Un narcisista può essere fedele? Tutto quello che c'è da sapere

Un narcisista può essere fedele? Tecnicamente, sì.

If you think of being faithful as not cheating, then, sure, a narcissist could probably be in a relationship and never sleep with someone who isn’t their partner.

But just because a narcissist isn’t cheating, it doesn’t mean they feel love and commitment. The reason why they’re being faithful is that they’re either still getting what they want from their partner or that they’ve never had an opportunity.

Essere fedeli non significa solo non tradire. Fedeltà significa amare qualcuno con tutto il cuore and choosing them over everyone else in the world. But a narcissist isn’t capable of that.

Continuate a leggere per saperne di più su narcisisti, amore e fedeltà.

Can A Narcissist Be Faithful? Here’s Why The Answer Is No

Narcissists are far more likely to be cheaters than the majority of people. They believe that rules that apply to others don’t apply to them. This is why they can have sex with someone who isn’t their partner without a second thought.

Even if a narcissist never sleeps with someone other than their partner, the answer to the question, “Can a narcissist be faithful in a relationship?” is no.

A narc might not be sleeping around, but they’re not faithful out of love and loyalty – it’s only because it’s in their best interest. The only reason a narcissist isn’t cheating is that they’re still getting what they need from their partner or a chance hasn’t presented itself.

To understand why that is, let’s first learn more about narcissists.

Avete una relazione con un narcisista?

People often use the term “narcissist” to describe someone who has narcissistic traits, such as being self-centered, but narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition that involves more than a single personality trait.

Narcissism is a spectrum. Having a slightly overblown ego is common, and simply being arrogant doesn’t mean that someone has narcissistic disorder. Someone with narcissistic tendencies is capable of healthy relationships, but someone with NPD isn’t.

Come si fa a capire se l'altro ha tratti narcisistici o se ha un disturbo narcisistico di personalità? Solo un medico può diagnosticare una condizione di salute mentale come questa, ma ci sono alcune bandiere rosse che chiariscono le cose.

• SUPERIORITY

The quickest way to know that you’re with a narcissist is to pay attention to the way they treat others. A narcissist believes that they’re not like other people. Tutte le loro relazioni si basano su ciò che possono ottenere dagli altri, compreso voi.

Un narcisista sacrificherà la vostra felicità, i vostri interessi e il vostro benessere per i propri e non vedrà alcun problema in questo.

Potrebbero anche non essere consapevoli di quanto sia distorto il loro pensiero perché vedono se stessi come l'unica persona che conta e tutti gli altri come strumenti utilizzati per ottenere ciò che vogliono.

- ENTITLEMENT

They feel entitled to whatever they want because they think they’re special, and hanno bisogno di una costante convalida per ricordarglielo. A questo scopo, sfruttano gli altri senza curarsi del loro benessere.

Il narcisista ritiene che il mondo gli debba le cose che desidera. Admiration, attention, success, acknowledgment – whatever it is that they crave, they expect to be given because they believe they’re entitled to it.

• ABUSE

When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, nearly every day is a struggle to find hope in the face of narcissistic abuse. Il narcisista sfrutta le vostre insicurezze e le vostre paure, poi distorce la realtà per farvi credere che il loro comportamento sia colpa vostra.

Il gaslighting è una delle armi principali del narcisista. – they’ll never admit to a fault or a mistake. Instead, they’ll make you doubt yourself and your perception. They must always preserve the image they hold of themselves, and your sanity isn’t a too steep a price to pay.

RELATIVO: 52 cose manipolatorie che i narcisisti dicono durante una discussione

Un narcisista può amare veramente qualcuno?

You could say that the only person a narcissist loves is himself or herself, but that’s not quite true. 

Narcissists don’t really feel self-love. What a narc feels underneath all the superiority is self-loathing and low self-esteem they’re trying to fight against at the expense of others.

This is why narcissists need constant affirmation from those around them that they’re as great as they’re trying to convince themselves they are. Everyone appreciates attention, but for a narcissist, it’s the only way to feel good about themselves.

