Cosa fare quando il vostro uomo stressato si ritira?

Di fronte ai momenti difficili, il più delle volte i ragazzi ricorrono alla chiusura.

So when your stressed man withdraws with no explanation, don’t take it personally.

If you sense that he needs space (even though you’re in a long-term relationship and you want to talk things through), give it to him.

Here’s the deal with men in stressful situations: Instead of coping, men pull away due to their fight or flight response.

When they’re under a lot of stress, they suppress their emotions, which manifests as them being distant toward their loved ones.

Ma tutte le grandi relazioni attraversano alti e bassi e affrontare situazioni di stress fa parte del gioco!

Don’t worry if he runs away to his man cave every now and again. It’s his way of dealing.

And as someone who’s had her fair share of aloof and distant men, here’s something to help you handle this challenging period.

Vedi anche: Una relazione disfunzionale: Cos'è e come riconoscerne i segni

Quali sono i motivi più comuni per cui gli uomini si allontanano?

I suoi livelli di stress sono estremamente elevati

Siamo tutti d'accordo sul fatto che lo stress è uno dei fattori più importanti nel modo in cui gestiamo le situazioni quotidiane, e il mondo in questo momento è tutto incasinato, quindi un uomo che si ritira non è davvero così sorprendente.

Have you stopped to think that maybe he’s been going through a lot at work?

Ci sono altri aspetti della sua vita che gli procurano ansia o richiedono un grande sforzo?

I’m sure that, just like you, he also has a lot on his plate, and sometimes it’s hard for him to process his emotions.

Give him the benefit of the doubt. Don’t automatically assume that it’s you and give him space. Right now, that’s probably all he craves.

He’s feeling a little suffocated in your relationship

Quando due persone hanno una relazione felice e sana, il loro corpo rilascia l'ormone ossitocico.

Nelle donne, questo ormone è noto per ridurre lo stress, ma negli uomini diminuisce il livello di testosterone, inducendo di fatto lo stress.

Quindi, quando vedete il vostro uomo ritirarsi, è il suo modo di recuperare i livelli di testosterone!

No matter how happy your love relationship is, he’s going to withdraw until he starts feeling like a man again.

It might seem silly, but it’s how men’s brains operate.

And while there’s not much you can do about it, it’s reassuring to know it’s not (necessarily) you.

He’s emotionally immature

Let’s hope this isn’t the case. Basically, when men are in love, they respond in one of two ways.

O sono abbastanza maturi da accogliere l'amore e lasciarlo andare, o si ritirano.

Quindi, quando il vostro uomo stressato si ritira, sappiate che potrebbe non trattarsi di stress.

Potrebbe essere la sua immaturità emotiva a impedirgli di amarti come meriti.

Affrontare un amore totalizzante gli fa venire voglia di ritirarsi nella sua caverna maschile e fare qualche passo indietro.

And unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do. He just needs to put on his big boy pants and start acting his age.

He fears that he’s starting to lose his freedom

La libertà è qualcosa che gli uomini considerano inestimabile.

And I haven’t met a man on this earth who didn’t fear commitment precisely due to the false idea of losing their freedom.

If you merely mention marriage to a man, you’ll see him clam up. It’s like a death certificate.

Grazie a Dio c'è un piccolo numero di ragazzi che sono davvero tranquilli su questo argomento.

But if your man has fallen for you and things are heating up, know that he may be worried about losing any freedom he’s had thus far.

And when a man pulls away, it’s usually just as things are getting serious.

Ancora una volta, è tutta colpa sua. Il suo amore per voi deve prevalere sulle sue paure immature. Potrebbe volerci poco, quindi abbiate pazienza.

Vedi anche: Relazione incrinata: Definizione, segni e consigli per superarla

Come potete aiutare la situazione?

Don’t interrogate him, let him come to you

There are few things men hate more than the question ”What’s wrong?” If he wanted to tell you what was wrong, he would have.

People can’t be forced into having certain conversations unless they’re ready.

You can’t expect your man to open up when you feel like it. It doesn’t work that way. Sense the vibe of the situation and respect it.

His stress hormones could be going berserk right now and it’s crazy to expect him to open up just like that.

If he’s going through something, you need to let him come to you of his own volition.

Anything other than that will be forced and won’t help matters at all.

You want him to feel safe, comfortable, and relaxed, right? Then playing detective won’t help you.

