15 segnali di una relazione profondamente infelice

Quali sono i segnali di una relazione infelice e cosa fare?

When you just start dating or when you’re just at the beginning of a new relationship, everything seems idyllic and almost perfect.

You’re naturally inclined to make an effort, you respect each other’s differences, you enjoy romantic date nights and you pay attention to details.

When you’re having a bad day, you know that your significant other will be there for you because they’re both your best friend and lover in one.

And then, over time, something changes because when you’ve been together for a long time, there are no longer barriers between you and you are who you are in front of each other.

Tuttavia, quando si diventa troppo disinvolti si rischia di bloccato in un solco.

Quando si diventa troppo disinvolti e non ci si impegna più in una relazione sentimentale, si entra nella zona della mancanza di rispetto e di apprezzamento.

La vostra relazione attraversa un momento difficile e una relazione inizialmente felice si trasforma in una relazione malsana.

Beggere una relazione infelice è come annegare lentamente in una palude.

You feel like something’s pulling you down and you’re losing your breath but you’re not quite sure why you feel that way and what the real reason behind it is.

In qualche modo si fraintendono o si perdono tutte le bandiere rossepensando che passerà e che tutto si rimetterà a posto se si dà tempo al tempo.

Or you get convinced that it’s normal to feel this way in a relationship because, over time, long-term relationships change and lose their initial passion and attraction.

Since you don’t want to end up avere il tuo cuore spezzato, you subconsciously decide to suppress any potential red flag and you decide to pretend that you’re happy in front of your friends and family.

Vi rifiutate di riconoscere il fatto che la vostra cosa, un tempo bellissima, si è trasformata in un potenziale relazione tossica.

But that’s exactly what you need to do. The first step to dealing with an unhappy relationship is accepting the fact that you’re in one, that things are not like they used to be and that you deserve to be happy.

If you’re not really sure whether your relationship has reached the zone of chronic unhappiness, here is a list of signs screaming that you’re in a deeply unhappy relationship without even being aware of it!

1. Trascorrete più tempo con gli amici e la famiglia che con il vostro partner.

Il primo e più importante indicatore di una relazione infelice è la quantità di tempo che si trascorre insieme al partner.

If you’ve noticed that you’re spending more time with your friends and family than with your partner, then you know something’s terribly wrong.

Ripensate alle fasi iniziali della vostra relazione e confrontatele con la vostra situazione attuale.

Do you notice that before, you used to spend a great amount of time together because you really enjoyed every second of each other’s company and now you no longer do that because something changed within you?

You no longer see your partner’s company as something enjoyable but more as torment because you’re not relaxed, because you’re constantly fighting with each other or because they are no longer the same man/woman you used to know.

They are no longer that one person who can make you happy and that’s why you no longer feel drawn to them. Instead, you prefer spending time with the people close to you or on your own.

2. Non ci sono conflitti nella relazione

I know what you’re thinking; how in the world can the fact that there are no conflitti in una relazione essere interpretato come qualcosa di negativo?

Isn’t the whole point of a happy relationship to be conflictless and blissful, without any arguments?

Well, I’m sorry to tell you but it’s not. Every healthy relationship consists of conflicts and arguments to a certain extent.

Se le discussioni continue non sono salutari, anche l'assenza di discussioni non lo è in una relazione.

So, if you’ve noticed that you no longer fight over things, it’s a huge red flag that you’re unhappy with the relationship you’re in. Why?

Because by having arguments with your partner, you’re telling them that you’re not okay with something and you’re trying to find a solution for it with mutual efforts because you care.

However, by avoiding any types of arguments, you’re subtly telling each other that you don’t give a shit about what’s happening in the relationship and you don’t care about dealing with it.

This happens when you’re no longer attached to each other and you feel like there’s no point in fighting because you don’t really care about the outcome and all you want is peace, even at the cost of creating a passively-aggressive environment.

3. Le serate non esistono più

Many dating coaches, relationship experts and psychotherapists accentuate the importance of maintaining date nights when you’re in a relationship (regardless of how long you’ve been in one).

E molto spesso, dopo che le cose si sono fatte più disinvolte, i partner si dimenticano semplicemente di alimentare le serate di coppia e di fare ancora uno sforzo per sorprendersi a vicenda.

Or they don’t forget, but they just stop caring about it because they have more important things to do and focus on.

So, if you can’t remember when the last time was that you two had a date night, you can be sure that things are not as they should be.
Le serate di coppia esistono per un motivo.

Vi aiutano a riconnettervi, stimolano la passione e l'intimità e vi fanno sentire speciali (soprattutto se uno di voi due è quello che prende di sorpresa l'altro per un appuntamento serale).

Quando tutto questo non c'è più in una relazione, si perde l'opportunità di diventare un tutt'uno con il partner e di rafforzare la relazione godendo del tempo trascorso insieme. La relazione diventa insensibile e senza vita.

4. You’re constantly criticizing each other

When you just start dating, your tolerance for your partner’s habits and behavior is at a high level but over time, this changes.

