La lista di controllo definitiva "Dovrei divorziare? Lista di controllo

Writing down a “Should I get a divorce” checklist might be one of the best ways to make the right call regarding your marriage.

This way, you’ll put everything on a piece of paper, and you’ll get an impartial perspective on your situation.

Don’t worry: having second thoughts about ending your marriage is perfectly normal. You’re not sure what the right choice is, and you want to do what’s best for your entire family without rushing your decision.

Well, in that case, a “Should I get un divorzio” checklist is the thing for you. Here are the 12 crucial things you must consider before starting the divorce process.

La lista di controllo definitiva per il divorzio in 11 punti

Abuso

The first point on your checklist should definitely be abuse. You see, bad things happen between married couples and nobody’s life is all sunshine and roses.

As much as you try to avoid it, sometimes you and your spouse will get into a fight. Sometimes you’ll even exaggerate by insulting each other, which is not okay but is also not reason enough to get a divorce.

However, there is a huge difference between your spouse calling you names once then apologizing for it and them verbally abusing you. Yes, that’s also a thing.

Quando si pensa all'abuso, si presume che l'altra persona debba effettivamente colpirci perché le sue azioni siano classificate come violente.

Well, this is exactly why a lot of people remain in abusive marriages: they don’t know that someone can abuse you physically, emotivamenteverbalmente e in molti altri modi.

If any kind of abuse is on your checklist, it’s an adequate indicator that your marriage is not what it should be.

Another thing I’ll ask you is to remember that no matter what is going on, this is not your fault, and you’re not to blame. Nobody has the right to abuse you, let alone the person who should love you the most.

Affari

L'infedeltà è anche una delle ragioni principali per cui le persone si un divorzio. Ancora una volta, esistono diversi tipi di infedeltà.

Il suo coniuge ha avuto un problema fisico o un relazione emotiva? How long did it last? Maybe they didn’t actually commit adultery, but you noticed they si è innamorato di un'altra persona.

Well, sometimes, this realization can be more painful than one night of weakness that didn’t mean anything. Either way, it depends on what hurt you the most.

However, you’re not the only one making this decision. Does your spouse want a second chance for your marriage, or are they ready to start fresh with their new partner?

In quest'ultimo caso, non avete altra scelta che accettare il divorzio. Dopotutto, cosa potete fare? Implorateli di amarvianche se sono stati loro ad avere una relazione?

On the other hand, if they’re the ones asking for your forgiveness, it’s up to both of you to decide about your marriage’s future.

Credete che il vostro partner sia stato un caso isolato? Riuscite a guardare il vostro coniuge nello stesso modo dopo questo tradimento? Siete pronti ad affrontare un recupero della relazione?

Or maybe you were the unfaithful one? In that case, the situation is pretty much the same – you two just have reversed roles.

Qualunque sia la vostra decisione, ricordate che non c'è vergogna nel Perdonare una relazione or ending a marriage because of it – if that’s what you think is right.

Dovete essere consapevoli che questa infedeltà doveva essere causata da qualcosa che non andava nel vostro matrimonio.

Se decidete di darvi un'altra possibilità, dovete trovare la fonte e curarla prima che distrugga davvero il vostro matrimonio.

Consulenza matrimoniale

A volte le coppie hanno difficoltà a superare gli ostacoli nel loro matrimonio. I loro problemi coniugali sembrano troppo grandi da gestire e si sentono incapaci di raggiungere un compromesso.

It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about infidelity, their differences, or a lack of passion – at the end of the day, the point is the same: something is off.

However, they still have feelings for each other. Maybe they’ve spent too much time together to let it all go to waste just like that. Or they want to give it another try for the kid’s sake?

In questo caso, consulenza matrimoniale è la strada giusta da percorrere.

Consultare un professionista

Ogni coppia dovrebbe rivolgersi a un professionista prima di compiere il passo finale e iniziare il processo di divorzio.

I know what you must be thinking right now: “What could a stranger possibly know about my marriage that the two of us don’t?” Well, surprisingly, a lot.

Innanzitutto, si tratta di un professionista specializzato nel vostro tipo di problemi. Si tratta di una persona che ha il compito di aiutare le coppie sposate a trovare una via di mezzo.

Inoltre, poiché il consulente matrimoniale non è coinvolto emotivamente, può guardare ai vostri problemi con maggiore obiettività.