A differenza della maggior parte delle persone, i narcisisti sono incapaci di raggiungere la realizzazione dall'interno. La loro autostima dipende interamente dalla convalida esterna.

Si può capire come questo vada di pari passo con l'imbroglio.

When their partner can’t give them what they’re looking for, they seek attention elsewhere. They don’t feel bad about it because il loro comportamento è interamente basato sul sentirsi bene.

If you try to confront them, you’ll be faced with a complete refusal to take responsibility. The narcissist will use manipulation and emotional abuse to ti fanno dubitare di te stesso.

A narcissist can’t feel real love because they have no interest in other people’s needs and feelings or the willingness to understand them. But I narcisisti possono mascherare il loro abuso come amore. They can be hurting you and make you feel like you’re the one hurting them.

Tratti narcisistici e tradimento

Una delle caratteristiche che definiscono tratti del narcisismo è un mancanza di empatia. Ciò significa che il narcisista non è in grado di relazionarsi con gli altri, il che gli rende impossibile amare un'altra persona.

I narcisisti hanno un grandioso senso di autostima. They believe that everyone is beneath them and expect special treatment. For a narcissist, other people only have value if they serve a purpose, so they don’t think twice about taking advantage of others.

Hanno un senso di diritto and believe that they’re owed things, most of all ammirazione, attenzione e convalida. They use manipulation and abuse to get what they want if it’s not given.

Tutti questi tratti rendono il tradimento irrilevante per un narcisista, come lo sarebbe qualcosa che non fa male a nessuno.

They don’t see cheating any worse than, for example, hanging out with a friend when you’re lonely and your partner is busy. If a narcissist isn’t getting attention from their partner, they’ll cheat on them as easily as if they were calling up a friend for drinks.

But even if a narcissist can’t see perché they shouldn’t be unfaithful to their partner, it doesn’t mean that they don’t know that what they’re doing is wrong. They’ll hide the infidelity, not because they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings, but so that they don’t have to bear the consequences.

Narcisismo sessuale

Il narcisismo sessuale si compone di quattro parti: sfruttamento sessuale, senso di abilità sessuale, diritto sessuale e mancanza di empatia sessuale.

In other words, a sexual narcissist feels they’re great in bed and believes they’re entitled to sex. They’re willing to use people and don’t care about their sex partner’s experience. This is consistent with all other aspects of narcissism.

Significa che un narcisista è probabile che faccia sesso occasionale e sesso senza legami emotivi. Secondo un ricerca sul narcisismo sessuale, it’s also tightly linked with infidelity.

Narcissists are likely to cheat because they don’t place value on others unless in terms of what they can get from them. They use sex to prove to themselves that they’re superior at it, but also to fill their need for attention.

It’s of no consequence to a narcissist how their romantic or sexual partners feel. They easily justify to themselves sex outside of the relationship as something they’re entitled to because they’re better than ordinary people.

If they can’t get what they need from one person, they see no problem in looking for it with multiple partners.

Cosa vuole un narcisista in una relazione?

There’s only one thing a narcissist wants from a partner, and that’s to use them to fulfill their own desperate need for attention and admiration. How can a narcissist be faithful when they can’t genuinely love someone?

I narcisisti non sono mai veramente fedeli ai loro partner in nessun modo importante. Per un narcisista, una relazione è finita quando non ha più nulla da guadagnare dalla sua vittima, quindi non si impegna mai veramente.

They’re unfaithful because they’re always keeping their options open in case you stop giving them what they need – limitless attention, admiration and feelings of superiority.

Offerta narcisistica

Le relazioni con partner narcisisti possono durare da pochi mesi a diversi anni. Per capire come funziona un narcisista, è utile familiarizzare con il concetto di offerta narcisistica.

I narcisisti hanno bisogno di continue conferme. Ricevere un trattamento speciale è il modo in cui compensano le loro insicurezze, per cui devono sempre avere una fonte che fornisca loro l'ammirazione e l'attenzione di cui hanno bisogno.

They’re incapable of real bonds with people, so they target those around them who can fulfill their needs. Per mantenere la loro fonte di approvvigionamento narcisistico, manipolano e abusano delle loro vittime.