When you’ve been together for some time, you become more and more aware of the things that annoy you, and if you can’t help but constantly criticize each other for it, then you know you’re in an unhappy relationship.

It’s one thing to tell your partner that something is bothering you about them from time to time, but constantly being on the lookout for every single inconvenience and bad habit is a sign that the root of the problem is much more important than you thought.

It’s a sign that you’re no longer happy with your partner and that’s why you get so easily irritated by everything they do.

You no longer see them as you used to and you’re subconsciously looking for ways to express your dissatisfaction with the current situation.

By constantly criticizing your partner, you’re basically telling them you don’t approve of them and that no matter what they do, how they behave or what they say to you, you’ll never see them as good enough for you.

You’ll never see them as good enough for you because you lost attraction, appreciation and respect for each other.

5. Mancanza di intimità

Mancanza di intimità è sicuramente uno dei segni principali di ogni relazione infelice.

Essere intimi significa entrare in contatto con l'altro, costruire la fiducia e rafforzare la vostra relazione, quindi se all'improvviso notate una mancanza di intimità, c'è un motivo valido dietro.

If you’re constantly making excuses, like the one where you have a constant headache (if you’re a female) and other excuses if you’re male, to justify why you don’t want to get intimate with your partner, you know that you have a serious problem in the relationship.

Se non accenna mai all'intimità o non mostra alcun segno di desiderarla, sappiate che la vostra relazione si è chiusa e ha cambiato il suo titolo in una relazione infelice.

I motivi per cui ciò accade sono la mancanza di attrazione o di rispetto reciproco, il comportamento passivo-aggressivo, il comportamento di controllo e così via.

Basically, whatever is happening in your relationship on a daily basis reflects on the situation between the sheets and that’s how you know whether you’ve reached a dead-end street or if there’s still hope for you agree to make mutual efforts to make things right again.

Vedi anche: 10 cose che le coppie dovrebbero provare almeno una volta per aumentare la loro intimità

6. Mancanza di gratitudine

Gratitude is one of the most powerful forces in the universe because when you’re being grateful, you attract more positive things into your life.

If you’re showing you’re grateful for everything your partner does for you and vice versa, you’re motivating each other to continue doing so.

However, if there’s a lack of gratitude in the relationship, there is also a lack of happiness.

Quando non si apprezzano più le grandi cose o le piccole cose che si fanno l'uno per l'altro, non si apprezza più l'altro come essere umano o come persona di cui ci si è innamorati.

Dove non c'è gratitudine, non c'è sforzo, perché lo sforzo nasce dalla volontà di apprezzare, notare e accogliere.

And where there is no effort, there is no harmony in the relationship because a relationship can’t survive without effort.

Tutto questo crea un enorme divario tra due persone e può persino distruggere definitivamente una relazione.

7. You’re sentirsi soli nella relazione

A relationship should be a community of two people being in love with each other, and if you’re feeling lonely in the relationship, it means that you’re in an unhappy relationship.

It’s completely normal to feel lonely when there’s a lack of important elements like reciprocity, respect and mutual effort, which create a happy relationship.

That’s the main reason why you all of a sudden feel isolated. You feel lonely because you have no one to listen to you, you don’t feel secure and you feel like your partner doesn’t understand you at all.

E quando questo accade, ci si ritira e si entra in un labirinto di pensieri eccessivi e di sogni a occhi aperti su un posto più bello, ad esempio con un'altra persona che sarà l'esatto opposto del vostro partner.

Per questo motivo, spesso ci si ritrova a entrare in sintonia con gli estranei molto velocemente, solo perché ti ascoltano, ti fanno un complimento, ti fanno sentire al sicuro e sono lì per te.

When you start comparing your relationship with strangers who are just being polite to you, you know that you’ve been unhappy for a long time now.

8. You’re giving each other the silent treatment

The silent treatment is the silent killer of every relationship and it’s one of the biggest indicators of every unhappy relationship.

Giving the silent treatment means ignoring another person’s wishes, desires and thoughts.

La differenza tra una coppia che vive una relazione felice e una che vive una relazione infelice è visibile nel modo in cui si affrontano le discussioni.

Una coppia che vive una relazione felice non si fa mai passare il silenzio, ma si sforza di far funzionare le cose e di trovare una soluzione reciproca a un problema.

A couple in an unhappy relationship don’t really care about finding mutual solutions and choose to give each other the silent treatment instead.

Ignoring them means indirectly killing your relationship or what’s left of it. Ignoring them means building a wall between you and your partner and being unwilling to build it again or to reconstruct it.

E quando si costruisce un muro, si costruisce infelicità con tutte le parole non dette che ronzano nella testa.

9. You’re living separate lives

Se da un lato passare troppo tempo insieme e fare tutto insieme non è proprio salutare, dall'altro anche vivere vite separate non è salutare in una relazione.

