15 consigli che cambiano la vita per trovare l'amore dopo un cuore infranto

When you’re grieving over a shattering break-up, all you want is for this seemingly endless dolore emotivo di andarsene.

It’s not that finding love after crepacuore only looks like mission impossible – it is also the last thing on your mind right now.

You’re convinced that you could never love anyone again and that you’re done with romance for good. You question l'esistenza dell'amore. Your painful experience turned you into a bitter and resentful person – something you’ve never been before. 

Tuttavia, prima o poi, ci si rende conto che questa non è la strada da seguire. Si capisce che ritrovare l'amore dopo il crepacuore (o dopo uno dei I tre amori della vita) è l'unica cosa che vi manca e che dovete veramente andare avanti con la tua vita.

But now, after all this time, you don’t know how. Where do you start? How do you get rid of your fears? How do you open your heart to someone new?

It’s normal to ask all of these questions because finding love after heartbreak is scary and tough. However, it is even more rewarding.

Prepararsi all'amore dopo il dolore

You can’t start a new relationship without settling accounts with your past. Well, technically, you can, but it wouldn’t be fair or right.

Per questo motivo dovete prima guarire il vostro cuore spezzato e prepararvi al nuovo amore che verrà.

Tagliare i ponti con il passato

Your primary goal here is to move on, right? Well, you can’t expect that to happen if you stay trapped in the same place.

I hate to break your bubble, but your relationship is over. You and your ex aren’t getting back together, and it’s time to accept this.

Prima lo afferrerete, prima riuscirete a trovare una relazione sana e il vero amore dopo la rottura del cuore.

Pertanto, la prima cosa da fare è tagliare tutti i legami con il passato. Credetemi: questo è l'unico modo per lasciarsi alle spalle il cuore spezzato.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not advising that you erase your ex and your entire relationship from your memory. This would be impossible to do.

But you don’t have to keep reminding yourself of them either. Don’t turn your life into a sanctuary dedicated to your past romance.

If you’re still in touch with your heartbreaker – go nessun contatto in questo istante. Smettetela di illudervi di poter rimanere amici della persona che vi ha fatto così male.

Sbarazzatevi di tutto ciò che vi ricorda loro. Se volete conservare qualche piccolo souvenir, nascondetelo e toglietelo dalla vista.

No more stalking their social media profiles, no more asking your mutual friends about them, and no more detective work about their new significant other. Don’t live in hope that one day they’ll come knocking on your door.

I don’t care if you got the closure you wanted, if some things were left unsaid, or if you’re still looking for answers.

I know that cutting ties with the past hurts, but you have to come to terms with the fact that your relationship is history, and it’s time for you to pack it away.

Permettete a voi stessi di elaborare il lutto

I know what you expect me to say after this pep talk: pretend that your heartbreak never happened. Well, that’s actually the worst thing you can do at this point.

A healthy healing process includes acceptance. It’s all about looking your pain in the eyes and defeating it instead of running for your life.

Sì, sarebbe più facile se poteste seppellire il vostro trauma nel profondo di voi stessi.

Sweeping things under the carpet and moving on with your life as if you’d never been through this hell sounds tempting, doesn’t it?

Well, this way, things would be less complicated for you temporarily. You wouldn’t have to go through the different stages of grief, and you could buttarsi in una nuova relazione con la prima persona che si presenta.

But what would happen in the long run? That’s right: your suppressed emotions would find their way back into your life.

They would reappear and haunt you when you least expect them. So, let’s not allow this to happen, and let’s process them the healthy way.

That’s why I advise you to allow yourself to grieve.

Don’t only mourn the loss of your ex. Grieve the death of your hopes and dreams, the breakage of your relationship, and the loss of the person you once were.

Don’t run away from your pain because that’s what cowards do.

Don’t feel weak for going through this stage, and instead, see it as a sign of your strength. Trust me: not many have the ability to cope with their darkest emotions and thoughts.

Liberate le vostre emozioni

Quando il vostro cuore si è spezzato, ha lasciato dietro di sé un mucchio di ferite aperte. Si è lacerato dentro di te ed è andato in mille pezzi.

You mustn’t allow each one of these pieces to remain stuck inside of you. You don’t have to just let go of your ex: you also need to let go of all the sadness that’s been eating you alive.

The way to do this is by not keeping your emotions bottled up – get them out of your system one way or another.