Let him go through his thing, respect his space, and don’t crowd him.

When he’s ready to talk, he’ll give you a hint. But when a stressed man withdraws, the last thing you should do is resort to ‘attack mode’.

Patience is your best friend here. Stress management ain’t easy, so let him take control of his emotions before diving deep into this.

Create a comfort zone where he’ll be likely to respond to your subtle attempts

It’s all about feeling safe and not like you’re being attacked. He needs to know that you’re not interested in starting a fight.

State semplicemente cercando di aiutarlo a trovare una via d'uscita dal suo buco.

Take him out to lunch to his favorite restaurant or go for a picnic. Create a comfortable environment where he’ll be more likely to open up.

Here’s how I do it. If I suspect a certain issue, I’ll just downright say ”I have a feeling things aren’t going so well with your new boss” and he’ll take the bait.

He’ll open up because I made it easier on him by openly broaching the subject.

If you have any suspicions as to what has made your stressed man withdraw, don’t be shy to say it.

Combine that with a soothing, relaxing atmosphere, your warm tone, and he’ll immediately feel relieved to tell you all about it.

Just don’t rush it. Observe the signs he’s giving out. If you sense that he’s still hesitant to discuss it, leave it be.

Now he knows that you’re there, and he’ll talk when his stress levels decrease.

Offer him a conversational inroad, and he’ll reveal his inner issues sooner rather than later. It’s all about knowing your audience.

Vedi anche: Identificare, gestire e sopravvivere a una suocera narcisista

Know that it most probably isn’t you

La cosa peggiore che possiate fare è pensare che abbia a che fare con voi e farlo sentire ancora più a disagio.

Don’t start panicking until you have solid proof that his behavior stems from something you did or said.

If you do, you’re only going to worsen things for him and give him yet another cause for concern.

Avevo un'amica il cui ragazzo ha attraversato una fase complessa.

Lui si ritirò, smise di mandarle messaggi come faceva di solito e si comportò in modo distaccato. Lei era fuori di sé e pensava che fosse lei.

E sapete cosa ha fatto? Invece di avere una conversazione matura, lo ha attaccato (verbalmente), gli ha puntato il dito e ha fatto di tutto per lei.

Even though she’s a friend of mine, I was disgusted by her actions. Why?

Perché le persone hanno tutto il diritto di attraversare momenti difficili senza dover giustificare la loro improvvisa freddezza.

Non possiamo far sentire le persone ancora peggio di come già stanno perché non riusciamo a sopportare che si comportino in un certo modo.

And as for my friend’s situation, it turned out her man was dealing with the death of a friend.

Sono stati molto vicini per tutta l'università, ma di recente si sono allontanati. E prima che avessero la possibilità di risolvere la questione, lui è morto.

Quindi è ovvio che aveva bisogno di tempo, spazio e pazienza per affrontare le proprie emozioni prima di essere pronto a parlarne.

Grazie a Dio si sono lasciati perché il modo in cui lei lo faceva sentire mentre era in lutto era semplicemente orribile.

Let your man breathe for a second. You cannot imagine what he’s going through, so you should never assume that it’s you.

Ci sono altre persone nella sua vita.

Find someone else to confide in until he’s mentally ready again

You have to be mindful of his current emotional state. I’m guessing he’s not in the mood for talking and sharing right now, and that’s okay.

Le persone hanno bisogno di tempo e noi dobbiamo rispettarlo.

Parlate con i vostri cari di qualsiasi problema che vi preoccupa e lasciate che loro aiutarvi finché il vostro uomo non starà meglio.

L'ultima cosa che volete fare è gravare ulteriormente sulle sue spalle.

È il momento di rivolgersi alle persone più care, dandogli il tempo di affrontare le sue difficoltà.

Le relazioni sono un rifugio sicuro da tutto ciò che accade intorno a noi, ma a volte dobbiamo leggere tra le righe e sapere quando fare un passo indietro.

Sometimes – it means a literal step back. Give him space, both emotionally and physically, let him know that you’re here for him and go spend time with your friends.

It’ll be a perfect escape for both of you. He’ll have some peace of mind and you’ll be in a well-known, safe environment where you’re free to share your concerns.

Conoscete il vostro partner abbastanza bene da lasciarlo stare quando ne ha bisogno, ma restate comunque al suo fianco e al suo servizio.

