Mi dispiace se i miei pensieri eccessivi mi rendono difficile da amare

I non sono come le altre ragazze. I can’t relax because il mio sovrappensiero mi rende così dannatamente difficile farlo. Quando mi chiamerai e mi dirai che mi ami, penserò troppo al perché l'hai fatto senza motivo.

Mi preoccupo delle piccole cose. I will constantly overanalyze everything you say. I won’t trust you because I will always be on alert that you might cheat on me. I will try to find the hidden meaning behind every sentence that you say.

So di non essere facile da amare. I know it is hard for you to love someone like me. I am sorry if my overthinking makes me difficult to love. I am not doing that on purpose. It is the way I am, and I can’t change. And only God knows how much I would love to.

Sono così perché sono terrorizzato dalle cose brutte che potrebbero accadere in futuro. I do all of this because I want to be ready for them. I don’t want you to cheat on me and that I missed seeing all the red flags.

Voglio stare attenta quando si tratta di amore perché sono stata ferita tante volte in passato.. And I don’t want to go through another breakup while my world is falling apart.

That’s why I will go through every situation that we had or we will have with enormous attention. And I know that I will be more pessimistic even if things are not so bad. I will constantly worry that you will have had enough of me and that you will go with someone else…

Con qualcuno che non sia così dannatamente difficile da amare. With someone who is not as fucked up as I am. And because of all these things, I won’t be able to show you how much I actually love you. I will overanalyze every touch, every kiss, and if it is not like I expected it to be, I will be worried that you will leave.

Every single fight with you will hurt me because I pay attention to the things I shouldn’t. Ogni battuta che farai su di me mi farà pensare che non sono degna o sufficiente per te. E questo sentimento mi mangerà vivo.

Sarò sempre all'erta, pensando che mi accadranno solo cose brutte. Like I don’t deserve anything good to happen to me. And since I will be so preoccupied with all the negativity in my life, I will pass on all those beautiful things that life offers me.

Userò tutto il mio tempo libero per pensare alle cose che sono successe anni fa tra me e te. E desidererò che Avrei potuto essere più forte mentre combattevo con te.

I will make a scenario about the fight we didn’t have just to be prepared for it when it happens.

Don’t think that I am trying to make problems where they don’t exist. In all this mess, I am just trying to protect my heart from being broken again. I just want to prevent getting hurt again.

You see, I want to have control all the time and be prepared for everything because if not, when that happens, I won’t know what to do.

And when something really nice happens to me, I won’t be able to enjoy it because I will preoccupied with thinking that something bad will happen to me.

Crederò che Dio mi punirà per essere così felice. Penserò sempre che se accade qualcosa di buono deve accadere qualcosa di cattivo per creare un equilibrio.

I am sorry if I won’t be able to talk to you all the time. I will sometimes need time to be alone with my thoughts. I know that I won’t come up with anything smart, but it will help me relax.

So, please don’t be harsh on me because there is an inner fight all the time, and it prevents me paying attention to you. I am sorry if my overthinking makes me difficult to love.

Voglio solo che tu sappia che c'è tanto amore dentro di me e che voglio darlo a te. Ho solo bisogno che tu sia paziente, comprensivo e che mi accetti così come sono.

 I don’t want to be worried that you will take advantage of me.

But most of all, I don’t want to be worried that you will you make me transform into someone who is incapable to love again.