15 dicas para mudar a vida e encontrar o amor depois de um desgosto
When you’re grieving over a shattering break-up, all you want is for this seemingly endless dor emocional para se ir embora.
It’s not that finding love after desgosto only looks like mission impossible – it is also the last thing on your mind right now.
You’re convinced that you could never love anyone again and that you’re done with romance for good. You question a existência do amor. Your painful experience turned you into a bitter and resentful person – something you’ve never been before.
No entanto, mais cedo ou mais tarde, apercebemo-nos de que este não é o caminho a seguir. Compreendemos que encontrar o amor depois de um desgosto (ou depois de um dos três amores na vida) é a única coisa de que sente falta e precisa realmente seguir em frente com a sua vida.
But now, after all this time, you don’t know how. Where do you start? How do you get rid of your fears? How do you open your heart to someone new?
It’s normal to ask all of these questions because finding love after heartbreak is scary and tough. However, it is even more rewarding.
Prepare-se para o amor depois do desgosto
You can’t start a new relationship without settling accounts with your past. Well, technically, you can, but it wouldn’t be fair or right.
É por isso que primeiro tem de curar o seu coração partido e preparar-se para o novo amor que está para vir.
Cortar os laços com o passado
Your primary goal here is to move on, right? Well, you can’t expect that to happen if you stay trapped in the same place.
I hate to break your bubble, but your relationship is over. You and your ex aren’t getting back together, and it’s time to accept this.
Quanto mais cedo o compreender, mais cedo será capaz de encontrar uma relação saudável e um amor verdadeiro depois de um desgosto amoroso.
Por conseguinte, a primeira coisa a fazer é cortar todos os laços com o seu passado. Confie em mim: esta é a única maneira de deixar o desgosto para trás.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not advising that you erase your ex and your entire relationship from your memory. This would be impossible to do.
But you don’t have to keep reminding yourself of them either. Don’t turn your life into a sanctuary dedicated to your past romance.
If you’re still in touch with your heartbreaker – go nenhum contacto neste instante. Pára de te enganares a ti próprio que podes continuar amigo da pessoa que te magoou tanto.
Desfaça-se de tudo o que o faz lembrar deles. Se quiser guardar algumas pequenas recordações, esconda-as longe de si e afaste-as da vista.
No more stalking their social media profiles, no more asking your mutual friends about them, and no more detective work about their new significant other. Don’t live in hope that one day they’ll come knocking on your door.
I don’t care if you got the closure you wanted, if some things were left unsaid, or if you’re still looking for answers.
I know that cutting ties with the past hurts, but you have to come to terms with the fact that your relationship is history, and it’s time for you to pack it away.
Permitir-se fazer o luto
I know what you expect me to say after this pep talk: pretend that your heartbreak never happened. Well, that’s actually the worst thing you can do at this point.
A healthy healing process includes acceptance. It’s all about looking your pain in the eyes and defeating it instead of running for your life.
Sim, seria mais fácil se pudesses enterrar o teu trauma bem dentro de ti.
Sweeping things under the carpet and moving on with your life as if you’d never been through this hell sounds tempting, doesn’t it?
Well, this way, things would be less complicated for you temporarily. You wouldn’t have to go through the different stages of grief, and you could saltar para uma nova relação com a primeira pessoa que aparecer.
But what would happen in the long run? That’s right: your suppressed emotions would find their way back into your life.
They would reappear and haunt you when you least expect them. So, let’s not allow this to happen, and let’s process them the healthy way.
That’s why I advise you to allow yourself to grieve.
Don’t only mourn the loss of your ex. Grieve the death of your hopes and dreams, the breakage of your relationship, and the loss of the person you once were.
Don’t run away from your pain because that’s what cowards do.
Don’t feel weak for going through this stage, and instead, see it as a sign of your strength. Trust me: not many have the ability to cope with their darkest emotions and thoughts.
Liberte as suas emoções
Quando o teu coração se partiu, deixou para trás um monte de feridas abertas. Rasgou-se dentro de ti e partiu-se num milhão de pedaços.
You mustn’t allow each one of these pieces to remain stuck inside of you. You don’t have to just let go of your ex: you also need to let go of all the sadness that’s been eating you alive.
The way to do this is by not keeping your emotions bottled up – get them out of your system one way or another.