So, if you feel like crying, that’s what you should do. If you need some time off from your busy life and want to spend a couple of days eating ice cream in front of the TV, who am I to judge you?

However, the best way of releasing your emotions is, without a doubt, writing. Don’t worry. You don’t have to possess a remarkable talent for it.

Un foglio di carta può sopportare molto più di quanto si possa pensare. Si prenderà tutto il vostro dolore sulle spalle e servirà al suo scopo.

Iniziate a scrivere un diario di rilascio e annotate ogni giorno i vostri progressi. Ricordate che nessuno lo leggerà, quindi potete essere onesti al 100%.

Non c'è vergogna nell'esprimere i propri sentimenti scrivendone. Non è altro che un meccanismo di coping che vi farà stare meglio.

Affidatevi al vostro sistema di supporto

You’re a self-sufficient, independent individual who went through the worst possible things alone. You don’t need anyone patting you on the back and telling you that everything will be okay.

Inoltre, l'ultima cosa che volete è esporre le vostre vulnerabilità ai vostri cari. Dopo tutto, cosa possono fare esattamente?

They can’t take any of your pain away. They’ll only start worrying about you, and you’ll unintentionally drag them into your problems.

Ebbene, è qui che vi sbagliate. As much as you think you don’t need anyone, a strong support system will help you out a lot.

Who doesn’t need a amico vero che possono chiamare nel cuore della notte? Io lo so.

Don’t worry: none of these people will think of you as pathetic. Going through something like this is perfectly normal, and I promise you that they’ll understand your pain.

Not only that: these people will hold your hand through all of your hardships. They will show you that you’re not alone, and they will give you hope in a better tomorrow.

Credetemi: avere un amico che vi ascolta senza dire una sola parola è sempre meglio che piangere in silenzio.

But what about those who don’t have close friends they can count on? And those who can’t find comfort in anyone? Are they sentenced to suffer in silence?

Ovviamente no. There is always the option of joining an actual grief support group full of people who have gone through the same things you’re going through.

No, these groups are not only reserved for those grieving their loved one’s deaths. Please, feel free to look them up near you and join them – these people will know how to help you.

Ricordate il vostro valore

The biggest problem about your heartbreak isn’t this overwhelming pain that’s been consuming you. I know what you must be thinking: “There is something worse?” Well, sadly, there is.

Vede, il dolore sembra solo insopportabile. Ma entrambi sappiamo che, alla fine, passerà..

Tuttavia, l'impatto che tutto questo ha avuto sul vostro fiducia di base e l'immagine di sé potrebbero essere permanenti. E questo è un aspetto su cui dovete iniziare a lavorare immediatamente.

Looking for love after heartbreak is utterly pointless if you see yourself as unlovable, isn’t it?

Nevertheless, this is precisely what you’ve been doing all along. Don’t lie to me: I know the truth. It’s like I’m seeing you right now.

There you are, doubting your worth and worrying that no man or woman would ever want you – that you’re broken beyond repair.

Not only that: you also wonder why you weren’t enough for your ex. Newsflash: your value has nothing to do with your relationship status.

You have a lot to offer, despite all that has happened. You still carry a loving heart inside of your chest – you just can’t feel it at the moment.

Lasciare che il tempo faccia la sua magia

I’ll be dead honest with you: your broken heart won’t heal in a matter of days. Truth be told, sometimes, this process lasts for months.

Ma alla fine, time will do its magic. And all you need to do is let it – you need to give time enough time.

This isn’t a request for you to sit down patiently and wait for a miracle to happen. Of course, your life should flow on its course.

However, the trick is that nobody can tell you how much time will pass before you’re ready for new love because we’re all different.

But what I can promise you is that it will happen. Things will get easier with every day that goes by. One morning, you’ll wake up and see that this is it: you’re ready, and there are no more past traumas holding you back.

Migliorare se stessi

The final step in the process of preparing yourself for love again has nothing to do with your ex or with the person you’re about to meet. Instead, it’s all about the most important person in your life: you.

To attract a good quality woman or man, you need to be the best version of yourself. I’m not saying that you’re not lovable just the way you are, but you should definitely engage in some cura di sé.

However, attracting romance shouldn’t be your final goal here. In fact, if you work on yourself while obsessing about how to find love, you’re unlikely to succeed.

You have to better yourself to be satisfied with the person you’re becoming. Dovete migliorare la vostra vita per essere felici da soli, con o senza una persona importante.