They will give you a broader perspective on things, and you’ll probably start seeing your marriage in a different light once you talk to them.

This is the person who can show you the right direction – someone who knows what you should do to save your relationship and become a better husband and wife.

Accettare i consigli degli altri

Whatever you do, don’t let anyone else interfere in your relationship. Look, I know that you’ll both ask for your friend or family’s opinion, but don’t let their attitudes guide you.

It’s one thing to talk to a trained professional who knows what they’re doing, but blindly following a third person’s lead can make things even worse.

I don’t care if you have a friend who’s been through a divorce or if your spouse’s parents are telling them what to do. Each case is unique, and the two of you are the only ones who have the right to make a decision.

Comunicazione

The next point on your “Should I get a divorce” checklist is the communication between you and your spouse.

You’re an adult, and this is not your first relationship, so I don’t have to emphasize the importance of healthy communication in a marriage.

What I am interested in now is whether you and your partner ever talked things through. But I mean really talked – honestly and open-heartedly.

No, a healthy conversation isn’t yelling, holding grudges, resenting, and engaging in a blame game. Because I’m sure that’s what you two have been doing.

I am talking about sitting down alone, without the kids or anyone else interfering. I’m talking about being completely sincere and putting all the cards on the table.

Dovete dimenticare l'aggressività passiva, il trattamento del silenzio e altre tecniche tossiche simili. Dovete dire tutto quello che vi passa per la testa prima di chiedere il divorzio.

This might sound strange, but it’s possible that your spouse is not certain about what’s been bothering you all along. Maybe they didn’t listen or didn’t want to hear your complaints at that moment.

So, now you’re on the verge of getting a divorce lawyer without ever really having a decent conversation.

Well, even if you don’t think that your marriage is worth fighting for, wouldn’t it be a pity if you ended things without speaking your mind one last time?

If nothing else, this is the least you owe to each other and to the years you’ve spent together – the least you owe to all those beautiful memories you once shared.

It’s crucial to forget about your egos during this conversation. There is no need to be pathetic either, but don’t hide your emotions from each other because this might be the last chance to express them.

Ask your spouse everything you’ve been wondering about. Clear away all of your doubts and let them answer all the questions that have been bugging you.

Yes, there is a chance that you two will decide to give it another shot after this talk. But, there is also a chance that you’ll stick to the divorce.

Even in that case, I promise you that sometime in the future, when all of this is behind you, you’ll be glad you had one last conversation. You’ll essere felici che nulla sia stato lasciato in sospeso e che abbiate ottenuto la vostra chiusura.

Piano genitoriale

It’s unbelievably difficult to go through a divorce when it’s just the two of you. Well, you can only imagine how painful it is to do it when you have children together.

Let’s get one thing straight: your kids shouldn’t be the only reason why you choose to remain in an unhappy marriage.

Nevertheless, they’re quite a significant factor in this decision and the entire process.

Whether you like it or not, your kids depend on you and your husband or wife. I’m not referring to finances here only – I’m also talking about emotional, psychological, and every other form of dependency.

No matter what’s going on between you two, you’re both their parents. Therefore, they love and want you both in their lives.

Bisogna essere consapevoli che la loro vita cambierà drasticamente dopo il divorzio. Inoltre, c'è la possibilità che questo lasci conseguenze sulla loro salute mentale se non viene fatto correttamente.

First of all, they won’t be living with one of their parents anymore, which is a shock enough.

They’re used to having you both present in their lives 24/7, and now, all of a sudden, they’ll only get to see their mom or dad a few times a week.

Also, there is a possibility that they’ll have to move, depending on which spouse keeps your marital home. That means they’ll have to change their entire surroundings, including their school and friends.

How old are your children? Do you think that they’re mature enough to process what’s going on?
Vedranno questo come la rottura di tutta la loro famiglia e del mondo che conoscono?

Cosa pensate di fare con l'affidamento dei figli? Pensate che voi e il vostro coniuge riuscirete a trovare una via di mezzo e a trovare un accordo che vada bene per i vostri figli?

Or will you have to go through a child custody battle? Will you two have what it takes to go through this painful process the adult way, or will your children’s lives become your battlefield?

Sono tutte domande che bisogna porsi prima di presentare la domanda di divorzio. After all, you’ve got to have a plan – you’re responsible for other human beings who are affected by your decision.