Ciclo della relazione narcisistica

È così che funziona la relazione con un narcisista: Prima ti agganciano, poi ti distruggono e, alla fine, ti gettano via.

As long as you serve your purpose, you’re useful. This is how the idea that a narcissist can be faithful can seem plausible: even if they’re abusive, they could still be faithful because what they’re getting from their victim is alimentando la loro fornitura.

Le tre fasi del ciclo della relazione narcisistica sono:

Fase 1. Idealizzazione

Do you believe in true love at first sight? Maybe you don’t, but then you meet l'uno. La vostra anima gemella. Una persona così perfetta per voi che il tempo trascorso insieme sembra una favola.

Quando un narcisista ha bisogno di qualcuno che gli fornisca le attenzioni necessarie e trova qualcuno abbastanza vulnerabile da usare, lo mette su un piedistallo. 

I narcisisti idealizzano le loro vittime perché vogliono credere che la loro offerta provenga da una fonte preziosa, non perché le amino.

At this stage, a narcissist might even believe that they feel love, but they don’t. They’re creating a fantasy version of you that can do no wrong so that they can deem you degno di essere il loro fornitore. 

They’re probably faithful at this point because they’re getting what they need from you.

The narcissist learns what their victim wants and presents themselves as the ideal partner. They give their victim what seems to be intense love and affection – ma in realtà sta facendo una bomba d'amore – to get their trust so that they’ll let their guard down.

Fase 2. Svalutazione

Soon enough, a narcissist realizes that you aren’t the person they made up inside their head. They think in absolutes – you can be either flawless or worthless. You can’t keep up with the demands of the narcissist, so you lose their value to them.

Even worse, if you love a narcissist, they’ll think of you as inferior and worthless. They transfer their feelings about themselves onto you. This is how they see themselves deep down, so if you love them, something is wrong with you. 

The narcissist devalues their victim and puts them down because they don’t belong on the pedestal any longer. Abuso narcisistico è la punizione per non essere quello che immaginavano e per non essere in grado di dare loro ciò di cui hanno bisogno.

Minacce di violenza, gaslighting, violazione dei vostri confini e isolamento dai vostri familiari sono alcuni dei comportamenti abusivi che un narcisista potrebbe usare per punirvi.

A questo punto, potrebbero essere infedeli se hanno già trovato un'altra fonte di approvvigionamento. If they haven’t, they might appear remorseful and restart the cycle to get what they need from you.

Fase 3. Scarto

When a narcissist can’t exploit you the way they want any longer, they first punish you, then discard you.

Prima di disfarsi completamente della vittima, però, non si può fare a meno di notare che la vittima non è stata uccisa, a narcissist wants to make sure that they’re punished the way they deserve. Invalidano i vostri sentimenti, fanno la vittima e conducono campagne diffamatorie per rovinare la vostra reputazione.

Often, even after they discard their victims, a narcissist still leaves the door open so that they can come back in case there’s still more for them to take from you.

Tutto si riduce al fatto sconfortante che un narcisista è incapace di amare. Alcuni di loro potrebbero credere di può feel love, so when they inevitably become disappointed in their partner, they’ll place the blame on them and look for someone else.

After discarding their old, “faulty” significant other, a narcissist moves on to a new romantic partner, but in reality, all they want is another supply.

Come capire che un narcisista è infedele?

Questo dipende dal tipo di tradimento che il narcisista mette in atto.

Sometimes, all they’re trying to get is more attention from their partner, and sometimes they want attention from whichever source they can get it.

Tipi di infedeltà

Some narcissists are satisfied with emotional infidelity, while others sleep with everyone who’s willing. Some are serial cheaters, and others have affairs.

If a narcissist doesn’t give as much value to sexual conquest as they give to, for example, wealth, business success or popularity, they might stay faithful, but only because they wouldn’t gain anything from infidelity.

1. Infedeltà fisica

Infedeltà fisica significa che il narcisista fa sesso al di fuori della relazione. Si può andare da una relazione a lungo termine a un'avventura di una notte. This is what we usually think of when talking about infidelity, but it’s often connected to other types as well.