So, if you feel like crying, that’s what you should do. If you need some time off from your busy life and want to spend a couple of days eating ice cream in front of the TV, who am I to judge you?
However, the best way of releasing your emotions is, without a doubt, writing. Don’t worry. You don’t have to possess a remarkable talent for it.
Um pedaço de papel pode fazer muito mais do que se pensa. Ele aguentará toda a sua dor nas costas e servirá o seu objetivo.
Comece a escrever um diário de libertação e registe os seus progressos todos os dias. Lembre-se que ninguém vai ler isto, por isso pode ser 100% honesto.
Não há vergonha em expressar os seus sentimentos escrevendo sobre eles. Isto não é mais do que um mecanismo de sobrevivência que o fará melhorar.
Confie no seu sistema de apoio
You’re a self-sufficient, independent individual who went through the worst possible things alone. You don’t need anyone patting you on the back and telling you that everything will be okay.
Além disso, a última coisa que quer é expor as suas vulnerabilidades aos seus entes queridos. Afinal de contas, o que é que eles podem fazer exatamente?
They can’t take any of your pain away. They’ll only start worrying about you, and you’ll unintentionally drag them into your problems.
Bem, é aqui que se engana. As much as you think you don’t need anyone, a strong support system will help you out a lot.
Who doesn’t need a verdadeiro amigo que podem telefonar a meio da noite? Eu sei que sim.
Don’t worry: none of these people will think of you as pathetic. Going through something like this is perfectly normal, and I promise you that they’ll understand your pain.
Not only that: these people will hold your hand through all of your hardships. They will show you that you’re not alone, and they will give you hope in a better tomorrow.
Acredite em mim: ter um amigo que apenas o ouve sem dizer uma única palavra é melhor do que sofrer em silêncio em qualquer altura.
But what about those who don’t have close friends they can count on? And those who can’t find comfort in anyone? Are they sentenced to suffer in silence?
Claro que não. There is always the option of joining an actual grief support group full of people who have gone through the same things you’re going through.
No, these groups are not only reserved for those grieving their loved one’s deaths. Please, feel free to look them up near you and join them – these people will know how to help you.
Lembre-se do seu valor
The biggest problem about your heartbreak isn’t this overwhelming pain that’s been consuming you. I know what you must be thinking: “There is something worse?” Well, sadly, there is.
É que a dor só parece ser insuportável. Mas ambos sabemos que, eventualmente, acabará por desaparecer.
No entanto, o impacto que tudo isto teve na sua confiança central e a autoimagem podem ser permanentes. E isso é algo em que tem de começar a trabalhar imediatamente.
Looking for love after heartbreak is utterly pointless if you see yourself as unlovable, isn’t it?
Nevertheless, this is precisely what you’ve been doing all along. Don’t lie to me: I know the truth. It’s like I’m seeing you right now.
There you are, doubting your worth and worrying that no man or woman would ever want you – that you’re broken beyond repair.
Not only that: you also wonder why you weren’t enough for your ex. Newsflash: your value has nothing to do with your relationship status.
You have a lot to offer, despite all that has happened. You still carry a loving heart inside of your chest – you just can’t feel it at the moment.
Deixar o tempo fazer a sua magia
I’ll be dead honest with you: your broken heart won’t heal in a matter of days. Truth be told, sometimes, this process lasts for months.
Mas eventualmente, time will do its magic. And all you need to do is let it – you need to give time enough time.
This isn’t a request for you to sit down patiently and wait for a miracle to happen. Of course, your life should flow on its course.
However, the trick is that nobody can tell you how much time will pass before you’re ready for new love because we’re all different.
But what I can promise you is that it will happen. Things will get easier with every day that goes by. One morning, you’ll wake up and see that this is it: you’re ready, and there are no more past traumas holding you back.
Melhorar a si próprio
The final step in the process of preparing yourself for love again has nothing to do with your ex or with the person you’re about to meet. Instead, it’s all about the most important person in your life: you.
To attract a good quality woman or man, you need to be the best version of yourself. I’m not saying that you’re not lovable just the way you are, but you should definitely engage in some autocuidado.
However, attracting romance shouldn’t be your final goal here. In fact, if you work on yourself while obsessing about how to find love, you’re unlikely to succeed.
You have to better yourself to be satisfied with the person you’re becoming. É preciso melhorar a nossa vida para sermos felizes sozinhos, com ou sem um parceiro.
