Una guida di sopravvivenza in 16 passi attraverso il disgusto di se stessi

La definizione di autocompatimento

According to the self-loathing definition, it is the hatred of yourself. But, it’s not that simple: it’s also a deeply rooted belief that you’re not enough and that you’re not worthy of amore per se stessi.

As a self-loathing person, you’re always in search of your new flaws. You’re overwhelmed with self-doubts and negative thoughts that you simply don’t have the strength to get rid of.

Pensate a voi stessi come privi di valore, inadeguati e insufficienti. You don’t know what to do with your life. You’re convinced that all of your self-hatred is justified and your self-concept is pretty much ruined.

5 fonti inaspettate di autocompatimento

Self-hate always has its reasons, even though you don’t have to necessarily identify them right away. To defeat it, you have to get to the bottom of your condition.

Dovete trovare le cause profonde e il punto di partenza della vostra natura autocritica.

Trauma passato

In most cases, negative thoughts connected with self-loathing don’t appear out of the blue.

Secondo la psichiatria e la psicologia, questo stato è di solito causato da una radicata traumi passati di cui forse non siete nemmeno consapevoli.

Questo sentimento è di solito strettamente legato a esperienze infantili negative. Quasi tutte le persone che provano disgusto per se stesse hanno passato tutta la vita ad ascoltare critiche.

Da quando avete memoria, non siete mai stati abbastanza bravi per i vostri genitori. Forse vi hanno paragonato a un fratello di maggior successo o non hanno mai creduto in voi.

D'altra parte, anche la vostra storia sentimentale potrebbe avervi provocato disgusto per voi stessi. Se in passato siete stati trascurati emotivamente da qualcuno a cui tenevate profondamente, potreste aver iniziato a rimproverarvi per questo.

Either way, what’s important for you to realize is that each one of our experiences shapes us into the people we are today.

You might be convinced that you forgot about a certain trauma but trust me–they’re all deeply inscribed on your mental health.

Piacere alle persone

Qualunque cosa si faccia, non si può mai accontentare tutti. Quindi, perché disturbarsi a provarci?

It’s about time you realize that your people-pleasing traits brought you to this condition in the first place.

The process is actually pretty simple: you do your best for someone to like you; you go out of your way to please them, and, finally, you don’t get the reaction you were expecting.

They don’t appreciate you the way they should, nor do they love you, despite all of your efforts. As a result, you start to blame yourself for it.

You don’t see the people around you as too demanding. You don’t consider them ungrateful and inconsiderate.

Al contrario, si detesta se stessi per non essere in grado di soddisfare le loro aspettative irrealistiche. Sembra assurdo, lo so.

However, if you do some introspection, you’ll begin to admit that this has been going on inside your head for years.

Ambiente ipercritico

Whether we like to admit it or not, others have a significant impact on us. After all, we’re all social beings who live in a symbiotic relationship with other people.

Pertanto, la loro influenza è inevitabile. Questo vale soprattutto per i nostri cari.

Vedete, i vostri pensieri e sentimenti autocritici hanno una fonte.

If you’ve spent most of your life around people who made it clear that they don’t think much of you, your self-esteem never had a chance to grow.

If you’re surrounded by those who keep on diminishing your self-worth and who keep on telling you that nothing you ever do is good enough, the consequences will be devastating.

Knowing all of this, you can’t help but wonder: “Do Odio me stesso because of my hypercritical surroundings?”

To be clear: I’m not trying to free you from responsibility and put the entire blame for your state on someone else.

Tuttavia, la verità è che l'autocritica a volte appare come il risultato di una disapprovazione.

Perfezionismo

The next possible cause of self-loathing is the desire to be perfect. It doesn’t matter if others have imposed this aspiration on you, or you’re the one who is chasing perfectionism on your own.

The bottom line is the same: every time you notice that your life is not spotless and that you’re not flawless–you begin with self-hatred.

With time, you’ve adopted the idea that only being the best is good enough. This mindset has inspired you to become better, which is awesome.

However, on the other hand, it has also taken a negative toll on your emotional and mental health. Basically, you beat yourself up every time you don’t meet your high standards.

Every time you notice an imperfection in your character or whenever your life doesn’t look exactly the way you want it to–you think of yourself as a failure.

Standard sociali

Paragonarsi agli altri è un grande no, a meno che non si voglia finire con un sacco di odio verso se stessi e di dubbi su se stessi. Tuttavia, questo è esattamente ciò che fate.

Quando vi guardate intorno, sembra che tutti abbiano la meglio su di voi. I vostri amici del liceo sono uomini d'affari di successo; alcuni di loro viaggiano in tutto il mondo, i due successivi hanno costruito una famiglia, e così via.