This is your chance to rock the single life: a chance to enjoy every breath you take – a chance to find your true purpose and the chance to realize the importance of self-love.

Trust me on this: happiness attracts happiness, and love attracts love. Therefore, when you’re content with yourself, potential soulmates start appearing out of nowhere.

When you love yourself the right way, you’ll only draw those who deserve to be in your life.

It’s ironic, isn’t it? To find romantic love, you have to stop craving it. But that’s the beauty of it all.

Tornare in pista

Everyone keeps advising you just to throw yourself back into dating. After all, how hard can it be? Well, in your situation – harder than anyone might think.

Il pool di incontri

One thing is for sure: if you feel like you’re emotionally available, you really should go ritorno alla piscina degli appuntamenti. Don’t turn this search for love into your number one priority but don’t run away from it either.

Yes, you can join dating apps, you can go speed dating, and you can tell your friends that you’re looking for your special someone.

Tuttavia, partecipare agli incontri è molto più di questo. Significa riaprire gli occhi al sesso opposto.

Significa rispondere con un sorriso a quel collega carino che potrebbe essere interessato a voi. Significa flirtare con quello sconosciuto attraente che cerca di mantenere il contatto visivo nella stanza.

It means agreeing to go out on that blind date your best friend set up for you. Because let’s face it: what do you have to lose?

After all, you’re single as a pringle. You’ve thrown away all of your emotional baggage, and that makes you more than ready to mingle.

Imparare dagli errori

Now that you’re ready for a new relationship, you’re also mentally and emotionally capable of analyzing your past relationship.

No, you shouldn’t spend all of your time reminiscing about it.

Invece, voglio che tu prenda tutto quello che è successo come una lezione. The love you felt for your ex is gone, and you’ve mourned your relationship.

Questo può significare solo una cosa: you’ve finally acquired the ability to process things objectively. And that’s what you should do: stand back and observe your past romance as if you were a bystander.

This is the only way to look at things realistically – the only way to realize your mistakes and learn from them.

Forse l'ultima volta avete scelto male. Oppure avete commesso la vostra parte di errori che non avete visto allora.

Forse il vostro difetto fatale è stato quello di darvi troppo senza chiedere nulla in cambio. Oppure avete passato anni a cercare di salvare una relazione fallita.

Qualunque cosa fosse, ora lo sapete meglio. Questa esperienza devastante vi ha insegnato molto.

So, please, don’t repeat your toxic relationship behavior patterns. Isn’t it obvious that they aren’t taking you anywhere?

Don’t settle for a rebound relationship

La trappola in cui cadono quasi tutti gli uomini e le donne dal cuore spezzato dopo una relazione dolorosa è quella di entrare in una relazione ancora peggiore.

You don’t have to end your single life at all costs, and you definitely shouldn’t settle for a rebound relationship.

Don’t be with someone just because you’re scared of dying alone or because you can’t seem to find a healthy relationship.

Don’t look for your ex in other people, and most importantly: don’t use them to heal your scars.

Come on. You know you’re better than that. You’re better than breaking someone else’s heart in an attempt to repair your own.

Questo è esattamente ciò che accade se si dà relazioni di rimbalzo uno scatto.

The other person might fall in love with you, thinking that this is the real deal while you’re still preoccupied with your healing process.

Per favore, siate onesti e corretti. It’s way better to wait until you’re fully recovered before starting something new than stringing an innocent person along.

Besides, this toxic relationship won’t bring you anything good either. It won’t teach you how to love again. Instead, it will bury you even further in misery.

Saltare da una persona all'altra non è la strada da percorrere

Ehi, se avete voglia di frequentare un nuovo ragazzo o una nuova ragazza every weekend, I’m no Judge Judy. But please ask yourself if you’re doing it because you really fall for all of these people.

Sentite che questo è ciò che volete veramente? O è il vostro modo di cercare di riempire il vuoto che la vostra brutta rottura ha lasciato dentro di voi?

I bet I know the answer. And I’m sure you do too.

Saltare da una relazione all'altra non è la strada per trovare l'amore dopo il crepacuore.

Ora vi chiederete: “So, how am I supposed to find my soulmate if I don’t meet new people?” Nessuno ti ha detto di non uscire con nessuno.

Ma uscite con persone che vi piacciono davvero. Try building something bigger with the people you feel a genuine connection with – not with those you’re just physically attracted to.

Siate chiari sui vostri standard

Now that you’ve learned from your past mistakes, it’s safe to say that you have a completely new set of rules.

