Perché mi manda messaggi ogni giorno se vuole solo amicizia?

When you’re watching a romantic comedy, and the whole plot could be resolved by a single honest conversation, you want to yell, “Just tell him already!” But she never does because that would be too simple.

Guardare da una prospettiva esterna può far sentire chiunque un esperto di relazioni.

Sembra che dire a qualcuno ciò che si vuole che sappia sia facile, ma quando sono in gioco i nostri sentimenti, le cose si complicano.

You’re wondering, “Why does he text me everyday if he only wants friendship?” While you could simply ask him, there’s no guarantee of a straight answer or an instant happy ending like in the movies.

There are other ways to find out, however, and we’re going to take it step by step.

Perché mi manda messaggi ogni giorno se vuole solo amicizia? Hmm…

There isn’t a single clear-cut answer to this because it depends on too many things. Even so, although it’s hard to know for sure, you can get a pretty good idea.

Per capirlo, dovete pensare a tre cose: quello che volete, la vostra attuale relazione con lui e il contenuto e la frequenza dei suoi messaggi di testo.

We’re going to get to the bottom of this with some questions. Luckily, the only person who can answer these is you.

1. C'è interesse per una relazione sentimentale?

• Do you want to date this guy? First of all, figure out if you’re wondering about his intentions just because you’re talking and he seems like a possible option or because you’re actually interested in him.

• Are you both single? If you’re both available, chances of him or you being interested are higher. Pay attention to his words.

• Are either of you in a committed relationship? Presuming he’s interested, being with him would mean either a breakup or cheating.

Sei disposta ad affrontare una rottura per questo ragazzo o sai che lui ha lasciato la sua ragazza per te? Tradireste con lui o prendereste parte ai suoi tradimenti?

• Are you friends? People sometimes define being friends with members of the opposite sex as ‘not dating.’ Is there an actual friendship between you?

Prova per lui la stessa simpatia che prova per gli altri amici?

Friendship gives you warm feelings, but if you don’t have many male friends, it can be easy to confuse those feelings with attraction.

• Do you talk like platonic friends? Does he talk to you about other girls and ask you about dating other guys and doesn’t act weird or jealous about it? Or does he seem investito nella vostra vita sentimentale?

In altre parole, quando un ragazzo vuole sondare la situazione per vedere se ha una possibilità, la conversazione è diversa da quella che si farebbe con gli altri amici.

Answering these questions has probably made things a little clearer. Let’s move on.

2. Qual è la sua attuale relazione?

Ex

If you’re exes who decided to stay friends, is that what you both want?

Può essere molto difficile se una persona è attaccata all'altra quando questa si è allontanata. Rimanere in amicizia può rivelarsi una sfida, per non parlare del fatto che ci si tiene in contatto regolarmente.

• He wants to get back together

Pensate se sembra che voglia davvero essere amico o se sembra che voglia tornare insieme. Since this is someone you know well, you can probably get a good idea from the way he’s texting you.

You can also just ask him why he’s giving you mixed signals by texting you all the time. Having been in a relationship with him, you can probably tell whether he’s being honest.

• You want to get back together

If it’s you who might want to get back together, and he’s not showing interest, don’t let him hurt your feelings and cause another heartbreak.

Rimanere amici subito dopo una rottura può essere quasi impossibile se a una persona piace ancora l'altra. Be on your own side and ask him to stop texting so much. You don’t owe him an explanation.

Gli amici

The situation is most complicated if you’ve been friends for a while.

It’s a precarious situation because a friendship is seemingly at risk – if one friend wants romance, and it isn’t reciprocated, what will happen to the relationship?

• How likely is it for friends to become lovers?

La buona notizia è che relazioni romantiche tra amici è un evento molto comune. Secondo un Studio del 2021 Sulle modalità di incontro tra le persone, circa 68% delle relazioni sentimentali iniziano come amicizie.

If you or your guy friend want to take your relationship to the next level, it’s nothing unusual. You might be wondering, “Why does he text me everyday if he only wants friendship?” but the answer might be that things are starting to change and move in a new direction.

• Are you afraid it isn’t reciprocated?

Innamorarsi di un amico assicura che le basi per una relazione a lungo termine siano già presenti. If you’re worried that you might lose a good friend if he doesn’t feel the same, the chances of that happening are lower than they seem.

