Mi piace lui o l'idea di lui? Dare un senso ai propri sentimenti

Feelings are complicated and confusing, even love. Especially love – because it can take many forms. People spend their lives looking for it and when it seems to be within reach, do everything they can to grasp it.

Ma a volte l'immaginazione è più attraente della realtà.

“Do I like him or the idea of him?” is the right question to ask yourself, one that will help you make sense of your feelings. Once you do, you won’t only understand how you feel about him, but you’ll understand yourself and your needs better.

Come si fa a capire se ti piace solo l'idea di qualcuno, if you’re with him only per soddisfare le vostre esigenze o se ti piace davvero? Ecco i segnali sicuri che vi indicheranno la giusta direzione.

“Do I Like Him Or The Idea Of Him?” Imagination Vs. Love

If you’re asking yourself, “Do I like him or the idea of him,” it’s safe to say that you’re having doubts about how you feel. Your feelings might be genuine, but also projection, fantasy or wishful thinking.

Essere aperti a qualsiasi risposta si possa trovare vi aiuterà a capire qualcosa di più di quello che provate per una persona. Sviluppare la consapevolezza di sé permette di avere una relazione sana con una persona a cui tenete veramente e con cui vi vedete in futuro.

Infatuazione vs. amore

L'infatuazione è una combinazione di a strong attraction to someone you don’t know well and fantasy about what this person is like. It’s very common and happens to most people at some point in their lives.

You meet a new guy you’re physically attracted to, and your hormones go haywire. You don’t know what he’s like, so proiettate su di lui i vostri desideri e costruite una fantasia nella vostra immaginazione.

These feelings can be so intense that it’s not rare that people who have just entered a new relationship believe that they’re in love.

But until you actually know the guy you’re dating, i vostri sentimenti si basano su chi vorreste che fosse e non su chi è realmente.

Man mano che lo si conosce, L'infatuazione può trasformarsi in un sentimento reale o, più spesso, spegnersi. By the time the rush of the honeymoon phase wears off, you either get to know him for real and realize you like the way he truly is, or he doesn’t live up to the fantasy.

Segni che ti piace solo l'idea di lui

Sometimes, love is all in your head. Here are the telltale signs of infatuation, telling you that what you’re experiencing isn’t un vero amore, ma una cotta.

• You think about him all the time. Your thoughts are focused on how perfect and dreamy he is.

• You make up imaginary situations about him and yourself in which things go exactly how you want them to.

• Your life revolves around him; you can connect everything you see or do to him.

• You feel obsessed with him.

• You feel like he’s your perfect match or that he was made for you.

• You feel a strong physical attraction to him.

• You have feelings for him even though you haven’t had many meaningful interactions or experiences with each other.

• You don’t actually know him as a person.

• You only know surface-level things about him.

• You haven’t had many or any deep conversations.

• You ignore things about him that don’t align with your fantasies, including any red flags you should be wary of.

• You reject any sign of incompatibility between you.

• You make assumptions about his feelings.

• You want to impress him.

• You over-analyze your interactions with him.

• You look for confirmation of your beliefs about him in his behavior.

• You’re disappointed if he doesn’t act as you expect him to.

La vostra relazione può ancora funzionare?

I segnali elencati sopra possono sembrare piuttosto intensi, ma it’s not necessary to experience each one to know that you’re infatuated.

For example, you might over-analyze your interactions without believing he’s your ideal partner. Things aren’t always clear-cut; sometimes, it’s just about being unsure.

The answer to the question “Do I like him or the idea of him?” lies in whether or not you want to get to know him for real.

Infatuation isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can turn into something more if you’re ready to get to know him and accept the real person instead of the idealized image you created in your mind.

If you’re not open to knowing and accepting him for who he really is, you should consider that as an important sign that you should probably move on. If you’re willing to give him a chance, lasciarsi andare della fantasia e accettare la realtà dovrebbe essere il primo passo.

Conoscere qualcuno è fondamentale per sviluppare l'intimità, e l'intimità è la base dell'amore.

“Do I Like Him Or Just The Attention?” Needs Vs. Love

La sensazione di appagamento derivante dal soddisfacimento del proprio bisogno di compagnia, attenzione, affetto o convalida può essere facilmente confusa con l'amore. Potreste pensare che qualcuno vi piaccia o vi ami perché serve a soddisfare i vostri bisogni.

Una relazione basata sul soddisfacimento dei propri bisogni può funzionare, ma non può mai essere paragonata a una vera relazione d'amore. Si può anche finire per ferire l'altra persona. because he might feel used even if you don’t intentionally set out to use him.

Attenzione vs. interesse

Le persone desiderano attenzioni e legami con gli altri. Quando piaci a un ragazzo e gli dai attenzione, it’s easy to confuse your positive reaction with interest.

A way to test whether it’s just the attention you like is to imagine a situation where you want to do something and invite him to come along. When he accepts, are you pleased because you have someone to do it with or because you’re doing it con lui?