Ci sono alcuni fattori di rottura a cui non avete mai prestato attenzione prima, e probabilmente avete innalzato i vostri standard nel processo.

Buon per voi! This doesn’t make you troppo esigente – it means that you’ve grown as a person and that this heartbreak served its purpose.

Quindi, per favore, siate chiari su cosa e chi volete. Prima di tutto, siate onesti con voi stessi riguardo ai vostri standard e poi siate aperti quando incontrate nuove persone.

I’m not saying that you should be too demanding or that you should only agree to date someone perfect. As much as you’re into a guy or a girl, there will always be something you don’t like about them.

Ma la domanda è: Vi sembra che questa sia una piccola stranezza che potete tollerare? O è un problema che non riuscireste mai a sopportare?

Whatever you do, don’t make compromises with yourself. Look for the kind of a person you know you deserve, and don’t ever settle for anything less.

Aggrapparsi alla fede

Finally, never lose hope that love will come to you, sooner or later. Don’t be obsessed about finding it but deep down, have faith in its arrival.

Innanzitutto, perdere l'idea che si possa amare solo una volta nella vita. Yes, you loved your ex – otherwise, they wouldn’t have had the chance to break your heart.

Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean that you won’t learn to love again with the same intensity or even more.

Maybe your ex was your soulmate at that given moment, but that doesn’t mean they’re meant to be yours forever.

Please, don’t give up on love, despite all of your disappointments.

Anche se vi ha fatto male, l'amore è bello nella sua essenza e sarebbe un peccato per voi perderlo solo perché avete avuto un'esperienza dolorosa.

Dos And Don’ts Of Your New Relationship

You’ve done everything by the book, and now you’re here: closer to your final goal than ever. You’ve found someone you see yourself falling in love with.

But your job isn’t done here. There are still some steps to take unless you want to ruin this relationship before it even starts.

Non tutti sono come il vostro ex

Let’s get one thing straight: you’ll get nowhere if you compare everyone to your ex.

I know that getting over this person doesn’t mean that you got over the fear of going through the same pain all over again.

Pensate a voi stessi: “What if I am a magnet for heartbreak?” “What if the next one leaves me devastated, the same way my ex did?”

Don’t worry: this is perfectly normal, and everyone in your situation has the exact same thoughts. But you have to learn how to chase them away.

Se lasciate che la negatività offuschi la vostra visione, il vostro un'eccessiva riflessione potrebbe rovinare la vostra potenziale relazione.

Look, I won’t lie to you: nobody can guarantee that your new boyfriend or girlfriend won’t break your heart. However, this time you won’t let them.

You’re not the person you once were. Now, you have what it takes to recognize the red flags in time, so you won’t stick with someone who is likely to do you harm.

Besides, you can’t predict the future. Sometimes you have to take risks and follow your heart’s lead.

If things fail once again, at least you’ll know you tried. You’ll be proud of your bravery to take a chance and jump into the unknown, despite your painful past.

Mettete il massimo impegno

Quando si trova l'amore dopo un colpo di fulmine, don’t hold yourself back. Instead, put your maximum effort in, as if you’re in love for the first time ever.

Don’t let your past ruin your future, and don’t make your new partner pay for your ex’s mistakes. Godetevi ogni momento della vostra nuova storia d'amore, abbandonatevi all'amore e vedrete dove vi porterà la magia!

Trovare l'amore dopo il dolore libro

Trovare l'amore dopo il dolore è un bestseller scritto da Stephan Labossiere, un famoso esperto di relazioni.

In his book, Stephan speaks to anyone who’s been through a bad breakup they can’t seem to recover from and anyone who is convinced they’ll never find love again.

Nel primo volume di una serie in due parti che potete acquistare su Amazon e su altre piattaforme, vi insegna a liberarvi dalle ferite del passato e ad aprirvi all'amore futuro.

This great read won’t make all of your problems go away, nor will it magically heal you. However, it can serve as a guide through your journey of finding your soulmate and believing in love again.

Per concludere:

Ora vedete che trovare amore vero dopo il crepacuore è molto più che buttarsi in una nuova relazione. It’s a real enterprise that includes plenty of self-work, introspection, and personal growth.

There will be moments when you’ll want to give up on this journey, moments when you’ll lose faith, and when despair will get the best of you.

Please, don’t let those moments of weakness defeat you. Trust me: once you reach your goal, you’ll see that it was all worth it.