This is your chance to rock the single life: a chance to enjoy every breath you take – a chance to find your true purpose and the chance to realize the importance of self-love.
Trust me on this: happiness attracts happiness, and love attracts love. Therefore, when you’re content with yourself, potential soulmates start appearing out of nowhere.
When you love yourself the right way, you’ll only draw those who deserve to be in your life.
It’s ironic, isn’t it? To find romantic love, you have to stop craving it. But that’s the beauty of it all.
Voltar a sair
Everyone keeps advising you just to throw yourself back into dating. After all, how hard can it be? Well, in your situation – harder than anyone might think.
A piscina de encontros
One thing is for sure: if you feel like you’re emotionally available, you really should go de volta à piscina de encontros. Don’t turn this search for love into your number one priority but don’t run away from it either.
Yes, you can join dating apps, you can go speed dating, and you can tell your friends that you’re looking for your special someone.
No entanto, estar na piscina dos encontros é muito mais do que isso. Significa reabrir os olhos para o sexo oposto.
Significa sorrir de volta para aquele colega de trabalho giro que pode estar interessado em si. Significa namoriscar com aquele estranho atraente que está a tentar manter o contacto visual do outro lado da sala.
It means agreeing to go out on that blind date your best friend set up for you. Because let’s face it: what do you have to lose?
After all, you’re single as a pringle. You’ve thrown away all of your emotional baggage, and that makes you more than ready to mingle.
Aprenda com os seus erros
Now that you’re ready for a new relationship, you’re also mentally and emotionally capable of analyzing your past relationship.
No, you shouldn’t spend all of your time reminiscing about it.
Em vez disso, quero que tomes tudo o que aconteceu como um lição. The love you felt for your ex is gone, and you’ve mourned your relationship.
Isto só pode significar uma coisa: you’ve finally acquired the ability to process things objectively. And that’s what you should do: stand back and observe your past romance as if you were a bystander.
This is the only way to look at things realistically – the only way to realize your mistakes and learn from them.
Talvez tenhas escolhido mal da última vez. Ou teve a sua quota-parte de erros que não viu na altura.
Talvez o seu defeito fatal tenha sido dar-se demasiado sem pedir nada em troca. Ou passou anos a tentar salvar uma relação falhada.
Fosse o que fosse, agora já sabes melhor. Esta experiência devastadora ensinou-te muito.
So, please, don’t repeat your toxic relationship behavior patterns. Isn’t it obvious that they aren’t taking you anywhere?
Don’t settle for a rebound relationship
A armadilha em que quase todos os homens e mulheres de coração partido caem depois de uma relação passada dolorosa é entrar numa relação ainda pior.
You don’t have to end your single life at all costs, and you definitely shouldn’t settle for a rebound relationship.
Don’t be with someone just because you’re scared of dying alone or because you can’t seem to find a healthy relationship.
Don’t look for your ex in other people, and most importantly: don’t use them to heal your scars.
Come on. You know you’re better than that. You’re better than breaking someone else’s heart in an attempt to repair your own.
É exatamente isso que acontecerá se der relações de ricochete um tiro.
The other person might fall in love with you, thinking that this is the real deal while you’re still preoccupied with your healing process.
Por favor, sejam honestos e justos. It’s way better to wait until you’re fully recovered before starting something new than stringing an innocent person along.
Besides, this toxic relationship won’t bring you anything good either. It won’t teach you how to love again. Instead, it will bury you even further in misery.
Saltar de uma pessoa para outra não é o caminho a seguir
Ei, se te apetecer engatar um novo rapaz ou uma rapariga every weekend, I’m no Judge Judy. But please ask yourself if you’re doing it because you really fall for all of these people.
Sente que é isto que realmente quer? Ou esta é a sua forma de tentar preencher o vazio que a sua má separação deixou dentro de si?
I bet I know the answer. And I’m sure you do too.
Saltar de uma relação para outra não é o caminho para encontrar o amor depois de um desgosto amoroso.
Agora, devem perguntar-se: “So, how am I supposed to find my soulmate if I don’t meet new people?” Olha, ninguém te disse para não namorares.
Mas saiam com pessoas de quem realmente gostam. Try building something bigger with the people you feel a genuine connection with – not with those you’re just physically attracted to.
Seja claro quanto às suas normas
Now that you’ve learned from your past mistakes, it’s safe to say that you have a completely new set of rules.