You know that you’re living separate lives if you have no idea what’s really going on in your partner’s life (their job, family, friends or hobbies) and if you also don’t bother sharing what’s happening in your life either.

Vivere vite separate significa avere una relazione da estranei in cui non c'è un punto comune in cui le vostre vite si intersecano.

It’s when you don’t bother hanging out with your mutual friends, when you don’t bother telling your partner about that important event at your job and when you no longer seek comfort or understanding from each other.

The less you know about each other’s lives, the less you’re connected. And the less you’re connected, the less happy you are in the relationship.

10. There’s no conversazione significativa

You know that you’re in an unhappy relationship if you can’t remember the last time you had a meaningful conversation with your partner.

Parlare dei propri sentimenti, del senso della vita o di altri argomenti non convenzionali è un altro modo per creare un legame più forte con il partner.

On the contrary, constantly pushing only small talk is a real destroyer of every relationship because by doing that, you’re not making an effort to say something more meaningful, something that will bring back the spark to your eyes and make you feel enriched.

E come già detto, non fare uno sforzo equivale a vivere una relazione infelice.

11. Instead of apologizing, you’re playing the blame game

There’s no perfect relationship. Making mistakes and arguing from time to time in a relationship is totally normal and the difference is in the way you deal with it.

If you and your partner always make sure to apologize after you’ve done something wrong or when you think that you’re the one who is not right, it means you’re taking responsibility for your thoughts, words and actions.

But if instead of apologizing, you play the blame game, where you have the need to accuse each other and blame the other for everything bad that happens in your relationship, you know that you’re in a toxic relationship.

Trovare costantemente un colpevole per ogni cosa negativa che accade, invece di affrontare la situazione, è dannoso per ogni relazione.

Most of the time, this has nothing to do with blaming someone for something but with expressing your dissatisfaction with the relationship because you’re no longer happy and content.

12. You’re fighting over trivial things

When something serious happens, it’s normal for you or your partner to react in an argumentative manner but if you’re constantly fighting over trivial things, it means that you’re annoyed by each other to the extent of constantly being on the lookout for the other person’s next mistake.

Litigare per cose banali significa litigare senza un vero motivo, se non quello di esprimere il proprio malcontento per la situazione generale della relazione e del partner.

If you notice that you’re all of a sudden appalled by everything your partner does or vice versa, then you know you’re in an unhappy relationship and you should definitely do something about it.

Vedi anche: 7 argomentazioni che segnalano l'inizio della fine

13. Mancanza di rispetto

Come probabilmente già sapete, il rispetto è alla base di ogni relazione felice. Rispettare il partner significa rispettare le sue scelte, la sua personalità, i suoi pensieri e tutte le differenze tra voi.

Rispetto significa anche compromesso e disponibilità a comprendere le situazioni.

Quando una relazione manca di rispetto, manca la base necessaria per stabilire una relazione sana.

Mancanza di rispetto significa sottovalutare l'altro, criticarlo, fregarsene di come si sente l'altro e così via.

It’s when you no longer try to make each other feel special and instead, you only focus on yourself and your own needs and wishes.

14. Non dimostrate più affetto

L'affetto in una relazione è come l'acqua per ogni fiore.

Affinché una relazione fiorisca, entrambi i partner devono continuare a sforzarsi di sorprendere l'altro, di farlo sentire speciale, di fargli i complimenti e di dimostrargli affetto in molti altri modi.

A simple hug every day means a lot for both your partner’s well-being and your relationship.

If you can’t remember the last time you and your partner expressed affection toward each other (be it verbally or physically) then you know you’re stuck in an unhappy relationship.

15. You’re daydreaming about being single again

And last but not least, when you’ve been stuck in an unhappy relationship for some time, you start daydreaming about being single again but for some reason, you can’t find the courage to do something about it.

And that’s why you enter the world of daydreaming about being single again.

When you’re contemplating and imagining that you’re solo again, that you’re dating someone else or finding someone through online dating, you feel liberated and you feel happy even for a moment because you know that you’re no longer happy in the current relationship and you’re subconsciously looking for a way out of it.

Vedi anche: Here’s To Being Single And The Magic Of New Beginnings

If you just realized that you’re in an unhappy relationship…

If all of the above signs or the majority of them are indicating that you’re in an unhappy relationship, there are two things you can do about it: You can move on or fight for it if you believe that there’s still hope.

Ma ricordate che la lotta e lo sforzo devono essere reciproci.

If you still love your partner and you feel like you belong together, it’s a valid reason to fight for what you have or, better said, for what’s left of your relationship.

But if you want to fight for your relationship just because you’re afraid of being alone, you need to know that this isn’t a good reason to stay, not for you or your partner.

La cosa più saggia da fare è prendersi un po' di tempo per riflettere sull'intera situazione prima di prendere decisioni irrazionali, parlarne con il proprio partner e armarsi di pazienza, qualunque cosa si decida di fare. Buona fortuna!

Vedi anche: 14 cose da fare quando si è infelici nel proprio rapporto di coppia