Quando lo inviti ad uscire, saresti altrettanto felice di uscire con il tuo migliore amico if he’s not available, or were you really looking forward to hanging out con lui? Is he not only the first person you call but the only one because it’s him in particular you want to see?

Sometimes just knowing that he’ll be available if you reach out is enough to make you think that you like him, but potrebbe non avere nulla a che fare con lui come persona.

When you like a guy, he’s not interchangeable with someone else and can’t be replaced if unavailable. If you’re interested in him, you can see yourself in a real relationship with him and picture him in your future.

Segni che vi piace l'attenzione

Here are the signs that you’re only responding to his attention and don’t really care about what this man wants and feels.

• You communicate with him and meet with him only on your terms. You send him testi sexy quando si vuole rimorchiare e chiedere attenzione quando ci si sente soli.

• You don’t get particularly excited when you hear from him.

• You don’t know him on a deep level and don’t care to find out.

• You don’t feel the need to open up to him and show him what’s inside you.

• You only like superficial things about him.

• Your relationship isn’t moving forward, and you’re okay with it.

• You don’t include him in your future plans.

• You don’t see a future with him.

• You’re with him because you feel comfortable.

• You don’t hesitate to ditch him when something better comes along.

• You have dating apps installed and still browse them.

• You only contact him when you’re lonely or bored.

• You like what he does for you more than you like him.

• You get annoyed when he wants to hang out if you’re not in the mood.

• You ignore him if you have something more fun to do.

• His behavior, il suo linguaggio del corpo e le sue parole dimostrano che gli piaci più di quanto lui piaccia a te.

• You’re emotionally unavailable.

Dovreste porre fine a questa relazione?

Tutti i tipi di relazioni possono funzionare se tutte le persone coinvolte sono sulla stessa lunghezza d'onda.

If you’re with him just because he’s convenient, comfortable or useful, but he wants a serious relationship with a future, it’s unfair to him. His feelings will end up getting hurt, but yours won’t be spared either. You’ll never be happy in this relationship.

Relationships you enter just to have someone’s attention can last for a long period of time. It might be enough for a while, but you’ll never feel the need to take it to the next level.

Staying in a relationship just because you’re comfortable means you would leave it if someone better came along.

Most people don’t get into a relationship with the intention of stringing the other person along. You might not even be aware that your relationship is unbalanced. Still, if you’re wondering about it, you’re probably aware of it.

Unless you’re consciously using him, it’s reasonable to assume that you don’t want to hurt his feelings. So how can you achieve that?

• If your relationship is new

If your relationship is new and you’re simply enjoying the attention, you can let him know that you’re not interested in anything serious.

When he knows where he stands, he’ll have a choice to guard his feelings and decide how much of himself he wants to invest in a relationship without a future.

Il vero pericolo è falsa speranza e inutile perseveranza, as many men believe their feelings will eventually be returned if they don’t give up. It’s up to you to decide how to handle it if this is how he reacts.

• If you’ve been together for a while

If you’ve been together for a while, you should deal with this issue as soon as possible. Più a lungo la tirate per le lunghe, più i suoi sentimenti saranno feriti. Sarebbe meglio avere una conversazione onesta con il vostro attuale partner.

Don’t try to distance yourself, don’t choose the option that’s the most painless for you and don’t try to avoid a confrontation. In a kind and warm way, ditegli quello che provate in modo aperto e sincero. Ditegli della vostra confusione e della mancanza di intenzione di fargli del male.

If your relationship ends, don’t ask him for attention again by trying to stay friends. Give him time to get over you.

Come faccio a sapere se mi piace davvero?

Il desiderio di amare e di essere amati può causare confusione e incertezza. Comprendere i propri sentimenti e capire se qualcuno ci piace davvero può essere una sfida.

Everyone feels love in their own way, and it doesn’t always look the same. This is why it can be challenging to be sure of your feelings of love, but it’s not as difficult to figure out if you like someone.

Forse non è ancora vero amore, ma l'interesse genuino per una persona è il punto di partenza.

Simpatia vs. attenzione vs. infatuazione

Some signs seem to overlap between all three, but it won’t be difficult to separate liking someone from the other options when you guardare ai propri sentimenti nel loro insieme.

Il modo più semplice per riflettere su come ci si sente è porsi le domande che seguono. Rispondendo onestamente, si dovrebbe giungere a una conclusione.

1. Siete curiosi di conoscerlo?

Volete conoscerlo così com'è, con i pregi e i difetti? Siete curiosi di conoscere le piccole cose e quelle che lui considera importanti?

Do you want to know what he’s really like and what he really likes? What about his favorite color and zodiac sign, or his dreams and hopes?

Curiosità e volontà di conoscere qualcuno separare l'interesse dall'infatuazione. Volete scoprire chi è veramente, piuttosto che rimanere bloccati dalla vostra fantasia. Inoltre dimostra che ci tenete e che il vostro interesse per lui va oltre le attenzioni che ricevete da lui.