Vedi anche: Regola del non contatto: Il potere del silenzio dopo una rottura

Don’t share his problems with anyone

Let’s put it this way.

If he’s not willing to share his problems with you, his long-term partner, he most definitely doesn’t want them to be known to anyone else.

You must respect his privacy and not be tempted to tell anyone anything – even your best friend.

His issues shouldn’t become public knowledge, especially since you don’t even know the extent of them.

Come vi sentireste se il vostro uomo decidesse di raccontare ai suoi amici tutti i vostri problemi più intimi?

You’d probably feel exposed, vulnerable, and like your privacy had been breached.

That’s exactly how it would feel for him too. So yeah, it’s understandable that you need someone to talk to about this, but you can’t.

Until your man opens up, tells you what’s on his mind, and gives you permission to speak about it, your lips must remain sealed.

If you keep quiet, he’ll know that his secrets are safe with you (if he didn’t already know it).

He’ll know that he made the right choice when he committed to you.

And in his eyes, you’ll be the best girlfriend ever. It’s important that we’re able to contain ourselves when we feel like we can’t.

If you don’t, it doesn’t really breed confidence and it will be a bad sign for your relationship.

Mantenete i vostri problemi privati e la vostra relazione ne trarrà beneficio.

Don’t be foolish and think that this issue can be resolved in the bedroom

It’s really foolish to think that men only want one thing. They are big fans of bedroom romps, sure, but it’s not a cure for his issues.

Don’t use your flirty methods as a means to cheer him up or make him forget about things.

It’s not going to work, because he’s issues are deeper than that.

Per non parlare del fatto che i suoi livelli di stress potrebbero influire negativamente sulle sue prestazioni, e nessuno di voi lo vuole.

And if he thinks that this is your way of being there for him, it’s going to be discouraging.

Ha bisogno della vostra presenza emotiva, non fisica. Ha bisogno di spazio, comprensione e tempo per riordinare le idee.

A bedroom romp won’t achieve anything but make him feel less like a man and more likely to be negatively affected by this attempt.

So whatever you do, don’t use your seduction methods as a weapon. You know better than that.

He’s not a 15-year old boy. He’s a grown man, with actual needs that go beyond the physical.

He’ll be back to himself soon enough, and you’ll have your chance to be there in all the ways you want. But for now, respect his needs.

If it’s space and time, so be it.

Let him have it because the sooner he gets his head together, the sooner you’ll have your hunk of a man back in your arms.

If nothing seems to work, it’s time for a more serious approach

This might appear to be a severe issue given the time he needs to get over it…but not necessarily.

You see, when a stressed man withdraws, no matter what the issue is, he’s going to wallow in misery until you deliver a shock to his system.

Alcuni uomini non sono in grado di elaborare le proprie emozioni per salvare la propria vita.

So if nothing is working, he’s still distant, cold, perhaps even angry, it’s time for a more severe measure.

Ovviamente questo non può andare avanti all'infinito, perché anche voi avete delle esigenze.

If he’s not changing his pattern of questionable behavior regardless of your understanding, he needs an ultimatum.

Di solito non tollero gli ultimatum di alcun tipo, ma quando la situazione lo richiede, bisogna fare ciò che si deve fare.

Face him with it head-on. Tell him that you’ve been patient, understanding, and have given him the space he needed.

And so far, things haven’t changed at all.

Se vuole tenervi con sé, deve dare un segno di buona fede e fare un passo avanti.

Non si può essere costantemente ignorati e non ci si può accontentare.

There comes a time when we need to face our demons whether we like it or not. If we don’t, our loved ones will suffer for it.

So either you work this thing out, or you’re done.

Non è più necessario camminare in punta di piedi, con le mani in mano o in secondo piano. A volte è questo l'approccio di cui gli uomini hanno bisogno.

Until you put him in this position and open his eyes, he won’t see how damaging his behavior is.

Quindi, incrociamo le dita affinché rinsavisca, si renda conto di quanto tempo è passato e che le cose devono cambiare.

If he doesn’t, at least you’ll know you did your very best.

Non potete continuare a mettervi al secondo posto. Finché non si renderà conto della gravità delle sue azioni e non farà qualcosa, il vostro lavoro qui è finito.

While it’s admirable that you’re so determined to stick by his side through his passive-aggressiveness, it should mai essere a tutti i costi.

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