Either way, this will be a traumatic experience for them, and it’s your job to minimize the damage.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not here to judge you for getting a divorce despite having kids – I just want you to take this situation seriously.

L'amore

When you’re younger, you’re convinced that love is enough for two people to succeed together.

You feel butterflies in your belly, the other person makes you laugh, and before you know it, you can’t picture your life without them.

Così si finisce per sposarsi. Prima o poi ci si rende conto che la vita non è tutta arcobaleni e unicorni.

Most importantly: you realize that love is not enough for a sustainable relationship that doesn’t have compromise, respect, fidelity, healthy communication, etc.

I couldn’t agree with you more: you’re an adult who needs other things besides love to be happy and fulfilled.

But let’s not forget one thing: even though it’s not the only thing that matters, love between partners is still crucial and irreplaceable.

So, let your feelings be the next point on your “Should I get a divorce” checklist. No, this doesn’t make you an immature hopeless romantic – it means that you want to take everything into account.

La domanda è: c'è ancora amore tra voi e il vostro coniuge? Vi amate ancora, despite everything bad that’s happened between you two?

L'amore vi unisce

If the answer is yes, will these feelings magically go away the moment you sign those divorce papers? Basically, what I want to know is whether you’re capable of killing those feelings off?

C'è la possibilità di amarli ancora, tra qualche anno, nonostante non stiate più insieme? E vale la pena correre questo rischio? Chi ascolterete, il vostro cuore o la vostra mente?

Disinnamorarsi del proprio coniuge

On the other hand, there are couples whose passion vanished ages ago and couples who are convinced that they don’t love each other anymore.

Well, I’m not here to advise you to stay in a loveless marriage. Remember: love is not enough, but it is crucial.

However, if this is the only reason why you want a divorce, ask yourself whether you’ve done everything to rekindle your love.

Look, just because you are not in love with your partner the way you were at the beginning of your romance doesn’t make you totally indifferent.

Felicità personale

Alla fine della giornata, the most important thing you have to ask yourself is, “Am I happy?”

Potreste vivere in una villa, con tutte le finanze a posto e un coniuge che vi porta la colazione a letto ogni mattina.

Potreste avere un matrimonio apparentemente perfetto e non avere assolutamente nulla di cui lamentarvi.

But at the same time, you could be unhappy. Maybe you’ve concluded that getting married was a mistake in the first place.

Maybe you feel trapped in your relationship. Perhaps you can’t stand looking at your spouse anymore, for no specific reason.

All of this might make you feel unhappy. You can’t really explain why, but you know that you don’t want to remain married to your significant other.

E questo va benissimo. Non c'è nulla di cui sentirsi in colpa. It’s better to be honest than to keep on sleeping next to someone who makes you miserable.

If this is not a phase, and you’ve been feeling like this for a while now, be selfish enough to put your satisfaction first. Go in your pursuit of happiness!

Vita sentimentale dopo il divorzio

The next thing on your “Should I get a divorce” checklist is your love life afterward. Will you stay single? Or do you plan on remarrying?

Naturalmente non si può mai prevedere il proprio futuro, ma si possono esaminare entrambe le opzioni.

Vita singola

When you’ve been in a relationship and married for most of your adult life, it’s natural that you’re scared of being single.

Anche se il vostro matrimonio era un disastro, almeno sapevate di avere sempre qualcuno su cui contare.

Sapevate chi chiamare per primo in caso di emergenza, avevate qualcuno con cui condividere le responsabilità e le faccende domestiche e avevate il vostro "plus" in occasione di eventi importanti.

Each of these things might seem irrelevant at this moment in time but trust me – once you lose them for good, you’ll sense their absence.

But this is not me telling you that you can’t make it on your own. On the contrary, this is just me preparing you for what’s coming next, so you can be strong enough to endure all those hardships.

I won’t lie to you: it will take you some time to get used to this new situation. However, I promise you that you will make it and that you will la tua vita da single.

Rientrare nel mondo degli appuntamenti

The Earth won’t stop spinning once you sign those papers, as much as it seems that way now.

Anche se al momento vi sembrerà una missione impossibile, riuscirete a innamorarsi di nuovo prima o poi.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not here to force you to jump into a new relationship the moment you part ways with your significant other.