Conoscere qualcuno significa amare qualcuno, the saying goes, and it’s true. Love develops from intimità e connessioneE tutto inizia con la conoscenza e l'accettazione di un'altra persona.

You’ll know that you like him if you want to know him.

2. Volete condividere le cose con lui?

Volete condividere con lui i piccoli dettagli della vostra giornata e le cose importanti? Il bisogno di parlargli di voi è uno dei segni più evidenti del fatto che vi piace e va di pari passo con la vostra curiosità nei suoi confronti.

Se volete conoscerlo e volete che lui vi conosca, il vostro interesse è evidente. You don’t see him as just a fantasy and that you’re not trying to impress him by pretending you’re someone you’re not.

Opening up and telling him the things you usually don’t tell people, sending him testi del buongiorno o cercare di tenersi in contatto il più possibile sono alcune modi per entrare in contatto con lui.

L'interesse genuino precede il legame genuino, che si costruisce attraverso la condivisione e l'apertura. Il vostro desiderio di conoscerlo e che lui vi conosca è un chiaro segno che volete legare con lui.

3. Cosa vi piace e cosa non vi piace di lui?

If you’re interested in a guy, thinking of everything you like about him won’t be a problem.

List everything that comes to mind: his traits, his appearance, his behavior – anything that comes to mind. If you like him a lot, the list might end up being longer than you anticipated.

Pensate poi a ciò che non vi piace di lui. L'elenco potrebbe essere più breve, ma nessuno è perfetto, and there’s probably at least one thing you’re not crazy about.

Lo scopo di queste domande è di carefully think about what he’s like and how you feel about him. If you only like your idea of him, you won’t be able to know for sure what you like because you don’t really know him.

It will be even more difficult coming up with something you dislike if it’s all just a fantasy. And if the list of negatives is longer than the list of positives, that also says a lot.

4. Come vi fa sentire?

Una delle domande che dovreste porvi è, do you feel good when you’re around him?

This doesn’t mean that he has to go out of his way to make you feel good, that he always has to be in a good mood or show you his feelings by making la prima mossa.

Il motivo per cui dovreste pensarci è quello di esplorare i vostri sentimenti riguardo alla presenza di lui. Le sue vibrazioni vi fanno sentire bene o è tutto nella vostra testa?

Spending time together makes you feel better about yourself when you like someone. Enjoying his company is a sign that you’re interested in him, but also that you’re developing positive feelings for him.

5. Lo volete nella vostra vita?

Vi sentite deluse quando vi chiede di uscire e voi avete già degli impegni? Riorganizzereste i vostri impegni per trovare il tempo per lui? Siete felici di includerlo nella vostra vita anche se dovete cambiare qualcosa?

We make time for the people and things that matter to us, and doing it doesn’t feel like a sacrifice. If you want to include him in your life and you’re happy to do so, you can be sure that you feel something for him.

When you like someone just for the attention he gives you, you won’t go out of your way to accommodate him. When it’s infatuation, you’ll only welcome him on your own terms.

Making someone a priority isn’t a problem when you really like him. Moreover, it’s easy because you want him around.

Segni che ti piace davvero

People express feelings in their own ways. If you’re the kind of person who has difficulty being affectionate, fare cose carine per il proprio ragazzo potrebbe non essere il modo in cui decidete di fargli sapere che vi piace.

Allo stesso modo, all of us experience feelings differently, so it’s important to try to understand how you feel. I seguenti segnali che indicano che vi piace saranno molto più evidenti se penserete al loro significato per voi.

• You want to know everything about him and enjoy having deep conversations with him.

• You want him to know everything about you and accept you as you are.

• You embrace his qualities and his flaws.

• You notice everything about him: something he mentions in passing, his mannerisms, his habits.

• You miss him when he’s not around.

• You’re different with him than with other people.

• You get excited when you hear from him.

• You have no problem changing your plans to be with him.

• You want to spend a lot of time together.

• You want to show him that you care.

• You feel compassion and understanding for him.

RELATIVO: Fatti sulle cotte: Tutto quello che avete sempre voluto sapere

Il bilancio

“Do I like him or the idea of him?” is a deeper question than it seems. Answering it helps you figure out how you feel about someone else, but also gives you insight into what you’re looking for.

Interessarsi a qualcuno per una fantasia creata da voi o perché vi dà attenzioni non può mai portare a una relazione sana. L'amore è una cosa meravigliosa che può crescere solo dalla sincerità.

If your feelings aren’t real, you’re cheating yourself out of feeling true love by staying in an unfulfilling relationship. After you know for sure what you’re feeling, dovete concentrarvi prima di tutto sul miglioramento del rapporto con voi stessi, poi cercate una persona che vi piaccia per quello che è.

RELATIVO: 10 differenze cruciali tra amore e infatuazione