Would you drop your best friend if he told you he liked you and you didn’t like him back? You’d only be worried about how he’s taking it, and with time, things would be fine.

Conoscenze recenti

If you’ve only just met, things between you are still undefined.

The way your relationship will develop depends greatly on your circumstances. What’s going on in your lives, and what are you looking for?

• Attracted, but unsure

If he says he’s only interested in friendship, that doesn’t mean he isn’t attracted to you.

Potrebbero esserci altri fattori che hanno influenzato la sua decisione, come la recente fine di una relazione o altri problemi nella sua vita, o semplicemente doesn’t know what he wants.

• Getting to know each other

Your text conversations are a way for you to get to know each other. Think of them as dates, in a sense. You’re evaluating each other to decide where to go.

If you’re talking about meaningful things such as your lives, families, past relationships, it’s a good sign.

He’s showing an interest in getting to know you and condividere cose personali su di sé.

• How did it start?

Cosa spera di ottenere parlando con lui? Siete interessati o vi piace parlare con lui? Un indizio delle intenzioni di entrambi potrebbe essere il modo in cui vi siete conosciuti.

If you met through friends, it isn’t the same as if you met through social media or a dating app. If he swiped right, he’s probably looking for something other than having more female friends.

FWB

If you’re friends with benefits, you should only text each other when you want to meet up. Otherwise, someone might catturare i sentimenti unless it’s already happened.

Indipendentemente dal motivo per cui ti manda messaggi ogni giorno, devi prendere una decisione sulla vostra relazione e parlargli.

• He wants more friendship or more benefits

If a guy you have an FWB arrangement with is texting you every day, it could mean that he’s taking the ‘friends’ part too seriously or that he wants more ‘benefits.’

If he’s after more benefits and you want that, too, let him know it’s fine.

If he really wants to be friends, tell him that you can’t be friends in the same way as you could if you weren’t hooking up. Se l'amicizia è più importante, potete sempre interrompere l'altra parte della vostra relazione.

• He likes you

Potrebbe aver già sentimenti per te e continuare a sostenere che vuole solo essere amico (con benefici, in questo caso).

He’s hiding his feelings either because he thinks you don’t want that or because he’s hoping that the relationship will develop further on its own.

If he has feelings for you, are you OK with that? Do you want a relationship with him, or is it only a ‘no strings attached’ thing? It’s up to you to decide how to proceed here.

3. Di cosa parla il testo?

- Memes/barzellette. He’s either using them to break the ice, or he’s a meme guy.

When a guy texts you only funny stuff, it’s probably safe to say that he’s including you in his list of friends he likes to have fun with.

D'altra parte, potrebbe essere molto impacciato e i suoi messaggi sono l'unico modo in cui sa comunicare con voi.

He’s never going to make the first move, so if you like his memes, give him a huge hint that he might have a chance.

• Practical things. He’s texting to ask for the number of your handyman, to borrow your notes, or to ask when some TV show starts.

If this is all he texts, it could be that he really wants to know, and he’s treating you like his personal Google.

On the other hand, you’re here wondering, “He texts me everyday, what’s going on?” Are his texts a little too much? It’s fair to ask yourself if he’s making excuses just to talk to you.

• Personal stuff. Parlate dei vostri sentimenti?

Ha vogliono sapere tutto di te? Talking about your dreams and your worries shows you’re opening up and developing a connection.

Ti manda lunghi e meditati messaggi di testo in cui condivide cose personali? At the end of the day, by putting effort into getting to know you, he’s showing that he cares.

Se si presta attenzione a tutti i suggerimenti, probabilmente si saprà in che modo esattamente.

• Flirty texts. Ti fa i complimenti o ti prende in giro?

If he’s flirty, he could be interested, or he could just be a huge flirt. There are people who flirt with everyone, so use your judgment to figure out if it’s casual or if it has a purpose.

He might be testing the waters by flirting, so to speak – trying to figure out whether you’re interested.

Se lo siete, ricambiate il flirt!

• Sexting.

“Why does he text me everyday if he only wants friendship,” you ask? It turns out the texts he sends are eggplant emojis and dirty talk.

No wonder you’re confused and looking for relationship advice.

Unless you’re FWB, sexting your friends is kind of weird. Really close friends doing it in a joking way could be funny, but if it’s serious, it’s definitely not a friends-only thing to do.