Tuttavia, I’m asking you: how do you picture your potential relationship after a divorce? Would you only agree to be with a divorcee who’s been through the same experience as you?

Quando vi vedete mentalmente pronti per questo passo? Come pensate che il vostro nuovo partner si inserisca nella vostra vita?

How will your love life impact your kids, if you have any? Are you open to the possibility of having more children, or do you think you’re done?

Situazione finanziaria

Costo del divorzio

Wouldn’t it be great if you could just make a decision about the divorce? One of you packs your bags, leaves your house, and that’s it?

Allora si tratterebbe di una relazione. La separazione legale richiede procedure costose.

In the best-case scenario, you’ll just pay the legal fees. However, this is only possible if you have no real estate or share child custody.

Se riuscite ad accordarvi su questioni importanti, a firmare un accordo di divorzio non contestato e ad assumere un mediatore di divorzio, vi costerà molto meno che pagare due avvocati divorzisti.

Naturalmente, quest'ultima opzione è la più costosa, soprattutto se si arriva a una battaglia in tribunale.

La vita dopo il divorzio

Tuttavia, il pagamento delle procedure di divorzio dovrebbe essere l'ultima delle vostre preoccupazioni finanziarie. Innanzitutto, potete permettervi di dividere a metà tutti i vostri beni immobili e i vostri soldi in banca?

Se avete una casa insieme, potete permettervi di occuparvi di tutte le spese se è stata la vostra ex moglie o marito ad andarsene?

On the other hand, can you afford to rent a new apartment, if you don’t have personal property?
Avete firmato un accordo prematrimoniale e a quali condizioni? Avete conti pensionistici comuni?

What about your health insurance policy and tax returns? Is your life insurance policy in your spouse’s name? Do you have a savings account only in your name?

Staying married for the money is one of the stupidest choices you can make, but regardless, you have to ask yourself whether you’re financially independent enough to walk away from your spouse.

If the answer is “no,” start getting ready! Per cominciare, aprite un conto di risparmio e iniziate a costruire un futuro per voi stessi.

This is especially important if you’re a stay at home parent with no or poor work experience or education.
You need to acquire a certain skill and get a job as soon as possible if you don’t want to end up on the streets.

Inoltre, procuratevi almeno una carta di credito (e monitorate regolarmente il vostro rapporto di credito) solo a vostro nome per aiutarvi a cavarvela all'inizio!

Don’t forget about child support, alimony, and possibly social security benefits, which will also impact your financial situation.

Se tutto questo è troppo complesso per voi, affidatevi a un avvocato specializzato in diritto di famiglia che vi dia una consulenza legale.

Sostegno da parte di altri

No matter what, I know that you’re a self-sufficient person, even though you might not think that of yourself right now.

Significa che potete affrontare il vostro processo di divorzio da soli, indipendentemente dalle circostanze.

Tuttavia, sarebbe bello avere un po' di sostegno all'inizio. Avere almeno una persona su cui poter contare nel primo periodo post-divorzio è più che sufficiente.

Supporto emotivo

I’ll be honest with you: it won’t be easy. First and foremost, you’ll go through a grieving process.

I don’t care if you’re the one who initiated the divorce or who fell out of love with your spouse – parting ways with someone you planned on spending the rest of your life with is difficult as hell.

There will be a lot of sleepless nights you’ll spend wondering if you made the right choice. Even if you ended up despising your husband or wife, there will also be moments when you’ll miss their presence.

Even if you were dying to get out of your toxic relationship, there will be times when you’ll miss being married. Surprisingly but true, sometimes you’ll even miss having someone to argue with.

Well, this is when you’ll need your loved ones’ emotional support.

You’ll need your best friend or a sibling you can call in the middle of the night, just to hear you out and to tell you that everything will be alright.

Sostegno finanziario

You may need some financial support as well. Don’t worry – accepting some help from those closest to you, in the beginning, isn’t the same as begging.

It doesn’t make you incompetent – it just means that you’ve found yourself in a new situation and that you could use a hand. Nevertheless, please don’t rely on this money you get – you’ll still need a steady income.

Servizi di babysitting

Your children are your and your spouse’s responsibility. However, if they live with you, you’ll need someone on hand for them.

After all, you’re used to sharing errands and chores around the house. Now, all of a sudden, most of the responsibilities have fallen to you.

