Una lettera all'uomo che mi ha fatto sentire come se fossi io quella non amabile

In questo mondo, tutto ciò che ho sempre voluto è stato amare ed essere amata. Sono una ragazza testarda e ho sempre saputo di poter fare qualcosa una volta che mi ci fossi messa d'impegno.

Tutto ciò che ho ottenuto nella vita me lo sono guadagnato con i miei sforzi e la mia dedizione. Nulla mi è mai stato servito su un piatto d'argento.

Credo che questo sia uno dei motivi principali per cui Ho lottato così tanto per te. Because life showed me that I can’t get anything I want that easily and that I have to walk a mile longer than anyone else does for it, so I figured I’d have to do the same in love too.

You were everything I ever looked for or could possibly ask for and once you were in my life, I knew I couldn’t let you go.

I told myself it wasn’t gonna be easy, but I believed that it would be worth it in the end. But what I thought would be worth it actually cost me way too much.

Sono sempre stata una combattente. Non mi sono mai accontentato di ottenere ciò che pensavo di meritare.

And I knew that here and there I’d have to receive a few punches along my life’s road, but what you gave me wasn’t just a punch, it was a knockout I barely recovered from.

Mi hai trattato in modo miserabile e io l'ho permesso. Hai demolito completamente la mia fiducia, l'hai schiacciata sulla faccia della terra.

Now that I look back, I can’t believe I’d ever let that happen to me. I was one of those who knew her worth. But somewhere down the road, I obviously forgot that.

Quello che mi colpisce di più è che niente di quello che ho fatto è stato abbastanza buono per te.

You kept comparing me to others and you kept asking me why I couldn’t be like them. My efforts were useless, my battles were meaningless to you.

But you’re one hell of an actor, you know? You convinced me that there wasn’t anything about me to be love, that I only had bad sides and how I was this person who was extremely hard to love.

Mi hai fatto sentire come se non fossi amabile e che avrei dovuto essere fortunata ad avere qualcuno come te che mi amava.

Mi ci è voluto un po' per capire che it wasn’t me who was unlovableeri tu. E poiché eri così com'eri, avevi bisogno di mettermi costantemente a terra per farmi stare accanto a te.

You needed me to see you as this God-given creature and how I was blessed to have you next to me. But you weren’t a blessing, you were a curse.

Perché ti sentivi male con te stesso, hai fatto sentire male anche me. Perché hai lasciato che qualcuno ti convincesse che eri difficile da amare, hai fatto sentire anche me come se non fossi amabile.

Hai permesso a qualcuno di distruggere la tua sicurezza e la tua autostima e poi hai fatto lo stesso con me.

You projected your insecurities onto me because they had convinced you of everything you’d been trying to convince me.

You shouldn’t have done that. You shouldn’t have made it a chain reaction. Regardless of how bad you felt, instead of stopping the chain, you continued it.

Sapevi quanto faceva male eppure eri capace di farlo anche a qualcun altro. Eri capace di fare le stesse cose a me, alla persona che avrebbe fatto qualsiasi cosa per te.

Well, unfortunately for you, I came to my senses. I realized it wasn’t me and that it had nothing to do with me.

Mi ci è voluto un po', ma sapete come si dice: meglio tardi che mai.

I realized I didn’t have to be your punching bag. And that I shouldn’t let you treat me bad just because you felt bad about yourself. I wasn’t gonna let you break me just because I loved you.

I wasn’t gonna let you turn me into a doormat that anyone could walk over, just so you’d be able to keep your head on the surface.

No woman should ever feel the way you made me feel. No woman should ever feel like she’s the unlovable one, like she’s hard to love or that she only has this one shot in life for love and no matter how bad her love treats her, that she’s supposed to put up with it.

Because if you treat me poorly, it’s not love, it’s poison and I don’t have to settle for it.

I’m a fighter, but I learned that sometimes you need to stop fighting and walk away if what you’re fighting for isn’t worth it.

I bent over backwards to make things work and in the end, it didn’t work out.

Alla fine, invece di sentirmi come se avessi abbandonato una relazione, mi sono sentita come se fossi appena strisciata sotto un edificio demolito da un terremoto. Ma almeno ho avuto modo di essere quello che è riuscito a scappare.

Ho deciso di essere io a fermare la catena, sai. Ho deciso che non avrei fatto le stesse cose che tu hai fatto a me o che sono state fatte a te.

I decided to be strong enough when you couldn’t, I decided to be the man when you couldn’t and I decided not to hurt others just because I was hurt.

I know I’m good enough. Forse mi hai visto come quello non amabile, ma so bene che non posso credere di essere come mi hai visto tu.

The way you painted me is the exact portrait of how you see yourself. I don’t want to do those things to myself.

I don’t want to fight anymore for you. I don’t want to fight for someone who made me feel the way you did, like I’m the unlovable one.

You’re not someone I should give my heart to. You’re someone who would have destroyed me if I’d continued fighting for you, so I stopped.

Telling myself I deserved more wasn’t selfish. It was the best thing I could do. It was what I needed in order to keep myself on the surface.

My conscience is clear. What you did to me doesn’t have to define me. But it will definitely serve as a hard-learned lesson in life that sometimes I need to fight for myself as hard as I do for others.