Há alguns factores de rutura a que nunca prestou atenção e, provavelmente, elevou os seus padrões no processo.
Que bom para ti! This doesn’t make you demasiado exigente – it means that you’ve grown as a person and that this heartbreak served its purpose.
Por isso, seja claro sobre o que quer e quem quer. Em primeiro lugar, seja honesto consigo próprio sobre os seus padrões e depois seja aberto quando conhecer novas pessoas.
I’m not saying that you should be too demanding or that you should only agree to date someone perfect. As much as you’re into a guy or a girl, there will always be something you don’t like about them.
Mas a questão é: Sente que esta é uma pequena peculiaridade que pode tolerar? Ou é um fator de rutura que nunca poderia tolerar?
Whatever you do, don’t make compromises with yourself. Look for the kind of a person you know you deserve, and don’t ever settle for anything less.
Agarrar-se à fé
Finally, never lose hope that love will come to you, sooner or later. Don’t be obsessed about finding it but deep down, have faith in its arrival.
Antes de mais nada, perder a ideia de que só se pode amar uma vez na vida. Yes, you loved your ex – otherwise, they wouldn’t have had the chance to break your heart.
Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean that you won’t learn to love again with the same intensity or even more.
Maybe your ex was your soulmate at that given moment, but that doesn’t mean they’re meant to be yours forever.
Please, don’t give up on love, despite all of your disappointments.
Apesar de o ter magoado, o amor é belo na sua essência, e seria uma pena perdê-lo só porque teve uma experiência dolorosa.
Dos And Don’ts Of Your New Relationship
You’ve done everything by the book, and now you’re here: closer to your final goal than ever. You’ve found someone you see yourself falling in love with.
But your job isn’t done here. There are still some steps to take unless you want to ruin this relationship before it even starts.
Nem toda a gente é como o seu ex
Let’s get one thing straight: you’ll get nowhere if you compare everyone to your ex.
I know that getting over this person doesn’t mean that you got over the fear of going through the same pain all over again.
Pensas para ti próprio: “What if I am a magnet for heartbreak?” “What if the next one leaves me devastated, the same way my ex did?”
Don’t worry: this is perfectly normal, and everyone in your situation has the exact same thoughts. But you have to learn how to chase them away.
Se deixar que a negatividade tolde a sua visão, o seu pensar demasiado pode arruinar a sua potencial relação.
Look, I won’t lie to you: nobody can guarantee that your new boyfriend or girlfriend won’t break your heart. However, this time you won’t let them.
You’re not the person you once were. Now, you have what it takes to recognize the red flags in time, so you won’t stick with someone who is likely to do you harm.
Besides, you can’t predict the future. Sometimes you have to take risks and follow your heart’s lead.
If things fail once again, at least you’ll know you tried. You’ll be proud of your bravery to take a chance and jump into the unknown, despite your painful past.
Esforça-te ao máximo
Quando se encontra o amor depois de um desgosto, don’t hold yourself back. Instead, put your maximum effort in, as if you’re in love for the first time ever.
Don’t let your past ruin your future, and don’t make your new partner pay for your ex’s mistakes. Aproveitem cada momento do vosso novo romance, entreguem-se ao amor e vejam onde a magia vos leva!
Encontrar o amor depois de um desgosto livro
Encontrar o amor depois de um desgosto é um bestseller escrito por Stephan Labossiere, um famoso especialista em relações.
In his book, Stephan speaks to anyone who’s been through a bad breakup they can’t seem to recover from and anyone who is convinced they’ll never find love again.
No primeiro volume de uma série de duas partes que pode adquirir na Amazon e noutras plataformas, ele ensina-o a libertar-se das mágoas do passado e a abrir-se ao amor futuro.
This great read won’t make all of your problems go away, nor will it magically heal you. However, it can serve as a guide through your journey of finding your soulmate and believing in love again.
Para terminar:
Agora vê-se que a descoberta amor verdadeiro depois de um desgosto de amor é muito mais do que saltar para uma nova relação. It’s a real enterprise that includes plenty of self-work, introspection, and personal growth.
There will be moments when you’ll want to give up on this journey, moments when you’ll lose faith, and when despair will get the best of you.
Please, don’t let those moments of weakness defeat you. Trust me: once you reach your goal, you’ll see that it was all worth it.
