting you and treating you like an enemy. I don’t know how much this is going to help, but the only reason he’s doing it because deep down he’s still hurting.

He’s not over you and he can’t accept how things ended, so he turns you into his enemy.

For some guys, this only lasts for a short amount of time until they realize how childish and cruel they’re being. Here’s hoping that yours is among them!

Si butta in una nuova relazione

One of the weirdest guys’ behavior after a breakup is moving straight into a new relationship.

What the hell is up with that? It doesn’t even have to be an actual, relazione seria. Può anche essere un incontro o un'avventura di una notte che si trasforma in qualcosa di più.

Ma purtroppo questo è ciò che il suo ego maschile gli dice di fare. Usano questa convalida come un cerotto per la loro scarsa autostima. Unfortunately, they don’t know that it’s nothing but a short-term solution.

Invece di affrontare i suoi problemi, sente il bisogno di mostrare a tutti quanto è duro e virile e il modo migliore per farlo è farsi vedere con un'altra ragazza.

Why? Because then, he’ll show everyone just how strong and impervious he is.

Nulla lo può toccare, né voi né il suo cuore spezzato. E la sua nuova relazione è l'inizio di un nuovo lui.

Only, that’s just a front. He’s anything but equipped to handle a new GF since his old one is still clearly taking the top spot in his heart.

A guy who’s affrontare il dolore doesn’t do anything rash.

A guy who has his ducks in a row doesn’t feel the need to impress the public with his array of new chicks. He just doesn’t care quello che qualcuno pensa!

It’s his life and his choices. The only person whose opinion he should consider is his own and yours.

Peccato che gli uomini tendano a essere così ostinati nella loro presunta virilità da non vedere quanto ciò li renda infantili. Ironico, eh?

So if your ex-boyfriend is parading around town with his new girlfriend, don’t take it too personally (even though it hurts like fuck, I know). He’s acting out and pretending to be okay.

Ma sappiate che un giorno il suo dolore volontà catch up with him and he’ll finally be forced to face his demons.

Without it, he’ll never be able per andare avanti, because the fact is that he can’t move on before he actually goes through the healing process. And he can’t heal until he’s ready to face all of his emotions.

Vedi anche: 8 problemi nelle relazioni a distanza (e come farli funzionare)

Quanto tempo ci vuole perché un ragazzo si penta di essersi lasciato?

Purtroppo né io né nessun altro può darvi una risposta certa a questa domanda. Tuttavia, la maggior parte degli esperti di relazioni concorda sul fatto che possono essere necessari fino a sei mesi perché un ragazzo raggiunga il punto di rimpianto.

We already saw that men deal with heartaches and breakups in a totally different way than we do. They skip all the ‘normal’ things that usually come after a breakup, all those negative feelings and deep emotional pain.

It’s just like their stubborn pride doesn’t allow them to show to their ex-partner and to the rest of the world that they’re suffering.

Cercano di trovare il tanto desiderato conforto tra le braccia di un'altra donna o facendo festa con gli amici tutto il giorno. Purtroppo, il risultato è solo molto comportamento autodistruttivo.

They skip the whole healing process and think (or at least want to think) that they’re ready to move on. After some time, it all hits them big-time and that’s when regrets creep upon them.

Finalmente accettano tutte le loro emozioni, sia quelle positive che quelle negative, e si sentono pronti ad affrontarle tutte.

Alla fine capiscono che il loro stupido ego maschile potrebbe costare loro la perdita della donna che amano sinceramente e iniziano a che lottano per il loro amore.

It may take some time, it may take even more than six months, but once a man reaches this ‘regretting phase’ he’ll do just about everything to win you over again.

However, the thing you should really think about is the reason why he’s coming back into your life again. Does he miss you because ti ama? Oppure è tornato perché gli manca avere nella sua vita qualcuno che si preoccupi veramente per lui?

So, the question shouldn’t be WHEN is he going to regret the breakup, but WHY… What are the reasons that made him change his mind and come back into your life…

Come ottenere la chiusura?

By realizing that you can’t change the past, but you può prendere il controllo del vostro presente. I ragazzi saranno ragazzi.

Se siete stati abbastanza fortunati da uscire con un vero gentiluomo, you’ll decode your guy’s behavior after the breakup very easily.

Alcuni ragazzi gestiscono sorprendentemente bene le rotture e trattano le loro ex fidanzate con il massimo rispetto, e così dovrebbero fare!

Ma ci sono ragazzi il cui comportamento inizia a essere estremamente dannoso per il loro benessere e si riflette molto male anche su di voi.

That’s an unfortunate instance, but your main takeaways should be these:

1. If he’s acting out, making rash decisions and behaving like a completely different person, it’s all because he’s hurting on the inside and he’s refusing to face all those sentimenti negativi.

Don’t take it personally. It has everything to do with him and nothing to do with you.

2. Vederlo con una nuova ragazza è una delle pillole più difficili da mandare giù, soprattutto poco dopo la rottura.

MA, questo significa solo he’s not over voi, guys who process their emotions in a healthy way don’t just jump from one relationship to another. They’ve got heart.

3. Non seguirvi su social media means that it’s too painful for him to see the face of the girl he let go on a daily basis.

So instead of clearing the air with you and by being frank, he deletes all traces of you online, thinking it’ll help him cope (Hint: it won’t, at least not in the long run).

4. E infine, quando i ragazzi si trasformano in veri e propri idioti post-rottura, it only means they’re too immature to handle their demons like adults.

Cercando di apparire macho, fa l'esatto contrario. Quando lo vedete così, allontanatevi e provate pena per lui.

He’s the one who’ll have to face his shitty actions one day, not you.

Ricordate che una persona che vi ama veramente non rischierebbe mai di trovarsi nella posizione di perdervi.