So, if your parents offer to take care of the kids while you take some time off or to get them from school, thank them and accept their help. This doesn’t make you a bad parent.

Salvare il matrimonio

The final point on your “Should I get a divorce” checklist should be the question: “Can my il matrimonio sia salvato?”
C'è ancora qualcosa da fare? C'è speranza? Un raggio di luce che attraversa le tenebre?

Look, you shouldn’t try gluing back together a matrimonio infranto beyond repair. If you do that, you’ll just make things better temporarily.

Sooner or later, your marital problems will arise, and you and your spouse will end up divorcing one way or another. Or you’ll grow old in a toxic marriage – and you don’t know which one is worse.

However, I’m begging you not to take this decision impulsively. Don’t choose to get a divorce just because you’re angry or because you two are dealing with an issue that can be resolved.

Don’t give up on your marriage without a proper fight. Instead, put all of your efforts into trying to bring it back to life.

I’m not saying that you’ll succeed in fixing your marriage. But at least you’ll always know you did your best.

Fidatevi di me: you don’t want to catch yourself years from now, thinking that you could have and should have done more.

On top of everything else you’ll be dealing with, you don’t want to struggle with all the what ifs.

It’s okay for you to leave only when you are positive that your marriage is doomed to fail. Only then the guilt won’t eat you alive, and you’ll be able to move on and heal in a healthy way.

Quando devo divorziare

Have you gone through all the points on the “Should I get a divorce” checklist, but you’re still not sure what to do?

Don’t worry because I’ve got you covered with these surefire segnali che indicano la fine del matrimonio è la cosa da fare.

Get a divorce if…

Il perdono non è un'opzione

No one is perfect, so it’s no surprise that your spouse did something to hurt your feelings.

I won’t lie to you: even if you two work things out, there will always be times where they’ll do you harm, sometimes without even being aware of it.

However, there are some situations where you simply can’t forgive them, as hard as you try.

It doesn’t matter whether you were involved with a narcissist, if they were unfaithful, ha infranto la tua fiducia, abandoned you when you needed them the most, or didn’t meet your expectations.

The point is that YOU feel like you can’t forget what they’ve done. Deep down, you know that this event will forever remain a barrier between you two.

In that case, you have no other option but to file for a divorce. After all, you shouldn’t spend the rest of your life with someone you feel so much resentment for.

Please, don’t feel guilty for doing so. You listened to your gut and did the right thing!

You’re ready to be self-sufficient

Potete essere indipendente and married, but you can’t be codependent and divorced.

I’m sure you see my point: nobody is telling you to get a divorce just because you can make it on your own. But on the other hand, you MUST be self-sufficient to get a divorce.

Indipendenza finanziaria

I know this sounds pretty harsh, but it is how things are, whether you like it or not. From now on, you’ll have your own household that you need to support.

If the kids are staying with you, you’ll be getting child support. If you don’t have a job and your ex-spouse is financially stable, the court will probably order them to give you spousal support as well.

Tuttavia, gli alimenti o qualsiasi tipo di sostegno finanziario non sono qualcosa su cui fare affidamento. Dovete essere finanziariamente indipendenti per fare questo grande passo.

Quindi, esaminate i vostri documenti finanziari e i rapporti di credito e vedete a che punto siete!

Indipendenza emotiva

Another form of self-sufficiency you have to acquire is an emotional one. Forget about turning to the other side of the bed, waiting for a hug whenever you’re feeling miserable at night.

Dimenticatevi di chiamare il vostro ex marito o moglie ogni volta che avete bisogno di qualcuno che ascolti i vostri problemi e sia la vostra spalla su cui piangere.

The harsh truth is that you’re not only losing a husband or a wife, you’re also losing a friend and a family member.

If you’re ready to be self-sufficient in all of these ways – you’re good to go. If not, maybe you should work on your independence first before you leave your marriage.

There is no “we”

Being married means being a part of a union. One of the reasons you say “I do” is not to go through life alone anymore and to be a part of a two-person team.

Well, one of the signs that it’s time to file for a divorce is that there is no more “we” in your marriage. If you’ve experienced something similar, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.

When this happens, you feel like you’re da solo in una relazione. You can’t rely on your partner, they don’t give you any emotional support, and you don’t see them as your plus one.