2. Infedeltà emotiva

L'infedeltà emotiva si verifica quando qualcuno diventa emotivamente intimo con una persona diversa dal proprio partner. Sviluppare un legame emotivo con un'altra persona può essere dannoso per una relazione tanto quanto una relazione sessuale.

However, because a narcissist isn’t capable of really bonding with others, an emotional affair to them can mean different things than it does to an ordinary person.

3. Infedeltà informatica

L'infedeltà informatica di solito significa utilizzare i social media e le app di incontri stabilire un qualche tipo di relazione intima con un'altra persona o consumo eccessivo di pornografia. It can stay on the level of just liking someone’s sexy pictures or escalate into sexting or video chatting.

4. Infedeltà dell'oggetto

While it’s not often thought of as cheating, focusing on something to the point of obsession and neglecting your partner is a form of infidelity. This includes, for example, someone who’s so focused on their work that their relationship suffers.

Se un narcisista trova la convalida di cui ha bisogno nell'avere successo nel lavoro, potrebbe ignorare il partner per cercare di ottenere ancora più ammirazione dal successo negli affari.

5. Microinfedeltà

La microinfedeltà può rovinare una relazione nel lungo periodo, per quanto possa sembrare innocua. Si tratta di azioni apparentemente insignificanti che danno fastidio al partner.

For example, if someone constantly flirts even though their partner doesn’t like it, the longer it goes on, their partner is more likely to get hurt, even if there’s no intention of taking it further.

RELATIVO: 49 segni di un partner traditore a cui prestare attenzione

Segnali d'allarme dell'infedeltà

Here are the signs that show that a partner might be cheating on you, regardless if they’re a narcissist or not. The main difference is that a narcissist will be much more defensive if you confront them and take their gaslighting to another level.

• Lack of interest in sex

If your partner suddenly loses interest in sex, it’s possible that they’re getting enough sex elsewhere. For any cheater, and especially a narcissist, sex outside of the relationship is far more exciting than sex with their partner.

• Changes in sexual behavior

When your partner suggests something they’ve never even mentioned before, it might be a sign of cheating. They might have tried something with the person they’re cheating with and liked it, so now they want to do it again.

• Claims to be working all the time

Suddenly having to work overtime or on the weekends might be an excuse, especially if your partner can’t give you answers to questions you ask them about it.

• Going out with friends more than usual

If your partner is meeting friends more often than usual, they might actually be meeting their affair partner. It’s especially likely if the things they tell you about hanging out with their friends are vague.

• Doesn’t want to spend time together

If your partner is avoiding you, they might be trying to hide something from you. It’s much easier to not talk at all than to talk and accidentally let something incriminating slip out.

• Unusual behavior

When your partner is acting oddly and you feel that something is off, it might be a sign that something is going on. For example, if they’re more irritable than usual, defensive when you ask them anything or if they blame you for everything that goes wrong.

• Suspicious technology use

Hiding their phone is one of the first signs that your partner might be cheating. If their phone is always on silent, if they leave the room to answer a call, if you sometimes can’t reach them on the phone, they might be sneaking around.

• Paying attention to appearance

If your partner has started paying attention to their appearance more than they used to, it could be because they want to look good for the person they’re cheating with.

• Suspicious spending

Addebiti insoliti sulla carta di credito o prelievi di contanti inspiegabili potrebbero significare che il vostro partner sta spendendo denaro per il suo partner e sta finanziando il suo tradimento.

Pensieri finali

Sometimes, a narcissist’s victim isn’t even aware that what they’re being put through isn’t okay. A narcissist works hard to normalizzare i comportamenti abusivi and make their victim believe that they deserve credit when they’re not being hurtful.

For example, finding comfort in the fact that they’re not cheating on you is a result of their abuse. But can a narcissist be faithful to their partner when they can’t really love them?

La risposta è, purtroppo, no. 

A narcissist only uses people for their own gain. Even when they believe that they love someone, it’s temporary, on their own terms and only depends on what they can get from them. Sooner or later, they become disillusioned and move on.

If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you won’t be the one to change them. Nessuno può e l'unico modo per uscire dal ciclo di abusi è andarsene il prima possibile.