In ogni caso, hanno tutti un aspetto fantastico e, a quanto pare, stanno vivendo la loro vita migliore.

Almeno, questo è ciò che si ha la possibilità di vedere sui loro profili sui social media o quando li si incontra. Vedete amici e sconosciuti che hanno sempre il sorriso sulle labbra.

Poi si guarda da vicino la propria vita con tutte le sue imperfezioni. Ci si guarda allo specchio, si scrivono i propri successi su un foglio di carta e cosa si conclude?

Well, you’re miserable compared to them. Consequently, your feelings of worthlessness trigger a depressive episode.

All of a sudden, your inner critic wakes up as you realize that you’ll never be able to meet these social standards. You’ll never be as attractive, as smart, or as successful as what is expected of you.

7 sintomi di una mentalità di autodisprezzo

Well, to do something about your self-hate, first of all, you have to be sure that you’re a self-loathing person. Now that you’re confident about the meaning of self-loathing and its causes, it’s time to look at the symptoms.

Autocritica

When you define self-loathing, you’ll connect it with self-criticism and negative self-talk that influences your salute mentale negativamente.

You’ve spent most of your life thinking negatively about yourself, your actions, and your choices.

Whatever you do–someone else could have done it better. Whatever you accomplish–you could have done better.

Sounds familiar, right? No matter what happens in your life, you’re always to blame for all the negative consequences, which eventually awakened your desire for self-harm.

When you come to think about it, you don’t treat others this way. When someone else makes a mistake, you are ready to stop them from feeling responsible.

Tuttavia, quando si tratta della vostra vita, vi trasformate improvvisamente nel più grande critico.

L'amore severo per se stessi

When you use tough love on someone, you don’t let them get away with mistakes. You know what they are capable of, and you don’t allow them to do anything below their real abilities.

Basically, you act harshly and treat them as if you don’t love them to inspire them to do better. You’re a jerk to them so they can take responsibility for their lives and so you could help them in the long run.

Well, in your case, you’re not applying the concept of tough love to your relationship partner, a friend, or a sibling–you’re doing it to yourself.

Anche se questo tipo di approccio può aiutare in alcuni casi, vi ha gettato nell'abisso della disperazione e dell'odio verso voi stessi nella vostra situazione.

Il peso dei social media

Today, the most common symptom of self-loathing is seen through someone’s behavior on social media. Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat don’t serve you to stay in touch with your friends or for business purposes.

Instead, they affect you in numerous negative ways. You feel this heavy burden every time you open your News Feed. You feel the need to impress all those strangers on your phone, and you’ve stopped enjoying life.

You’ve become obsessed with the impression your accounts leave. You spend hours and hours looking at other people’s photos and comparing yourself to them.

Apparently, your life is not as impressive as theirs. You don’t have enough money, you don’t travel as much as you would like, and you don’t look as awesome as your followers.

Non destinato ad essere amato

Self-loathing people are convinced that they’re non destinato ad essere amato. After all, if you can’t force yourself to love the person you are, what can you expect from others?

Naturally, this couldn’t be further from the truth. However, this is how your mind works: you think that you’re destined to die alone, and nobody gives a damn about you.

I’m not only talking about romantic love here. You don’t think that a single person in your surroundings exists who genuinely cares about you.

Even worse, deep down, you believe that you are not worthy of anyone’s affection. You’re convinced that there is absolutely nothing to love about you.

You don’t deserve anyone’s attention, time, or effort. Why? Because you’re utterly worthless.

If this is something you can relate to, you not only suffer from low self-esteem; you’re also guilty of self-hatred.

Invidia

I hate to break it to you, but if you’re a self-loather, the chances are that you’re an envious person as well.

Instead of working on yourself, you’re focused on other people’s accomplishments. Everyone seems to be more successful than you, and that eats you alive.

Ma permettetemi di farvi una domanda: che effetto vi farebbe se loro avessero una situazione peggiore?

Avreste magicamente abbastanza soldi se loro perdessero tutti i loro? La vostra carriera fiorirà nel momento in cui la loro fallirà? Avreste una vita sentimentale felice se la loro fosse infelice?

You and I both know the answer. So how do their accomplishments impact you? That’s right; they don’t.

I’m asking you to say “no” to envy. Trust me–it’s not hurting anyone but you.

Paura di fallire

“And you ask, ‘What if I fall?’ Oh, but my darling, ‘What if you fly?’” – Erin Hanson

What prevents you from achieving greatness is your fear of failure. You avoid taking any risks since you don’t believe in yourself.