Prendono tutte le decisioni della loro vita senza coinvolgervi e voi finite per sentirvi il loro coinquilino invece che il loro coniuge.

Se avete dei figli, vi sentite come un genitore single. Il vostro coniuge non partecipa alla loro educazione e non dà loro abbastanza attenzione.

Of course, this can change in some cases – it’s just necessary for both of you to put in some extra effort. The first step is to talk things through with your loved one and tell them that this is bothering you.

If you’re both interested in bettering your marriage, you’ll both change, and you’ll become an item once again. However, if the other party doesn’t mind living like this, you have no other choice but to pack your bags.

It turns out that you’re pretty much alone either way, so why shouldn’t you be officially single?

You’ll be happier alone

It has already been established that your happiness has to come first. Of course, this doesn’t apply to the situation where you have kids because you’re responsible for their well being.

However, even then, they’re more likely to have a better quality of life next to two satisfied parents who live apart than to grow up in a toxic environment next to two unhappy caregivers.

At the end of the day, if you think that you’ll be più felici da soli di quanto non lo siate con il vostro partner, non c'è molto da dire al riguardo. Tutto è chiaro: la vita da single è la vostra ricerca della felicità.

Once again, I’m not talking about a phase here. We all have times when we feel miserable and see our life as an utter disaster.

I’m talking about when you know for sure that you’re better off without this person. In questo caso, lasciare il matrimonio significa uscire dalla propria zona di comfort.

Tuttavia, fare un salto nell'ignoto vi offre almeno la possibilità di essere felici. D'altra parte, se si rimane sposati, ci si priva per sempre di questa possibilità.

Non c'è più amore

It’s one thing if la scintilla è svanita tra voi e il vostro partner. Molti non lo ammetteranno mai, ma quasi tutte le coppie entrano in una fase in cui la passione non si trova più.

Questa situazione lascia la possibilità di recuperare. Dovete lavorare sul vostro legame e fare del vostro meglio per migliorare la vostra relazione.

Tuttavia, if you have no doubt that you’ve stopped loving your partner and that your love cannot be revived, you shouldn’t force yourself into spending the rest of your life next to that person.

This goes both ways – if you see that they’ve become indifferent, you shouldn’t implorare il loro amore.
Punirsi con una vita senza amore è una condanna a morte, soprattutto se uno dei due prova dei sentimenti per qualcun altro.

Your marriage can’t be saved

You’ve tried the last item on your “Should I get a divorce” checklist – you did your best to revive your marriage.

You’ve gone to marriage counseling, you and your spouse had multiple mature conversations, and you put effort into changing some things about your relationship.

Ma despite all of your attempts, now you see that your marriage cannot be saved. You gave your best and more, but your efforts weren’t fruitful.

So, what do you do? Well, you ask for a divorce because you’re left with no other option.

You’re psychologically prepared for the divorce

Finally, you should only get a divorce when you’re mentally prepared for it. Non si tratta di una decisione impulsiva, ma di una decisione che richiede molta attenzione. sovrappensiero.

That’s exactly what you’ve done: you thought things through more than once, you’ve put all the ups and downs on a scale, and you accepted the fact that parting ways is the only reasonable solution.

Essere pronti per il divorzio significa molto di più che trovare un lavoro stabile, trovare una casa e organizzare la propria vita in modo da poterla gestire da soli.

Significa essere preparati anche mentalmente.

It means that you’ve come to terms with the idea that you’re losing someone you thought was the love of your life and that you understand that this is the end, not a cry for attention or a warning for them to change.

It means that you know that you’ll be going through a rough patch and that you’re strong enough to handle all the emotions that will appear, but that you won’t allow them to shake your decision.

Moreover, being ready to get a divorce means that you have no second thoughts about your decision. You’re convinced this is the only right thing to do, and you plan on sticking to it forever.

Inoltre, significa essere abbastanza maturi da capire che queste cose accadono, invece di vedere il divorzio come una sconfitta personale.

Vedi anche: 15 idee per feste di divorzio per dare forza e prepararsi alla nuova vita

6 Dos and Don’ts Of Post-Divorce Etiquette

Your journey isn’t over once you decide to get a divorce. Instead, it only begins now for real, even though you’ve made a huge step.

Ecco alcuni suggerimenti e trucchi per aiutarvi a sopravvivere al periodo post-divorzio nel modo più semplice possibile.