4. Quanto spesso le manda messaggi?

Ci sono alcuni segnali che indicano che i suoi messaggi hanno una sfumatura romantica. Il momento in cui manda i messaggi, se inizia una conversazione e la velocità con cui risponde sono tutti indizi dei suoi sentimenti.

• Texting just to say hi.

Texting to say good morning or good night is a huge indication of interest. Unless he’s texting all of his contacts – and he isn’t – it mostra che you’re on his mind a lot.

Early or late texts show that he’s thinking about you when he wakes up and before he goes to sleep.

• Texting when he’s busy.

Mandare messaggi a metà giornata dimostra che lui doesn’t forget about you even while he’s busy.

Getting a text from him while he’s hanging out with his friends or when he’s spending time doing something interesting indicates that he thinks about you even when he’s out having fun.

• Texting throughout the day.

Continua la conversazione per tutto il giorno, risponde con commenti carini e invia cose che gli ricordano te? Does he start a conversation, and it doesn’t end even the next day?

When you’re wondering, “Is he playing mind games or mi ama?” the frequency of his texts can give you the answer.

It’s up to you to judge his sincerity. If he’s letting you know that you’re always on his mind – even if he says he only wants to be friends – it shows that there’s something special between you.

• Texting first.

Chi inizia a mandare i messaggi? If it’s always you and you’re unsure about his feelings, try to stop and see if he’ll still try to start a conversation or ghost you. Questo potrebbe darvi un'idea del suo stato d'animo.

If it’s him who usually texts first, he clearly wants to talk to you. Figuring out why will be easy if you take everything we’ve talked about into account.

• Quick replies.

Risponde subito o dopo qualche tempo?

It’s hard to tell how he feels without seeing his face and linguaggio del corpo, ma le risposte rapide significano che ricevere il vostro messaggio lo rende felice ed eccitato. He won’t be able to resist replying quickly, even if he’s trying to keep his cool.

The significance of this also depends on whether he’s someone who always has his phone on him or not.

E voi? Cosa succede la prima volta che don’t reply to his text?

Perché mi manda messaggi ogni giorno?

If you’ve thought about the questions above, you might already have an idea why he’s texting so much. You can look at it as a sort of a create-your-own-answer type of situation.

ESEMPIO 1

Let’s say you’re both single and have been friends for a while. You’ve recently started liking him when he showed you a more thoughtful side of himself.

Ti manda un messaggio ogni sera quando torna a casa dal lavoro e ti parla della sua giornata. A volte ti prende in giro e ti fa ridere.

Why do you think he’s texting?

La risposta più probabile è che he likes you, but he’s trying to hide it.

You both assume that because you’re friends, things developing further are off the table. Still, all you want to do is spend time together, even if it’s only texting.

Try giving him a hint that you like him back, or if you’re feeling brave, make a move outright.

ESEMPIO 2

You met him at a friend’s party and hit it off. You exchanged numbers and have been talking about your interests, experiences, and everything else that comes to mind.

Pensavate di andare d'accordo finché lui non ha detto di essere appena uscito da una relazione e di essere alla ricerca di un amico.

Perché continua a mandare messaggi ogni giorno?

Prendetelo per buono e credetegli quando dice che vuole solo essere amico. Don’t assume something will happen eventually and sit around waiting.

He might be attracted to you, and he might change his mind about dating you at some point, but if he’s said he wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship, credetegli.

La vostra attenzione potrebbe essere per lui una spinta all'ego in questo momento. Se lasciate che i vostri sentimenti prendano il sopravvento, per lui sarebbe solo una relazione di ripiego e voi potreste rimanere ferite.

Decide if you want a friendship with him, and if you do, enjoy his company. If you’re only interested in him in a romantic sense, let him know that you can’t talk to him anymore.

Mettere tutto insieme

Now that you have the tools to figure out what’s going on by yourself, you can apply them to your particular situation.

If you’re asking yourself, “Why does he text me everyday if he only wants friendship?”

La chiave è capire se lui vuole davvero solo amicizia e, in tal caso, o rimanere amici o tagliarlo fuori.

If you determine that he’s only using friendship as a cover for his feelings, let him know if you also want something else.

Fidatevi del vostro intuito e usate il buon senso.

Don’t let wishful thinking cloud your judgment, but also don’t let fear detract you from pursuing a romantic relationship if you think both of you want it.