Your self-doubts don’t allow you to think that you’ll succeed. So, you think it’s much better not to try at all. You end up setting low effort goals just to avoid the possibility of failing.

Well, you’re not alone in this because nobody enjoys losing. However, failure is a part of life, whether we like it or not.

Chiedere continuamente scusa

L'ultimo, ma certamente non il meno importante o comune sintomo di odio per se stessi è il costante bisogno di scusarsi.

Look, saying that you’re sorry when you do someone wrong is a sign that you’re a good person who has manners.

Tuttavia, c'è una grande differenza tra l'essere educati e il chiedere continuamente scusa per il minimo inconveniente.

By doing that, you’re showing the rest of the world that you consider yourself to be guilty of everything that happens.

Se qualcuno vi dà un pugno, probabilmente vi scusate perché la vostra faccia ha ostacolato il suo pugno.

What I’m trying to tell you is that your self-hatred has made you walk on eggshells around others without demanding any respect in return.

4 modi infallibili per superare il disgusto per se stessi

Per fortuna, è possibile sconfiggere questi sentimenti di disgusto per se stessi e cambiare il proprio concetto di sé. Ecco una guida passo passo su come farlo nel modo più sano possibile.

Perdono di sé

Prima di tutto, è necessario abbracciare l'arte del perdono di sé. Ricordate che tutti commettiamo errori, quindi perché dovreste prendere il vostro così seriamente?

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t learn from your bad choices–you just need to stop beating yourself up because of them.

Forgive yourself for all the times you broke your own heart, for every toxic person you’ve let near you, and for all the missed opportunities.

Moreover, forgive yourself for all the times you didn’t respect, appreciate, and love yourself enough.

Lasciare andare il passato

Un'altra cosa a cui dovete smettere di aggrapparvi è la vostra storia. Questo è molto legato al perdono di sé.

Often enough, your self-loathing sources from the things you did or didn’t do in your past.

Maybe you can’t stand looking at yourself every time you remember how you allowed yourself to be treated.

Maybe you hate yourself for not taking a few chances years ago. Or maybe your self-hatred comes from the way you treated those who didn’t deserve it.

Well, all of this means that you’re self-conscious, which is always a good thing. However, you won’t achieve anything if you hold on to the past.

You can’t change anything about it, so what’s the point of sovrappensiero? Per favore, fate del vostro meglio per lasciare andare il passato.

Be brave enough to jump into your future because it’s the only thing you can actually influence.

Disintossicare la propria cerchia sociale

I don’t care if your parents, siblings, or childhood friends are the ones who make you feel like you’re not worthy–you MUST cut them off.

If it’s necessary, try finding another job or even move to another city to move away from everyone who feeds your insecurities.

Credetemi: non si tratta di cambiamenti troppo radicali. È qualcosa che va fatto.

La salute mentale deve essere al primo posto se si vuole ottenere un qualsiasi tipo di miglioramento.

Besides, you’re already aware that other people’s opinions impact your sense of value, so you have to get rid of everyone who spreads negativity.

Disintossicate la vostra cerchia sociale e circondatevi di persone che non porteranno altro che positività nella vostra vita, e state con persone che vi aiuteranno a trovare voi stessi e vi daranno una mano a risalire dal fondo, invece di mandarvi lì.

Autocompassione

The next step in the process of overcoming self-loathing is all about self-compassion. I bet you know what I’m talking about.

After all, you’re an empatico when it comes to others, aren’t you? You understand their point of view, and you find justification for their lousy actions.

Basically, you don’t think of them as bad people for making one wrong choice.

You’re like that with everyone, not just your loved ones. You possess empathy, even for people you don’t know.

To be precise, you’re like that with everyone besides yourself. On the contrary, you keep on judging yourself for every little mistake you make.

It’s like you’re only hard on the person you should love the most. When it comes to you, there are no excuses. You’re the only person in the world who is not allowed to do anything wrong.

Ebbene, questa situazione deve cambiare al più presto. Per cominciare, provate a pensare a voi stessi come a un amico.

Che consiglio dareste alla persona amata se si trovasse in una situazione simile alla vostra? Scommetto che li incoraggereste e sottolineereste tutte le loro qualità positive e i loro lati positivi.

So, what’s stopping you from treating yourself the same way? Don’t be your own inner critic.

Per concludere:

I know it would be best if you could snap your fingers and ditch the self-loathing for good. Well, sadly, things don’t always go as smoothly as you expect them to.

The truth is that you’ve spent years despising yourself. So, you can’t change your entire mindset overnight.

Tuttavia, vi assicuro che ce la farete. Tutto ciò che dovete fare è essere perseveranti e non arrendervi mai!