Datevi il tempo di elaborare il lutto

Divorziare significa perdere probabilmente la persona più importante della propria vita. Sì, they’re alive, but you’re still processing a loss.

Therefore, there is nothing shameful in grieving it. Sadly, some people simply don’t take the time to allow themselves to contemplate their sadness.

I’m not advising you to drown in it, but you need to give yourself time to grieve.

I know that you’re up to your neck in paperwork, you’re overly worried about the kids and the finances, and you’re trying to get used to your new life rhythm – especially in the first year after the divorce.

A causa di tutto ciò, non avete energie per pensare a ciò che vi è successo. Lasciate la gestione delle vostre emozioni per un secondo momento, perché ora avete cose migliori da fare.

So, what happens when that “later” arrives? Well, your deeply rooted traumas appear on the surface and, in most cases, cause serious damage to your mental health.

That’s why I’m begging you not to bury things under the carpet. Face your demons as it’s the only way to chase them away permanently.

Lasciare andare il risentimento

Obviously, you had some rough times in your marriage – otherwise, your “Should I get a divorce” checklist wouldn’t have been completed.

However, you’re out of your relationship, and there is absolutely no point in going back to it in your head.
Easier said than done, I know. But you do have to let go of the resentment that’s been eating you alive.

It doesn’t matter if you didn’t get the apology you wanted so badly. It’s okay if you can’t forgive il male che il vostro coniuge vi ha causato. Sarà sufficiente lasciare tutto nel passato.

Don’t pretend that your wounds are non-existent, but don’t pick on them constantly, either. Otherwise, they’ll never turn into scars.

Essere maturi

You’re a grown-up who’s been through a serious situation. Well, this is not the time to start acting immaturely.

I’m not saying that you necessarily have to remain friends with your ex. However, talking trash about them on social media or playing giochi mentali tossici non è un'opzione.

Whatever you two do, please don’t be childish. After all, you spent so much time together and shared so many beautiful memories. So please, honor that if you have any respect left for each other.

Don’t allow the divorce to ruin your self-image

Being a divorcee doesn’t make you any less valuable, nor does it decrease your worth on the mercato degli incontri.

I have to warn you: you’ll run into many people who’ll feel sorry for you once they hear that your marriage has failed.

You’ll have to get used to appearing at events and family gatherings on your own. You’ll meet potential girls or guys who’ll look down on your romantic history.

However, neither of these things should ruin your self-image. In fact, it’s your job not to allow this to happen.

Just because your marriage didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean that you’re not worthy.

It doesn’t mean that you’re non amabile, that you’ll never find happiness, or that you’re not good enough for someone to grow old with you.

Don’t let the kids suffer

This one is probably the most significant: whatever happened between you and your spouse, the kids shouldn’t suffer the consequences of your actions or decisions.

Let’s be honest: they’ll suffer enough that their family broke apart in a way, so there is no need for you and your ex-wife or husband to make things even more difficult.

Whether you like it or not, if you have kids with someone, you two will be connected in a way for the rest of your lives. You’re still co-genitorinonostante non sia più sposato.

So, please, be civilized about it. Make sure your kids’ benefits always come first.

Don’t talk trash about each other and don’t compete for their attention. Instead, be united in raising your children, even if you couldn’t work as a team in other segments of your lives.

Don’t repeat your mistakes

Finally, learn from your marriage and divorce. This is not a curse – it’s a valuable and una lezione difficile per non ripetere gli errori.

Dopo un po' di tempo, provate ad analizzare il vostro matrimonio da spettatori. Cercate di capire cosa è andato storto con il vostro ex marito o moglie e assicuratevi che non accada mai nulla di simile nelle vostre relazioni future.

Pensieri finali

The “Should I get a divorce” checklist is not here to tell you what to do with your life. Instead, its job is to help you and to direct you towards the right decision.

It should help you weigh all the pros and cons of your marriage. To help you see whether it’s worth saving or if it’s safe to give up on it.

In realtà, questo elenco è un'analisi approfondita del vostro matrimonio. Vi offre la possibilità di sviscerarlo da un punto di vista diverso per poter fare la scelta giusta.

Qualunque cosa tu faccia, spero che tu prenda la decisione migliore per tutta la tua famiglia. Buona fortuna!